Saturday, June 18, 2022

Really? Food Tape? REALLY??!!?

As most of you know, I am in a Fuck Off Phase this week and have come to loathe most people, and the heat, and the GOP, and most people. I especially loathe how lazy and stupid and stupid and lazy people can be and then I saw this and my head popped off my shoulders and rolled around the floor until I could catch it.

Apparently, one of the newest food complaints by stupid and lazy people is trying to keep their burritos intact while they shovel it into their burrito-hole.

I kid you not, because a team of engineering students at Johns Hopkins University have invented Tastee Tape, an edible tape that helps hold together burritos, wraps, gyros, or any other kind of food thing that might fall apart as you eat it because you don’t know how to hold food or don’t have opposable thumbs or are just stupid and lazy.

Tastee Tape! The edible tape that can be used to hold food together so you don’t look like a simpering slob with food halfway down your chin and onto your shirt while you eat.

These “inventors” are not ready to share the exact ingredients of Tastee Tape just yet but want you to know that it’s made from additives already used in many foods and is completely safe to consume … until we learn it’s not and the lawsuits ensue.

Note: if you ever see me, or even hear of me, using something called Tastee Tape to hold my food together rather than eating like a civilized human being, you have the right to bitchslap me to your hearts content.

Really.

PS  I the photo above, doesn’t the Tastee Tape look like a moldy piece of masking tape? Yeah, really inviting.

PPS It's cooling off here in Smallville, so my mood may change ... oh, who am I kidding, I will always be a pissy bitch.

32 comments:

  1. I adore a pissy bitch, dear! Get a tee shirt made and wear it proudly! As for tasty tape? Who eats a burrito with their hands? Long shoremen? Construction workers? Madonna? No. It best we pissy bitches draw the line, here and now! Our food is engineered enough... let's not add office supplies to the list of sins.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Office supplies!!! Thanks for the giggle!
      xoxo

      Delete
  2. Many people are troubling these days. Love your reaction to this. Spot on!

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    Replies
    1. I couldn't with this, not one bit.

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  3. I eat a lot of burritos and chimichangas and I don't seem to have a problem, of course, I'm a white liberal with an open mind, so that might be why.

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    Replies
    1. Or you don't eat a burrito the size of a small car!

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  4. Tastee tape? Who named this trash? A five-year old? The less additives in our food the better.

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    Replies
    1. Chemical Tape is more accurate.

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  5. After several tries, now I can comment...Tasty Tape not withstanding, burritos are not my favorite thing. One day I will do my rant on New Mexican "cuisine" which I find monotonous, uninspired and merely a vehicle to transmit large quantities of green chile.

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    Replies
    1. I enjoy a burrito but it need not be stuffed to beyond capacity!

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  6. Your first paragraph made me laugh out loud, you pissy bitch, you! But I agree about Tastee Tape -- sheesh!

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    Replies
    1. I have embraced my Inner, and Outer, Pissy Bitch.

      Delete
  7. Maybe the slobs could just try not stuffing burritos and gyros so full of crap that it's impossible to hold it together! There's an idea!!

    I feel you on the pissy bitch mood! I'm a pissy bitch when it gets this hot, too.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Your idea is common sense, something sorely lacking in many people.
      I'm just waiting for an under 90 day ... I think we get one tomorrow.

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  8. Burritos, like ribs, should always be eaten with part of it dripping down the arms or dropping in the plate. Don't overstuff the suckers and you won't have the problem or get a fork and eat the remaining innards off of the plate. Better yet, scoop the innards up with your fingers and suck until your hearts content, licking the plate after. Ooh, a sloppy breakfast burrito sounds good about now!

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    Replies
    1. Now you've made me hungry!!!!

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  9. What the hell!!!!! Their the entitled bitches. Have they not heard of a fork and knife?

    My goal today was to get up, have a coffee and not be a cunt. So far a success...till I read this. There I fucking said it.

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    Replies
    1. At least you made it through the coffee!

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  10. Of all the things we need inventions
    for... this one wasn't it!!!!
    xoxo :-)

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    Replies
    1. Seriously. Why not just have people feed us if we can't manage a burrito???
      xoxo

      Delete
  11. I began a statement to a friend today with “I have a natural tendency to be sarcastic...” and before I could finish with “but I try really hard not to be,” he jumped in with an appallingly sarcastic “Nooooooo. You???” I told him I was thinking of no longer associating with assholes... and then I finished my sentence. Food tape! And, yes, it looks exactly like food mold.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I, too, have the sarcasm gene ... in case you didn't know!

      Delete
  12. Mmmm! I would love a bowl of Tastee Tape - rather like tagliatelle I imagine. Just a few parmesan shavings and a sprinkling of pepper on top. Keep it simple I say.

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    Replies
    1. Tastee Tape Tagliatelle. I vote no.

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  13. Anonymous12:32 PM

    Have you seen this one? https://www.yahoo.com/news/headstone-hidden-profanity-annoys-f-220405045.html

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Doesn't a headstone fall under free speech???

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  14. Anonymous12:33 PM

    Not anonymous but Brigitta ..

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  15. SWEETMARYFUCKINGSUNSHINE!!! Have those assholes have no goddamn shame???? *jesus wept*

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    Replies
    1. I forgot! These are for you and Carlos, sweetpea: XOXOXOXO

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    2. Back 'atcha! xoxoxox

      Delete
  16. I say it's Seaweed Tape with some Gum on one side to make it sticky... and stupid and lazy seems to be the biggest Pandemic in America right now... it's spreading like wildfire and equally dangerous.

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