Thursday, July 12, 2018


This week we had a bout of car trouble; nothing serious, just annoying. And the diagnosis was that the starter had “locked up”. It was a $45 fix, but our mechanic said it may be a sign that we need a new starter if it happens again and that would be about $300.

At home, Carlos says he doesn’t want to spend the three-hundred on the car and then said:
“Maybe we should just buy a new car?”
Yes, the idea of spending $300 to fix a car is abhorrent, but the idea of spends tens of thousands on a new car is fine?

I reached for my cartoon frying pan …
Well, well, well … it appears that right after Justice Anthony Kennedy told _____ he was retiring from the bench, _____ had just one candidate in mind: Brett Kavanaugh, Kennedy’s former law clerk.

Rumor has it that Kennedy had been in negotiations with the _____ team for months over his replacement and once Kennedy received assurances that it would be Kavanaugh, he announced his retirement.

Again, nothing shady going on …
After announcing she would do a TV interview this week to explain everything to her fans, Roseanne Barr has decided against it and says … wait for it, it’s totally insane and completely Roseanne… that she will interview herself:
“After a lot of thought, I decided that I won’t be doing any TV interviews, too stressful & untrustworthy 4 me & my fans. I’m going to film it myself & post it on my youtube [sic] channel in the next week-the entire explanation of what happened & why! I love you all-sign up & get ready.”
I see it going like this:
“Are you a racist, Roseanne?”
“No, Roseanne, I’m not.”
But she is crazy.
A California Deputy District Attorney Michael Selyem is under fire for a sickening, vulgar, racist Facebook comment suggesting someone should shoot _____ critic, Maxine Waters:
“Being a loud-mouthed c#nt in the ghetto you would think someone would have shot this bitch by now.”
And yet the GOP thinks the liberals aren’t being civil?
Those now _____ tariffs on Chinese goods won’t touch First Daughter Grifter, Ivanka _____’s, foreign-made products for her fashion line. And while her Fat Bastard Daddy rails at Harley-Davidson for moving some production to Europe to dodge European Union tariffs, please keep in mind that Ivanka’s companies have never manufactured a single one of her products on American soil.

But, go ahead, tell us how you’re making America Great Again.

Oh, and explain this ... nearly all the $706,000 in donations made by the _____ Foundation in Palm Beach County since 2008 went to charities that went on to host lavish fundraisers … at Mar-a-Lago.

Sounds like the Grifter Klan at their finest.
Remember #PoolPaul, the guy who became unnerved because a black woman was using the community pool and demanded she prove she had a right to be there? His name is Adam Bloom and he used to work for Sonoco until the company fired him for being a racist asshat:
“We are aware of a terrible incident involving the actions of one our employees outside of the workplace. The well-documented incident, which involves activities at a neighborhood pool over the 4th of July, does not reflect the core values of our Company, and the employee involved is no longer employed by the Company in any respect. ... On behalf of our more than 20,000 teammates around the world, we extend our sincerest apologies to all who have been hurt by this incident, especially Ms. Edwards and her family.”
Last week we talked about Tess Thompson Talley of Kentucky who bragged about shooting a rare black giraffe in Africa and this week we have another story about people killing wild animals, only this one has a happier ending.

At least three suspected poachers who were hunting for rhinos were mauled to death and eaten by lions on a game reserve in South Africa after they strayed into a pride of lions who were like, Uh, not today Satan.

Nine rhinos were killed by poachers in Eastern Cape province, and more than 7,000 have been killed in South Africa in the past decade.

Score a win for the lions.
After coming out as gay last week, Minnesota United’s Collin Martin got a standing ovation from the hometown crowd in his first on-field appearance since coming out.
Martin gave an interview in the locker after the game:
“It was crazy it was overwhelming in a good way. I feel loved and appreciated and supported. It was a special day for me. I didn’t know that [the fan reaction] was gonna be that big.”
Good on those fans for realizing his sexual orientation has nothing to do with his ability to play the game.

PS He's hot.
At today’s NATO summit in Brussels, the gathered leaders turned their head in unison to watch a military flyover but someone, guess who, got distracted by something shiny and his attention drifted elsewhere.

What was he looking at ….
The Fat Bastard is in London this week, and in honor of his ineptitude, a giant balloon dubbed "_____ baby" has been given the green light to fly near Parliament during his visit.

Strict rules are in place for the flight from Parliament Square Gardens, with the balloon being tethered to the ground and restricted from floating higher than 98 feet. It will fly between 9.30am and 11.30am tomorrow coinciding _____’s visit and a “Stop _____” march in central London.

Now there are two orange gasbags in the UK.
And along those same lines, a carnival held in Düsseldorf, German, played host to an array of eye-catching floats—like that one up there, depicting _____ being mounted by a bear wearing a Russian ushanka hat emblazoned with a red star. On the side of the bear was written Russland-Affäre, which translates to "Russia affair".

I kinda always thought _____ was a bottom.

Éric Bruneau is a French-Canadian actor I saw recently in a film called An Eye for Beauty, about a man who has an affair. Plus, he was an architect, so there was some architecture porn, too, though I’d be hard pressed to say what I liked more …the buildings or his magnificent derriere.

I kid … it was his ass. 


the dogs' mother said...

Loves Carlos and glad your frying pan is imaginary.
That tweet... :-)

Deedles said...

I hope Tales of Carlos becomes a regular feature. He's my hero!
If Eric Bruneau's, ass matches his face, it must be magnificent!
I too loved the tweet. My friend used to say the same thing whenever she saw a Slow Children sign.

mistress maddie said...

Yay!!!!!!!!!!! Chak one up for the animal kingdon!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Poor you have to love him.

I'm not sure where they still sell Ivankas shit, but it's just that cheap. Very poorly made I may add.

anne marie in philly said...

who DOESN'T love sweet carlos!

Anonymous said...

I wonder if Carlos and Pretty were separated at birth! :)

The picture of DT at the NATO summit was worth a thousand words - thanks so much for all of your wonderful info, Bob!!

You're the best!!

Debra She Who Seeks said...

The Tweet of the Week scores again!

Dave R said...

The Idiot Jerk was looking at the eclipse... still

When talking about Eric Bruneau and architecture porn, are you speaking of things he erected personally?

Professor Chaos said...

Pool Pual ain't the only one. Some pool monitor called the actual police on a black family because the father was wearing socks in the pool. What is it with these gated community mother fuckers nad their swimming pools?

Standing ovation for the lions.

I think tRump is checking the skies for an eclipse he can stare into.

Helen Lashbrook said...

Our local paper the Oxford Mail had a headline to celebrate the Scumbag in chief's visit down the road - "T***p ego trip to Blenheim" (birthplace and shrine to Winston C). Sadly I was not up to protesting in person

Let's hear it for the Lions!

Mitchell is Moving said...

I love that final sign interpretation! As for Carlos and the car, I had to read again. I thought maybe it was a 3 THOUSAND dollar repair. He's so sweet. (Jerry would like to buy a new car when the current one needs a wash!)