A Bully Apologizes

Lucas Bane and David Devora--Happily engaged!

We’ve all been bullied at one time or another in our lives; for being LGBT, or even assumed to be LGBT; for being tall or fat or thin or short, or freckled or red-haired or Black or Latino or a geek, nerd, or whatever. Been there.

And earlier today I posted about Ryan Eichenauer and how his coming out on Facebook resulted in death threats. I imagined that the writer of the Hate Note might be a closeted gay person who still feels ashamed at being gay so they lash out at those LGBTQ youth that have come to terms with their orientation. I kinda hoped that Anonymous letter writer might one day find that same kind of acceptance or tolerance.

Then I heard this story and it gave me a glimmer of hope ….

Lucas Bane and David Devora are a gay couple, and their videotaped marriage proposal, street party went viral….

Lucas and David from LUCAS and DAVID on Vimeo.

… and spawned all kinds of reactions.

Lucas received a message from a former classmate who bullied him in school and it was not at all what he expected:

B____

I’m sure you have no idea who I am. I went to high school with you. If you do remember me it’s probably not positive as I was a bit of an asshole back then. I saw your video today on Facebook and I wanted to say Congratulations! No need to respond I just wanted you to know that I think what you have is awesome and wish you the best.

Lucas:

B___ I do remember who you are. You’re right, my memories are not very positive. I have to tell you all my life I’ve dreamed of doing something  spectacular so that people who weren’t all that nice to me would someday realize that deep down I’m a pretty cool guy. I’m not gonna lie, just the fact that you wrote me at all had me in tears but your words are really touching. All is forgiven, and it’s clear that whoever you were back then, you’ve grown and you’re a pretty kickass guy now. I hope you have a life full of blessings. Would you mind if I shared this message on facebook? I would post anonymously, without using your name or picture. Thanks B____. I’m so touched that you reached out, and if our paths ever cross, let’s have some beers.

B____

First, I feel terrible that u do remember me because I know it is unfortunately not a pleasant memory, but I do thank you for your forgiveness the 30yr old B____ is a lot different than the 18yr old. You can use my message, name, picture or anything else u want on Facebook. I hope someday our paths do cross, and the first ones on me.

Lucas:

Wow, you’re f**king awesome. It’s so important for people to see that people can change You’ve made me feel so validated and hopeful about where the world is headed. You’ve really given me a lift. Thank you!

And so the world can change, even in one mind at a time, which is why I say that coming out is for the best. Lucas did it, and his life is better for it, and he learned that even though someone felt one way a decade or so ago, people can, and do change.

It’s good, right?

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