Fantastic day golfing with #45 @realdonaldtrump at Trump Bedminister today. We had an exciting match which came down to the 18th hole. I want to thank my good friend @newyorkrei for setting up such an awesome day. #Trump #POTUS #GOLF #USA #MAGA”
Yes, the day after _____ threatened North Korea with all the fury, fire and poser of this country, he decided to play golf.
So, either the threat was nothing, or this is the most ill-equipped human being to ever sit in the Oval Office.
Either way, get this mother f**ker out. Now.
Last week I saw a movie on TV called ‘The Take.’ It was a story about terrorism in France and the CIA and crooked cops and ... oh, who cares. It starred Idris Elba whom I would pay could money just to watch him stand there.
But, it also starred Richard Madden as Hottie Pickpocket—and I’ll refrain from making a joke about him putting his hand in my pockets ... oops—who also played Prince Charming in the updated Cinderella from a few years back.
I’d like to see this become a sequel because Elba and Madden are scorching onscreen.
In Good News For Equality, Bad News For Texas ... The Dallas Stars have become the first professional sports franchise to publicly oppose the state’s “bathroom bill” and have released this statement:
“The Dallas Stars stands strongly opposed to any legislation perceived as discriminatory, including proposed bathroom legislation. Dallas welcomes all, and we welcome all. We are proud of our home and want every visitor to feel safe at home here, too, and that’s why we oppose this discriminatory bathroom legislation.”—Dallas Stars President Jim Lites
Texas’ GOP-controlled Legislature failed to pass the bill during a legislative session that ended in May, so Asshatted Governor Greg Abbott convened a special session to revive the issue.
Now, however, it appears unlikely to pass before that special session ends next week.
Better quit before this costs you billions, Texas.
Remember when _____ and his team loved leaks? I mean, as long as the leaks helped them, like when Russia stole Democratic material and shared them with WikiLeaks.
But now that people are leaking unflattering stories about the _____ White House, and we’re learning how easily he lies, they’re not so happy with leakers.
And so _____’s Minister of Propaganda, Kellyanne Conway, is now saying that the White House may have staff members take a lie detector test to determine who is leaking sensitive national security information.
“Well they may – they may not. There are many different ways to discover who is leaking.”
Kellyanne best hope she never takes a lie detector test because the fallout from that explosion could take out half of DC.
Oh, and there’s this, too: last week Conway said that asking prospective White House employees to comply with Office of Government Ethics rules has left many of them “completely demoralized.”
Well, if filing out routine ethics paperwork leaves employees demoralized, I wonder how they’ll feel when Kellyanne slips into her Swastika dress and hooks them up to a lie detector?
Speaking of swastikas ... there is an attempt to reclaim the swastika as a symbol of ... wait for it, it’s both high-larious and disgusting, peace and goodwill by putting it on a T-shirt.
KA Design began marketing the shirts, which featured rainbow-colored swastikas, last month saying they hoped to re-brand the swastika, long associated with Nazis and the Holocaust:
“The Swastika is 5,000 years old, it’s a symbol of peace. It’s a symbol of love, it’s a symbol of life. But one day, Nazism. They took the swastika, rotated it by 45 degrees, and turned it into Hatred, and turned it into Fear, and turned it into War, and turned it into Racism and turned it into Power. They stigmatized the swastika forever. They limited our freedom. The swastika is coming back, together with Peace, together with Love, together with Respect, together with Freedom.”
Oh hell no.
The Auschwitz Memorial Museum criticized KA Design:
“You will not escape from the fact that swastika was turned by Nazis into a symbol of racism, hate, anti-Semitism and mass murder.”
The Israeli Jewish Congress demanded the items be removed from sale:
“It is obscene and disgusting that [KA Design] would seek to profit of this in the name of art, trying to turn this irredeemable Nazi symbol of hate and murder, into a symbol of ‘love and peace.’ They are not unique in this however, with a disturbingly growing pattern in recent years of other clothing companies seeking to do similar. This is not only highly naive, but grossly offensive. Hopefully management will understand the magnitude of their mistake and offense caused, and discontinue these items immediately.”
The Daily Stormer, however, an online community for neo-Nazis and white supremacists, like the idea:
“I want to say that I am in 100% support of the rebranding of the Swastika as a symbol of love. I have been trying to do this for years, and I am thankful that hippies are finally getting on-board with that particular project.”
Let me make this queer for y’all: if you ever find that a white supremacist group or a neo-Nazi organization is ‘pro’ something, then you take a stand against that. I mean, if Nazi’s like it ... ?
Well, there is a thing called Morning Wood and it is the best part of waking up so ... New Kopi Jantan Traditional Natural Herbs Coffee, from Bestherbs Coffee LLC, has been forced to recall a product over fears it causes erections.
The coffee was analyzed by the FDA and they found that it contained a number of chemicals that were “very similar” to those found in Viagra.
WHYYYYYYYYYYY? I mean, if the caffeine in coffee is meant to get me up and going, why can’t coffee get all of me up?
Uh ... asking for a friend.
I need to catch a flight to London because Hottie Brit actor, Jack O’Connell, who I first saw in Unbroken, is onstage as Brick in an updated production of Tennessee Williams’ Cat On a Hot Tin Roof.
And, best of all, the play opens with O’Connell naked in a shower ...
O’Connell says he thought the shower would be offstage and was surprised to learn that, from the jump, he’d be onstage “starkers.”
I am going to see if they need a towel man for that scene.
The other day Carlos and I were headed out and we decided to drop some things off at our local Goodwill store.
I was cruising along and thinking about stopping for gas when Carlos mentioned that I had passed the Goodwill store.
He said we were lucky that he was paying attention and was able to save us some time.
I said we were lucky that this was the first time in seventeen years that he was actually paying attention.
I so hate to be wrong.
And from the Why Say It And Then Say You’d Never Say Such A Thing file ... Oakland A’s outfielder Matt Joyce has faux-pologized for using an anti-gay slur in an exchange with a fan during a game.
As Joyce returned to the dugout, he uttered several profanities at the fan heckling him, and then called him an anti-gay slur and challenged him to fight. Joyce says:
“I was walking back to the dugout and just had a fan yell some vulgar and obscene words. For me, it just wasn’t the right time to say some stuff like that. I fired back, and obviously as soon as you fire back, you regret saying anything, because it’s just not worth it.”
Yeah, not much of an apology, but then he was suspended for two games, without pay, and faux-pologized some more:
“In regard to last night’s incident, I first and foremost want to sincerely apologize to the fans, the Oakland A’s, MLB and the most importantly the LGBTQ community for my comments and actions. A fan yelled vulgar and obscene words about me and my family and I let my frustrations and emotions get the better of me. I am beyond sorry for the inappropriate language that I used and understand and agree that those words should NEVER come out of someone’s mouth no matter the situation. Anyone who knows me will tell you that incident it is not reflective of me as a person, how I treat others, how I live my life and that those hurtful words are not my views. I fully support and hope to help the LGBTQ community with their efforts in being treated fairly and intend to let my actions speak louder than anything more that can be said about this truly regrettable moment.”
Let me make this queer: if those thoughts aren’t in your head, if you didn’t think that the nastiest thing you could say to someone is an anti-gay slur, then you wouldn’t have said it. So save the “this isn’t me” and the “anyone who knows me” bull shiz. You should have said, “Sorry I said it; it was disgusting and I apologize.”
Now go sit down and don’t play ball and don’t get paid. Asshat.
I think I threw up a little in my mouth when I read that Food Network chef, Anne Burrell, will be opening a fine dining restaurant in New York City, based on ... and here’s where I puked ... Cheetos:
“As a long-time Cheetos fan, I’m thrilled to join forces with a snack brand that is truly an iconic American staple. I had so much fun curating this specially crafted, one-of-a-kind menu for the first Cheetos restaurant – I can’t wait to see guests’ reactions!”
I’ve already given my reaction.
Cheetos and fine dining? This place will close faster than Melania’s legs when _____ waddles into the bedroom.