Why Is It ...

… that I get no credit whatsoever for helping people deal with a trying time. I mean, instead of saying “Fuck off,” I always ask, “How can I help you fuck off?”

… that people don’t understand that Facebook is just a tool for me to be a menace to society

… that people always come up to me with their feel good granola kumbaya motivational crap but when I say to them, “Reach for the stars because even if you miss you’ll be miles away from me,” they call me mean.

… that people don’t see that while I am a red flag the material is quality

... that whenever I go to a shop selling essential oils and ask for the one that calms people down, they me offer lilac or some shiz and not the Chloroform I asked for

… that anyone who has distanced themselves from me, I kindly say, ‘Stay there, and Thank you.’

… that I know I don’t have to be so sarcastic but the world has given me so much to work and I would hate to be wasteful.

… that one of my toxic traits is saying “Nice talk” after saying something and it gets ignored.

… that when a co-worker asked why I was so irritated since I’d just clocked in, I said, ‘It’s spillover from yesterday. MOVE!’

… that when I first meet people I’m very shy, then boom! I’m a whole podcast with no mute button or Off switch.