Why Is It ...

… that when people say, “You look so familiar,” responding with “Were we in prison together” always stops the conversation.

… that you can say “Have a nice day” and it’s no problem, but saying ”Enjoy your next twenty-four hours” sounds vaguely threatening.

… that HR doesn’t understand that when I tell my coworkers I have handmade gifts for each of them, and then gave them the finger, that it comes from my heart.

… that people don’t see that my problem is that I am both mature and childish ... I’m mildish.

… that my boss got angry when he told me to have a good day and I went home.

… that I wish my life had background music so I’d know if I was in a drama, a comedy or a full-blown horror film.

… that my boss doesn’t see that I am not late, I am just running on Boss Time.

… that coworkers don’t realize that when I say “Noted,” what I really mean is “Leave me alone.”

… that y’all need to realize that I am not ignoring you, I have just put myself on Silent Mode for people.

… that I have this constant urge to write “Nobody gives a fuck” on everyone’s social media status.