Saturday, August 12, 2017

It's Snarkurday!

So, Usher and herpes ... the story that keeps on giving like, well, Usher and herpes.

It all began with a lawsuit in 2012 that claimed Usher spread herpes to a partner by having unprotected sex with her without informing her of his status; that suit was settled for $1.1 million. Usher and his current wife say the claim was instigated by Usher’s first ex-wife, who used a friend to start the rumor ... except she has herpes and says Usher gave it to her ... and Usher has herpes. And now, three more people—two women, Jane Does, and a man, John Doe—are suing Usher for ALLEGEDLY doing the same thing to them.

Now, this is all interesting, but there is little to no talk of how John Doe contracted herpes; was it from sex with a former partner of Usher, or sex with Usher himself?

That’s the story I wanna hear ...
I used to have such a crush on Tom Wopat from The Dukes of Hazzard; I never watched the show because ... stupid, but I did see him on talk shows and stuff and he seemed just delicious ... that's him down there, and that's him now, up top, less delicious. 

But, he’s also, ALLEGEDLY, a little handsy because he was just arrested for felony indecent assault, battery, and possession.

Wopat, starring in a production of 42nd Street in Massachusetts, ALLEGEDLY copped a feel of one of his female costars on the set during rehearsals. According to a police report, Wopat ALLEGEDLY walked behind the woman and put his hands on her ass; in fact, she says he grabbed her in such a way his fingers went between her butt cheeks. And when she reported him to heads of production, Wopat told them:
“Fuck them all.”
Huh; not the answer of an innocent man, and not the first time Wopat has been accused of assault. The police report contains another incident that ALLEGEDLY happened during rehearsals in which Tom grabbed another woman around the waist from behind and pulled her close to him, another time Tom ALLEGEDLY pulled sunburned skin off a woman’s arm.

Ick. Wopat was arrested after police tracked him down in his Ford Bronco; they also discovered a small baggie of coke and a small straw on him. He is set to plead not guilty to all charges, but ALLEGEDLY told police officers that he has “touched a woman’s hip” and is friendly and likes to flirt; he added that he never did anything not-right.

Fingers in the butt? That is the definition of “not right” when no one has asked for your fingers to go there. And peeling dead skin off a woman? Is she some kind of snake?

Continuing with the Ick Factor ... filming for Robert Pattinson’s new movie seemed a little icky ...and he’s done love scenes with that piece of driftwood known as Kristen Stewart.

This week, Pattinson was on Jimmy Kimmel Live to promote Good Time, and it doesn’t sound like it described the filming ... especially when the director tried to get him to, um, diddle a dog:"
"There’s a drug dealer who busts into the room and I was sleeping with the dog and basically giving the dog a hand job.”
So, wait, when a drug dealer comes after you, and you’re in bed, you should be prodding the pooch because ... ?
“I asked the trainer, ’cause the director was like, ‘Just do it for real, man! Don’t be a p—y!’ And then the dog’s owner was like, ‘Well, he’s a breeder, I mean, you can.’ He’s like, ‘You gotta massage the inside of his thighs.’”
Seriously I felt bad for Pattinson, but again I was reminded that he dated Kristen Stewart for a time, so maybe this wasn’t such a stretch?
So, last week saw the fifth installment of that insta-craptastic Sharknado and there’s some juice there ... well, juice from 2015.

That year’s version—Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No!—featured sharks attacking en masse by way of a cyclone and featured the character of the President of the United States; and when the film was in production it seemed as if one Donald J. _____ would play the part, until he waited so long to sign the dotted line that they gave the role to Mark Cuban and _____ pitched a hissy.

To be fair, the producers’ first choice was Sarah Palin, but negotiations with fell through—apparently she wanted to be paid in Twizzlers and Slurpees—and that’s when “Sharknado star” Ian Ziering suggested _____.

An offer went out and “The Donald said ‘Yes.’” A contract was drawn up and sent to a _____ lackey and then ... nothing. Until word came that _____ was thinking of running for the Real Fake President and it was decided this wouldn’t be a good idea and so the producers called Cuban and he showed up to work. And that’s when _____’s  lawyer instantly called and threatened to sue and shut down the production because their client is a big fat baby with a giant ego and wee hands.

Too bad, because I’m sure he would have been awful in the role—as awful as he is in the job in real life—and maybe we could’a dodged that bullet.

Damn you, Sharknado!
On the Real Housewife front, New York “housewife” LuAnn De Lesseps—formerly Countess LuAnn—married one Tom D’Agostino eight months ago amidst rumors that he was cheating on her. Nothing could be further from the truth, LuAnn wailed; he’s my soul mare, she cried; we’ll be together forever, she wailed.

Well, their eight-month marriage is over. Big surprise, since their mini-marriage was chockfull of fights and shouting matches and one stomping off to the boudoir and the other stomping off to his mistress ... ALLEGEDLY.

A source—and you know it’s Ramona—says Tom grew tired of the “reality TV lifestyle” where he could cheat without cameras and LuAnn tired of not hanging around with her previous boyfriend, Jacques Azoulay, who may have dumped her because she cheated on him.

It’s all circular in the trash bin, people.
Last week we talked British royalty and how the Queen loves to drink, but this week it’s all about petty Danish royalty.

In 1967, then-Princess Margarethe married Henrik de Laborde de Monpezat, a Frenchman, and in 1971, she became the queen of Denmark. As custom has it, Henry became her prince-consort and not the king. And that’s nothing new; Queen Elizabeth gave Prince Philip the title of HRH Duke of Edinburgh because he will never be king. Philip seemed fine with his title, but Prince Henrik has never been happy about his.

This week it was announced that Prince Henrik is so bitter and petty over not being called “king” that he has chosen not to be buried next to her when his time comes because he feels the title of “prince consort” is a lesser title and a form of gender discrimination:
“It makes me angry that I am subjected to discrimination. Denmark, which is otherwise known as an avid defender of gender equality, is apparently willing to consider husbands as worth less than their wives.”
Sheesh, after 45 years as a “prince consort” he’d be fine with the title, but I guess he wants the big crown or else his remains will lie next to anyone but his wife.

Seriously; first world problems. I say give him the title King of the Pissy Bitches and be done with it.
Norman Lear is among the honorees of the upcoming Kennedy Center Honors, but he will not be attending the annual pre-ceremony reception at the White House because ... _____.

Lear says he won’t meet the president  because of the way his administration has treated the arts—including a call for eliminating the National Endowment for the Arts and its sister agency, the National Endowment for the Humanities:
“I think the arts are important for our humanity, and that includes this administration.”
While grateful for the recognition, Lear said he “just told them before they accepted my acceptance, ‘I will have to tell you how I feel’”:
“Feelings don’t go away, thoughts and opinions don’t vanish. I heard [about the honor] and they understood exactly how I felt.”
Good on Lear for taking that stand, though no word if fellow honorees Gloria EstefanLL Cool JLionel Richie, and Carmen de Lavallade will follow suit.
So the Will & Grace reboot; I’m all for it. And the fact that it isn’t a one-season deal; it’s already been renewed for a second rebooted season. But, it’s not all roses and gin ... one character will not be appearing in the new episodes ... Rosario!

Apparently, Shelley Morrison, who played Rosario, has retired from acting and wasn’t all that interested in making a return to W&G. Show creator Max Mutchnick says:
“We really wanted Shelley to be a part of this series, so we find ourselves having to figure that out moving forward. It was not an easy decision to make, but it’s one that she made.”
Well, come on now, maybe if you retitled the reboot, Will & Grace & Jack & Karen & Rosario she might have had a change of heart!

Better yet ... Rosarios & Others!

Just sayin’.
Yesterday we learned the news that Tesla bigshot Elon Musk and the ex-missus Johnny Depp, Amber Heard are kaput after dating for just over a year. But it’s the way Elon confirmed the breakup that people talking; he did it the old-fashioned way, with an Instagram comment.

Heard posted a photo of herself sticking a fork into her red wig for her role as Mera in the upcoming “Aquaman” and comparing herself to Ariel in “The Little Mermaid.” Elon commented:
“Very cute.”
But then he went on ...
“Btw, just to clear up some of the press storm this weekend, although Amber and I did break up, we are still friends, remain close and love one another. Long distance relationships when both partners have intense work obligations are always difficult, but who knows what the future holds.”
Wow; this is how it’s done now? A billionaire couldn’t send a phalanx of minions to spread the word via press release?

Romance is dead ... I guess ... and Elon Musk killed it.


anne marie in philly said...

"I say give him the title King of the Pissy Bitches and be done with it." - best line this week, bob!

second best line: "It’s all circular in the trash bin, people."

Bob Slatten said...


Helen Lashbrook said...

Having loadsa dosh does not equate with having good manners

the dogs' mother said...

Can movies sink any lower? Apparently they can.

Harry Hamid said...

The current President playing President in Sharknado would have at least given him some experience. It also would have given the rest of us a chance to see him in action before too many of us voted for him.

Surely, the practice run would have allowed those who eventually voted for him to see the reasons why it was a terrible idea... even by Sharknado standards.

One of history's great missed opportunities, up there with aborting Hitler.

Jennifer said...

Hooray for Norman Lear! It's so refreshing to see someone rich and famous displaying integrity these days. Good for him.

Deedles said...

I've learned not to visit Snarkurday while eating. It helps to keep down the bile! Norman Lear does not belong in this ickfest.

Dave R said...

Considering he was talking about Amber Heard, I think Elon Musk was as romantic as hell, I mean, how else would you treat chopped liver.