Ain't That America XXXVIII

What a long, strange week it’s been, with the GOP clusterfucking all over the place about Pope Leo and Cankles latest AI-generated Epstein Deflection posts. And with JD Vance failing to forge a treaty with Iran, failing to get Viktor Orban re-elected in Hungary and failing to follow his Catholic faith as he, too, tells the Pope to take a seat.

So, what else happened …

US Transportation Secretary and Reality Star Sean Duffy says it makes a lot of sense to hire gamers to address a shortage of air traffic controllers.

They play games and you want to insert them into real-life situations?

This is the Regime.

 

We all know that, like his wives, Cankles has a complicated relationship with the Bible. He has often called it his favorite book, has posed with it for photographers outside a church and has sold his own edition for $60, but cannot utter a single passage as his favorite.

So now, after fighting with Pope Leo and portraying himself on social media as Dr. Jesus H. Christ, Cankles will participate in a marathon reading of the entire Bible in Washington.

The Bible and reading; one thing he doesn’t understand and the other thing he can’t do.

In Texas, where some estimates say nearly 10% of the work force is undocumented—compared with about 4.5% of the US work force—the Texas Restaurant Association wants the Regime to create work permits for “long-term, law-abiding immigrants playing critical roles from farms to restaurants.”

I guess those darn immigrants aren’t stealing jobs in Texas, they’re just doing jobs Texans don’t want to do.

Oh the hypocrisy.

 

PeeWee German’s wife, Katie “Eva Braun” Miller says childless rates among men and women differ according to political ideology. For instance, 60% of “extremely liberal” men report being childless, while 22% of “extremely conservative” men were childless and Katie’s response was brief:

“Liberal men aren’t attractive.”

This from the woman married to Stephen Miller.

 

Cankles stirred up a hornet’s nest, even deep within his MAGAt base, when he shared an AI-generated image portraying himself as Jesus Christ. The image, posted to Truth Social, shows Cankles in a Christ-like role, healing a sick patient while surrounded by followers. The post quickly spread across social media through the night until he finally deleted it and then claimed he thought the picture was of him as a doctor.

Seriously.

 

GOP Representative Lauren Boebert stunned reporters this week by chastising “horny” lawmakers in Congress; her comments came in the wake of sex scandals involving Eric Swalwell  and Tony Gonzales, both of whom resigned from Congress.

Does she think anyone has forgotten the video of herself in a public theater watching a musical version of Beetlejuice while stick her hands in between the thighs of her date to grope him?

Seriously Gropert, sit down.

 

Clearly in the White House it’s always Happy Hour for Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent who this week confused the name of the Strait of Hormuz, a key waterway for the world’s petroleum market, with his beverage of choice:

“The U.S. kept their side on the ceasefire. We’ve stopped firing. The Straits of Vermouth have not been completely reopened, so we will see ….”

I do think the strait is owned and operated by the country of Martini.

 

Former GOP presidential candidate Nikki Haley indicated that she won’t seek the GOP nomination in 2028.

She failed to mention that no one had asked her to run.

Judge Darrin Gayles, U.S. District Court in Miami, dismissed Cankles’ $10 billion lawsuit against media baron Rupert Murdoch and The Wall Street Journal, which claimed the newspaper defamed Cankles with a story about the birthday card he’d sent his PBFF—Pedophile Best friend Forever—Jeffrey Epstein.

Gayles dismissed the civil complaint because Cankles had “not plausibly alleged that the Defendants published the Article with actual malice.”

It’s not malice when it’s fact.

 

U.S. District Judge Jeffrey Bryan in Minnesota has ordered the Departments of Justice and Homeland Security to turn over unredacted evidence in Nicole Renee Good’s January 7 killing within three weeks.

In a comprehensive discovery order, Bryan directed the Regime to produce not only photos, videos, and audio recordings from 30 minutes before to 60 minutes after the shooting, but also ICE officer Jonathan Ross’s training and personnel files, cellphone extraction reports, witness statements, and internal DHS and ICE use-of-force policies. The order also requires disclosure of Ross’s medical and psychological fitness evaluations after the shooting, widening scrutiny beyond the shooting itself to the federal government’s training, oversight, and post-incident response.

Justice needs to happen for Renee Nicole Good and Alex Pretti.

 

Democrat Analilia Mejía won a New Jersey special election for the U.S. House after defeating Republican Joe Hathaway on a message of standing up to thew Regime and defending progressive policies.

The Blue Wave continues.

The Dream City Church, a megachurch in Phoenix was supposed to be a venue for Cankles to drum up support among the young voters but instead he found an audience whose members skewed older and were focused on divisions within their own party. Sadly, Demented DonOLD didn’t notice the lack of young people:

“I want to thank all the young people. I’ve never seen so many young people.”

It seemed odd he thought he saw so many young people when the church, which holds about 4,000 people was barely half full.

Keep this up. Keep up the rage and resistance; keep up the demand for the release of all Epstein files and get yourselves ready for the next big protest on May 1st. The May Day Strong movement is organizing protests, marches, and a general strike featuring "No Work, No School, No Shopping" actions that demand “Workers Over Billionaires," protesting against economic inequality, anti-immigrant policies, and corporate influence to prove that We The People and not the billionaires have the power.

And remember …

The Funny Papers

Trevor Irvin, Clay Bennett, Benjamin Slyngstad, Dennis Goris, Max Espinoza, Phil Hands, Pedro X Molina, Tim Campbell, Nick Anderson, Chris Britt, Michael de Adder, Gary Huck, Ted Littleford,

Why Is It ...

… that old people always want to remind you how much harder they worked in their day but get annoyed when I remind them that in their day soda had cocaine in it.

… that whatever life throws at me, I duck and let it hit someone else.

… that there are times when I love doing a random act of kindness, like keeping my mouth shut for example!

… that I need to remind myself to normalize throwing lamps at people who need to lighten up

… that when people tell me I have a crazy sense of humor I always says, “Thanks. I would have been lobotomized in the 1940s!”

… that I’d like to thank my bestie for being friends with me; it’s a baffling decision but Thanks!

… that when someone tells me that swearing is unattractive, I say, “I wasn’t trying to attract you, now fuck off.”

… that I have days when I wonder if I sit in rice if it will fix me.

… that y’all need  to realize you don’t want to break anyone’s heart because they just have the one. Go for the bones, cuz there’s like 206 of them.

I Didn't Say It ...

Barack Obama, My President, on the historic election in Hungary this week:

“The victory of the opposition in Hungary yesterday, like the Polish election in 2023, is a victory for democracy, not just in Europe but around the world. Most of all, it’s a testament to the resilience and determination of the Hungarian people—and a reminder to all of us to keep striving for fairness, equality and the rule of law.”

Perhaps the tide against asshats like Cankles and Putin and Orban and their ilk is finally changing because We The People are voting it out.

Learn from this America.

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Ana Navarro, political commentator and co-host of The View, on Melanie’s little speech:

“This is the same woman who was front and center spreading the birtherism conspiracies against Barack Obama. If she wants to be an ally to those Epstein survivors, she can start by turning to the guy next to her … and telling him to tell his DOJ to release all the Epstein files.”

Like most of the world now Ana sees Melanie as the equal to her husband, looking out for herself above all others. But she’s hard to believe since there are so many lies about her past … her education, her modeling ‘career’ … her speeches …. Her book … her movie.

It’s all illusion and the only one actually buying any of it is Melanie herself.

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Bruce Springsteen, opening his Land of Hope and Dreams tour in Minneapolis last week:

“Good evening Minnesota. Welcome Minneapolis, St. Paul, welcome to the ‘Land of Hope and Dreams’ American Tour. I want to begin the night with a prayer for our men and women in service overseas. We pray for their safe return. The mighty E Street Band is here tonight to call upon a righteous power of art, of music, of rock and roll, in dangerous times. We are here in celebration and defense of our American ideas — democracy, our constitution and our sacred American promise. The America I love, the America that I’ve written about for 50 years that has been a beacon of hope and liberty around the world is currently in the hands of a corrupt, incompetent, racist, reckless and treasonous administration. Tonight we ask all of you to join with us in choosing hope over fear, democracy over authoritarianism, the rule of law over lawlessness, ethics over unbridled corruption, resistance over complacency, unity over division, and peace over war.”

It’s part concert, part revival, and part protest; it’s The Resistance set to music.

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Jimmy Kimmel, taking on Cankles for being “blindsided” by Melanie’s surprise Epstein announcement:

“There was a big surprise from the White House today [when Melanie] emerged from the rubble of the East Wing. She brushed the drywall off her business suit and delivered a doozy of a prepared statement demanding that we stop talking about something no one was talking about … Because I’m just now hearing about these lies. Can you give me like a minute to catch up? You know somewhere in the White House, [Cankles] saw this happening. He spit out a whole gallon of Diet Coke! This is already better than her movie. Go on, please [although] why is this happening today? [Cankles] spent the past six weeks trying to bomb this Epstein story out of the headlines. Two days after the ceasefire, she puts it right back on top … She must really hate him. I don’t know how else to explain it.”

I said it before; she’s making a play for a bigger cut of the pie; this was her opening shot and if he renegotiates her “fee” she’ll change her tune.

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Bobservations

Last night around 11PM I say to Carlos:

“I’m tired, I’m going to bed now.”

“I’m going to read for a bit longer.”

“All right. Night. Love you.”

“Love you, too.”

I go to bed and I’m out like a light until I get nudged:

“Did I tell you about my meeting today?”

“No, but—”

And he proceeds to tell me every detail of his meeting. When he finished, I again say how tired I am and am going to sleep, and again, after a bit I get nudged awake:

“I was talking to Ellen today …”

And he gives me a word-by-word replay of their conversation until I realize it’s now midnight and I say:

“Please, can I just get some sleep?”

“Oh sorry, night sweetie.”

And then I hear:

“How would you like to have dinner with some friends on Saturday night?”

“Can this wait?”

“Well, I mean, we didn’t get a chance to have dinner for my birthday last week and I was—”

“I guess the dinner and drinks and desert we had at Masa last Tuesday night ON YOUR BIRTHDAY don’t count?”

“Oh, I forgot.”

The worst part of this story is that we both had the day off and he’d had all day to tell me his stories but waited until I’m asleep. But hen, maybe he thought it would be the only time I had my yap closed?

This Tuxedo Tale, from April 2009 is one of many of Tuxedo enjoying his life:

Yup, that's how it's done!

You’d think that a guy who claims to have aced so many cognitive tests would know the difference between a doctor and the Messiah.

Ben Affleck has reportedly gifted his ex-wife Jennifer Lopez his entire share of their $60 million mansion for free. The former couple modified their property settlement agreement, which shows a “transfer of property among spouses” and I have two thoughts:

1] This is how JLo makes all her money, and …

B] Ben Affleck gave up $30 million to have JLO out of his life.

That’s all.

Following Cankles now-deleted image of him as Jesus, Nancy Pelosi was asked what she thought:

“You’d have to ask a psychiatrist, because it’s not worth a conversation, but it’s worthy of a diagnosis.”

Score again for Pelosi v Cankles.

After many late nights at the State Capitol to finish out the 2024 session the Georgia legislature successfully defeated ALL anti-LGBTQ+ legislation.

Yes, they stopped nearly 20 anti-LGBTQ+ bills with the help of the people of Georgia who called their representatives to make their voices heard and ended:

SB 88: a ‘don’t say gay’ bill targeting LGBTQ+ topics in schools

HB 1045: a forced outing bill against students

HB 1128: a bill to redefine “sex” to exclude trans identities

SB 141 and 519: bills to further restrict access to gender-affirming care

HB 936 and 836: bathroom bans targeting trans students

SB 438: a ban on trans students participating in sports

SB 180 ‘RFRA’: a license to discriminate on the basis of religion

HB 1140: a surprise amendment to ban trans participation from school sports and use of correct restrooms

HB 1170: a surprise amendment to restrict access to medical care for trans youth

This is the Resistance at work and proves that when we act as one and stand against hate, we win.

Cast a Goddamned Vote!

That’s the Tweet put out by Professional Grifting Grieving Widow Erika Kirk about her joint event with her future ex-husband JD CouchFucker Vance in Athens Georgia today. She claims her security detail said there was a "credible threat."

Yeah, a "credible threat" no one showing up for these two MAGAts and so Erika decided to stay home.

Elliot Meeten is a UK-based model who was scouted while having his hair cut when he was 17 and now at 27 the question is, Would You Hit It?

Architecture Wednesday: Storybook Home

Straddling the border between the Hudson Valley and the Berkshires, this not-so-tiny house comes with all the hallmarks of a fairytale summer property.

Built in 1875, it has the wood-sided gables and deep verandah of a period home, with established gardens that burst forth from the half-acre property, visited by birds and butterflies. And yet its 1,200 square feet easily make space for two bedrooms, two bathrooms, an office and eat-in kitchen. The living space has super-high ceilings and a gas fireplace, leading out to a sunroom converted from the old porch. Clever nooks hide a laundry room, pantry and energy-efficient upgrades like a full-house generator and air conditioning,

Outside are wildflower gardens, vegetable planters and an outdoor living area with a kitchen with outbuildings that include a chicken coop and it can be yours for just $480,000.

The Space