I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

Sharon Osborne is one of those faux-celebrities—you wouldn’t even know her name if she wasn’t Missus Ozzy Osbourne—that seem to think she comes off as just regular people like you and me.

She doesn’t.  Appearing on the Christmas special of the BBC show Would I Lie To You?, Sharon was tasked with telling a story and the other team would guess if her story was true or not; she says this is true:

“I once sacked a member of my staff because he showed absolutely no sense of humor during a house fire.”

Here’s what happened. Sharon and Ozzy Osbourne started a fire in their mansion via an unattended candle, and, well, since she wouldn’t put all her plastic surgery at risk going back into the house to save her art collection, she sent in her assistant. He suffered smoke inhalation and when paramedics arrived, she ALLEGEDLY ripped the oxygen mask off his face and used it on her dog while ordering the assistant back inside the burning house.

Later, as she and Ozzy laughed about the whole thing, the assistant was not amused, and Missus Faux-Celebrity said:

“If you don’t think that’s funny, do you think this is funny? You’re fired.”

And, again, she swears that’s a true story. My Christmas wish is that the sacked employee gets a copy of the show and sues her ignorant ass for all she’s worth.

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This’ll be a short one.

Zac Efron was filming his new reality series in Papua New Guinea when he ALLEGEDLY contracted a “deadly illness” and had to be med-flighted to a hospital in Australia.

The name of Zac’s new series? 

Killing Zac Efron.

You cannot make this shiz up.

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If you’re a celebrity, your every little move is noticed and recorded, and so when you try to play fast and loose with your personal history, well, it’s not a good look.

Case in point: actress Michelle Williams. It appears that People Magazine recently did a piece on Williams and her pregnancy, and engagement to Hamilton director Thomas Kail and glossed over the fact that right about the time of the unprotected sexual contact resulting in the pregnancy both Williams and Kail were married to other people.

That omission led tabloid-ologists to speculate that the Williams’ camp gave the exclusive to People on the condition that they not mention the overlaps in relationships and getting knocked up.

Thomas Kail directed 5 of the 8 episodes of Fosse/Verdon, which began filming in November 2018. Michelle’s divorce from musician Phil Elverum came in April 2019, right about the same time Kail left his wife, actress Angela Christian.

That leaves a lot of wiggle room for some hot unprotected sex with someone other your spouse.

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Lock up your liquor cabinets and hide the car keys, Lohan is coming home to America.

During their New Year’s Eve special for CNN, Lindsay Lohan warned Anderson Cooper and Andy Cohen that 2020 will have her coming back to the US. And then she said, again, and again, and then again, that she has a new film in the works and will also be managing her sister Ali’s music career.

Lohan can’t even manage to keep a car out of a ditch or her ass on a bar stool and she’s gonna manage someone else’s career?

Like I said, lock your doors and hide the keys.

Lohan is back. ALLEGEDLY.

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There could be no better way to ring in the New Year than by seeing Sandra Bernhard toss out the old snark and bring in the new.

The actress and comedian poked “good natured” fun at designer Donna Karan’s pricey Urban Zen store during her “Sandy’s Holiday Extravaganza: A Decade of Madness and Mayhem” show at Joe’s Pub.

“Karan met us with global love ideas and her sweeping new coffee table book, ‘African Twilight.’ There’s nothing more heartwarming at the holidays than stories about overprivileged children now in their 50s carting off rare artifacts from their parents’ house. I’ve had it up to here with white ladies and their foundations in Africa!”

A dig at gal pal Madge? Hmmmmm.

Then she unleashed other fabulous Bernhard bon mots:

“Like the Dalai Lama said . . . the closing of Barneys is one of the greatest tragedies of mankind.”

And riffed on selling her Studio City home:

“[It’s] right around the corner from Hortense. Is that Hortense? No, she’s always that way.”

She’ll be there all week.

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