Monday, March 05, 2018

Oscar Fashions: The Good, The Bad, The Meh, The Worst ...And Armie Hammer


Once again, we have some fashion to like, to love, to nitpick, to knock, and to demand never be seen again, so let's rip ....
BEST
Nicole Kidman
Nominated and Nicki brought it last night. Sleek, bold color, fabulous fit, the perfect slit and a bow! Kidman rules.

BETTER 
Helen Mirren and Viola Davis
Helen looks fabulous, as always, proving a woman of a certain age can be current and sexy and glamorous.

Viola never fails. The pink, the fit, the hair and that smile!

GOOD
Clockwise
Alison Janney, Gal Gadot, Gina Rodriguez, 
Greta Gerwig, Lesley Manville and Saoirse Ronan
Alison Janney is a vision in red, with extra long sleeves and a great neckline. Slinky, sexy.

Gal brought the vintage glittery flapper realness to the red carpet. She’s a wonder woman.

Gina was the princess last night in a pale pink ball gown. My only quibble? The neckline, and no cleavage. Even The Gays like a little cleavage.

Greta brought the color in a sea of whites and nudes and pinks and peaches. Plus, she rocked orange!

Lesley Manville, from Phantom Thread, also proved that women of a certain age can be sexy and chic and fashionable without going too far. Eleganza!

Saoirse is pretty in pink; a simple dress, a simple hairdo. Simply elegant.

MEH
Emma Stone, Jennifer Lawrence and Zendaya
Emma Stone. I love that she tried something different for the Oscars, but all I could think was gender fluid Hugh Hefner smoking jacket.

Jennifer just tries to hard; and that gold metallic dress doesn’t pair well with the hair. Plus, does her head look abnormally large?

Zendaya. Clearly there was a Buy One Get One Free bolt of fabric sale at Mood, because this is a lot of textile that has swallowed Zendaya.

OSCARS SO WHITE
Clockwise
Jane Fonda, Laura Dern, 
Mary J. Blige and Margot Robbie
Jane has a rockin’ hard body and a Botox hard face. When she presented with Helen Mirren, I kept thinking, “Look at Helen, Jane, that’s how you age well.”

Laura Dern. Meh. White; one shoulder covered, one shoulder bare. Meh. It’s an off-the-rack bridal dress.

Mary J. Blige. I have this thing about dresses where one strap is up on the shoulder and the other is down on the arm; I know it was designed that way, but it looks like it’s falling off.

Margot Robbie. Again, it’s a pretty dress, but then they added the loop-de-loops as though that would ratchet the whole look up a notch; it doesn’t.

NOT GOOD
Emily Blunt, Sandra Bullock and Taraji P. Henson
Emily Blunt. It’s a good color, but a rather severe, and old looking, dress and neckline. Then there’s that harness detail that reminds me of those harnesses parents put on their kids, so they can tie them to a leash when they go out.

Sandra Bullock. It’s not a bad dress, though it does seem to make her look a little thick in the middle, it’s the face, and that Pennywise Smile. Sandra’s face was so tight, and the skin on her neck so loose, it was jarring.

Taraji looked like Morticia in a nightgown last night. It was a lot of fabric and a too high slit.

BAD
Andra Day, Lupita Nyong'o and Salma Hayek
Andra Day looks like she took fashion advice from that Carol Burnett ‘Went With The Wind’ sketch …’she saw it the window and she just had to have it.’

Lupita Nyong’o usually makes quite the stamen with her fashion choices, but all this said to me is that she won Miss Leather Bar somewhere in Encino over the weekend and she decided to wear the sash.

Salma Hayek. Carlos would say she looks like a piñata in the dress and he’d be right. Look, Salma married a billionaire who owns Gucci, and this is Gucci, and this is what they made for the boss’ wife? Shame!

UNFORTUNATE
Whoopi Goldberg
Goodness knows Whoopi loves a ballgown, but one in motel drapery fabric is not good; one with a belt that sits low on her makes her look shorter and wider. Whoopi’s bustin’ out all over.

WORST
Camila Alves
Mrs. Matthew McConaughey. Okay, where to begin … it looks like the start of a dress made by mice for a wannabe princess going to the ball, but then the mice saw a wedge of cheese and forgot about design. This looks like a bunch of white tablecloths, not so clean white tablecloths, wrapped around her waist. And she knows it … look at her face.

MEN
Armie Hammer 
... because, of course
Armie ‘My Husband In My Head’ Hammer is freakin’ burgundy velvet. Oh, I wish my TV had Touch’o’vision™ cuz I would’a worn that thing out.

MORE MEN
Clockwise
Adam Rippon, Chadwick Boseman, 
Daniel Kaluuya, and Common
Rippon, America’s Olympic Sweetheart. Take a page from his book, Emily Blunt, this is how you wear a harness.

Chadwick Boseman. Always hot, but I love the long coat and the detail over the shoulders. It’s a tuxedo for 2018. And don’t get me started on the zippered shoes … I want those! And if Chadwick came with them, I’d be good with that, too.

Daniel Kaluuya. An unfortunate pose, but I love that he brought color to the red carpet in the touchable velvet pumpkin jacket.

Common. Nothing common about this gorgeous man in a traditional tuxedo. Rocking it.

AND MORE MEN
Clockwise
Gael Garcia Bernal, Jordan Peele, T
om Holland and Lakeith Stanfield 
Gael. I love a Latino man in a tuxedo. I make Carlos wear one while he does housework. One quibble? Those looooong white sleeves.

Jordan Peele, a funny man who won his first Oscar ever for his first film ever, Get Out, and brought the elegance in a classic white dinner jacket.

Tom Holland. He was Billy Elliott and he was Peter Parker, AKA Spiderman. If you saw his Spiderman, you’d know what lies beneath that tuxedo. That’s all …

Lakeith Stanfield. I hadn’t heard of him before but then I saw him. Hot in cool blue, Lakeith was also in Get Out, two words I would never say to him.

There you have it … what did YOU think?


8 comments:

Raybeard said...

Cheeses, Whoopi! - and how many seats did that occupy? Or did people think they WERE seats? (A settee perhaps?)

mistress maddie said...

I tried to watch and made it in for 20 minutes. It was like watching paint dry. And with exception of Jane Fonda, Gina Rodigez and Nicole Kidman, it was the worst fashion I'd seen in year on the red carpet.

But was happy to hear about Shape of Water, Guillermo Del Toro and Allison Kenney winning.

AND I'll take Ernie Hammer to go please.

the dogs' mother said...

Carlos, bless his heart, had the best line! xoxoxo

Mark H said...

Where the heck is that awful tent thing Maya Rudolf wore! It was SO bad!

Kirk said...

Since I don't get out to see movies much anymore, the only reason I watch the Oscars is to see what the women are wearing (sorry, but men's fashions kind of bore me--a tuxedo is only so glamorous--though a few of those men IN those tuxedos are eye-catching) I liked much of what I saw, including, I must say, Sandra Bullock.

Debra She Who Seeks said...

I have to disagree with you about Nicole Kidman's dress. It looked okay so long as she stood still, but as soon as she started walking, it looked like hell. She looked like a stick in it and it seemed like the dress was wearing her instead of vice versa.

Helen Lashbrook said...

I thought Adam Rippon looked ridiculous and I'm with DSWS on Kidman's dress; it made her look like she was a relative of fishman - fins on either side

Helen Lashbrook said...

PS if you want a hot guy you've missed the boat; the hottest man on the planet died in November https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dmitri_Hvorostovsky