Who Do I Hafta F**k To Get This Job? Oh ... The American People

I have been thinking about looking for a new job — a difficult feat in our tiny town — that might be more conducive to my Lazy Man Aesthetic. I don’t mind working, but like most folks, I like my time off a bit more. But where to look … what to do … good pay … light work load … Congress!

I’ll run for Congress; even though the idea of a gay ex-Californian agnostic being elected to Congress from South Carolina is a stretch, I’m liking the $174,000 paycheck, the pension for life, the free health care, the travel perks and the vacation time.

See, from yesterday, July 29th, through November 12th, our overpaid, barely working US House of representative will work about 14 days; they will take the entire month of August off, work just eleven days in September, and just two days in October, and then not again until after November 12th after the elections! How can I get that schedule?

But then, while working that schedule, I’d also have to complain about the President not doing his job; I’d come up with that catchphrase, “Fundraiser in Chief” and talk about how many rounds of golf he’s played while the world crumbles around him. But, I’d be doing so while on vacation myself, working just 14 days out of the next 106 days.

And we owe this brilliant master schedule to soon-to-be-kicked-to-the-curb lapdog of John Boehner, Eric Cantor, who set this schedule after bragging about working even less days last year! Cantor even wrote on his little blog thingy that these few working days have “created certainty, increased efficiency and productivity in the committee process.”

Really? Cuz I still see nothing getting done. There will be no new jobs bill, no infrastructure bill, no minimum wage increase, no action on climate change, no immigration reform—even while they use that as a political wedge issue, and no equal pay for women. What they will do, every chance they get, is talk about impeaching the President and suing him because he’s trying to get things done without their help because they’re on vacation!

Seriously, people, is this what want … deserve … need … from our politicians? Is this what we expect? While a great many of us work full-time, some working two and three jobs, just to make ends meet, our elected officials who work for us are taking nearly four months off.

And it’s only getting worse. Last year the House worked 135 days — that’s 27 out of the 52 weeks each year; but they worked thirty five days off between July and November. Now they’re down to 14 days; what’s next? Not working at all? They’re on the fast-track toward that schedule because this year they have worked just 133 days; twenty-two weeks out of the year.

And for that they earn an average of $174,000 a year. Let’s do a little math, shall we? Take that $174,000 and divide it by the 133 days they’ve worked and you get $1,539.82 a day. How many of us wouldn’t sell our mothers for the chance to make $1,500 a day while getting four months a year vacation time?

And then they rail about President Obama taking 61 vacation days during his second term — two years and seven months — while the GOP House takes off 165 days in just four months.

Who do I have to f**k to get that job?

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