The Good, The Bad, The Oprah

Since Project Runway has completed its season, I've been missing the chance to see some beautiful clothes, and some, well, downright fugly things. So, I was pleased to see that Metropolitan Museum of Art's Costume Institute Gala, provided me with a much needed fix.
Let's rip.
The Hottest:

Tom Brady, with some woman. A dominatrix, I think.
I tried to crop her out but it wasn't happening.
Tom Brady.
Hot.Damn.

The Good:

Eva Longoria Parker. Old Hollywood glam.

Rockin' the train!

Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale.

She's hot. He's hotter.

I'm hot'n'bothered.

The Meh:

Anne Hathaway.

Love me some Annie, but, hon, the Princess Diaries are over.

Jennifer Lopez.

Nice dress.

Too much Botox.

The Bad:

Blake Lively.

Streetwalker chic.

Not.

Emma Watson from Harry Potter.

Bedsheet chic.

Not.

Chloe Sevigny.

This is what a marionette wears.

To a bad puppet show.

January Jones.

An anatomically correct mess. Seriously.

Study it.

Jessica Biel and her best gal-pal, Justin Timberlake.

Yeah, they look good together.

Which way is the exit?

Katy Perry.

Neon only looks good on....

Oh, hell, neon never looks good.

Kristen Stewart.

Next RuPaul's Drag Race.

Seriously, I'd look better in that dress.

Even if it is strapless and that makes me look a little linebacker.

Mary J. Blige.

Looks like she raided Aretha Franklin's closet for something from the Spanish Harlem period.

Nicole Richie?

Morticia Adams.

Taylor Swift.

The prom is next door, dear.

The Oprah:

Oprah? Honey?

A skirt of bows? Really?

Who said you could pull off a giant hoop-skirt festooned with bows.

This ain't a Mardi Gras float, honey.

Whoosh.

I fell better.

I Didn't Say It.......

New Zealand speed skater, Blake Skjellerup, coming out of the closet:

"The first real issue was that I was there [at the Olympics] to compete--to focus on my skating--and to not have the focus on my sexuality. We are not yet at the point in society where being gay sportsperson is not a big deal. If I was asked during any of my twenty-something interviews at the Olympics whether I had a boyfriend or a girlfriend--in the same sentence--I would have replied honestly, but I may have replied hesitantly....Gays are too often given a stereotype. Back when I was 18, and becoming serious about my sport and my Olympic goals, if I could have seen an athlete like myself out there--with whom I could relate to--my journey would have been a lot easier. Johnny Weir meets a specific stereotype, I meet a specific stereotype and Gareth Thomas meets another. Being gay is just like any other personality trait: it’s multifaceted. I can’t personally relate to Weir or Thomas, and nor will many other young gay athletes out there. But maybe some of them will see something in me to relate to. The more types we provide, the more we’ll appeal to people [who are struggling with their sexuality.]"

Sandra Bullock, on why she won't be making any movies any time soon:
"All I know is that I want to be able to enjoy being a mom. Doing all the things moms get to do, outside in the sun, in the world. The career will have to wait for a bit. I don't want to step into that world until I can find out what room I left my armour in. You need tough skin to be in this business. I don't have tough skin right now and I don't want it."

Madonna, on taking some time off from her music to focus on her upcoming movie, W.E.:
"I haven't really been focused as much as I should be on the music part of my career, because the movie has consumed every inch of me. Between that and my four children, I don’t have the time or energy for anything else...[and]...it's weird. I don't have a record deal right now with anybody. I don't know how I'm going to get my music out the next time I make a record."

Demi Moore, on :::yawn::: staying youthful:

"I would say that a lot of sex helps. It's the endorphins! But there's more than that, it's also sharing a quality life with someone. I know I have someone who loves me for who I am and who I'm not. He loves me for my imperfections and that makes me feel so happy....I've aged, I don't look the same as I did in my 20s and 30s. But you've got to make the most of what you have."

Susan Boyle, on plastic surgery:

"I would like to have my teeth done. But that would be it. I don't want to change too much of myself. I won't be looking like Barbie any time soon."

Congressman Patrick Murphy, on the fight to repeal Don't Ask, Don't Tell:

"After my three years in Washington, I think when folks tell you to walk away, that’s usually a sign that you’re getting close. So we have to keep working, people need to call their members of Congress, their Senators. Obviously, the letter was a setback, but I know we’re on the right side of history here and we’re going to keep fighting till we get this done this year...I said from the get-go that just because change is hard it doesn’t mean it can’t happen. We have a bi-partisan bill to repeal 'don’t ask, don’t tell' in the House of Representatives. We have Republican support, we have Colin Powell now on board, we even have Dick Cheney calling for repeal. We need to keep fighting."

Servicemembers Legal Defense Network head Aubrey Sarvis. on Obama, DADT, and the protests:

"In his State of the Union message President Obama said repealing 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell' was the right thing to do. But Friday evening President Obama did the wrong thing, and in doing so he and Secretary Gates delivered a devastating blow to getting repeal done this year. Their joint political decision showed a lack of respect for our LGBT service members who are on the frontlines every day risking their lives for our safety.

As a result of the Commander in Chief's decision to defer to Secretary Gates' wishes and timeline, gay service members will continue to be treated as second class citizens, and any sense of fairness may well have been delayed for yet another year, perhaps for another decade. The President did not sound like a fierce repeal advocate. He sounded like someone who wants to have it both ways. And that is not leadership. That is politics as usual."

Argentina Takes A Bold Step

By a vote of 129 to 105, with 6 abstentions, and 16 absent lawmakers, the Argentinean House of Deputies approved an historic marriage equality bill.

In.Argentina.

Whattsamatter USA?

Maria Rachid, Director of The Argentinian LGBT Federation [FALGBT], noted that it was the first time that the body of a legislative branch of a government had voted in favor of same-sex marriage in all of Latin America.

The vote followed some 11 hours of debate, and counted support from the Socialist Party as well as supporters of the Cristina Férnandez de Kirchner government; deputies were freed by their parties to "vote their conscience" earlier in the day.

In order for marriage equality to become law, the Argentinean Senate must now debate and approve the bill, which will be a much challenge. Still, a Senate vote could come within weeks. Even before this historic vote, five same-sex couples were granted the right to marry in Argentina, including Alex Freyre and José María Di Bello [that's the happy couple at the top], who married last December, becoming the first same-sex couple to ever marry in all of Latin America. Their marriage, along with two others, were later annulled.

Still, Argentina moves ahead, and yet we stand in the shadows in the United States.

From A Bishop To A Pope

Openly gay Episcopalian Bishop, Gene Robinson, has penned an open letter in the Washington Post to Pope Benedict about the Catholic Church child molestation scandal.

It's worth reading to see how one church handled the same scandal.

Your Holiness, Though our churches differ in many ways, we believe in the same God. As your brother in Christ, it pains me to see Catholics struggle with your response to recent allegations of sex abuse by priests. Since my denomination has also battled these demons, I want to share with you what I have learned as a bishop of the Episcopal Church.

About 20 years ago, our church became aware of sex abuse by our clergy here in the United States. To our shame, we learned of it in lawsuits filed by victims alleging that some of our bishops had minimized the seriousness of the abuse and/or swept their claims under the rug. Some cases were related to the abuse of children; others involved male clergy who took advantage of their pastoral relationship with vulnerable women to manipulate them into sexual relationships. These men violated the sacred trust placed in clergy to focus on parishioners' needs and to separate those needs from their own. To prevent further such abuses of power, we moved quickly for the good of the victims and of our church.

Whether or not civil courts recognize a statute of limitations, the church must hold its clergy members accountable to their vows to be faithful shepherds of their people. In 1994, the Episcopal Church opened a two-year window of opportunity to hear complaints about priestly abuse of the pastoral relationship with adults. Just because an event occurred many years ago did not make it any less egregious, especially since perpetrators rarely have only one victim. We addressed all complaints through our canonical disciplinary process.

As for instances involving children, we have no statute of limitations on reporting abuse. Those suspected of committing child abuse are immediately reported to the civil authorities for investigation.

Rather than refusing to acknowledge our transgressions, we sought to change our church's culture -- an effort that took no small amount of courage. In my diocese in New Hampshire, and across the Episcopal Church, we perform a thorough background check on every bishop, priest or deacon who serves under my authority. We correspond with every employer the clergyperson has ever had and every bishop under whom the clergyperson has ever served to determine whether there is a history of complaints.

While procedures vary from diocese to diocese, we here in New Hampshire require six hours of abuse-prevention training for clergy, all other employees of the church (organists, parish administrators, maintenance workers), youth workers and elected parish leaders. A refresher course is required every five years. Events with and for children may never be conducted without two adults present and always in view of each other. This protects children from abusive behavior and protects adults who might be falsely charged. Many of our parishes have installed windows in the clergy office doors, so that no activity -- even private counseling -- may go unobserved.

We want many pairs of eyes watching for signs of abuse. We want everyone to know how to report suspected abuse of children and abuse of the pastoral relationship between clergy members and parishioners. We want to keep the issue before our church -- clergy and laity alike -- and to keep the conversation going.

But the thing victims most want to hear from the church, especially its leadership, is: "I am so sorry. This should never have happened to you, especially here. We are going to do everything in our power to see that nothing like this happens again." Victims live with their horrific experiences and know that their abuse can never be undone. And so they seek assurance that the church will change the system that allows abuse to go undetected and take action to hold perpetrators accountable. Child abusers do not deserve protection; they must be reported immediately to civil authorities and prosecuted.

The Christian church -- like any institution -- is as capable of sin as any individual. We have been wrong before, from the Inquisition and the Crusades down to our defense of slavery (using scripture) and our denigration of women. Over time, the church has repented for these sins and sought to change its ways. The discovery of sexual abuse by clergy is another situation that calls for the church's repentance and reform.

I would not presume to instruct you. That would be arrogant. Nor would I impose upon you advice you've not sought. But I do offer you the benefit of my experience as you seek to deal responsibly with these challenges to the integrity of your church. Your letter to the faithful in Ireland and your meeting in Malta with victims were a good start. I hope the future will bring more truth-telling, which will make your church a better, safer place.

However, I believe it is misguided and wrong for gay men to be scapegoated in this scandal. As a gay man, I know the pain and the verbal and physical violence that can come from the thoroughly debunked myth connecting homosexuality and the abuse of children. In the media, representatives of and advocates for the Roman Catholic Church have laid blame for sexual abuse at the feet of gay priests. These people know, or should know, that every reputable scientific study shows that homosexuals are no more or less likely to be child abusers than heterosexuals. Psychologically healthy homosexual men are no more drawn to little boys than psychologically healthy heterosexual men are drawn to little girls.

Sexual activity with children or teenagers is child abuse, pure and simple. Meaningful consent is impossible, by definition, for the underaged. You will not rid your church of sexual abuse by throwing homosexuals out of your seminaries or out of the priesthood. Homosexual priests have faithfully and responsibly served God throughout Catholic history. To scapegoat them and deprive them of their pulpits is a tragedy for the people they serve and for the church. Yours is a problem of abuse, not sexual orientation.

I will pray for your church and for you, as I hope you will pray for my church and for me. In Luke 12:2-3, Jesus tells us: "Nothing is covered up that will not be uncovered, and nothing secret that will not become known. Therefore whatever you have said in the dark will be heard in the light, and what you have whispered behind closed doors will be proclaimed from the rooftops."

And may God have mercy on our souls.

Your brother in Christ, Gene Robinson

I Just Can't Do It!

Carlos and I are having our First Annual Cinco de Never party on Saturday and, well, there are tamales to make, and nopales to boil, and peppers to roast, and beans to re-fry, and steak to marinate, and skewers to skew, and tequila to drink, so, except for a a few pre-planned posts, I won't be around much until after the weekend.

Play nice.

Another Wingnut On The Oil Spill

Gun-totin', Christian, Republican, Texas Governor Rick Perry thinks the oil spill in the Gulf Of Mexico is an "act of God."

Uh-huh. Eleven people are dead, and 2 million gallons of oil a day are spilling into the ocean, and it was God's fault.

Rick Perry, speaking at a benefit:

“We don’t know what the event that has allowed for this massive oil to be released. And until we know that, I hope we don’t see a knee-jerk reaction across this country that says we’re going to shut down drilling in the Gulf of Mexico, because the cost to this country will be staggering."

He then suggested the disaster might be "just an act of God that occurred." But, Rick, here's why you're a fool.

God doesn't work for Halliburton, which was cementing the well when the explosion set off.

God does not work for British Petroleum, which saved a cool $500,000 by not installing "a remote-control shutoff switch" currently required in regulations imposed by other major oil-producing nations.

It was an accident, Rick. A culmination of bad decisions and shortcuts. Not God.

She won't like you layin' the blame at her feet.

Abortion Debate Or Porn? What To Do...What To Do?

It's hard work being a Senator. Long congressional sessions full of boring stuff like laws and bills and working for your constituency. So, what's a senator to do? Well, if you're Florida Republican Senator Mike Bennett, you pause for a moment to look at porn. Last week, the Sunshine Sate News captured video of Bennett looking at pornographic material on his state-issued computer while on the Senate floor. Mike Bennett defended his actions, telling Sunshine State News, that what he was viewing was an email sent to him by a woman "who happens to be a former court administrator." Oh. So, if a woman sends porn, stop and look at it while you're at work. And if she's a court administrator, all the better. But it gets worse. Mike Bennett was bored, that day, listening to the senate debate an abortion bill: "I was just sitting there, bored as they were debating the abortion bill. I opened it up and said holy [expletive]! What's on my screen? and clicked away from it right away." Well, that makes sense. Why not look at porn rather than join a debate on one of the most hotly contested issues in the country? Why not look at a bunch of topless woman than deal with issues that face your female constituents. Wing.Nut.Ass.Hat. But Bennett has others come to his defense. Senate spokesperson Jaryn Emhof: "There was some confusion about an email he received. He thought it was an email about an item being debated on the Senate floor. As soon as he realized it wasn't he closed the page." Hmmm, still, reading emails while you should be debating? Not so congressional, Mr. Bennett. And the one image caught on camera apparently wasn't the only thing Bennett viewed. It seems other files, including at least two videos, may have been downloaded. Bennett was caught on camera watching a video of a dog running out of the water and shaking itself off. Mr. Bennett, I don't think the people of Bradenton elected you to watch videos while you're working, especially not the topless women variety. Perhaps a little less porn and a little more legislation is in order.

It's The Drug Talking. Again.

Drug Limbaugh is at it again. The King Of Oxycontin believes that the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico was caused by "hardcore environmentalist wackos" blowing up an oil rig.

"I want to get back to the timing of the blowing up, the explosion out there in the Gulf of Mexico of this oil rig. Since they're sending SWAT teams down there now this changes the whole perspective of this. Now, lest we forget, ladies and gentlemen, the carbon tax bill, cap and trade that was scheduled to be announced on Earth Day. I remember that. And then it was postponed for a couple of days later after Earth Day, and then of course immigration has now moved in front of it."

Seriously, Rush, lower the dosage.Why would environmentalist want to harm the ecosystem of every state along the Gulf of Mexico, and probably up the east coast of the United States, to prove a point. Environmentalists, you asshat, are pro-environment. I mean, if there was, say, an explosion at a drug lab, I wouldn't accuse Limbaugh, just because he's pro-drugs...of the prescription variety at least.

But then Drug Limbaugh goes further, and says it's only natural that oil is spilling into the Gulf because "oil is supposed to be in the water."

"You do survive these things. I'm not advocating don't care about it hitting the shore or coast and whatever you can do to keep it out of there is fine and dandy, but the ocean will take care of this on its own if it was left alone and was left out there. It's natural. It's as natural as the ocean water is."

Yes, because the ocean set up a rig and drilled into the ground beneath the sea and then caused the rig to collapse and the pipeline to break and 5,000 barrels of oil a day spill into the water.

It's natural.

The Homophobe And The Rentboy

George Alan Rekers is an anti-gay bigot of the worst kind.

The kind who forms an overtly anti-gay organization, the Family Research Council, with the help of Homophobe-In-Chief, James Dobson.

The kind who is a board member of the National Association for Research & Therapy of Homosexuality [NARTH], an organization that systematically attempts to turn gay people straight.

The kind who hires male escorts.

Yeah, that kind.

Apparently, Rekers was caught returning from a ten-day vacation with a young man called "Lucien" who, according to the website [Rentboy.com] where Rekers found him, has a "smooth, sweet, tight ass" and "perfectly built 8 inch cock (uncut)" and is "up for anything" — as long you ask him .

As long as you pay for it.

Rekers says he had no idea that "Lucien" was a prostitute when he hired him to 'help me with my bags,' which must be old closeted gay man code for 'ride me like a rodeo clown' or 'plow me like a cornfield'. But, even if that was the case, Rekers kept "Lucien" on the payroll long after he learned of his true profession. In fact, in his emails, Rekers makes special note of calling "Lucien" his 'Travel Assistant.'

Could be harmless, were it not for the Rentboy affiliation. See, Lucien doesn't advertise his, um, services, anywhere on the web but the escort site. And you can't Google "Lucien" or use a search engine to find him; you also cannot accidentally stumble across Rentboy, unless you first agree to the disclaimer on the website before you start searching for travel ASSistants.

Rekers still denies any wrongdoing, and really, he's done nothing wrong. He hired a male escort. Happens all the time. But not to folks who preach the anti-gay dogma, and not to folks who say they can turn a gay boy straight. Still, after doing nothing really wrong, the Family Research Council erased any mention of Rekers from their website.

Sidenote: I was telling this story to a group of co-workers, who then used one of their phones to go to Rentboy.com and ogle the pictures of the nekkid mens, and read about their special talents.

I was minding my own business when one of them came up to me and asked, innocently, "What's fisting?"

Oh.Dear.

May Day! May Day! We Wasted a Fortune!

It's sad.

It's funny.

It's pathetic.

It's all that and more.

The Religious "Right" sponsored an event at the Lincoln Memorial on May 1 entitled “May Day 2010: A Cry To God For A Nation In Distress.” They spent upwards of $70,000, and lined up the usual suspects--Tony Perkins from the Family Research Council and Pete LaBarbera of Americans For Truth About Homosexuality to right-wingnut Alan Keyes--for a day-long celebration to “reach the heart of God” and repent America’s wicked ways.

Wicked ways? Hmmmm. Oh yeah. Electing a black man who is pro-gay and pro-choice, and, dear jeebus, a Democrat.

Those wicked ways.

The event was described on the May Day 2010 website like this:

Join with Christian leaders of all denominations who love God to humble ourselves, pray, seek the face of God, and turn from our wicked ways—individually and as a nation.
This event is not to impress the media or those in Washington, but to reach the heart of God. Publicly repenting and crying out to God for His mercy instead of the judgment our many sins deserve.

Repentance in personal and corporate prayer to God and remembrance of His work throughout our nation's history will be major parts of the day as we seek God to do a great work of revival or reformation in our time.

Uh-huh.

So, $70,000 for, what sounds to me like, a big-tent revival meeting. To each his own. But, to get back to the sad, funny, pathetic part. Just 300 people showed up for the Hate Masked As Worship festival.

Three-hundred.

Now, couldn't $70,000 been better spent helping people instead of working to put people down because of their orientation or political views or voting record? Wouldn't God have been more impressed if the seventy grand was used to feed, clothe and shelter people?

I think so.

The Religious "Right"?

Not so much.

Country Comes Out

Lotsa talk on the interwebz the last couple of weeks about yet another celebrity coming out of the closet.

Who could it be?

Anderson?

Jody?

Hugh Jackman?

Colin Farrell? Hey! A boy can dream!

Nope, it was country singer Chely Wright who has decided to come out as gay.

At first, knowing she'd be the first country star to admit to being gay, Wright opted to stay silent. But now, she knows it's time.

"There has never, ever been a country music artist who had acknowledged his or her homosexuality [and] I wasn't going to be the first. [But] nothing in my life has been more magical than the moment I decided to come out."

Good for you, Chely, you're gay.

Your complimentary toaster oven and copy of The Gay Agenda should be arriving soon.

A Tale Of Two Legislatures

Following two cases of students, Phoebe Price and Carl Walker-Hoover, who committed suicide after being bullied at school, the Massachusetts Legislature unanimously approved a new state law that would crack down on bullying. This new legislation requires all school employees to report any instance of bullying and requires school principals to investigate every report.

Senator Robert O'Leary, introducing his bill in the Senate: "Bullying is not new. Bullying has been with us from time immemorial. But what has changed is that it appears to be more pervasive, more destructive. We're going to send out a message that this kind of behavior is not acceptable and the community needs to deal with it."

Meanwhile, down in Georgia, the state Senate also voted unanimously, in the last hours of their legislative session, to approve an anti-bullying measure that would expand the definition of bullying while requiring schools to develop guidelines tailored to curb bullying in elementary through high schools.

The bullying bill was strongly backed by Georgia Equality, and though it does not specifically address bullying based on sexual orientation or gender identity, lobbyists believe it will help LGBT students, who often face bullying in school.
Republican Congressman Mike Jacobs said he was moved to sponsor the bill by the death of DeKalb County fifth grader Jaheem Herrera, who committed suicide after being relentlessly bullied.

Great news, from up north and down south. Let's hope it spreads to other states that do not have anti-bullying laws.

Why Is It.....

....that when I saw this........

I immediately thought of this.....?

Still, Johnny knows how to rock the Derby.

What's This, Hawaii? Another Attempt At Equality-Lite?

Hawaii has been at the door before, so I'm not holding my breath that they'll walk through it, but still....

The Hawaiian House of Representatives approved a measure last week to allow gay and lesbian couples the same rights and benefits afforded their heterosexual counterparts. Republican Governor Linda Lingle hasn't said whether she'll reject it or sign it into law but has said she'll review it carefully.

And then reject it. I kid. Maybe.

The House voted 31-20 in favor of the legislation, which had been stalled but was unexpectedly revived on the last day of this year's legislative session. The Senate passed it in January. If approved, Hawaii will become one of six states--along with California, Nevada, New Jersey, Oregon and Washington--to grant essentially all the rights of marriage to same-sex couples without authorizing marriage itself.

Everything But.

Hawaii has been a battleground for marriage equality since the early 90s. A 1993 Hawaii Supreme Court ruling nearly made Hawaii the first state to legalize same-sex marriage before voters in the state overwhelmingly approved the nation's first "defense of marriage" constitutional amendment in 1998. Marriage equality was banned in the islands, though civil unions were a possibility.

And just might be again.

Speak-o English-o Only-o

Y'all know I'm no fan of the NEW Arizona, where you can get stopped for looking Hispanic, acting Hispanic, sounding Hispanic, or wearing Hispanic clothes. Now, Arizona has taken the crazy a step further.

They don't want anyone with a strong accent teaching their kids. Now, mind you, I don't think it's any strong accent other than an Hispanic strong accent, but, for now, they're just saying accent.

The Arizona Department of Education recently began telling school districts that teachers whose spoken English it deems to be heavily accented or ungrammatical must be removed from classes for students still learning English. Read: Hispanic.

Karla Campillo-Soto, a native of Mexico, who teaches kindergarten to students limited English skills, took a course to try to reduce her accent in English, but two other kindergarten teachers at the same school were deemed not fluent enough for such students. Buh-Bye Spanish speakers.

State education officials say the move is intended to ensure that students with limited English have teachers who speak the language flawlessly. But some school principals and administrators say the department is imposing arbitrary fluency standards that could undermine students by thinning the ranks of experienced educators.

And, how do you determine flawlessly? People say Nev-a-da, others say Nev-ah-da. There's Or-e-gun, and Or-e-gone. Which version is flawless.

Don't get me started. I'm thinking of all these people in South Carolina. One night in a restaurant, I heard a woman at another table ask for more bray-ed. More bread could get her fired from her teaching job in Arizona.

This hit home when Carlos and I first moved to South Carolina. He worked for a woman we like to call She-Who-Will-Not-Be-Mentioned at an animal hospital. Now, Carlos has lived in the states for twenty-plus years, but the accent--and it's a sexy one, I don't mind saying--is still there. Well, his former "boss" once chastised him because she thought he was saying what sounded like the letter 'B' instead of the letter 'V'. He wasn't fired for it, but she didn't bother to take a moment to ask.

Just like Arizona.

He's Obviously Not A Breast Man

That's the Virginia state seal up there. It's nice. Cute, A little cartoon nipple.

And that peek at nipple has Virginia Attorney General Ken Cuccinelli all hot and bothered. See, he don't like boobage out where everyone can see it and, well, god knows what. So he gave his staff a PG version of the seal with the nipple hidden behind an armored breastplate.

Seriously.

The real deal seal features the Roman goddess Virtus in a pose that Cuccinelli thinks suggests she might be about to compromise her virtue. Her blue tunic is draped over one shoulder, leaving her left breast exposed in the original wardrobe malfunction.

So Cuccinelli covered it up, and now, Virginia is laughing at him, Smallville is laughing at him, and soon......

The World!

Cuccinelli, who is notoriously homophobic, as witnessed when he told state colleges and universities they don't have legal authority to prevent discrimination against gay employees, is obviously breast-phobic, too, though he tried to mask it with a feeble excuse:

"The seal on my pin is one of many seal variations that were used before a uniform version was created in 1930. I felt it was historic and would be something unique for my staff. My joke about Virtue being a little more virtuous in her more modest clothing was intended to get laughs from my employees -- which it did! Just because we've always done something a certain way doesn't mean we always have to continue doing it that way. Now seriously, can we get on with real news?"

You're the one who brought it up, Ken, and then covered it up.

Carlos, Carts, and CostCo

Carlos and I recently joined CostCo. We had been members of Sam's Club, but they're rude and stupid and like to use the word "because" when you ask about store policy. So we said FUSam'sClub and went to CostCo. we thought we'd be bulk shoppers and save some money and be organized.

I know. Makes me laugh, too.

But, to push us in that direction, we bought a vacuum packing system so that we can buy meat and fish in bulk at CostCo and put it in a baggie, suck the air out of the bag and the pressurize it so that a piece of salmon can last for 3 years in the freezer....because I'm thinking of grilling salmon in June 2013 and I like to be prepared.

So, yesterday we made the trek from Smallville to North Carolina--yes, the closest CostCo is in North Carolina--and the big city of Charlotte. It's a nice drive through small towns and farms, so it's a pleasant trip.

When we got to the CostCo, it was packed with the after-church crowd. Woman in their Sunday dresses and men in their uncomfortable ties, and children. As far as the eye could see; all I could think was Would any of those rug rats last three years in a vacuum-packed freezer bag?

Just a thought.

I grab a cart and we start looking. Ooh, printer/scanner/copier/fax! Aah, small freezer! Oooooh, exercise machines! Seriously, I laugh, thinking of people who might come in for twenty frozen pizzas and a flatscreen TV because you can do it there. Oh, and get a 15 gallon tub of mayo, too.

But, Carlos and I are on a mission. We're having Carlos' First Annual Cinco de Never party this weekend. Last year, he made mention of having a Cinco de Mayo party to some friends, but then May came and, yes, no party. So, it became Cinco de Never. But this year, we're doing it, on Ocho de Mayo, or next Saturday. A full on Mexican feast for thirty. Oy! So, we've been buying tamale flour and tequila, avocado and tequila, corn and tequila, triple sec and tequila.

You get the idea.

Which brought us to CostCo yesterday for the last bits and pieces that we needed.

I'm pushing the cart with Carlos and he's wandering away like a toddler on too much sugar, so I give him the task of cart management. Which is fine, because at first he's right with me, but then I find myself talking to no one, or worse, a complete stranger, and I can't find Carlos. See, at CostCo, on every corner of every aisle, they have people offering samples of everything from tuna to cheese, to sauces and chicken tenders, and Carlos.Stops.At.Every.One.

I backtrack and find him stuffing his face full of tuna on crackers. I have that face and he comes along. I tell him, Stay with me, I'm out here by myself talking to freaks about how and where to store a kettle drum of canola oil.

Carlos is back on cart duty, and we're walking andtalking. But then, I see a cart swerving down the aisle ahead of me, some overgrown child riding it like a toy, his feet on the bottom rail, pushing the cart like a madman. I just know he's gonna run down an old lady with carrying a fifty-pak of toilet paper, and I turn to Carlos to say, Look at that idiot.

Carlos is that idiot.

I'm thinking of getting one of those kid leash for the next trip to CostCo.

Sunday Funnies

I Ain't One To Gossip, But.....

Don't piss off Joni Mitchell.
During a recent interview, a reporter made the huge mistake of comparing his subject, Joni Mitchell, to Bob Dylan. He began talking about folk music, and said: "The folk scene you came out of had fun creating personas. You were born Roberta Joan Anderson, and someone named Bobby Zimmerman became Bob Dylan."
Mitchell was not amused, and responded: "Bob is not authentic at all. He's a plagiarist, and his name and voice are fake. Everything about Bob is a deception. We are like night and day, he and I."
Ouch. The, um, alleged plagiarist has yet to respond, though some say if he did, we might not be able to decipher it.

Show of hands please; who thinks Demi Moore's film career is officially tanked?
I mean, Demi used to be big. A big old strippin' GI Jane who sexually harassed one of her employess and rolled around on a wad of money for Woody Harrelson.
Now? Meh.
Demi made a new movie with David Duchovny that opened a couple of weeks ago and has, so far, managed to rake in less than a million bucks.
Which is roughly what Demi spends to keep her plastic surgeon on retainer and her boy-toy husband on his short leash.
Demi, who Tweets just about every inane thought she has, has been Tweetless on this subject.

Once again a non-actor/actress comes to the rescue of the Hollywood sign.
Thanks to Hugh Hefner--of all people--and some other donors, the land that surrounds the iconic signage has been bought out from under an impending developers backhoe. Hef donated about a million bucks, of the $12.5 million needed, to buy the 138 acres around the sign.
"My childhood dreams and fantasies came from the movies, and the images created in Hollywood had a major influence on my life and Playboy."
See? He's not just an aging horndog.

Poor Whit.
Houston, that is.
Yet another concert disaster on her Nothing But Love tour in London.
Once again the high noted were too high and the low notes sounded like a long stretch of rough road. She keeps trying I Will Always Love you and she keeps falling short. And, coming up with a new excuse for her lack of vocal power.
First it was asthma....then it was allergies....now it's air conditioning. Looks like Whit is working her way through the Alphabet Of Excuses starting with a trio of A's; wonder when she'll get to the C's and mention the Crack excuse.
Whitney, sadly, said in a concert as she tried, and once again failed, to sing: "She don't want to come, my soprano friend. Sometimes the old girl sings, but not tonight. I want to do it, but she doesn't want to… She's getting a little… temperamental, even. Turn the air-con off, I can feel it, it takes away my soprano."
Honey? It ain't the AC. It's years of drug use, and ALLEGED continuing drug use.
Once again, sadness over the voice that once sang so beautifully.

Oh Lindsay.
Skipping depositions. Having your wacknut mother talk to the press about your money troubles; having your wackier daddy show up at your door to stage an intervention.
What now?
Well, getting booted from a film before it even begins shooting is a nice trick
Lindsay Lohan has been dropped from her latest film, The Other Side because sources say that the producers of the film, which stars Woody Harrelson, Giovanni Ribisi, Dave Matthews and Alanis Morissette, feel she is no longer "bankable."
The director, David Michaels, tried to be nice by saying: "Our team simply chose to move on from Lindsay and we'll soon be announcing a replacement."
Lindsay's last film was the 2007 smash, er, bomb, I Know Who Killed Me.
Not a good week for La Lohan. Monday she was accused of owing over $600,000 in credit card debt, and then came the stories that she was a suspect in the theft of a $35,000 Rolex watch.
Huh. Maybe Demi Moore's career doesn't look so bad after all.

Those wacky Jacksons!
Grandmother Katherine has ALLEGEDLY had enough, and has asked her twice-ex-daughter-in-law Alejandra Genevieve Oaziaza and her four children to vacate the premises by next week. Oaziaza's relationship with the Jackson clan began when she had an affair with Randy Jackson while he was married to Eliza Shaffe; that dalliance produced a daughter, Genevieve. Then Randy divorced Shaffe, but continued dating Oaziaza, who then gave birth to their son, Randy Jr. Their relationship ended in 1994, and soon after Alejandra married Randy's older brother Jermaine, and had two sons, Jaafar and Jermajesty.
Following? Me neither.
Katherine's change of heart about running a hotel for her children and their offspring, and ex-wives and ex-girlfriends, was due to last month's stun gun incident, when Jaafar ALLEGEDLY threatened Michael's wallets, er, children.
Katherine isn't entirely heartless, Aejandra Oaziaza and her four children are moving to a condo in the San Fernando Valley that is owned by the estate.
The remaining grandkids, Money, More Money, and Lotsa Money, AKA Paris, Prince and Blanket will remain at the mansion.

When you wanna Talk about plastic surgery, you go to the source.
Joan Rivers.
Joan recently talked about Heid Montag and her, what was it, 231 procedures she had in one day, by saying: "I think she should have started sooner! I think she should have started when she was 13. She looks fine now, but she could have done it in stages."
But then, when Joan was asked who was in most desperate need of going under the knife, she said: "Kate Gosselin. They should sew up that uterus!"
Ya gotta love Joanie!

It's gonna be a Betty White Saturday Night on May 8th!

Though the most golden of girls will be joined by Tina Fey, Amy Poehler and Molly Shannon, Betty is boss, and was given the right to veto any sketch she didn't like.

She has repeatedly said she won't do nudity, no matter how much we may beg, but there is one topic she won't turn comic:

"I won't do dope jokes. I don't think dope is a joke. That is about the only no."
You go, Betty!

Coco talks Chin.

Conan O'Brien talked to 60 Minutes about the whole NBC fiasco, saying he would have left the Peacock rather than do what Leno did.

“He went and took that show back and I think in a similar situation, if roles had been reversed, I know– I know me, I wouldn't have done that....If I had surrendered The Tonight Show and handed it over to somebody publicly and wished them well– and then…six months later. But that's me, you know. Everyone's got their own, you know, way of doing things.”

Some people are bigger men than others, too.

Team Coco!!