Why Is It ...

… that I can either give too many fucks or no fucks at all, but I have no middle ground for a moderate fuck distribution

… that, to me, a large group of people is called a “No Thanks”

… that the human body has 7 trillion nerves and most people manage to get on every single one of mine.

… that HR tells me that ‘spite’ is not an appropriate response to “What motivates you”

… that some people give my middle finger an erection

… that people need to shoot for the moon, but if they miss here’s a gentle reminder: the moon’s diameter is 3,475 km and you could not have fucked this up more.

… that whenever I say “long story short,” I add in all the behind the scenes bonus features, too.

… that you shouldn’t wait until you’re on your deathbed to tell people how you feel; you could be too weak to lift your middle finger

… that sometimes I wish I was a bird so I could fly … over certain people and crap on their heads.

… that I like to think I am only mean to people who deserve it, kind of like a vigilante bitch … like a bitchalante, if you will