PR 13 Ep 1: Let The Games Begin ...

The new season starts with eighteen [?] designtestants arriving in La Grande Apple for one final audition where Nina Garcia, The Adorable Zac Posen™ and Heidi Klum will cut it down to fifteen, plus the Comeback Kid. The eighteen show a mini-collection and then it’s goodbye to Tim — a little too in-vest-ed, Nzinga — a little to safe, and cutie Emmanuel — a little to scattered; I personally found him adorable and shed one small tear as he walked away.

But enough of that … it’s game on!

Now, the 15 designers meet Number 16, and the winner of Runway Redemption. I was hoping for Alexander Pope, because he was kinda fun, but fearing that lunatic Ken Laurance would be back, and was wrong on both counts when Season 11’s Amanda Valentine walked through the door. Thank god there was some footage of her in her season because I’d forgotten who she was, which is never good for the PR.

As for this first challenge, since the finale will be a spring collection at Fashion Week, they must create a spring look from a box of fabric left on their work space; the challenge is to give the judges a glimpse of what their collections might look like if they show, and they have one day to do it.

As for the prizes this year, the total prize package is worth over $300,000; $100,000 from Red Robin [?] and the opportunity to design an accessory for Red Robin servers … an apron … a hat … sensible shoes? There is also a fashion spread in Marie Claire, Aldo shoes and accessories, a Samsung home entertainment — no HP this season; Mary Kay beauty products — L’Oreal is Auf’d I guess; a Brother sewing studio, and Best Western travel and hotel stays in “fashion capitals and other inspiring destinations" and, of course, the Lexus.

But enough of that, let’s rip …

THE SAFES — left to right, each row

ALEXANDER – Not a favorite. It looks like she was wearing a flowered hat and someone pulled it down over her head.

CARRIE – It looks like a reptile and not many women want to walk the streets looking lizard.

EMILY – It’s a stupid blue gown with a print bustier. How this was safe, I do not know.

FADE – I think he’s weird but I loved this look; very cool, very spring. How he was not in the top I do not know.

HERNAN – The right side of the dress looks interesting and new, the left side, not so much.

KINI – This looks like a dress my Grandmother Holiday would have worn to a cocktail party at the Officer’s club … in the 1960s.

KORINA – It’s too much; drapey and flowy and that cape, mixed in with side boob; I know she’s a fan of the side-eye, but the side boob, too?

KRISTINE – It’s a little bland, and the styling was awful; that model could have rocked a sleek Naomi Campbell styling and hurled a phone to make it stop the show!

SAMANTHA – She admitted her look was safe … and black … for spring? The spring of my discontent.

SEAN – I liked this — and not just because of his adorable Aussie accent. Very graphic and bold, though that back slit was dangerous close to the, um, exit.

THE TOPS

SANDYA

Not a lot of the other designers had any faith in her — Korina and her Little Lap Dog, The Mitchell were especially rude — but she did what she does.

WHAT SHE SAID

It looks very different from what everyone else has done. I have my own voice.

WHAT I SAID

I.Liked.Not.Loved.It. The fabric looks old, the design looks futuristic; it’s hard and crisp and shredded and she has a very clear POV.

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID

Guest Judge Julie Bowen, from Modern Family, loved the silhouette but fell that, for real life, it looked like an amorous moment when the girl gets her dress ripped off. Heidi thought it edgy and cool and new, while The Adorable Zac Posen™ called it personal and special, though suffering from some construction issues. Nina called it an inventive fantasy and very creative, and a showpiece, saying Sandhya was not afraid.

WHAT HAPPENED 

A shock to all those naysayers — and almost all the other designtestants said Sandhya would go home — she’s the winner.

AMANDA 

As I said, she wasn’t very memorable from her season, and, for me, that streak continues; she’s beige, she’s neither here nor there, though she seems to think she’s there.

WHAT SHE SAID 

This is probably one of the only times that I’ve just felt great.

WHAT I SAID 

Meh. I like the top, especially from the back, but the pants, with that weird design, just didn’t do it for me.

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID 

Nina called it interesting — not the highest compliment — and commercial; she did, however, love the pant and found them very well-crafted.  The Adorable Zac Posen™ loved the top and the draping but said it was not a ‘Wow’ piece. For Heidi it didn’t stand out very well and it was too normal, while Julie didn’t like the wacky design on the pant.

WHAT HAPPENED Comeback, come second.

CHAR 

Her name is actually Charkita, er, Chark [Shark] and I’d keep that just to instill a little fear in the other designers because her first design came dangerously close to winning.

WHAT SHE SAID 

It’s flowing, the color is popping off the lights, the skirt has movement.

WHAT I SAID 

It wasn’t my favorite; I found it too simplistic. But, it’s pretty and well-made ….

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID 

Nina called it charming, and said Char took an ordinary fabric and made it extraordinary. Julie loved the pockets — Char is all about The Pocket — but is not a fan of the crop top. The Adorable Zac Posen™ liked it, and called it elegant and edgy.

WHAT HAPPENED 

Simple comes in Third.

THE BOTTOMS

ANGELA 

Man, is she a nervous Nellie, or what? I was getting tense just watching her freak out, and getting scared as she tried to turn up the volume — per the judge’s pre-show critiques — with slits and slots.

WHAT SHE SAID 

I don’t think it’s a necessarily strong look for me. All I see is always flaws.

WHAT I SAID 

The top I liked; the slits in the pants, not at all. And the dangerously close Salute To Ass Crack as the model walked up the runway made me cringe.

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID 

Nina said the slits were more sluts. God love Nina. And she hinted at the Plumbers Butt Issues, calling it too sexy and full of bad taste. The Adorable Zac Posen™ worried that it was a lot of skin, calling the pants easy access. Julie called them Fun Pants, while Heidi — while agreeing that Angela had stepped us as she was asked — worried that the neckline, the slits, and the side tail were just too much.

WHAT HAPPENED 

She turned up the volume loud enough to stay.

MITCHELL 

Mitchell is from South Florida; I know because he said it every single mother**king chance he got. He also seems to want to make the phrase “Oh snap” into a catch phrase, but, Mitchell? Pookie? The 90s are over … even in South Florida.

WHAT HE SAID 

I think Bella looks soooooo young and fresh and a little hip and interesting.

WHAT I SAID 

It’s a onesie … an ugly onesie.

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID 

The Adorable Zac Posen™ begged him to stop describing his look as ‘fun.’ I was hoping he’d beg Mitchell to stop designing, saying this look wouldn’t get him into design school. He did say, though, that the pants fit nice. Nina had very little to say about the look because the look says nothing. Ow. Heidi called it spring and then trotted out the dreaded “junior” comment, though she said it looked worse close up. Julie Bowen called the top a Do-It-Yourself project — which it kinda was, no? — and said it wasn’t polished enough.

WHAT HAPPENED 

I was sure he’d go home, but … Mitchell is safe. Oh snap.

JEFFERSON 

He is utterly adorable. But that’s all I’ll get because, well, you know ….

WHAT HE SAID 

The proportions are just how I wanted them, and adding the print with the solid blue gives it a really nice fresh spring look.

WHAT I SAID 

It looks like she hiked a pair of walking shorts up under her boobs. Pretty, but odd.

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID 

Heidi said it was terrible and the proportions were just awful, while Nina gave us the W ….. T …. F comment, slow and painfully steady. She called the top a bib and the bottom a diaper and the whole look unflattering. The Adorable Zac Posen™ said it simply wasn’t everyone’s cup of tea, while Julie said she liked Jefferson’s personal style, and wished he’d given that look to his model.

WHAT HAPPENED 

He’s out; he should’a stayed just for the Adorability Quotient …yes, I’m that shallow.

MY TAKE

Julie Bowen was a pistol, though I got kind of a drunk vibe from her. But she’s a fan and she knows her stuff.

Red Robin as the prize sponsor on a fashion design show? What’s next? A chance to show at Fashion Week for the winner of Top Chef?

L’Oreal is out; Mary Kay is in. Garnier is out and … oops, I’ve forgotten who … is in.

I don’t get the asking of 18 designers to come to New York just to be cut in the first five minutes. I think it felt like a time filler.

I loved how all of the other designers were sure Sandhya would go home. The looks on their faces — especially Korina Side Eye — was priceless.

I loved when The Adorable Zac Posen™ called Kristine's rack "secure" during the last audition. Was he talking about her boobs, her clothes, or the actual rack upon which the clothes sat?

I loved when Tim said that Angela’s slit/slut pants should come with a gift certificate for a Brazilian. Line of the night.

What did YOU THINK?