I Didn't Say It ... But First: Remember the 49

Ten years ago today, the Pulse massacre changed Orlando forever.

Forty‑nine lives were stolen. Fifty‑three more were injured, many still carrying the physical and emotional weight of that night. Families, friends, and loved ones have spent a decade navigating an absence that shows up at dinner tables, birthdays, holidays, and in all the quiet everyday moments that should have been theirs.

And yet, in the middle of heartbreak, Orlando showed what real community looks like. People lined up to donate blood, raised money for survivors and families, and stood shoulder‑to‑shoulder with the LGBTQ+ and Latino communities. Grief met action. Pain met solidarity. Love showed up.

Today, we remember the 49. We honor the survivors. We hold their loved ones close.

The most meaningful way to honor them is through action: standing against hate, supporting LGBTQ+ people, protecting vulnerable communities, and building a world where everyone can live safely, openly, and joyfully.

This is why we have PRIDE

Joan Rivers, who would have been 93 this past Tuesday, on same-sex marriage:

“Gay marriage: I am so against it because if all my gay friends get married it will cost me a fortune in gifts.”

Oh Joanie, you gifted us every time you opened your mouth and made us laugh.

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Jason Virgo, an Australian politician, newly elected member of the South Australian House of Assembly as a member pf the right-wing populist political party One Nation, coming out:

“The reality is I have been openly gay throughout my entire adult life [but] I do not wave the flag in the air as I walk down the street. I prefer people to find out these things naturally. There are times when those of us who are gay feel we have to hide it for our own safety or just sometimes to avoid social awkwardness. But I would rather my community hear it directly from me than from a potential political opponent or whispers. If someone does seek to weaponize who I am, that says more about them than it does about me … As my partner knows too well, I do sweat the small stuff. [But] we have built a life together. I think about where we started out, about how much we’ve grown together, and how much we’ve achieved in the 11 years of being together. Thank you for standing by me through every high and low. Your faith and support when things felt overwhelming. And helping me keep going. You are the love of my life by my side.”

It would be nice to just be, but that isn’t the world today. You do need to come out, though it needn’t be the flag-waving in your face coming out all the time. It’s introducing your husband as your husband; it’s not hiding the pronoun of whomever you’re dating. It’s just being.

Years ago at one of my first jobs in high school, the manager was chatting with me as we filled out paperwork and asked if I had a girlfriend. I said, No; but then she asked if I had a boyfriend and I said, No; but then she asked if I wanted a girlfriend or boyfriend.

 I realized in that moment she wasn’t judging me or trying to out me, she just wanted me to feel comfortable with my answer.

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Jodi Picoult, LGBTQ+ ally, and author known for novels that explore complex social issues, on the difference between ‘tolerance’ and ‘acceptance’:

“[T]here is a subtle difference between tolerance and acceptance. It’s the distance between moving into the cul-de-sac and having your next-door neighbor trust you to keep an eye on her preschool daughter for a few minutes while she runs out to the post office. It’s the chasm between being invited to a colleague’s wedding with your same-sex partner and being able to slow-dance without the other guests whispering.”

Tolerate means to allow, endure, or put up with something. I don’t need you to put up with me, endure me, or allow me; acceptance will do just fine.

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Karl Urban, actor, on the need for equality:

“The day people are no longer persecuted for their sexuality. Ethnicity, religion or gender, I’ll be proud to be human.”

Wouldn’t that be the best day ever! People not having to hide who they are, fear for their lives because of who they are; what a day!

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Mario Cantone, openly gay actor and comedian, on his early days in the comedy scene:

“I got fucking pushed aside and kicked and fired, many times. I was doing standup for years and I passed [as straight] at the mainstream comedy clubs. They were all great about it. They didn’t care. They liked what I did. But every time there was an audition where the networks would come, for a development deal or whatever? Never [got it]. I was booked on Johnny Carson in 1986 … I remember [the talent booker] coming up to me at the Improv. He’s like, ‘I don’t know what you’re going to do. We’re going to put together six minutes. You’re amazing.’ And then like a week before he said, ‘I looked at the tape again and your act has a gay edge to it and I think it will make Johnny nervous’ and he pulled the date.”

Odd, because Johnny had Rip Taylor on a lot and he was clearly, flamboyantly, gay. I guess since that was his whole act, it played well, and perhaps Mario’s “gay edge” touched a nerve because being gay wasn’t the joke.

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