Married Same-Sex Couple On Probation Awaiting Name Change

Brianna Hoskins and Crystal Reese were legally married in New York and, as many married couples do, they wanted to share the same last name.

Easier said than done.

After returning home to Chesterfield Township in Michigan, the couple went to the Social Security offices Brianna’s name was legally changed to Brianna Reese. Afterwards, she went to the local Secretary of State, her marriage license and social security documentation in hand, and was told she would be placed on a six month probationary period before the name change can take place. 

"It's discrimination based on sexual orientation, and it's just so ridiculous. We live in 2014, what are we on probation for - for being gay?" — Crystal Reese

The couple was given a phone number, in Lansing, to call, and when Brianna inquired as to why she had to wait six months — when straight couples face no such “probationary” period — and explained that she was legally, federally, married, the voice on the other end of the line said, “Well, if you would have married a man you'd have no problem changing your name.”

A spokesperson with the Secretary of State says the only way for legally married, federally recognized legally married, same-sex couples to get a name change is to go through the courts or get a common-law name change, which takes six months. 

And, while this may seem minor to some folks who would say, So what? Wait the six months, it’s just one more obstacle for same-sex couples to deal with, and why should we?

Legally married. Brianna Reese is in the military and the military has recognized her marriage and accepts her name change; Social Security accepts the name change; the federal government accepts it, as does the Internal Revenue Service. But the Secretary of State of Michigan says she needs to wait six months for the state to accept, not her marriage, which as of now is not legally recognized in Michigan, but simply accept that she has a new name.

Luckily, a trial begins in federal court next month to overturn Michigan's ban on gay marriage and so maybe Brianna won’t have to wait the six months to change her name to her wife’s name.

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Conor Cusack Comes Out ... Conner Mertens, Too

I never knew hurling was a sport, I always thought it was I’d done after a slew of Purple Hooters at a bar one night.

But it is a sport, and this week one of its stars, Conor Cusack, came out as gay in a blog post entitled “To Thine Own Self Be True”:

"I’ve known for a good while now that I have been sexually attracted to men. In that time, I’ve had relationships with women, and enjoyed them immensely but I’ve always had more fulfillment from being with a man. I’m not sure what label society would categorise me under. I remember a doctor one time telling me I was a bi-polar depressive and a different guy a few weeks later telling me I was a manic depressive. Go figure that one out! Life for me is never black or white (though I know a lot about the blackness) but more about different shades of grey....

...I have been comfortable with this area of my life and I never felt the need to discuss it with anyone. That is until recently. As I crossed the border from Galway into Clare and then back home to Cork and through the towns of Buttevant, Charleville and Mallow, I thought strongly about the current Mental Health work I am involved with. I thought about all the different people that I have spoken to and about all the upcoming events that I have committed to. I asked myself the question ‘Do I need to talk and discuss this aspect and area of my life?" — Conor Cusack

Welcome out Conor! And please accept, as our gift to you from HOMO HQ, the United Sates Chapter, the obligatory Coming Out Toaster Oven and a copy of The Gay Agenda.

And do us one favor? Give a belated Happy Coming Out to your brother, Donal Og Cusack, who came out in 2009 [see HERE] and tell him to expect our gifts, too.

Welcome out, Brothers.

And then ….. Conner Mertens, a kicker for Willamette University football team in Oregon, has come out as bisexual, making him the first college football player to come out publicly while still playing. 

Mertens, who is just nineteen, says his teammates were overwhelmingly supportive and accepting. Jack Nelson, the team captain, said the prevailing reaction to Mertens’ revelation was "So what?"

As it should be.

“I was hoping these guys and everyone else in my life can show everyone else we are finally moving in the right direction and we are changing the way we look at people like myself. You can be real and you can be yourself, but it only starts when you can love yourself and let others love you. That’s where I was going with this. Right now, it is seen as a weakness to be LGBT. When you hang out with your guy friends, 90 percent of the insults are homophobic comments, that’s just the way it is. What I’m hoping to do, I don’t want to say blaze a trail, but hopefully let people know you can still be an athlete, still be another guy, even if you like guys.”’ — Conner Mertens

I say you can, Conner, and I also say you are blazing a trail in college sports, and hopefully, one day, professional sports, by being yourself, being true to yourself.

So, again, please accept as our gift from HOMO HQ the Coming Out Toaster Oven and a copy of The Gay Agenda.

It’s a short book, one page really, one word, actually: “equality.”

Welcome out, Conner. Welcome out. 

Conor Cusack Comes Out 

Conner Mertens Comes Out

Architecture Wednesday: The Dune House

When the owners of the Dune House designed it, an important design topic was how to connect the form house with the place where it is situated,  in the dune area of Bergen aan Zee, North Holland. 

There were many restrictions on where to build, as well as how to build; the allowable floor surface of just 66 x 26 feet, with a gutter height of 10 feet. Since the ridge height was not indicated a maximum height of 50 feet was allowed. These proportions made it necessary to build the house vertically, in three floors.

One of the main concerns was that, in its appearance, the high tall form had to fit in the dune landscape, so the shape of a dune or a windswept group of trees sloping along with the worn landscape near the sea was chosen. The openings in the roof surface were designed from within: at the sea side as horizontal window strips and at the dune side as a huge window, where it is possible to imagine oneself in the midst of the dune landscape. The flat facade on the eastside allows for an eventual elevator and balconies. 

Since the house is only 985 feet from the sea, the owners took the logical decision to choose for natural, sustainable and low maintenance materials. The finishing of the eaves has been carried out in zinc and has been pre-treated against ionization, which beautifully matches the wall tiles. The untreated wooden frames are made of Iroko, handpicked to have the longest parts, in order to avoid gluing as much as possible. The reason to use untreated wood stems from its low maintenance aspect, which also fits into the natural surroundings.

The low-tech approach continues on the inside also. The owners wanted the two floors as one big, rudimentary finished space, which can then be used as a flexible living space. One of the wishes has always been to live on the upper floors because of the sea and dune views, and by applying Douglas fir pillars with bark, they carried the effect of the windswept trees around the house into the interior in an abstract way.

On the ground floor are storage, studio, bathing room, library, workout room and conference room. The inner walls and doors on the ground floor are non-bearing, so to be as flexible as possible, and made of ecoplex and mdf. The stairs have been placed into the space as loose elements, and are made of poplar, so as to be as environmentally friendly as possible. This kind of wood is soft but very dense, and has no knots. The beautiful light color does not turn yellow, so it can remain untainted. Only the stair steps need some extra protection. The floor finishing consists of poured concrete and the hanging wooden floor slab between the trees has been covered with sea weed carpet.

It's a dune house, that looks like the dunes, surrounded by trees both inside and out.

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Starkville Mississippi Equality Resolution Supports LGBT Residents

I like to say that every LGBT person needs to come out in order to strengthen our resolve towards equality, to show the world that we are no different than anyone else, except in who we love. It’s a small step, one person coming out to family and friends and co-workers, but it can help change the minds of the intolerant, because intolerance really is a lack of education, a lack of understanding.

And so, like every gay person coming out, I think that every little town or hamlet of burg or ‘ville, needs to be vocally welcoming and inclusive of the LGBT community, too. It’s easy for the bigger towns and cities to be inclusive, to have non-discrimination policies, but it’s the small towns that will make the difference, and soon we just might have more cities and towns that have LGBT anti-discrimination policies, and then we might have entire states following suit, and perhaps even an entire country dedicated to non-discrimination.

As my BFF Martha Stewart likes to say, “It’s a good thing.”

Take the city of Starkville, in Mississippi, of all places, for example. Last week, the Starkville City Council passed a resolution to support diversity in all forms, including sexual orientation. Sounds like not so much of a big deal, but according to Human Rights Campaign [HRC] President Chad Griffin, it's the first time any municipality in Mississippi has recognized the dignity of its LGBT residents:

"The city of Starkville, Mississippi is sending a message to its residents that all people — regardless of their sexual orientation or gender identity — are worthy of respect and equality. These are fundamental American values, and Mayor Parker Wiseman and the Starkville City Council are setting an inspiring example for their fellow lawmakers in surrounding cities and towns."

Starkville's Resolution Supporting Equality states that "discrimination against a person on the basis of race, color, religion, national origin, sex, gender identity and expression, age, marital status, sexual orientation, familial status, veteran's status, disability, or source of income to be anathema to the public policy of the City."

"The resolution makes it clear that Starkville is a community that works proactively to prevent workplace discrimination before it happens. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. once said that 'we must learn to live together as brothers...' I hope the equality resolution lives up to the beliefs of Dr. King and sends a message that Starkville is a city that is intolerant of discrimination against anyone and in any form."— Starkville Mayor Parker Wiseman

Starkville's "Resolution Supporting Equality" reads as follows:

WHEREAS , the City of Starkville believes that diversity is a critical component of a thriving, successful city and that a commitment to diversity strengthens communities, deepens bonds between neighbors, and underlies the welcoming environment that makes Starkville a wonderful place to live and work;

WHEREAS, the City of Starkville believes that diversity supports economic competitiveness and facilitates job growth;

WHEREAS , the City of Starkville believes that discrimination on the basis of race, color, religion, national origin, sex, gender identity and expression, age, marital status, sexual orientation, familial status, veteran's status, disability, and source of income continues to occur in our world today;

WE HEREBY RESOLVE:

RESOLVED : The City of Starkville declares it the public policy of the City to respect the inherent worth of every person, without regard to a person's race, color, religion, national origin, sex, gender identity and expression, age, marital status, sexual orientation, familial status, veteran's status, disability, or source of income; and

RESOLVED: the City of Starkville further resolves that discrimination against a person on the basis of race, color, religion, national origin, sex, gender identity and expression, age, marital status, sexual orientation, familial status, veteran's status, disability, or source of income to be anathema to the public policy of the City.

This is Mississippi, y’all; and a small town in Mississippi to boot. And if the mayor of Starkville, and the people of Starkville, can declare their acknowledgment and acceptance of LGBT people, then there is hope that other towns will follow along.

The march goes on ….

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The Snow That Shut Down A State ....

Well, the state is South Carolina, so that's not saying much. The weather"morons" forecast the snow to start at 7AM yesterday; then said maybe lunchtime; then about 4PM. It started snowing at 10PM.

When will weather"morons" learn you cannot accurately predict the weather?

But it did, finally, snow. A wee bit, but it's purty and it's shut down everything. All the schools, banks, businesses closed; government -- such as it is -- closed. Nikki Haley's mouth? Sadly still talking.

But I digress; here are some photos around Casa Bob y Carlos of our mini-snow day -- and two-day vacation from work because, as I said, everything is closed!

Just Sayin': Guns

These are facts; they are not all of the facts because then this post might have gone on for several pages, but these are facts: people with guns kill people.

January 1, 2014:

• A 17-year-old boy was shot in the face with a pellet gun while trying to buy marijuana in Des Moines, Iowa.
• A 43-year-old woman was shot in the shoulder as her husband was cleaning his gun in Glendale, California.

January 2, 2014:

• A 22-year-old woman was shot at a Lowe’s store in Cheyenne, Wyoming when another customer’s handgun fell out of its holster.
• A 12-year-old boy was shot in the arm and stomach by his 22-year-old cousin as the two played with a semi-automatic pistol in Taylor, Texas.
• A 14-year-old girl accidentally shot herself in the leg at a gun range in Merritt Island, Florida.
• A 15-year-old boy was shot in the head when his hunting partner’s rifle accidentally fired in Chickasaw County, Mississippi.
• Ruth Bateman Clay, 90, was killed when a bullet went through her bedroom wall, striking her while she sat in her wheelchair in her home San Antonio, Texas.
• Rosendo Ortiz, 34, was wounded in a drive-by shooting in Greenacres, Florida.
• January 3, 2014:
• A 35-year-old man was shot with a pump shotgun wielded by his wife, who mistook him for a burglar breaking into their vehicle in San Tan Valley, Arizona.
• A man in his 50s was killed in a drive-by shooting north of downtown San Antonio, Texas.
• Two men were wounded in a drive-by shooting at Sweet Daddy’s Bar and Grill in Lexington, Kentucky.
• Two 18-year-old men were shot and wounded at a party in Henderson, Nevada.
• A sleeping woman was wounded when a bullet pierced a window in her home in Phoenix, Arizona.
• Vallesha Boles, 23, was shot and wounded after she fought with a man who asked about her sexual orientation at a gas station in Little Rock, Arkansas.

January 4, 2014

• Elizabeth Blevins, 85, was shot and killed in Lexington, Kentucky; her husband, 88-year-old John Blevins, has been charged with murder.
• An 11-year-old boy and a 16-year-old girl were wounded when someone knocked on the front door of their home and opened fire in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.
• A 15-year-old boy, shot and wounded while riding a bicycle in Orange County, Florida, managed to ride to his uncle’s house before collapsing early Saturday.
• Iquan Williams, 16, was shot and killed at a party in Brooklyn, New York, hours after his brother read on Facebook that someone would bring a gun to the party.
• A 31-year-old woman and her 9-year-old son were found shot and wounded in a car in Durham, North Carolina.
• A 32-year-old woman was shot and wounded and a 21-year-old woman was assaulted at a home in Pomona, California.
• Two men, 25 and 55, were shot and critically wounded while standing on a sidewalk in Chicago, Illinois.
• A 22-year-old man was wounded in a drive-by shooting in Chicago, Illinois.
• A 23-year-old man was killed when someone opened fire as he sat on the front porch of a home in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.
• Timothy Davison, 28, was shot and killed in an apparent road rage incident along Interstate 81 near Greencastle, Pennsylvania.

January 5, 2014:

• A 16-year-old boy was shot and killed in Chicago, Illinois.
• Jerry Digman, a former Arkansas state trooper and the chief ranger for Arkansas State Parks and Tourism, was shot and killed in Roland, Arkansas; his wife, Pamela was arrested.
• Sharefe Cummings, 27, was shot twice and critically injured in Orange, New Jersey.
• Two men, 17 and 20, were critically wounded when gunfire erupted in the courtyard of a Wilmington, Delaware apartment complex.
• A 26-year-old man was killed, and a 20-year-old man and two women, 18 and 19, were wounded in a shooting during a party in Erie, Pennsylvania.
• A man was shot and killed at a Shell Station in Miami Beach, Florida.
• A man in his 20s was found shot and wounded in the front yard of a home in Hacienda Heights, California.
• A woman who works at a convenience store in Lawton, Oklahoma was shot in the face and seriously injured during a robbery.
• One person was killed and two others were injured in a drive-by shooting at an apartment complex in Orlando, Florida.

January 9, 2014:

• A 17-year-old student was shot at Liberty Technology Magnet School in Jackson, Tennessee.

January 14, 2014:

• Two students were shot at Berrendo Middle School in Roswell, New Mexico.

January 17, 2014:

• One student was shot at Albany High School in Albany, Georgia.
• Two students were shot at Delaware Valley Charter Elementary in Philadelphia.

January 20, 2014:

• At Widener University, a small college near Philadelphia, a student was shot and injured.

January 21, 2014:

• At Purdue University in West Lafayette, Indiana, Andrew Boldt, 21, a teaching assistant, was stabbed and shot to death in an engineering building classroom. Cody Cousins has been charged with the murder.

January 24, 2014:

• South Carolina State University was locked down for several hours after a fatal shooting outside a dormitory left one student dead.

January 25, 2014:

• A gunman carrying "a large amount of ammunition" and apparent makeshift explosives killed two workers at a Columbia, Maryland, mall before turning a shotgun on himself.

Why do I post this?

A bill is headed to our governor, Nikki Haley, this week that will allow South Carolinians licensed to carry concealed firearms to carry guns into bars and restaurants as long as they do not drink.

Designated shooters, I guess.

The bill passed the South Carolina House by a 90-18 vote and it is expected that Nikki Haley, who Tweeted a picture of the gun she got for Christmas for being a “good girl”, will sign the bill.

Now, I am not a gun person; I’ve said that time and again on this blog. But there are too many guns in this country and not enough regulation. I mean, we need instruction, training, testing and a license to drive a car for god’s sake, but a gun you can get with a snap of your fingers.

I don’t want guns taken from responsible gun owners, but I want guns taken from criminals; I want people who sell guns illegally, without background checks, to be arrested and punished. I want people who are mentally unstable not to be allowed to buy guns.

If I have to keep licensing myself to drive a car, why aren’t gun owners being checked regularly to make sure they still have the mental capabilities to carry a gun?

As I’ve said before, if you own a gun, you intend to use it, so let’s make sure you know what you’re doing.

Just sayin’.

Your Same Sex Marriage Hasn’t Affected The Sanctity Of Mine: An Apology To The LGBT Community

Perhaps Mike Turner — see post below — should have read this piece by Benjamin Corey for Formerly Fundie before he opened his yap and stuck his stilettos into it:

Prior to my paradigm shift circa 2009, I was a major opponent of marriage equality. One of my go-to lines when asked why, was always the catch-all phrase “because it will hurt the sanctity of marriage”.

I was convinced that in some direct way, same sex marriage would harm mine. If, for no other reason, than Fox New said it, I believed it, and that settled it.

Seriously, I believed that – and said it often – even though I was previously divorced, and let’s admit: there’s no sanctity in divorce.

This year as I approach seven years of marriage and look back on all that we’ve experienced, I realized that we’ve spent our entire marriage living in states that have legally passed marriage equality. Same sex marriages have been happening around us the entire time, and it made me realize:

Your same sex marriage hasn’t affected the sanctity of mine.

Not even a little. The fact that I’ve lived in states where my LGBT friends and neighbors are treated equal in the eyes of the law has not in the smallest way, done anything to harm the “sanctity” of my marriage.

But, you know who has?

Me.

Yeah, I’m the biggest threat to the sanctity of my marriage.

When I’m selfish, self-centered, put my needs ahead of my wife’s, and don’t treat her the way she deserves to be treated?

Yeah, that’s what affects the sanctity of my marriage. When my marriage has been at rocky points, and during the times it lost its sense of beauty, it can usually be traced back to yours truly.

It’s all me… and if I want to actually be concerned about the “sanctity” of marriage, the whole of my finger pointing ought be in the mirror and no where else.

Least of all, to the LGBT community.

However, if there is an external, cultural force that is affecting the sanctity of my marriage (and marriage in general) I know what it is:

The Christian culture of divorce.

Previous and recent studies have shown the truth to be that we Christians (especially the conservative type), are actually the biggest threat to the sanctity of marriage… a fact that should grieve us deeply. More than a decade ago, Christian researchers at the Barna Group discovered that born-again Christians are more likely to divorce than other population groups. As stated by George Barna himself:

“While it may be alarming to discover that born again Christians are more likely than others to experience a divorce, that pattern has been in place for quite some time. Even more disturbing, perhaps, is that when those individuals experience a divorce many of them feel their community of faith provides rejection rather than support and healing. But the research also raises questions regarding the effectiveness of how churches minister to families. The ultimate responsibility for a marriage belongs to the husband and wife, but the high incidence of divorce within the Christian community challenges the idea that churches provide truly practical and life-changing support for marriages.“

Furthermore, the recent study that is currently making the rounds, “Red States, Blue States, and Divorce: Understanding the Impact of Conservative Protestantism on Regional Variation in Divorce Rates” in the American Journal of Sociology, shows that the truth goes one step further. Conservative Christian culture isn’t simply destroying the sanctity of their own marriages, but the marriages of their neighbors as well. As reported by Sarah Pulliam Bailey with RNS:

“Researchers found that simply living in an area with a large concentration of conservative Protestants increases the chances of divorce, even for those who are not themselves conservative Protestants… Conservative Protestant community norms and the institutions they create seem to increase divorce risk…”

All those years I spent accusing the LGBT community as posing a risk to the “sanctity” of marriage? Turns out, I was accusing the wrong people – it was my tribe who I should have been calling to repent and change their ways. (Well, it’s not exactly my tribe anymore – there was this one night a while back when Jeff Probst called me and said: “Ben, the tribe has spoken… I need you to bring me your torch.”)

So yes, there are two things that do threaten the sanctity of my marriage: my selfish self and Conservative Christian culture.

The LGBT community, doesn’t make the list.

So, if you’re a member of the LGBT community, I just want to take a moment to apologize.

I’m sorry.

I spent years of my life not only opposing you, but outright slandering you, and for that, I most sincerely apologize. I pray you will forgive me.

And, if you’re someone like me, I hope you’ll take the opportunity to apologize to the LGBT community as well.

Because, truth be told, we might actually be the biggest threat to the sanctity of marriage. Call me a heretic (you’ll have to go to the back of the line), but I think we might want to pluck the beam out of our own eye before we accuse our neighbors of having a speck in their own.

To Protect Marriage From The Gays, Mike Turner Wants All Marriages Illegal

I have often made great sport of mocking the people of Oklahoma on this blog thingy here. Well, not so much the people of Oklahoma but the people that the people of Oklahoma elect to represent them.

Sally Kern. Need I say more?

But now there’s a new homophobic dumbass in Oklahoma who is so unraveled by the thought that some of The Gays are suing the state to have their marriages, their legal marriages, recognized there, while others are suing the state to allowed the right to be legally married there, that he wants to introduce legislation to ban marriage in the state.

Not gay marriage mind you; all marriage.

Mike Turner, a Republican — naturally, because who else but a Republican get their drawers so bunched up at the idea of The Gays marrying — Congressman says his bill is an attempt to keep same-sex marriage illegal in Oklahoma while satisfying the U.S. Constitution.

Now, rational folks — meaning people not elected to political office in Oklahoma — are calling this bill a stunt, but the bill’s supporters — both of them, I think — say it’s what Oklahomans want.

To make all marriages illegal.

Turner says it’s what his constituents want and by constituents he mans those voices he hears in his head. And he says that other conservative lawmakers in the state feel the same way, though he admits that his idea makes some people uncomfortable.

Like all the straight people who’d like to get married but if Turner’s bill passes will find themselves in the same boat as The Gays.

Oh, Oklahoma, the people you elect.; in order to protect the sanctity of marriage, they want to do away with marriage.

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