Why Is it ...

… that even though they call them Stress Balls I am not supposed to throw them at people who are stressing me out.

… that I’ll eat a bowl of water with a fork before I give a rat’s ass about your opinion of me.

… that you need to know I haven’t lost my mind; half of it wandered off and the other half went looking for it.

… that my favorite part of the job is lunch break, clocking out, and pay day.

… that I often find myself lying in bed at 3AM  and realizing I should have said something else in an argument I had in 2012.

… that some people underestimate my ability to delete your number and then act like we’ve never met.

… that I ask myself, Am I perfect? And I say No. And then I ask myself if I do my best and try to keep a good attitude, and the answer is also No.

… that people don’t understand that Facetiming me is for Premium Members only.

… that when I see anyone with six piercings or more at a store it takes everything I have not to attach a shower curtain to their face.

… that the older I get the more I understand why roosters scream to start their day.