I Ain't One To Gossip But ....

It’s been a quiet early summer, what with Lindsay Lohan being on vacation in rehab locked up, and yet the girl still manages to stay in the headlines.

She is ALLEGEDLY doing very well during her time at Betty Ford—I’ll be withholding judgment until she gets out and plans her next heist/arrest/car accident—and some folks are saying she's already trying to score--see what I did there?--her next film role. And, get this, she thinks Fifty Shades Of Grey is just the movie for her, because, you know, it was a huge-assed literary[?] success and the film is said to be big-budget and that just screams Lindsay Lo....

WTF? A source—and you know it's Dina after she set down the boxed wine … more on that in a second—says, “Lindsay needs a big high profile role. She needs to be part of a movie everyone wants to see and thinks ‘Fifty’ is a role she would be perfect for. She has read the book several times and knows this is a character that she can play. She wants to be part of something iconic, something that will live forever like Harry Potter or The Hunger Games. Now, she thinks she has found it.”

Fifty Shades? Like Harry Potter or The Hunger Games? Maybe Lohan needs to stay in rehab longer because she's clearly still delusional.

During my show biz career, I learned a few very valuable lessons:

• If you want to attend the Met Ball, don’t annoy Anna Wintour, and don’t date a Kardashian.
• Tom Cruise is crazy; likewise, Will Smith.
• Gwyneth Paltrow has an enormous head.
• Don’t piss off Naomi Campbell is she has a cell phone in her hands.

There are other rules, of course, but these three are hard and fast rules, and we’ll be talking about #4 today.

Her name may not be a household one yet, but be on the lookout for Luo Zilin because one of these days you’re apt to see a photo of her with an iPhone stuck to her head. Zilin, a former Miss China, is also a model and was a contestant on the 'America’s Next Top Model' rip-off, 'The Face', where she was mentored by, wait for it, Naomi ‘Hurl-a-phone’ Campbell. 

And, apparently Naomi and Luo got along just fine until recently when, mere seconds after Naomi dumped her zillionaire Russian boyfriend, Vladimir Doronin, Luo Zilin took up with him.

Yes; Luo is dating Naomi’s sloppy seconds. And they are going everywhere together and having their picture taken everywhere while they cuddle and coo and kiss, and while Naomi heads down to Radio Shack to shore up her arsenal.

Remember the name: Luo Zilin. She’ll be the one wearing the phone in her skull. Or ….

Maybe Naomi, rather than using a communication device, will use her reputation to get even. See, just after those coochie-coo pictures of Luo and Vlad appeared, Luo Zilin was fired from her management firm, whose president released this statement: “Zilin’s contract with MIX Model Management NYC was terminated last week due to ongoing unprofessional conduct and unacceptable work ethic.” 

i.e. Pissing off Naomi Campbell.

Now, more Lohan.

She just celebrated her month-iversay in rehab and, while some say all is going well, Lindsay does have a request: she'd like to be released in time to celebrate her 57th 27th birthday.

According to an insider--and it might be Brooke Mueller, Charlie Sheen's meth-addicted-ex-wife in her room down the hall at Betty Ford--says Lindsay wants the clinic to send a letter to the court indicating that she doesn't need to full court-ordered ninety days in treatment, and that she's all better and wants to get out and party for birthday on July 2,

thirty days shy of her COURT ORDERED rehab stint.

Sadly, or maybe not, her doctors won't be writing a letter to get her out sooner, in fact, most of them think she needs a longer stay. Maybe she'll get out for her 58th 28th birthday.

All kinds of stories these days about Kanye West and his cold feet at the idea of being forever tethered to the Kardashian family because he knocked up married-to-someone-else-at-the-time Kim. Kanye, while Kash Kow has been waddling around the US, has been living and working, and ALLEGEDLY playing house with designer Riccardo Tisci in Europe.

But then came Kash Kow’s Baby Shower for the Demon Spawn—to be filmed for her ‘reality’ show—and she begged and pleaded with Kanye to come so she could prove their still a couple and happy and shiz.

Except Kanye, always the Princess, showed up at the last minute as most of the guests were leaving, and hid his face form those mere mortals. According to the guests, actually the camera crew, Kanye looked miserable the whole time, and tried to dodge the E! cameras.

Good luck with that one, Kanye, because when, not if, you dump Kim and marry someone else—perhaps in France where same-sex marriage is now legal—you will always, always, ALWAYS, have both a Kardashian and a camera crew on your tail.

So, while we keep reading about Lindsay’s antics, let’s take a closer look at where she gets them: Dina Lohan. It seems that with one Lohan in rehab and unable to make a mess of herself in public, Dina has done what every good mother does, and stepped in to keep the crazy alive.

Recently, Dina and her ex-husband, Michael, received $50,000 each to go on some TV talk show called “The Test” and argue and yell and blame one another for Lindsay Lohan. But then Dina, always the bigger famewhore, decided she didn’t need the whole 50K and decided to give some back. Except she stiffed the charity.

Dina attended a Ferrari charity event at Andrra Waterside Restaurant in East Hampton, and Edmond Chakmakian, the lawyer for the restaurant says Dina and her brother showed up and went to town, drinking up a storm and buying drinks for everyone else. Lohan ran up a $2500 bar tab, and then also pledged $1500 to the charity—The Clamshell Foundation, which funds local charities that help underprivileged kids--and then left without coughing up a dime.

Chakmakian sent her multiple emails demanding payment, but got no response, probably because Dina got so hammered she doesn’t even remember being at the event. Now, Chakmakian is suing Dina on behalf of the restaurant for the $4,000 she owes.

This is, I think, the fifth time Dina has pulled this stunt, showing up at events, charging thousands in booze, and then skipping, or tripping, out on the bill. And we wonder why Lindsay is such a mess.

And speaking of Kardashians, little … I kid … Khloe Kardashian has taken to spilling the beans on the marriage of her two mommies, Kris and Bruce Jenner. Now, we all know that Khloe is the boring Kardashian, most known for being crowded out of camera range on their ‘reality’ show, or being fired from every other job she’s ever had—The X Factor, anyone?—so she has to do something to stay relevant, or interesting, I guess.

And that something is going on Jay Leno and discussing her mom’s questionable marriage to RuPaul’s Drag Race runner-up, Bruce Jenner. In fact, while Khloe discussed the need for every husband to have his own space, his own Man Cave, she revealed that Bruce actually has his own Man House.

Man House? Whatev.

“Well, they’re [Bruce and Kris] not having problems but they still like to live apart, which is definitely different. In my house, there is a man room for Lamar. A room, not a different house. I think they took my idea and ran with it and they got another house. Bruce stays there sometimes.”

Methinks Bruce might be staying there more and more, now, especially since Khloe went on to clarify her remarks, only to make it abundantly clear that Kris and Bruce are just a couple for TV.

“[Bruce’s house] is in the same state, a different city. I’m not for that, but you know, to each their own. I don’t compare relationships. I just think a little too much time apart maybe isn’t the best thing. They’re like, ‘Don’t judge us. We’ve been married [22] years. I’m like, ‘I know people that have been married longer that still live together.’”

Me also thinks Khloe may want to shut her cake-hole since Kris seems to hold the strings to the ‘reality’ show, or she might just find herself fired from another gig. Her family.

So, serial dater, and beggar of men to be her boyfriend, Jennifer Love Hewitt is all knocked up and stuff. And, apparently, the baby daddy is Brian Hallisay, one of the co-stars on her Lifetime TV show where she plays, well, probably, some kind of hooker or psychic, or psychic hooker.

The story broke this week that JLH is with child and then there was silence. I think the silence was when Hewitt went to her bank and transferred massive sums of money to another account only moments before she announced that Hallisay had proposed.

Now, I’m not saying she gave him a bankroll so he’d marry her after he knocked her up …. Who am I kidding? That’s exactly what I’m saying.

The couple has been dating for over a year and don't become engaged until about an hour after news breaks that JLH has been knocked up.

It’s got payday written all over it.