PR All-St★rs 4 Ep 12: Marilyn Mongrel?

This week we are going to winnow down the designtestants to Those Will Who Show At The Tents — well, whatever building will be substituted for The Tents —  so Alyssa meets the designers on the runway, and introduces them to Kelli Garner, who will be playing Marilyn Monroe in a Lifetime mini-series.

Okay, so the task is to design a dress for Marilyn for the movie? No. Design a dress based on an iconic Monroe look? No. The challenge is to design a glittering, shimmering, dazzling red carpet gown suitable for the Oscars that, like Marilyn — oh, now I get it — will be remembered for years to come.

The designtestants will have their biggest budget ever--$500.00 — but just one day to complete the task, except … there’s a twist; a twist I have dubbed The Biggest WTF Twist In PR History!

Isaac comes into the workroom with that bitch — no, not Nina, y’all, but Lassie. Yes. Lassie. He announces a twist-y surprise mini-challenge in which the designtestants will create a canine couture plucked from a particular movie genre. Helen gets sci-fi; Michelle gets western; Dmitry gets gangster; Sonjia gets musical ... blah blah blah ... they design, they walk the runway, dogs pee and poop and Michelle wins! And now she’ll design clothes for Lassie.com.

Whatever … let’s rip …

DMITRY 

He opts for 20s glamour because nothing says timeless … memorable … Oscar … Marilyn … like a fringed 1920s looking flapper gown. As usual, Dmitry does what he wants and then works it into the challenge, though he does get into a bit of a pickle because his fringe is white while the dress is not. So he has to dye the fringe in tea to, as he says, or as Isaac said last week, ‘make it happen.’

WHAT ZANNA SAID

She loves the looks, but worried that the little bits of sparkle won’t make it memorable.

WHAT HE SAID

Nobody would ever believe that dress was made in twelve hours.

WHAT I SAID

Grandma’s tablecloth, after someone spilled gravy on it. Where’s the dazzle?

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID

Alyssa says the dress blew her away, and it’s her favorite look she’s ever seen on the PR … All-stars. She then added, and I quote, “It’s f**king beautiful,” causing Isaac — and how much do I adore him — to utter, “So unseemly when pregnant ladies use that kind of language.” He then goes on to call the dress ‘major’ and so ‘right there,’ though he feels the fringe reads raffia and less Oscar-worthy. Sophia Amoruso, of Nasty Girl … whatever … loves all the elements, and the dazzle — oh, there it is in bits and spots; she also loves the clear straps and says she’d never thought she’d love a clear strap. M’kay. The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ loves the way the fringe hangs, and how the back drapes; she says the dress needs no translation to real life — read: alteration — because it is ‘the’ dress.

SONJIA

She wants drama, and nothing says dram, at least to Sonjia like a pencil skirt in lace placed over a mini-skirt; which means Sonjia has done drama before because she’s done pencil skirts in lace over mini’s already this season. But, she slaps a Breast Bow on the girl and calls it as day.

WHAT ZANNA SAID

She loves the dress, calls it timeless and says it will stand the test of time. Did she not notice that it was another pencil skirt in lace with yada yada yada?

WHAT SHE SAID

I’m so excited about my look … it’s gold … it’s silver.

WHAT I SAID

It’s a bow on a pencil — yada yada yada. Pretty but, yeah, seen it before.

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID

Isaac loves the drama of it all, and calls it a memorable look. He likes a midriff — apparently everyone is mad about midriff this season, as he says — and loves that, while it’s midriff in the front, the back is connected. He says she designed the hell out of it. The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ calls it fabulous and impactful, and says Sonjia is the only one who took a risk; she does think, however, that there are maybe one too many elements — lace, pencil skirt, mini — that detract from the drama of the Breast Bow. Alyssa says it will stand the test of time and is quite relevant today, while Sophia loves the top, saying it’s voluminous yet not overwhelming, and all the angles it creates.

MICHELLE 

She’s all about fabric, and finds what I learned was a Burnout Velvet with Lurex — not at all like the burnouts from high school — that is eighty bucks a yard; she spends all her dough on that one fabric, and hopes to creates a dress that is classic, but with the added allure of a plunging back.

WHAT ZANNA SAID

Zanna loves the simplicity of it, but hates the cheapness of the chains Michelle is trying to drape across the back; Michelle drops the chains, save one.

WHAT SHE SAID

She just sparkles. She looks sexy and confident. It’s the gowniest gown I’ve ever made.

WHAT I SAID

I love how slinky and sexy it is, but wonder how timeless it is; also, that little chain across the back at the waistline reads a little tramp stamp to me.

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID

Alyssa loves the fabric, and thinks the silhouette is a classic but far too simple; she also loathes the chain and says the dress needed shoulder pads to give more drama. The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ said it was pretty, though she didn’t care for the fabric—Michelle says it was expensive, and Isaac snaps, ‘Just because it costs a lot doesn’t mean it looks expensive.”—and she also thinks the patterning is off. Sophia called it pretty, and loved the fit of the dress; she loved the back, and thought it timeless, but way too sheer and hated the belly chain. Isaac, though, loved the sheer and thought it was the best work Michelle has done—though, yes, he hated the textile. He loved the mystery and called the back enchanting, and loved the loops Michelle added so the model could slip a finger through them and pose in a cool way.

HELEN 

She starts off by clapping her hands wildly at a red carpet challenge because it’s in her wheelhouse, it’s what she does, she’s got this, she has to win this … and then she picks the most Grandma Chantilly lace and fabrics. WTHelen?

WHAT ZANNA SAID

She calls it old-fashioned and Victorian and museum-, not Oscar-, worthy. Helen scrambles to fix the Old Lady of it all.

WHAT SHE SAID

It’s romantical and it is sweet and it is pretty.

WHAT I SAID

Pretty bland. For someone who does red carpet this is boring.

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID

Sophia calls it pretty, and loves the beading, but says the color would be a challenge for a lot of women to wear; she wishes Helen had given it more drama. Alyssa liked that it was safe—it would keep you off the Worst Dressed List … and the Best Dressed, too—but thought it classically beautiful.  The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ called it pretty … safe; too safe, not original. She also thought the straps on the redesigned bodice looked cheap. Isaac loved the color, but found it too safe and too long and said it didn’t move well; with an assist from Georgina, the dress was lifted to more of an empire waistline and looked remarkably better, though still safe.

Dmitry gets the win with Fringe over Sonjia’s bow, and they will both be in the Finale.

But they cannot decide on Michelle or Helen, so they must first give the Why I Deserve To Show speech, and then Alyssa gives them the One Hour Runway Challenge: they must take some of the Auf’d designer’s loser looks, and, using three of them, create something new that expresses their POV.

They get right to work … clocks a’ticking … and then Helen has a breakdown because she cannot cut up someone else’s work; she calls it “cruel and unusual” and “bull sh*t.” Michelle comforts her, and I think may have slapped her — I know I would have — and suddenly the crying jag is over and it’s back to work.

Helen took Patricia’s Uptown Girl dress, and the bottom of Fabio’s Bridesmaid dress, and some of Chris's Couture trimmings and made an exact replica of the dress she was wearing — except for the little fang detail. Isaac called it fresh and easy and loved the fangs; he also said it was austere and sad, which, I guess is good. Alyssa called it beautiful and remarked that sometimes Helen does her best work under pressure. The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ called it considered and tailored, and loved the wink of the fang.

 Michelle took Jay’s QVC pants and top, and Justin’s Couture skirt, and made what she calls a Pant-cho. Isaac called it very creative, and loved the lines, while The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ said it was amazing and had wit and intellect and great angles. Alyssa also loved it, but made note that Michelle did not follow the challenge because she used just two designer’s looks.

Who’s in? Who’s out?

Well, while no one mentions that it’s the reasons, Michelle is booted, possibly because she did not follow the challenge to the letter. Dumb mistake; dumb.

So Helen is in, and will join Sonjia and Dmitry at The All-Stars’ Version Of The Tents.

That whole dog challenge was just a colossal waste of time; dumbest thing ever. That said, dogs peeing and pooping on the runway? I thought it was the best critique ever!

As I looked at their original gowns, I still think Michelle should have gone third, and Helen gone home, because her dress, while safe, at least had dram and sex and shimmer. Helen’s was just so dull, and simple and safe.

Dmitry wins Line of the Night for his comment at the start of the dog challenge: “Unfortunately, I am allergic to dogs, but I am more allergic to losing.”

Dmitry, Sonjia and Helen. Okay. I see Dmitry and Sonjia being Tops — with Dmitry doing something he’s already done and Sonjia making a collection of pencil skirts in lace. I see Helen’s austere collection looking just sad.

Lastly, gosh, how much do I adore Isaac Mizrahi? I love people who use words that aren’t often heard anymore; like “unseemly” and “mad” about midriff. Plus he’s just so full of life and fun. I wanna do cocktails with him and Georgina.

What did YOU think?

Would You Hit It?

Ben Barnes is a British actor, perhaps best known for The Chronicles of Narnia films, though I first saw him as a very hot Dorian Gray in Dorian Gray and he has a new film out where he fights evil spirits, called The Seventh Son.

But this is more than that, this is ...

Would.You.Hit.It?

Yes or No.

I Didn't Say It ...

Colin Farrell, on the size of his friend Ewan McGregor's penis:

"I don't think Ewan is as proud of his penis as most men who are as well hung would — or should — or could be. I think that's the greatest demonstration of his innate humility, that he doesn't wear it like a badge of honor."

Just the idea of sitting around chatting penis size with Colin Farrell — who need not worry about the issue — would be a fun way to spend an afternoon! I’ve seen Colin’s package and, well, yeah, he ain't got nothing to be ashamed of!

Andy Cohen, on Watch What Happens Live, scolding the Beverly Hills Housewives for the way they refer to their gay friends:

"Even though some of your friends might be gay which is great, they are not 'yours'. You do not own them. We are not cattle. We are not purses. And the next time you feel like saying 'my gays' replace it with 'my blacks' and see how that turns out!"

Bravo, no pun intended, Andy.

I, too, Heard that on the show this week and thought, “Wait! I’m an accessory for a self-indulgent rich bitch?”

Oh.Hell.No.

Marco Rubio, anti-gay Republican Senator from Florida, on the federal government's monitoring of private citizens in the name of fighting terrorism:

"This year, a new Republican majority in both houses of Congress will have to extend current authorities under the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act, and I urge my colleagues to consider a permanent extension of the counterterrorism tools our intelligence community relies on to keep the American people safe."

Typical Republican.

Be on the lookout for “them.”

Jared Polis, openly gay Democratic Congressman from Colorado, calling on the US Intelligence Community to begin twenty-four hour per day monitoring of Marco Rubio:

"If Senator Rubio believes that millions of innocent Americans should be subject to intrusive and unconstitutional government surveillance, surely he would have no objections to the government monitoring his own actions and conversations. Senator Rubio is asking for American technology companies to ‘cooperate with authorities,’ so I believe he will have no objection to authorities being given access to his electronic correspondence and metadata.  Maybe after his 2016 strategy documents are accidentally caught up in a government data grab, he’ll rethink the use of mass surveillance."

Polis is on to something; if the GOP wants to keep tabs on everyone, and access all their info, let’s start with the GOP.

Madonna, instructing an interviewer that she'll make him shoot tequila if he asks her dumb question:

"If you ask me a stupid question, and I'm going to be the judge of that, you're going to drink a shot of tequila. If you ask me an amazing question that sets my world on fire, I'm going to drink a shot of tequila."

I think maybe she tried to get the guy drunk so he’d spin a positive review of her last album … which is sinking faster than Kathy Bates on a life raft in a cold Atlantic sea.

James Franco, tooting his own horn, again:

“Lee Daniels says that gay rights are the civil rights of our era, so I like doing a movie like Milk or Interior Leather Bar where I can bring themes and ideas I've been engaged with, and do it in such a way that those ideas are pulled into the mainstream more. I feel like that's my place: I can in some ways lend myself and say that these are important issues of equal rights, though on the other hand, I'm very much about preserving this queer kind of space of defying identity and defying labels. I think there are a lot of those themes in this movie as well.”

James Franco doesn’t do anything for any other reason than to attract attention to James Franco.

‘Nuff said.

Random Musings

For all those of you who wanted to jump on the Pope Frankie bandwagon, hailing him as the LGBT friendly Pope and the new future of the Catholic Church, think on this:

Last week, in Slovakia, Pope Francis gave his blessing to a referendum that would ban same-sex marriage and adoption rights for gay couples there; a vote on the referendum will take place this weekend. Frankie said:

“I greet the pilgrims from Slovakia and, through them, I wish to express my appreciation to the entire Slovak church, encouraging everyone to continue their efforts in defense of the family, the vital cell of society.”

He isn’t an ally; he’s just another goose-stepping Catholic trying to placate the Gays in some places, while working to deny us equality in others.

All the while wearing hideous hats.

Doesn’t it seem like it’s been years since the last season of RuPaul’s Drag Race? I keep seeing the ads, but still it won’t be back until March. Oy! I can’t wait, LOGO!

But, when it does come back — March 2nd, to be exact — the Drag Race will be serving the tea and the shade without Santino Rice. He will be replaced by the likes of Carson Kressley and Ross Matthews, though he is slated to be back as a ‘guest’ judge.

Poor Santino, from co-star to guest.

From the WTF Is Wrong With People File:

Tommy Dean Gaa, a 65-year-old white Missouri man, recently went out for a meal, ALLEGEDLY told his Black waitress, who’d asked if he wanted wheat or white bread that he was prejudiced and therefore would need white bread.

So, he’s an unfunny old racist, I’m guessing, except then it took down to a whole other level.

He then ALLEGEDLY grabbed the girl’s arm, asked if she liked to party, and said, "I have a place I would like to take you where I hung your grandpa." 

The waitress left the dining area and waited in the kitchen until the police arrived. Gaa initially denied making the remarks, but then began spewing racial epithets during his explanation of innocence. He was arrested, charged with a hate crime, and released on bail.

Asshat.

So, that Super Bowl thing was on last week. I know, because, while waiting to watch Downton Abbey, I channel surfed to NBC and saw a bit of the game; I was actually hoping to catch some of the commercials.

But Carlos, who knows nothing — seriously, nothing — about sports, except for maybe soccer and figure skating, wandered through the room and mentioned the tie score.

I said, ‘It’s not tied, it’s 24-14. The Seahawks are ahead.”

He said something about the ‘other’ team catching up, and I asked if he knew how many touchdowns the ‘other’ team — I know it’s the Patriots — would have to score to go ahead.

He said, “I dunno. Ten?”

I replied, “That’s right! The Seahawks have scored 24 touchdowns and the Patriots 14 touchdowns, in the first twenty minutes of the game.”

Goddess love him, though I should have known. This is the same man who, when we attended a Marlins game a few years back with people from his office, stood up after the first inning, said, “That was fun,” and turned to go because he thought the game was over since both sides got to play.

Again … goddess love him; I know I do.

I am so excited!

Harper Lee, author of one of my very favorite books, “To Kill a Mockingbird,” will be publishing a sequel to the book; her second novel! She hasn’t published anything in fifty years and once news spread about her new book, “Go Set a Watchman,” the Internet went wild. Me, too!

The book is said to be a sequel to “To Kill a Mockingbird,” although it was written earlier, according to Miss Lee:

“In the mid-1950s, I completed a novel called `Go Set a Watchman.’ It features the character known as Scout as an adult woman, and I thought it a pretty decent effort. My editor, who was taken by the flashbacks to Scout’s childhood, persuaded me to write a novel [what became `To Kill a Mockingbird’] from the point of view of the young Scout. I was a first-time writer, so I did as I was told. I hadn’t realized [the original book] had survived, so was surprised and delighted when my dear friend and lawyer Tonja Carter discovered it. After much thought and hesitation, I shared it with a handful of people I trust and was pleased to hear that they considered it worthy of publication. I am humbled and amazed that this will now be published after all these years.”

The book will be available in July and I will run out and get it first thing.

Matt Barber, swoon-worthy, made his first appearance on Downton Abbey last week as Atticus Aldridge, the apparent love interest for Lady Rose.

Why can’t he be a love interest for Thomas is all I’m saying.

Sweet Cakes, the Oregon bakery which refused to bake a cake in January 2013 after they found out it was for a lesbian's wedding, has been found guilty by the Oregon Bureau of Labor and Industries [BOLI] of discriminating against the same-sex couple and faces fines of up to $150,000.

Boo-yah. It all began back in January 2013, when Laurel Bowman said Sweet Cakes refused to sell her and her fiancée a cake for their upcoming wedding. Aaron Klein, co-owner of Sweet Cakes by Melissa, called the marriage an "abomination unto the lord." Bowman filed an anti-discrimination complaint with BOLI alleging that the bakery violated the Oregon Equality Act of 2007, which protects the rights of Oregonians who are gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender.

Sweet Cakes, rather than bake a cake for a same-sex wedding, closed in September 2013, and began calling themselves an in-home bakery. When the ruling came down, the Klein’s posted this note on their door:

"This fight is not over. We will continue to stand strong. Your Religious Freedom is becoming not Free anymore. This is ridiculous that we can not practice our faith. The LORD is good and we will continue to serve Him with all our heart. ♥”

And She is not amused, though She is slightly happy that you went out of business and face a hefty fine.

Our Photo of the Week:

God, I hope Pharrell doesn’t see this because, Lord knows, that man loves a hat.

God, I hate when I don’t make the three traffic lights between my house and my job, so thank god, I’m not James Robertson.

Robertson lives in Detroit, but he works in Rochester Hills, and when his car broke down, ten years ago, he began walking to work because buses don’t cover the entire route. He walks eight miles each day to work, and another 13 miles on his return home. His journey starts at 8AM and concludes at 4AM the following morning, when he arrives home after completing his shift at Schain Mold and Engineering.

In most metro areas, Robertson would not have to make this trek; he would have public transit to take him all the way to and from his destination. But, he says, over the past five years, bus service has been cut back. Rochester Hills offers no bus service because voters there elected not to pay for it.

He never replaced his car after it broke down because he hasn’t been able to save for one; he makes $10.55 an hour, above minimum wage, but not enough for him to afford to buy a car, plus pay for the expenses of owning one.

Evan Leedy, a Wayne State University student heard the story, and started a Go Fund Me page, which at last count had raised over $132,000 to buy James Robertson a car. In addition to using the money to buy a car, Leedy wants to make sure that part of the proceeds are set aside for expenses such as insurance and maintenance.

I love a good story, and I love when someone helps out someone else, just because …

Oh Brian Williams.

For years, years, the NBC Nightly News has been saying he was onboard a helicopter that was hit by enemy fire and forced down during the invasion of Iraq in 2003.

Turns out it was a bold-faced lie. And when Williams repeated the claim last week during NBC’s coverage of a public tribute at a New York Rangers hockey game for a retired soldier that had provided ground security for the grounded helicopters, crew members on the 159th Aviation Regiment’s Chinook that was hit by two rockets and small arms fire told Stars and Stripes came forward and said Williams was nowhere near that aircraft or two other Chinooks flying in the formation that took fire. In fact, he arrived in the area about an hour later.

And Williams, a blatant liar, is now trying to cover it up by saying, and get this, he made a mistake:

 “I would not have chosen to make this mistake. I don’t know what screwed up in my mind that caused me to conflate one aircraft with another.”

Wait. What? You were confused about which helicopter you were on? The one that was hit and forced down and the one that landed safely?

Nice try, Brian; liar. Maybe you should get a job at Fox news. They lie over there, too, but no one cares.

Out there in San Francisco, Salvatore Cordileone, the conservative Roman Catholic archbishop of San Francisco, has developed a new document for Catholic high school faculty and staff clarifying that sex outside of marriage, homosexual relations, the viewing of pornography and masturbation are “gravely evil.”

Cordileone’s document applies to faculty and staff at four Catholic high schools: Riordan and Sacred Heart in San Francisco, Marin Catholic in Kentfield and Serra High School in San Mateo. It states that administrators, faculty and staff “affirm and believe” the controversial statements, which will be part of the faculty handbook. The document goes on to say that marriage is between “one man and one woman,” despite California law allowing same-sex marriages. It also notes that sperm donation, the use of a surrogate and other forms of “artificial reproductive technology” are also gravely evil.

Now, students at those schools are protesting the new "morality" rules:

“We call on the Archbishop to cease his efforts to institute outdated and discriminatory “morality clauses,” to retain workplace protections and to allow Catholic school teachers to focus on the work they are doing to educate thousands of Bay Area children. The proposed changes directly contradict the Pope’s teachings, the Catholic values of inclusion and diversity, and the free and open exchange of ideas, which is the hallmark of a good education. They create a culture of fear that denies staff the right to follow their own individual consciences and harms students. As people of faith who value education, equality and freedom of conscience, we ask the Archbishop to remove this language immediately.”

I know some of these anti-gay measures result in a Kiss In as a way of protesting. I sincerely hope the students don’t result to a Jerk-Off … um, In.

Just sayin’.

Just Because: Timothy Olyphant

It’s no secret around our house that I have a deep and abiding crush on Timothy Olyphant, of FXC’s Justified. He is swoon-worthy; he’s hot in jeans and a cowboy hat and hot in a tuxedo, and everything in between. 

And I drive Carlos crazy because I need to watch Justified by myself, you know, in case there’s a shirtless scene, or an underwear moment, and I need to back up the DVR and watch it again. But Carlos knows, and he’s good with it … unless Timothy Olyphant comes to South Carolina, because then all bets are off.

Anyway, Olyphant just gave an interview to Bon Appétit — another reason I adore him, I mean, no People, no Us, no Life and Style … Bon Appétit — where he talked food, and stuff … like his morning routine: 

“Coffee/espresso/cappuccino is a big part of it. I enjoy it, and if I don’t hand my wife 
a coffee by a certain point, I won’t live to 
see the rest of the day, so it’s important in that respect. I’m the barista at the house. … I’ve taken a 
milk-art class; I can put a heart on top of the cappuccino. I’m very proud of that.”

Cheesy Joke Alert: let's just say that if I walked into my kitchen one morning and found Timothy Olyphant working my espresso machine, the cappuccino wouldn't be the only thing with a heart on.

And he loves a good rice cooker … for oatmeal:

“A rice cooker has changed my life. The overnight-oatmeal deal is a big win at the Olyphant house. … That’s been a big part of the pleasure of the morning—coming downstairs after the oatmeal’s been slow-cooking all night, with bananas and whatever else you want thrown in. For all you oatmeal lovers out there, it’s the greatest thing in the world.”

I may have to enact the Olyphant Oatmeal Plan around here because it sounds really good … and then I can picture the two of us sharing a bowl of oatmeal.

But what does he like to drink, as in, what should I serve when I kidnap him and keep him in my basement. I kid; no need to call the FBI, we don’t even have a basement, but we do have a lovely guest bedroom with an en suite bathroom, Timothy.

“The regulars are red wine, beer—usually from Mexico—and whiskey. Good ole American whiskey. When I get home late from work, I tend to pour some whiskey over an ice cube. The important thing is that I drink something [because] I’ve got three kids.”

Well, I know I can keep him in red wine and Mexican beer; hell, I have my own Mexican Beer Sommelier to work with, but then he begins to talk about himself, and reveal himself a little more and, well, … swoon. He talks about always seeming to play “manly” characters, like a cowboy, a sergeant, a U.S. marshal, and when asked if he eats like a man … swoon … he says:

“I like to think that I eat like man and cry like a little baby. There’s a quiche joke in here somewhere.”

And then he talks dining out … uber expensive restaurants and fresh pepper or parmesan:

“I’ll admit a little something: If I go to one of those hotels where there’s like a $50 omelet, I’m taking the silverware home with me. I’m not saying it’s right. I just feel like it’s an unspoken agreement where the mug and the silverware are just part of the deal. [And] if you’re at a restaurant and someone asks, “Fresh pepper?,” the answer is yes. When people shake off the fresh pepper, they clearly have no interest in living a full life. Same thing goes for grated Parmesan. Why would you turn that down?”

Why would I turn that down?

:::swoon:::

Hot, and funny and sexy, a foodie and totally adorable. Seriously, Carlos, if he shows up in South Carolina all bets are off.

via Bon Appétit

Is Rep. Aaron Schock On The Down [ton Abbey] Low?

I have never been to the Rayburn House Office Building is Washington, DC, where many members of Congress have their offices, bit according to Ben Terris of the Washington Post, it’s your typical drab, beige, bureaucratic government building.

When a member of Congress moves into an office in the Rayburn, the rooms are spare and bare; furniture and computers are of the hand-me-down-from-the-last-tenant variety. But new members are allowed to paint, though they have limited choices that the House will provide: beige, eggshell, light blue, light gray or light yellow — that the House will provide. If you wish a different color, then the lawmaker must pay for that.

Which is how we come to Congressman Aaron Schock’s offices; y’all remember Schock, right? He, of the turquoise belt and gingham blouse, er, shirt, in the photo that went viral; the one that made us all wonder if he might be a little light in the Congressional loafers?

Schock’s new office — his outer office — is bold, bright red; there are gold-colored wall sconces with black candles; there’s a Federal-style bull’s-eye mirror with an eagle perched on top and, according to the woman at the front desk, it’s “based off of the red room in ‘Downton Abbey.’”

How very Dowager Countess. Terris was suddenly interested, and then another woman came out and asked if he’d like to see the rest; would he?

She introduced herself as Annie Brahler, the interior decorator whose company, Euro Trash, designed Schock’s new digs. She escorted Terris into Schock’s private office, another dramatic red room with a crystal chandelier, a table propped up by two eagles, a bust of Abraham Lincoln and massive arrangements of pheasant feathers.

Pheasant feathers. Terris was intrigued, but then he received a call on his cell phone: Schock’s communications director, Benjamin Cole who asked who told him that he could photograph the office. Cole said, "Stay where you are. You’ve created a bit of a crisis in the office.”

A staff member came in and asked Terris to delete the photos from my phone, but, well, that didn’t exactly happen and that’s when the story really took off.

See, Schock’s people wanted Terris to delete the pictures, and not do any story about the redecoration of his offices, but rather allow Schock to talk about any number of other things … like the six pack abs he proudly displays on the cover of Men’s Health; or his Instagram, which features him leaping for joy on a South American glacier — see that photo HERE — or smiling with Ariana Grande.

You know, political stiff. Not the gossipy stuff like what his new office is like.

Brahler, happy to let a reporter tour the office and see her work, was taken aback by all the fuss over the pictures. She’d met Schock several years ago, after he’d seen her work featured in magazines and offered her services for free, though Schock, according to Congressional rules, would have to pay for the furnishings.

So she decorated his old offices in the Cannon House Office Building, and when he moved into the Rayburn, he called again; she admits that, while his office looks kind of Downton-esque, it’s not a replica of the television show, it's just what Schock wanted.

Meanwhile, back to Benjamin Cole, recovering from the fit he threw that a reporter was in the office; he explained that Schock hadn’t seen the finished space yet and wondered if it was a bit unfair to write about it before the congressman had seen it. Terris agreed, though he asked if he could be there when Schock got his first peek-a-boo.

That was all well and good, until Aaron Schock decided he wasn’t interested in doing a whole story about how his office is decorated; he’d talk about anything else — well, not the turquoise belt — but would rather not discuss his offices.

And he sent Cole, his communications director, to make a point to Terris: the office is definitely not based on Downton Abbey because, well, maybe Schock doesn’t watch the show and he definitely doesn’t want to talk about it.

But someone does want to talk, and that’s the Citizens for Responsibility and Ethics in Washington [CREW]  who have asked the Office of Congressional Ethics) to investigate whether Republican Schock violated House rules by accepting free interior decorating work for his not Downton Abbey inspired offices.

CREW reports, via press release:

 “Perhaps it’s not totally surprising that the same congressman who spent campaign money on P90X workout DVDs wanted to create a more picturesque setting in which to be photographed, but the rules clearly require him to pay for those renovations himself. Again and again, Rep. Schock’s seeming obsession with his image impedes his ability to conduct himself in ethical manner.”

House rules prohibit members of Congress from accepting gifts, which are defined in the rules as any “item having monetary value” — like interior decoration services — and the rules explicitly prohibit members from using “outside private donations, funds, or in-kind goods and services” — as in campaign contributions — to pay for their congressional office.

CREW is also asking that Schock be investigated as to whether or not he used campaign funds to pay for his office furniture. They state that in 2012 campaign paid $5,522 to Brahler’s company for what it described as “office equipment” but with the revelation now that Brahler redecorated Schock’s previous suite, they seem to believe that campaign funds were used to pretty up Aaron spaces — a clear violation of House rules.

Maybe Schock should have just asked Brahler to redecorate his closet; that way no one would have seen it except for him.

Just sayin’ … and then Aaron said, when cornered by NBC News to ask about his Downton Office:

“I'm different. I came to Congress at 27 … as Taylor Swift said, 'haters are gonna hate.'"

Downton-Abbey-Office-Working-Turquoise-Belt-Wearing-Shirltess-Congressman-Quoting-A-Taylor-Swift-Song.

So.Not.Gay.

sources:

Towleroad: Aaron Schock's New Office
Towleroad: Aaron Schock Ethics Charge
Washington Post
New Civil Rights Movement