On This Date In ISBL History: ... And Again ... Brandon Bitner

As I am in Oregon helping my Dad recuperate from knee surgery, I thought I’d do something I’ll call “On This Date In ISBL History” and repost some things from back when the blog was new, and newish … this was originally published November 9, 2010:

Brandon Bitner was tortured at school because he was different. He was what many call "emo" and he wore his hair dark and in his eyes; he wore the requisite dark clothes. He played the violin. His bullies assumed he was gay. 

Maybe he was, maybe he wasn't. Maybe he was just a different kid in dark clothes who loved to play the violin. 
Now he's dead. 

Brandon Bitner left a suicide note in his house, then walked 13 miles down a darkened highway until finally deciding to run in front of a tractor-trailer. 

I can only begin to imagine what went through his mind on that long walk in the middle of the night. Was he thinking, hoping, wishing, and praying that it would get better? 

Earlier in the week, at Midd-West High School, where Brandon Bitner was a freshman, there was an anti-bullying assembly. It wasn't held in response to any specific incident, but because the principal felt it was an issue that should be addressed. 

Most students at school recall the assembly being treated as a joke. Bullying is fun for warped little minds with low self-esteem and too much time on their hands. 

But, and this is where I get even more angry, many of Brandon Bitner's friends knew he was being bullied because of his perceived sexual orientation, the way he dressed, his love of the violin. And they spoke out against the bullying … after Brandon Bitner ran in front of that truck. I would have hoped they'd spoken up before Brandon Bitner died.

We all need to speak up.

If we are friends with someone who is being taunted and tortured by classmates, by strangers, by their family, it is our duty to speak up.

If we see it happening on the street we need to speak up.

If it's happening to us we need to speak up. 

See, bullies live in the darkness and bully from the shadows, but with voices we can shine a light on them and they'll scamper away like rats. 

We need to speak up. Before another Brandon Bitner talks a walk in the middle of the night and never comes home.

There really is no update as Brandon is still dead … as are the other young people in the other forty-plus posts on this blog who killed themselves because they were bullied.

We don’t hear about it as much as we did in years past but it’s still happening.

Speak.Up.

On This Date In ISBL History: Kasey Landrum Wears Makeup......So What?

As I am in Oregon helping my Dad recuperate from knee surgery, I thought I’d do something I’ll call “On This Date In ISBL History” and repost some things from back when the blog was new, and newish … this was originally published November 8, 2011:

Up in Tennessee, which seems to be turning into the land of LGBT discrimination, sixteen-year-old Lexington High School student Kasey Landrum was suspended from school for wearing makeup. Oh, yeah, Kasey's a young man, a young gay man, which, I guess, is the reason for the suspension.

He says, of the suspension, "The principal walked into the school and immediately started yelling at me and told me to get outside."

Kasey did just what Principal Steve Lindsey instructed without a reply. But another student, who witnessed the incident, told Lindsey that Kasey was just expressing himself by wearing the makeup. Lindsey and that student exchanged words, and that student was given a one-day suspension. The next day Kasey was issued a three day in-school suspension. For wearing makeup.

Shelly Maness, Kasey's mother, said her son was suspended on the basis that he violated school dress code which states: "When a student is attired in a manner, which is likely to cause disruption or interference with normal operation of the school, the administration will take the appropriate action. In matters of opinion, the judgment of the teachers and administrators will prevail."

In discussing the matter, Henderson County Superintendent Steve Wilkinson said, "I don't know what kind of disruption it may have cause or may not have caused." He did say, however, that the principal has the authority to determine what is deemed a distraction.

Kasey Landrum was also asked to leave a school football game because he wore makeup, but says there are students, male students, who wear what he calls a "punk rock" style makeup, but are never punished.

When asked if he knew of any students he had distracted with his makeup, Kasey said there were no incidents which were caused as a result of him wearing makeup and said overall the students and teachers have been very supportive of him.

"I'm proud of myself for being as comfortable as I am, but sometimes I wish I was straight."

What are we doing to these kids? How is it ever acceptable to make them feel so ashamed of who they are that they wish to be something else? We try, and more often than not fail, to protect them from being bullied, but then we have school officials who use their own prejudices, or sexual uncertainties, to punish gay students. Principal Lindsey may not know it, but by his continually calling attention to Kasey Landrum, and calling him a distraction, and sending him home from school, he's setting up the chance for Kasey to be bullied by students.

I mean, if the principal can do it..........

Shortly after the story became news, the school reversed Kasey Landrum’s suspension and updated its school dress code policy to allow all students to wear makeup regardless of gender.

On This Date In ISBL History: A Young Man Was Set On Fire For Wearing A Skirt

As I am in Oregon helping my Dad recuperate from knee surgery, I thought I’d do something I’ll call “On This Date In ISBL History” and repost some things from back when the blog was new, and newish … this was originally published November 7, 2013:

I’m a person who loves seeing, meeting, speaking to people who are different from me; well, except for wingnuts … wingnuts make me nervous. But I love people who don’t look like me, or sound like me or dress like me. I mean, if I wanted to see versions of myself all day I’d sit in my bathroom taking selfies forever.

And having spent so much time in San Francisco — where diversity is everywhere — and Miami — where conformity is the norm — I find myself wishing for someone who looks different. 

Last Spring, in Smallville, I saw a young Black man with long, straight, gorgeous blond hair — think Cher in the ‘Believe’ video — and a couple of folks with me remarked about how odd he looked. I said I liked it; I mean, he didn’t look like anyone else in Smallville and he had the balls to walk through a small Southern town with that gorgeous — albeit not natural — hair.

I celebrate diversity; some folks wanna burn it down.

This past Monday, in Oakland, California, Luke Fleischman was coming home by bus and apparently fell asleep during the commute. Another young man, a 16-year-old boarded the bus near Oakland High School and took a seat. A few moments later the young man walked over to where Fleischman was sitting and lit his skirt on fire.

Startled, Luke tried unsuccessfully to put out the flames, as other passengers rushed to help. The driver stopped the bus a short distance away when he became aware of the attack, and ordered everyone off the bus.

The suspect was taken away by Oakland police, on suspicion of assault with a deadly weapon and mayhem and could face other charges. He was identified as the attacker through surveillance video on the bus.

He set a man on fire for wearing a skirt.

Fleischman, who also goes by the name Sasha and does not identify as male or female but rather as nonbinary gender — a term covering any gender identity that does not fit within the gender binary — is in stable condition at the St. Francis Memorial Hospital burn unit in San Francisco, but is going to need massive skin grafting and a long recovery period.

"My son considers himself agender. He likes to wear a skirt. It's his statement. That's how he feels comfortable dressing." — Debbie Fleischman

She said Luke had been riding the bus home from school, oftentimes wearing a skirt, for the past year and never had a problem. Luke had told his parents two years ago that he did not want to identify as a man or a woman, and became politically involved in the issue of nonbinary gender; he gathered some 27,000 signatures on the Internet in hopes of catching President Obama's attention to the subject.

While police investigators are still sorting out a motive, Debbie Fleischman wonders whether it was a prank gone seriously wrong, or something darker, a hate crime.

All because he was a man in a skirt.

And what does that hurt? Who does that hurt? How does what one wears, or how they style their hair, or how they speak, or love, or worship, or live, hurt anyone else?

I often make a small joke when I see people arguing, repeating what Rodney King said after the LA riots of the 90s: Can’t we all get along? Is that so hard? I mean, it was a young man in a skirt. I would have thought him cool and brave and daring and different. I never would have seen him as a target. 

In November 2014, a year after the attack, a judge sentenced 17-year-old Richard Thomas of Oakland, to seven years in prison on for setting Sasha Fleischman’s skirt on fire.

A plea deal in the case was reached when Thomas pleaded no contest to charges of felony assault and inflicting great bodily injury.

Fleischman’s family pushed for Thomas to be tried as a juvenile, but he was charged as an adult; an aggravated mayhem charge, which had a hate-crime enhancement that carried a sentence of up to life in prison, was dropped.

Prosecutors said Thomas targeted Fleischman because he was wearing a skirt, and Thomas’ attorney described it as a prank gone terribly wrong. Thomas stayed in juvenile hall until he turned 18, at which time he was transferred to prison.

After recovering from second and third-degree burns to his legs, Sasha Fleischman started school at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology.

On This Date In ISBL History: Nick Comes Out, Gets Kicked Out, And Then Guess What Happened?

As I am in Oregon helping my Dad recuperate from knee surgery, I thought I’d do something I’ll call “On This Date In ISBL History” and repost some things from back when the blog was new, and newish … this was originally published November 6, 2013:

It’s long been said that members of the LGBT community often create new families for themselves out of friends and lovers that they meet along the way. We do this because, sometimes, our own families want nothing to do with us when we come out to them.

I was one of the lucky ones for my family was mostly, Um, okay? So what? 

Carlos, on the other hand wasn’t so lucky. His mother accepts him as a gay man, and accepts me as his partner, but his father wants nothing to do with him; or me. So Carlos made a new family out of friends he made when he moved to Miami and friends we both made when we moved to Smallville. And he stills gets choked up that my sister calls him ‘brother’ and my father calls him ‘son,’ and all my nieces call him Uncle Carlos.

So, as LGBT men and women, we make do, and we build new families to take the place of our birth families that no longer want us when we come out.

That’s the case with Nick. Nick is an 18-year-old young man, a freshman at Kennesaw State University, who lives in Marietta, Georgia. Last month someone he knew told Nick’s parents that he is bisexual and they weren’t having it. They kicked him out of the house; while he was at work, they took the car that was in their name, even though he made the payments on it; they took all of his belongings from their house and threw them on the front lawn.

Bad? Not even bad enough. They then used the fact that his bank accounts were "custodial accounts" and they emptied his bank accounts into theirs; taking all the money he’d saved over the last three years working as a bagger at Publix.

Lovely parents; role models, really.

But Nick didn’t give up, and people who knew him didn’t give up either. The mother-in-law of Steve Bevers, one of his co-workers, took Nick into her home instantly, and set up a crowdfunding page on GoFundMe to help him on with his life.

"When I heard about what happened to Nick I was flabbergasted. I couldn't understand how a parent could do that. While I'm sure there are multiple sides to the story, I just was amazed. I was hurt. The first thing I asked was, 'Does he need a place to stay? Does he need some money?'" — Steve Bevers

So Steve Bevers set up the GoFundMe page for Nick on October 22nd, to help him pay for school, maybe get another car, and finance a place of his own when he’s able. In just a couple of weeks the site has raised $26,000 — as of this morning — for Nick.

Complete strangers, who don’t know Nick, might never know Nick, have stepped up to help him when his own parents told him to get out of their house.

Last week, Nick uploaded a video to the site to thank his supporters and tell his story:

"This whole thing started when my stepmom caught wind of me being bisexual. I don't know where she got her information from, but I know it wasn't from me. She didn't like that and neither did my dad. I got told some very vulgar and disgusting things... That's why I didn't tell them, because I wasn't ready. And I didn't tell them for the exact reaction I was scared about, and that's exactly what happened."

Now, while Nick may be sleeping on the sofa at the Bevers home, he is still working, and planning to continue his education; he’s using the donations to pay for school and get himself a car so he can get back and forth to classes.

Complete strangers did this for him when his own family threw him out of the house.

As I said, we sometimes create new families for ourselves when our own families don’t want us because we’re gay, or something, but in the case of Nick, his new family is made up of people who might never meet him, who realize that just because he’s bisexual doesn’t mean he doesn’t deserve to be loved.

Apparently Nick's father released his own version of what happened in their family and tried to paint Nick as “the bad guy” in all of this because Nick had the nerve to consult an attorney about getting the money back that his parents stole from him.

Nick was a straight A student in high school, and has done very well in college, all the while working nearly full time.

Yeah, he sounds like a bad guy. Or maybe just a young bisexual man trying to make his way through life after his family disowned him.

PS Naturally, the GoFundMe page, while still up, is done; Nick accepted donations just to pay for college and housing and plans to pay it forward.

On This Date In ISBL History: Some Men Are Afraid Of A Little ♥ On

As I am in Oregon helping my Dad recuperate from knee surgery, I thought I’d do something I’ll call “On This Date In ISBL History” and repost some things from back when the blog was new, and newish … this was originally published November 5, 2015:

Change is good.

A change in the weather, a change in scenery; a change of underwear. A change in diet, a change of sheets; a change of mood.

Change is good, and we should all be changing or else Effie Melody White has taught us nothing.

But this week Twitter made a change and a lot of people, mostly men, mostly straight men, mostly straight men unsure of their own masculinity, went nuts.

See, back in the old days, roughly ten days ago if you “Liked” someone’s Tweet there was a cute little ★ symbol you clicked to voice, er, Tweet, your approval. But then Twitter decided that a ♥ better symbolized “Like” than a star and so they changed.

And tiny men with giant egos, and more than a tinge of homophobia, went crazy and refused to put a ♥ on it.

Enjoy:

It’s been just a year now and you can still offer a ♥ on your favorite Tweets and, as far as I can tell, no one has “turned” gay because of it.

On This Date In ISBL History: Russia Bans Tribute To LGBT Victims Of Nazi Germany

As I am in Oregon helping my Dad recuperate from knee surgery, I thought I’d do something I’ll call “On This Date In ISBL History” and repost some things from back when the blog was new, and newish … this was originally published November 4, 2011:

To paraphrase an old Kermit the Frog ditty …

♫ ♪ It ain’t easy bein’ gay ♪ ♫

In fact, it’s downright hard being accused of being responsible for all of the ills around the world. I mean, we’re on the threshold of ruining marriage; we’re thisclose to the absolute degradation and downfall of society as we know it, and we’ve long been accused of unleashing Rip Taylor on the world.

Can’t a fag catch a break?

I mean, over there in Russia, we can’t even say we’re gay lest we’re accused of sparking some sort of propaganda. Now, that I get; I can’t recall how many times I’ve walked down a street here in Smallville and passed someone who says, "How are you?” And when I respond with, “I’m gay” they have me arrested for trying to spread that Gay Propaganda!

Or howsabout the time Carlos and I were in the coffee aisle at Kroger, debating on trying a new brand of coffee, you know, acting all like a couple and stuff, and then we found ourselves kicked out for trying to convert folks to gayism, or something.

I know, stupid, right? To paraphrase Dan Savage: It Gets Dumber.

Back there is Russia, where just saying you’re gay is a criminal offense, they have banned a tribute to the LGBTI victims of Nazi Germany. Yup, the Moscow government has refused a group that sought to condemn Adolf Hitler’s actions and honor the 100,000 gay people arrested during World War II.

The intention of the tribute was to also spread the message about not repeating past mistakes and ensuring something like the Holocaust never happens again, but the authorities rejected the application, saying paying tribute to gay victims of Nazi Germany could potentially ‘influence’ children on homosexuality.

Oh. Well, since you put it that way, I guess I can see it. I mean, I can see how calling attention to the 100,000 or so gay men and women in Nazi Germany who were rounded up, arrested, and taken to a concentration camp where  they were experimented upon, used as slave labor and then murdered, would make a bunch of questioning Russian kids say, “Ooh, being gay sounds fun!”

Let me say this again: seeing someone gay cannot make you gay; having someone tell you they’re gay cannot make you gay; hearing the word gay cannot make you gay. You know what makes you gay: being born that way, and no matter what Russia tries to do, little bitty gay Russian babies will continue to be born every single day.

And it’s still dangerous, even life-threatening, to be gay in Russia.

Or even to be gay-friendly.

And you can blame all of that on the homoerotic posturings, both on camera and in politics, of Donald's BFF Vladimir Put-It-In, I mean, Putin.

On This Date In ISBL History: Don't Ask Carlos For Directions

As I am in Oregon helping my Dad recuperate from knee surgery, I thought I’d do something I’ll call “On This Date In ISBL History” and repost some things from back when the blog was new, and newish … this was originally published November 3, 2011:

A few weeks back our thirty-five-year-old, original to the house, Jennair range sparked, smoked, flashed some bright lights and then passed away. Since we've long wanted a gas range, we took it upon ourselves to have a gas line run to the house, and then to the kitchen, where we would install a new stove.

Last weekend we went out to buy said stove and found a lovely 5-burner model, with a gas convection oven, so shiny and purty that, if I could handle the weight, I'd attach to a silver chain and wear around my neck.

But this story isn't about me, it's about Carlos and his style of giving directions. 

After we purchased the range, the salesman asked for directions from the store to our house so it could be delivered. Carlos said — and these are not the real directions so don't try them: 

"You start out by going out of the parking lot and then head south on this road until you get to the interstate, and then you head\east, for about twenty miles till you get to Exit 98. Take that exit and it wraps around, and goes under the freeway, and then you head north on Highway 402 until it merges about four miles later with US 54. You take that through the town, down past the factory and across the river, where you'll see a Lowes. Right after the Lowes is a traffic light for Bob-and-Carlos Drive. Turn left, well, you can only turn left, because the street dead-ends, but then you stay on Bob-and-Carlos Drive for, oh, maybe a mile-and-a-half, until you come to our house at #____, where you'll see a red mailbox. Our driveway is real narrow, with a lot of trees so they may have to park the truck on the street, but that's our house with the red front porch."

The salesman typed in:

"Interstate 77, to Exit 98. 402 north to US 54 east. Left at Bob-and-Carlos Drive to #____"

Bless that Carlos, he does love to talk!!

And still, he gives directions like this:

Pass the road that crosses our road and there are three mailboxes … the middle one is all metal. We’re the third one.

And I say:

This is the house number; we’re on the right.

On This Date In ISBL History: Rebeca is King! Haleigh is Queen!

As I am in Oregon helping my Dad recuperate from knee surgery, I thought I’d do something I’ll call “On This Date In ISBL History” and repost some things from back when the blog was new, and newish … this was originally published November 2, 2011:

At last week's pep rally at Patrick Henry High School in San Diego, Rebeca Arellano was named the school's homecoming king, and at the dance the following night, Rebecca's girlfriend, Haleigh Adams, was declared Homecoming Queen. And that sits very well with the students and the school.

Rebeca was stunned by the sheers that came along with the announcement that she would be king of the dance, and was even more thrilled that Haleigh would be Queen, writing on Facebook: "I was happier than when I won, my little Haleigh has just been announced Homecoming queen and I couldn't feel happier! Thanks to every single one of you! You guys made this happen and we are all part of something huge. I can't fully express how grateful I am. I am in completely shocked that this happen."

This is a story of hope, and I hope that every LGBT student around the world hears it, and realizes that it can get better, it does get better. I like that we see a new openness in at least one high school, and can show other LGBT students that there is a place for them, where they can be themselves and succeed, without bullying, without taunts, without fear.

One day, I hope, gay students can be Homecoming King and Queen at every high school, and it won't make the news, and it won't be Tweeted or be a status update.

It'll just be.

And That seems to be the case, because, more and more often, these stories are no longer “news.”

They just are …

On This Date In ISBL History: Miss Lesbian Prom

As I am in Oregon helping my Dad recuperate from knee surgery, I thought I’d do something I’ll call “On This Date In ISBL History” and repost some things from back when the blog was new, and newish … this was originally published November 1, 2010:

It looks like it might finally be over. 

A federal judge has ordered the Itawamba County School District in Mississippi to pay $81,000 in legal fees and expenses in a lawsuit filed by Contsance McMillen, whose prom was cancelled, reinstated, then faked, all because she wanted to bring her girlfriend. 
US District Judge Glen Davidson, who ruled in March that McMillen's rights were violated, signed the order on Monday. 

Constance McMillen and the ACLU sued Itawamba County School District to challenge the district's "ban" on same-sex prom dates. Once the suit was filed, the school canceled prom. Angry parents sponsored another dance, but tricked McMillen into going to a "sham prom" while other students partied elsewhere.  

All of this because a girl wanted to bring her girlfriend to a dance.

Sidenote: the headline of the New York Times article was entitled "Judge Awards Legal Fees in Miss. Lesbian Prom Case".

I thought, There's a Miss Lesbian Prom somewhere?

Then I saw the period.

After the settlement, in a groundbreaking move for Mississippi, the school district agreed to implement policies that would prevent future discrimination based on sexual orientation or gender identity for extracurricular and educational activities.

McMillen’s story received national attention and Glamour magazine named her Woman of the Year Award in 2010.

She appeared on The Ellen DeGeneres Show and received a $30,000 scholarship — in 2012 enrolled at Northeast Mississippi Community College to study psychology.

She was invited to the White House and served as Grand Marshal of the New York Gay Pride Parade.