Wishes

 

This is one of those melancholy holiday days. It's gorgeous outside, the winds and rain have gone and there is a pale blue sky overhead. But it's a sad blue, I think; wishful. It makes me wish the holiday was over. I get so tired of the gimme gimme gimme of Christmas. The more is more is better. Especially now, when every day you read about thousands of people losing their jobs, when you hear friends and family talk about tough times. And yet, people still want more. The stores are filled with people who are buying buying buying and yet may not have the money to pay off the more more more. I've seen them, glassy-eyed, running through a store with carts full of things, and I wonder if they are thinking about next year. Will they be the ones who lose their jobs, their houses? Are they thinking about that? Or are they putting on a show? 

It's all about the appearances. We spent so much for Christmas. We got the kids all the latest toys. We bought.....we found....we spent. I'm spent. No one really thinks about the holiday, about Christmas and what it means. For some it means celebrating the birth of Christ; but do we need to celebrate it with a new iPod? Is a flatscreen TV really what we need? For others, like me, Christmas means a peaceful time of year, thoughtful, reflective. 

I think of this more as my Thanksgiving than the actual Thanksgiving, because it falls so close to the end of the year and I can look at the past and be thankful. I look back on the past year and see what has happened to me, to Carlos, and to our families. Where we are now as compared to where we were then. Some of us are better off than before; some of us are having tough times; others are pushing through tough times and finding the light ahead. 

I look on Christmas as a day to spend with those you love, and celebrate what you have together, what you've shared and what struggles you've faced down, not just with gifts or big dinners, or parties, lights, ornaments, but with words, and gestures, thoughts, wishes. I want to sit and watch the cats play; watch Ozzo run after Tallulah and try to bite her on the hind legs. 

I want to share a quiet meal with Carlos and watch the sun go down; watch the leaves fall from the trees. I want to feel at home, at peace. The days after Christmas, however, are some of my least favorite, because no matter how old I get, or where I live or work or play, you always get the same question: What did you get? 

What did I get? 

I inevitably say I got a beautiful day with Carlos, or a beautiful day with my family. I got a sense of peace; I got the chance to sit and relax, to breathe a little. I know, but what did you get? I repeat myself, and I get a look from people. No gifts? No one gave you a present? No, I say, I got presents for Christmas, but that isn't all that the day means to me. 

The gift, be it a book, a DVD a sweater, something for the house, a piece of art, is a thank you, an expression of love, of family, of commitment. But sometimes the better gift is a phone call, the chance to sit and talk with friends and family, to hold the hand of the person you love. Those are gifts we can all give, and they don't cost a thing. Those are the gifts I cherish most. The memories. 

You can read the book, watch the movie, wear the sweater, hang the art, but having a connection with friends and family, having someone to love, is all the gift I need. So, what do I get for Christmas. Peace. Love. Family. 

 It's my annual Christmas wish for all those I know, and those I don't.