 |
… that one day, when my boss
said to me, “You didn’t listen to a single thing I just said,” I replied,
“That’s a weird way to start a conversation.” … that nothing inspires the
words “Fuck off” more than someone telling me to watch my language. … that this getting old thing
is taxing; I blacked out for twenty minutes this morning before I realized I’d
put my hoodie on backwards. … that another day has gone
by and I have still never used (a + b)2 = a2 +
2ab + b2 … that the best way to hang
up on someone is in the middle of your own sentence because that way they will
never suspect you hung up on them … that I am not much for
seizing the day when you can just poke it with a stick! … that when my mind goes
quiet I instantly suspect that I am up to something I don’t want me to know
about. … that whenever one door
closes I want to get a hammer and nails to make sure that bitch stays shut. … that based on how I react
when the toast pops out of the toaster, I will never look cool walking away
from an explosion. … that today I found a new
work recipe … 1 cup of cluster and 1 cup of fuck. |
Saturday, April 11, 2026
Why Is It ...
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Usually, when my mind goes blank I'm taking a nap.
ReplyDeleteWhat is a "nap"?
DeleteHahahahaha, the backwards hoodie!
ReplyDeleteIt can be terrifying!
DeleteHilarious, and I learned something today! I'll have to remember to hang up in mid sentence. :)
ReplyDeleteAnd then right away you call somewhere else, and the person you hung up will call you back, get a busy signal or a "Leave a Voicemail" and think you're calling them and they'll hang up and you can go to lunch.
Deletethe dog's mother
ReplyDeletexoxo :-)
I think I've actually USED that "hang up in the middle of your own sentence" technique...
ReplyDeleteIt does work.
DeleteHanging up halfway through your own sentence sounds magic.
ReplyDeleteAnd most of the time they never suspect ... unless they've done it, too!
DeleteAfter you have decided to poke the day with a long, sharp stick, it is best to put on your hoodie backwards so as not to be surprised by the toaster.
ReplyDeleteWill Jay
The hoodie backwards is the best way to spend many days!
Delete"that nothing inspires the words “Fuck off” more than someone telling me to watch my language."
ReplyDeleteI'm pretty sure Anne Marie felt the same way.
And that's why we loved her, well, it's why we STILL love her, too!
DeleteI've found that I randomly say "Fuck" during the day because I know something somewhere in my house warrants it, sweetpea! xoxo
ReplyDeleteIt is my favorite word.
DeleteI love them all but the backward hoodie ... OMG
ReplyDeleteHave you been there??
DeleteI can totally relate to the backwards hoodie.
ReplyDeleteI have my days ...
DeleteThat backwards hoodie blackout is too real—getting old is definitely a full-time job. I’m also right there with you on the toaster situation; I’ve officially retired my dream of being an action movie star because I can’t even handle a piece of sourdough popping up without jumping. That 'hanging up mid-sentence' trick is pure evil genius, though. I might have to 'accidentally' drop a few calls later today!
ReplyDeleteThe phone call trick is perfection ... unless the people you're doing it to have read this blog???
Delete"The best way to hang up on someone..." I have done that! Several times, but not to the same person.
ReplyDeleteI don't think it works on a person more than once.
DeleteHa ha, I liked them all but the one about the toast really hit home. My front doorbell used to make me jump out of my skin - so I disabled it about two years ago and life really is so much better now!
ReplyDeleteIt's those sudden noises, even if you do know what the noise is from.
Delete1 cup of cluster and 1 cup of fuck...yep. That describes this country to perfection!
ReplyDelete