I Didn't Say It ...

Stephen Colbert, on Attorney General Jeff Sessions using the Bible to justify separating immigrant kids from their parents:

“Now if that sounds evil, then good news, your ears are working. The United States? That’s you and me who are putting up with our government saying, ‘If you come to the United States, the worst thing imaginable will happen to you. We will take your children away from you, with no guarantee you’ll see them again.’ That is using cruelty as a deterrent. That’s not my interpretation. That is our stated intention. And the way they’re doing it is horrific. Public defenders in the area are telling parents they’re taking their children away for baths to never return with them. Clearly, no decent human being could defend that, so Jeff Sessions did. Don’t bring God into this. First of all, I don’t think God picked you, because I don’t worship Vladimir Putin. And, the only thing in the Bible close to this is a king threatening to cut a baby in two, and he was joking. I will give Sessions this: That is what Romans 13:1 says: You’ve got to have laws. But if he had just read a little bit further, into Romans 13:10, it says: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself. Love does no harm to a neighbor. Therefore, love is the fulfillment of the law.’ But I’m not surprised Sessions didn’t read the whole thing. After all, Jesus said, ‘Suffer the children to come unto me,’ but I’m pretty sure all Sessions saw was the words ‘children’ and ‘suffer’ and said, ‘I’m on it!' … So, for Father’s Day, call your elected representatives and demand they do something. Because I sincerely believe that it doesn’t matter who you voted for. If we let this happen in our name, we are a feckless… country.”

We are America and we, yes, we, are taking children from their parents and basically putting them into camps.

Camps; not Summer camps, but internment camps.

That’s America under _____ and Sessions.

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Laura Bush, former First Lady of the United States, on the incarceration of brown children at the border:

“I was among the millions of Americans who watched images of children who have been torn from their parents. In the six weeks between April 19 and May 31, the Department of Homeland Security has sent nearly 2,000 children to mass detention centers or foster care. More than 100 of these children are younger than 4 years old. The reason for these separations is a zero-tolerance policy for their parents, who are accused of illegally crossing our borders.

I live in a border state. I appreciate the need to enforce and protect our international boundaries, but this zero-tolerance policy is cruel. It is immoral. And it breaks my heart.

Our government should not be in the business of warehousing children in converted box stores or making plans to place them in tent cities in the desert outside of El Paso. These images are eerily reminiscent of the Japanese American internment camps of World War II, now considered to have been one of the most shameful episodes in U.S. history.

Americans pride ourselves on being a moral nation, on being the nation that sends humanitarian relief to places devastated by natural disasters or famine or war. We pride ourselves on believing that people should be seen for the content of their character, not the color of their skin. We pride ourselves on acceptance. If we are truly that country, then it is our obligation to reunite these detained children with their parents — and to stop separating parents and children in the first place.

People on all sides agree that our immigration system isn’t working, but the injustice of zero tolerance is not the answer. I moved away from Washington almost a decade ago, but I know there are good people at all levels of government who can do better to fix this.

In 2018, can we not as a nation find a kinder, more compassionate and more moral answer to this current crisis? I, for one, believe we can.”

Word.

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Kirstjen Nielsen, Homeland Security Secretary, telling the National Sheriffs’ Association not to believe the press regarding the _____ administration’s immigrant child separation policy:

“Don’t believe the press. They are very well taken care of … We operate according to some of the highest standards in the country. We provide food, medical, education, and all needs that the child requests … .We will not apologize for the job we do or for the job law enforcement does for doing the job that the American people expect us to do. Illegal actions have and must have consequences. No more free passes, no more get-out-of-jail-free cards.”

Sad she was born to late to round up Jews. I think she might have loved that, too.

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Shepard Smith, Fox News, on that meeting between _____ and Kim Jong Un:

“[Kim] wanted the legitimacy that came with the event, the handshake with America’s president, and he wanted those military exercises with the Americans and the South Koreans that happen every year to stop. Kim Jong Un got it all for actually doing nothing.”

____ is nothing; he does nothing; he accomplishes nothing.

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Seth Meyers, on _____, Sessions and Miller’s policy of separating immigrant children from their parents:

“_____ has sympathy for [Paul Manafort] accused of conspiracy against the United States and sent to jail for alleged witness tampering but what about children fleeing violence and seeking asylum with their parents? This will shock you—_____ has much less sympathy for them. [And] if this policy strikes you as monstrous, and inhumane, and cruel, then you’re a decent person. In other words, you are not attorney general Jeff Sessions. Last week, Sessions defended the policy by citing the Bible. He cites the Bible like a guy challenging someone else’s word in Scrabble. [And] you know you’re evil when you actually want credit for a policy this cruel. Miller’s like a serial killer who leaves clues for the police … To be absolutely clear, this Is not a law. It’s a choice by the _____ administration, and they could end it right now. And yet _____ is trying to gaslight the country into thinking it’s actually the Democrats’ fault that this policy exists. He just repeats the same lie, over and over … _____‘s lies are starting to sound like the Tinder profile of a scammer trying to catfish you. This policy is monstrous and morally repugnant and it is being done in our name. Any elected official who doesn’t call for an immediate end to it is complicit, and anyone associated with it should resign in disgrace.”

Anyone who hasn’t yet stepped up to publicly denounce _____ and this inhumane act, needs to go; if not instantly through resignation, then in November by the will of the people.

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Ronna Romney McDaniel, RNC Chair, threatening people who don’t support Hair Furor:

“Complacency is our enemy. Anyone that does not embrace the _____ agenda of making America great again will be making a mistake.”

Threats. To democracy; to Free Speech; to Resistance.

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John Oliver, blasting Jeff Sessions and Sarah Huckleberry Sanders for their excuses for separating families:

“I cannot stress this enough. There is no law that suddenly required separating parents from their children. This was the result of a deliberate policy choice by Jeff Sessions, a man so small he can wear – and this is true – a raspberry as a hat. That’s a fact. A. [It is] so not a f**king law. And B. Lots of things are said in the Bible but that doesn’t mean you should do them. At one point the Bible demands that the head of government get 100 foreskins but I don’t think Sanders is looking for Congress to get together and start slicing dicks. And the _____ administration might want to go a little easy on holding the Bible up as a moral code. Because let’s remember, the Bible is not a big fan of adultery, gluttony, coveting your neighbor’s wife, pride or wrath.”

Not mention coveting your daughter and generally being the biggest douchebag on the planet.

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_____, praising dictator Kim Jong Un:

“He speaks, and his people sit up at attention. I want my people to do the same.”

Fuck.You.

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