It's Snarkurday!

All this talk of treating _____ and his co-criminals like they treat everyone else, by kicking them out of restaurants or refusing to serve them, has me annoyed, but Seth Rogen had the right idea.

Rogen was at a recent event hosted by former GOP presidential candidate loser Mitt Romney to promote brain health and had stopped to take a photo with a couple of fans, one of whom told Rogen:

“My father wants to meet you.”

Rogen says he saw House Speaker Paul Ryan approaching:

“My whole body puckered, I tensed up, and I didn’t know what to do. And I turned around and Paul Ryan was walking towards me.”

The two men shook hands before Ryan asked for a photo.

“I look over and his kids are standing right there expectantly, clearly fans of mine, and I said, ‘No way, man!’ And I couldn’t stop. I said, ‘Furthermore, I hate what you’re doing to the country at this moment and I’m counting the days until you no longer have one iota of the power that you currently have.’”

That’s how you do it.

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Wow, Hell has clearly frozen over because Kim Kardastrophe says she’s done with selfies.

Seriously, the woman who has posted boob shots and butt shots and nude shots and lip shots and waist shots and hair shots and kid shot all over social media says she’s done.

“I don’t take selfies anymore. I don’t really like them…as much. I just, like, kinda moved on, like, it’s not all about, like, sitting there taking selfies. I used to spend so much of my time taking selfies … I just would like to live in real-time a little bit more. Um, I don’t mind pictures, but I’m just not on my phone as much as I used to be.”

Rrrrrrrright. I’ll believe it when she actually does it. Hell, I wont even believe it then because Media Whore.

Oops, I spoke too soon … minutes, seriously, minutes, after saying she’s “moved on” from selfies, the Big Assed media Whore shared a risqué selfie in a bra and skimpy panties on Instagram.

And then she celebrated #NationalSelfieDay with another photo.

The woman clearly has no idea what words are or what they mean.

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Heather Locklear, Again.

Heather had another messy weekend. After being hospitalized last week for physically assaulting both her parents and then threatening to shoot herself, Locklear came home.

But no sooner than she had arrived, a call was made to police by someone in the home to report a disturbance and when the police arrived they found Drunk Heather. Well, they figured it didn’t matter much because she was drunk and shiz at home, so they left.

Then they got a second call a little while later, and came back to find Locklear, ahem, “extremely agitated.” That was putting it mildly because Locklear ALLEGEDLY punched one of the deputies who was trying to separate her from her family.

The paramedics were called, and the messiness continued. Heather was strapped to the gurney, but ALLEGEDLY got a foot loose and kicked an EMT. She was taken to a hospital, where she was eventually checked out and was subsequently booked into jail held on $20,000 bail.

This has been quite the year for Locklear …

In February, she was arrested for beating her boyfriend.

In March she ALLEGEDLY threatened to shoot a police officer who tried to arrest her.

In March she was charged with four counts of battery.

She must have taken April and May off but …

In June she was hospitalized after threatening to shoot herself. In June she was arrested again.

Someone needs to call Alexis Morell Carrington Colby Dexter Rowan and tell her to get her former daughter-in-law into rehab.

Or get a call out to TJ Hooker and tell him his former partner needs a room at Melrose Place Rehab.

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Okay, so we’ve all heard stories of folks trying to bring whatever animal they want onto a plane as their support animals, but this is a real story about a legitimate working dog brought on a plane by a blind women and rapper Ty Dolla $ign … don’t ask, I have no idea …who tried to get them thrown off a flight because he said he was allergic to the dog.

Seriously. Ty Dolla $ign—real name: Tyron William Griffin Jr—sat down in his eat on an Air Canada flight from Montreal to Ottawa when he spotted a seeing-eye dog near him. He got the person he was traveling with to ask the woman to … wait for it … get off the flight … because he was allergic to it.

Again. Seriously. The woman refused but offered Tyron an allergy pill, which he refused, because he said he had to perform that night and that’s when the flight crew stepped in on the side of the Seeing Eye Dog. They offered Tyron an entire back row to himself, but he wanted to stay in the seat he paid for and refused their offer.

Yes, he survived in the seat he paid for with the seeing eye dog nearby so clearly this was a case of a tiny man with a tiny dick making much ado about nothing.

Next time Tyron, why don’t you get a car and driver and then you can dictate who sits near you.

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Mel B is kind of a has-been, who’s hanging onto America’s Got Talent just to remain however relevant that show makes you. But since she’s just gone through a pricey divorce, she needs a way to make more coins.

Question is, how to do that? Oh, push the idea of a Spice Girls reunion, even though the other Spices are like, “Um, no.”

And yet this week, when she co-hosted the fourth hour of Today, she blabbed about how she and the other four–Posh, too—will be going on tour soon. But then host Hoda Kotb brought up the fact that Posh Victoria Beckham has already said there was no reunion tour EVER!

Mel B waved away that talk and said:

“She’s always bloody saying that — stop it! We are touring.” 

I think there will be a Spice Girls Reunion Tour with Mel B playing the role of All-Spice and the rest of the girls sitting in their homes, living their lives and just shaking their heads at how thirsty Mel B is these days.

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Terry Crews spoke about his own #MeToo experience back in October when he ALLEGED WME agent Adam Venit grabbed his crotch at a party in 2016. While a lot of folks gave Terry props for speaking up, others were not happy he was talking and now, erry says, he’s paying for speaking up.

Crews is currently suing Adam Venit and WME for assault, battery, sexual battery, sexual harassment, gender violence, intentional infliction of emotional distress, breach of fiduciary duty, negligence and negligent retention and supervision, and this week he testified in front of the Senate Judiciary Committee on behalf of the proposed Sexual Assault Survivors’ Bill of Rights.

Crews also said he has faced retaliation for speaking out from Avi Lerner, producer of The Expendables franchise who ALLEGEDLY called Terry’s agent and warned of “trouble” unless he withdrew his civil suit against Adam Venit.

Sidenote: Avi Lerner himself has also recently been accused of sexual misconduct.

Well, Terry Crews refused to drop the suit, and now his role in The Expendables 4 has been cut even though he was in the first three films. Crews says:

“This same producer is under his own…investigation. Abusers protect abusers – and this is one thing I had to decide, whether I was going to draw the line on. Am I going to be a part of this or am I gonna take a stand, and there are projects I had to turn down.”

Originally, Crews never wanted to talk about or report what ALLEGEDLY happened to him because he thought he’d be “laughed out of” the police station or be blacklisted from Hollywood or that his career might suffer, but he chose to speak up upon being inspired and empowered by everyone else coming forward with their stories.

It’s also worth noting that Sylvester Stallone, star of The Expendables, is also currently being investigated for sexual assault and let’s not even discuss that other actor in the film, Mel Gibson.

Might be best for Crews to distance himself from predators and the films they make.

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Okay, way back in October 2016, Azealia Banks attended a party with rapper RZA at Russell Crowe’s hotel suite in Beverly Hills. 

An ALLEGEDLY drunk Azealia was thrown out after getting violent with other guests, but she’s always said that Crowe ejected her from the party by choking her, spitting on her, and calling her the n-word.

Crowe was never charged, but Azealia Banks doesn’t care about that; now she wants to sue only she doesn’t have the coins and so …wait for it … she’s started a GoFundMe campaign called “Sue Crowe for spitting on AB”:

“Russell Crowe spit on me at a party in 2016 and denied it, had a group of people gaslight me causing irreparable damage to my acting career and my reputation as well as loads of emotional damage. Whatever money comes of this will be donated to ocean clean up charities.

This isn’t about a big pay day for me, it’s about letting the world know that black women are victims to the same sort of disgusting violence men in Hollywood deal out to women and it’s important to send a message that black women also deserve justice and will get justice in these situations. Crowe called me a nigger, choked me, and spat on me…if I were a white singer he wouldn’t have even thought about laying a finger on me. So many things like this happen in the entertainment industry and it’s time that ALL these perpetrators get reprimanded so they STOP this violent behavior!!”

Azealia has a goal of $100,000, and she’s already got $2,043.

I think maybe she start a campaign money to see a shrink because this girl has issues with just about everyone in the world and yet it’s never her fault.

Look inward, Azealia. It’s you.

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Scarlett Johansson wants y’all to know that she never ever auditioned for the role of Tom Cruise’s real-life girlfriend so stop saying that.

See, after Tommy Grrrl’s beard contract with Penelope Cruz expired, the loons at $cientology HQ set out to find him a girlfriend who’d embrace the ramblings of L. Ron Hubbard—unlike non-zombies Nicole Kidman and Cruz—and Scarlett’s name came up.

Rumor has it that $cientology held an “audition” in 2004 that included ScarJo and now an ex-employee of Co$ spilled the tea to Megyn Kelly that he saw ScarJo’s name on a report about the “Girlfriend Auditions” and ScarJo is full-on angry at the idea.

Brendan Tighe, formerly part of Tommy’s security detail, says a report of the “audition” was accidentally sent to his printer and he remembers ScarJo’s name because it’s the only one he recognized. He also says $cientologist Erika Christensen had to stop being friends with ScarJo because her audition was a flop:

“Another actress, Erika Christensen, had to disconnect from Scarlett Johansson because it didn’t go well. That was in that report.”

Now Scarlett is speaking up:

“The very idea of any person auditioning to be in a relationship is so demeaning. I refuse for anyone to spread the idea that I lack the integrity to choose my own relationships. Only a man aka Brendan Tighe would come up with a crazy story like that.”

Funny that, because Scarlett Johansson didn’t feel it at all demeaning to play the role of an Asian woman on film or to dine with Woody Allen and call him a man of “integrity” so I’m not sure how much I believe Miss J.

Just sayin’.

Still, Tommy eventually settled on Katie Holmes and we all know how that turned out, so ScarJo should feel relieved her audition tanked.

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Camille Grammer has always been one of my favorite Housewives and this week Camille spilled the tea on how ex-husband Kelsey Grammer treats her. She claims that ever since he opened up a bank vault and let her carry out as much cash as she could, he acts like she no longer exists. Though they have two children together he refuses to speak to Camille personally and has all conversations channeled through lawyers.

Seriously. This week, Kelsey did an interview and couldn’t stop talking about how his current wife, Kayte Walsh, is a perfect angel and helps him so much with taking care of his three children who are all under the age of six and, well, Camille had some words to share via Twitter:

“I don’t begrudge him his happiness. What’s unnerving is that fact I was there to help him get through some of his hardships and supported his career and his sobriety. I was right by his side and he acts like I never existed that’s disappointing. We were together through his success I was there during the writers’ strike and the cancellation of Back to You. We moved the company to our home in Malibu. I sat at his bedside for 8 days straight while he was in the cardiac intensive care unit in NYC. I read him poetry and helped washed his hair. Now I don’t exist. We have two beautiful children from our union and I was blessed to have shared those years of my life with him. We have both moved on. Just wished it ended in a more civil manner.”

Well, you know, Kelsey has been married a slew of times, so Camille had to have known it wouldn’t work for long. Still, she gave up Kelsey Grammer and ended up with silver fox David Meyer.

That’s what I call marrying up.

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