Such a party the PR folks throw. You know, invite twenty people, and have them show your their racks, then tell four to Get out! My kinda soiree.
Still, from the first glance, it looks to be a fun season, with a hot gay guy, or maybe two; a couple of bitchy divas--okay, maybe fifteen bitchy divas and Danielle; Mormons, both gay, and maybe gay. Barbie dolls, pageant winners, snowboarders and puking clowns. Old men and young lads.
Okay then, let's just cut to the chase and discuss the challenge. The designtestants had to take their sleepwear--that they had been sleeping in all night--and one bed sheet, and make an outfit out of it. Little Anthony Ryan Auld said he usually sleeps nude, but was glad he hadn't that night. I think it would have been more fun if Rockin' Just One had simply shown up in a sheet. Around his head.
After the runway show, the safe ones are:
Kimberly Goldson
She loves bows, and working out in sequined tops. I think Michael Kors has found his new bestie. Her mistake in the first challenge was not buying a new nightie to sleep in. Hers was a natty, nubby, scuzzy lookin' thing, and didn't work so well. The pants had an odd fit, and the top looked like a couple of dinner napkins leftover from last night and tied around the model's neck.
But she does get props, from me, at least, for busting out the "Your model is gonna be wearin' "nut juice" line about Bert's boxers.
Gurl can't design, but she can tell a joke.
Bryce Black
He's our gay Mormon, or to simplify things: he a Ho'Mormon. But you have to give the little queen props; five minutes after showing some of his work, and he had Heidi Klum as his model.
And he stayed true to his show rack, by creating an edgy, rock-n-roll number out of the sheets. Bryce just might be the dark gay horse this season.
Becky Ross
Or, as I will call her, because, well, I want to, Betsy Ross. She says she's a girly, artsy. edgy designer, with blue hair, but her first runway dress was.....not so much.
It was girly, to be fair, but there was no art and no edge. it was a cute little baby blue baby doll mess, and not at all what she said she could do.
Better start sewing, er, seeing, stars Betsy.
Olivier Green
From first glance, I don't think the carpets match the drapes...just sayin'...and the accent don't match the face. And he seems a little too quiet, and might just end up as fodder for the other designers.
Still, he could be interesting, except his color palette, both on his show rack, and in the first challenge. it was dullsville. Bland. Boring. If Heidi told Bert to turn up the volume, she needs to tell Olivier to turn the radio on.
Laura Kathleen
A few seconds into her show rack stab at making it on the show, Nina calls her out for being a little one-note. J'adore Nina Garcia!
Laura then tells us that, with her blond hair, and her love for glam, people always call her Barbie. And she hates it. So, naturally, I'll be respecting her wishes...oh screw that. Helloooooo Barbie!
She tie-dyed her sheet a little, and made some nice pants, and then turned her silk negligee into a silk blouse. it was all so nice, but nice don't get you to the tents, m'kay?
Viktor Luna
I am worried about Viktor. I mean, when even the designer admits his stuff looks like it's from the 80s, there's gonna be trouble. Not 80s-inspired, but 80s. Not Back To The Future, but Back To The Drawing Board?
And, of course, he was the first to mutter about how one other designer is his competition. Honey, please, They are all your competition, and if your basic white sheet dress, with a couple of black appliques is going to be your design aesthetic, then the other designers will see you as nothing more than one of first to leave.
Step.It.Up.
Fallene Wells
She wants to empower women by taking menswear and making it for women. Is that empowering, or copying? I'm not sure. And then, I guess to empower herself, she cuts out the piece of her nightie that features a clown puking rainbows into a toilet, to use in her design. Seriously. Her fashion POV is a rainbow-vomiting clown.
I see her going places. like home.
Danielle Everine
She made an entire collection out of sheer fabrics. Not lined with other fabrics....sheer. And this from such a mousy little girl.
Who made Mom shorts. High-waisted, cuffed, Mom shorts. I kept looking at it and thinking, Is Sears still open, because they'd totally go for this.
And that ain't good.
Joshua McKinley
He looks like a movie star. A porn movie star. Okay, a gay porn movie star. But he likes to disrobe, and he's very touchy-feely, so I'm interested, in that shallow way that I have.
And I loved that, when asked who is the woman that he designs for, he actually said: "She lives life in confidence, kind of neurotic, just white white gloves, like she's coming into, like, basically figure out what the hell happened on the scene here."
Then he smiles, and Michael Kors just nodded. I think Kors stopped listening and began gay dreaming right after "She lives....".
But, for all his heat, and dollhead hair--seriously, his hair looks painted on--his design was kinda bland. Where was the flash from his show rack; where was the heat from his last movie?
Cecilia Motwani
Heidi thinks she more seamstress than designer.
I say, pay her to work with Anya, because Anya can design, and it will give Anya more time to talk and I love her accent.
As her look--whatever it was because five minutes after the show it faded from memory--she called it chic and expensive. I, apparently, dubbed it forgettable.
Anya Ayoung Chee
I was a'scurred for her. She wanted to take her silk nightie, and make a top, then, after dying it, use the sheet to make pants.
But she's just learned to sew, and she doesn't know how to dye fabrics by herself, and she's never made pants, and she's never sewn silk.
She is so far out of her element, and then BAM! Top Three. She can't so anything, then she does everything right.
Nina called her outfit extraordinary, while Heidi tells us she was rooting for Anya, but worried about her lack of talents.
The pants were a wow, and they made the model's butt look fantastic, which is what Heidi, Nina, and guest judge Cristina Ricci, wanted. It's all about the butt, I think.
I had thought Anya, by her own admission of her lack of skills, would be Auf'd immediately, but she really pulled it off.
Plus, I loved a pageant girl with an island accent. I'm very taste specific that way.
She looks like she could go Diva-Cut-A-Bitch, and I like that, too.
Anthony Ryan Auld
Cute little Southern boy, who will be reminding us all season hat he had testicular cancer, and "Rocks Just One" now. Plus, he's colorblind, and quirky, and fun. Seriously, a one-balled color blind designer? I'm hooked.
And Anthony's Adorable Moment came when, as a good Southern boy is apt, he called Tim, Mr. Gunn. Again.....hooked.
He took his striped tank top, dyed it gray--which might be a color he can see--and then added lace over the stripes to kind of hide them.
He made shorts from the sheets and then feathered, yes, feathered, the crotch and ass, which caused Tim some consternation. You know, pubic patch and all.
I wasn't a fan of the colors, especially the shorts, but Michael Kors loves the color-blind guy's choice of color. Nine loves the addition of the lace because it isn't overdone. But no one, no one, mentions the feathery crotch and ass, although, to be fair, it didn't look too pubic patch by the time of the show.
Mr. Gunn was happy.
Bert Keeter
Bert's the geezer of the group. But I love his story: graduating from Parson's in 1877, working for three very high-profile designers, falling in love with a man who then dies from complications from AIDS, as his two best friends are also dying, and then he turns to alcohol, then recovers and starts all over again.
Designer, gay, death of friends and lover, addiction to alcohol, recovery, and restarting your life.
This has all the makings of a Lifetime movie. And I just love that, at 57, he's gonna try again.
Heidi told him during the Show Us Your Rack segment, to turn up the volume, which he did by tearing off his Orange Gingham boxers and turning them into the bodice of his dress. He sued his t-shirt as the other part of the bodice, and the sheet as the skirt. It didn't look bedclothes and sheets; it looked becoming and chic.
His look was called sexy, modern, fun, flirty, adorable, though his styling--Farah Fawcett hair and Jackie O sunglasses--was awful. Even he admitted that.
But then his look was called the winner.
Yay Bert!
I love her designs. The color. The sort-of Southwest-y vibe. And she has attitude. But she has pink lollipops and cotton candy jammies to use, and says she's gonna go sporty and sophisticated.
Lollipops don't say sophistication, honey, unless you're six. But she goes completely out of her own style, and then had no other place to land but the Bottom Three.
Heidi had high hopes for Julie, after her Santa Fe show rack, but then she veered into that completely different direction. Cristina Ricci said the Lollipop shirt was "charming" but she wouldn't be caught dead in it. Nina, and I, wondered about the pant, and how they looked pinned or stapled at the waist; so ill-fitting they made me ill. Michael Kors, always thrilled with the vagina, apparently, made mention of the odd front pocket, which he dubbed the "I like myself" pocket. I think Kors own a lot of similar pants with similar pockets.
Joshua Christensen
The Just-Might-Be-Though-I-Don't-Think-He-Knows-It-Yet, Ho'Mormon. He said he'd had a girlfriend, and been engaged, but that all ended. Um, with the opening of a closet door? He's also come out of the banker closet recently, and entered the design world. And, at least from the first show where they were getting all snuggly and roommate-y, he appears to be having a ho-mo-bro-mance with the other Joshua.
He takes his t-shirt and makes a tank-top, takes the sheet and makes shorts, takes some sweatpants and makes a hooded shrug. A.Hooded.Shrug.
But then he makes the La Grande Error de Terror, of not allowing the outfit any room for expansion in case it doesn't fit his model, which it doesn't. So he scrambles, adding inserts and pieces to make it work, and it doesn't.
Heidi doesn't know which is worse, his outfit or Rafael's, but it was my darling Nina, apparently channeling Joan Crawford, who said, "You are in a competition for design and you show me a pair of white shorts and a tank top!?! OFF.WITH.YOUR.HEAD!"
Okay, that last part was me, but I think Nina would agree.
I hate to say it....okay, I don't hate it....but all of his clothes look like leftovers from an old Eddie Murphy Beverly Hills Cop movie. And they were ugly back then.
During his meeting with Tim, when Rafael said his design was all in his head, Tim told him that he'd come thisclose to not making it, so he needed to step it up, or step to the curb.
He should'a listened.
His runway outfit looked to be the first from the House of Cameltoe, with some butt-ugly sweatpants--too tight sweatpants--that were dangerously close to going camel.
His shirt was interesting, but too tight and too small, and he used his lone colorful fabric--his nightcap--to make a leopard print bib--or, as Kors says, a Flintstones disco pouch. Nina nailed him on the myriad of fit problems and the fact that it looked dated; which means it looks like a girl, or transvestite, that Eddie Murphy once dated, had worn it. Cristina Ricci called the pants off-putting, as in Take 'em off and throw 'em away.
Heidi Auf'd him.
So, there you have it, PR9Ep1 down. It looks to be a good season, though it looks like, from the previews, that Bert may turn into the biggest bitch of them all; and there seems to be a sewing room full of 'em, so that won't be an easy title to win.
My hopes are that the Joshes become a couple, and Josh M is shirtless more often then not. I want mousy Danielle to sew someone to the back of a cab headed for Jersey. I'd like Anya to get Olivier to bust out of the drabs, while they both speak endlessly because I love their accents.
i want Anthony to stay sweet and stop with the One Nut info. We get it. I want Julie to design what she showed, and Fallene to lay off cartoon regurgitation.
I want....I want....I wanted my PR9 and I got it.
Here's to a great season!
