Saturday, August 05, 2017

It's Snarkurday!

We haven’t heard a lot from Kanye lately, perhaps because his meds are, well, were, balanced and working. But now, after his—as The Queen might call it—annus horribilis ... not bad anus, but horrible year ... Kanye is ready to make someone pay.

Namely his insurance company; yup, Kanye is suing Lloyd’s of London $10 million he says he’s owed because he had a mental breakdown last year after cancelling his last tour.

It all started last year with the highly publicized “jewel heist” in Paris when Missus Yeezy had her costume jewelry stolen; that made Kanye cancel two shows and he wants to be reimbursed. But then came his, not one, but two, onstage, Dear Baby Jeebus he’s lost his mind moments in both San Jose and Sacramento before finally putting the tour, and his audiences, out of their misery and checking into the UCLA Neuropsychiatric Hospital Center.

Two days later, while still being cared for crazy, he submitted the first of his loss claims to Lloyd’s, though now Kanye says he hasn’t seen a penny.

The suit goes on to say Lloyd’s have not “provided anything approaching a coherent explanation about why they have not paid” but that they have implied that “Kanye’s use of marijuana may provide them with a basis to deny the claim.”

Look, here’s the deal, Yeezy, your wife had a meltdown after a robbery and you took time off; you don’t get paid for that, it’s called being a husband. Then you freaked out on your audience—who paid to see you, though I have no good reason for that—and you want more money for ranting and stomping off-stage and checking into a hospital to determine you’re crazy, though you were ALLEGEDLY sane enough to file a claim from your bed?

Yup, you Krazy.
Anthony Scaramucci, we hardly knewcci.

I stole that from Twitter.

Anyway ... like a once bright shining star that burned too hot, and died too soon, The Mooch is gone, and before we knew what happened; or do we?

See, what had happened was that The Married Mooch’s relationship with Fox news correspondent Kimberly Guilfoyle may have been one of the reasons for his ouster.

It appears that, since The Mooch was dating the Fox news blonde, that certain gossip sites had begun looking into White House shenanigans, like the dinner The mooch and The Mistress attended at the White House that was leaked to the press and lead to Scaramucci’s “tirade” about, um, well, servicing his own Little Mooch.

See, the gossip sites wanted the real deal behind why The Mooch was out and about dating when his wife, nine months pregnant, was about to give birth.

Yup, when a man squires his jump-off to the White House while his wife is giving birth to his child, people talk, and maybe the White House needed one less scandal. And, as of this week, Anthony, who sent a text to his wife congratulating her on giving birth to their child, still has not seen his new born.

But, you know, he’s been busy trying to sell his ten-minute story to the news media.
Remember when Aretha Franklin faxed her displeasure with Dionne Warwick over some lingering beef from Whitney Houston’s funeral? I mean, the fight was real, but it was the idea that RiRi faxed the info to the press that was high-larious, because I thought she’d send a telegram.

Well, now Franklin maybe ponying up some cash to get the Pony Express the relay her next story: her feud with Patti LaBelle.

LaBelle has an interview with PrideSource—she has a new jazz album, Bel Hommage, to peddle—and it seems to go along the lines of an interview she gave back in 2014, where she claimed she was no longer a “diva” because “all these little heifers who can’t sing are called divas.”

Now, in case you forgot, the original beef between LaBelle and Franklin was pie ... and chili. See, Pattie began going door-to-door hawking her Sweet Potato Pie and so Aretha got all up in the frozen food biz and began driving around the country selling Aretha’s Chili, Gumbo, Chicken, and Desserts. Patti gave a five-octave, Oh hell nooooooooooooooooooooooo and it was on.

Patti said in that interview:
“Now, there are a lot of ladies in this industry who don’t care for Patti LaBelle but I look at them and I smile. Because what can I do? I can’t change your mind, boo, because I don’t wanna change your mind. You go on thinkin’ about me the way you think.”
In case you missed it, ‘boo’ is Franklin and, in this case, ‘boo’ means you best watch your step Franklin or else I’ll snatch that wig off your head and those dead animals skins off your back.

Still, why not do us all a favor, stop cooking, shut up and sing.
Queen Elizabeth II is 91 years old and maybe she’s lived this long because she follows one strict rule; alcohol. Yup, she’s pickled. Well, she gets pickled ion a daily basis.

Business Insider has a list of all the things The Queen likes to eat and drink in a day, like the usual suspects, tea and biscuits, toast and marmalade, tea sandwiches.

But it’s her cocktails that are interesting: The Queen has four drinks a day ... or drinks four times a day ... and ALLEGEDLY starts before noon with a Dubonnet and gin with a slice of lemon. That’s right, booze on booze; I bow down to this Queen. 

Then she has wine with lunch, followed by a dry gin martini and after dinner, she has a glass of champagne.

Wait; what happened to the before dinner drinks and the during dinner wines? I think maybe the Queen has a bit more than four, and , yeah, I’ll party with her.

Maybe, if I get her drunk enough, she’ll let me wear one of her hats ... and tell Prince Harry to sit on my lap.
Speaking of getting your drunk on ... didn’t Ben Affleck spend some time in rehab last year for alcohol abuse? Then please to explain why Ben and his girlfriend of three months years, Lindsay Shookus, were spotted at a liquor store in Maine.

Both Radar and People report that Ben and Lindsay were spotted at the Umbrella Factory liquor store in Naples, Maine on Sunday. But, maybe he had nothing to hide, because NotBatmanAnymore Affleck posed for pictures with a store employee.

And the best part is the employee posted the picture to social media and then added other pictures from the store security camera, of Ben and Lindsay, Bindsay? Afflookus? in the store the day before.

And, to be fair, an alcoholic in a liquor store isn’t an automatic relapse. Maybe he was just helping Lindsay with her stash?
Ever since The Beauty And The Beast live-action remake shocked everyone by not being a Big Budget D-I-Saster, everyone has been tossing around live-action remakes of Disney movies. 

Lin Manuel-Miranda is ALLEGEDLY bringing The Live-Action Little Mermaid to the screen, and Will “I’m No Scientologist” Smith has signed on to be the genie in an Aladdin reboot.

Robin Williams be damned, I say.

But now comes word that Beyoncé is close to signing a deal to voice Nala in The Lion King and that Disney is expected to fork over $25 million for it. Seriously? For $25 million you don’t get the ass-shaking, weave-whipping, fierce-grunting Bey? You just get lip-syncing Beyoncé?

Walt Disney’s frozen head must be spinning in his cryogenic freezer.
So, back in 2013, ex-Real Housewife Brandi Glanville appeared on Watch What Happens Live and Andy Cohen asked her about some story she’d told once about fellow ex-Real House Joanna Krupa having a smelly, um, er, well, it’s the Age of _____ so, pussy.

Brandi says ex-Real Housewife Yolanda Foster’s ex-husband, Mohamed Hadid, told her that he’d slept with Krupa and she smelled bad ... down there. He's quite the gentleman. So, Brandi took the tale to TV and the world and Krupa took her to court, though that begs the question:

How does one prove their vah-jay-jay don’t stink and how do I avoid that jury duty.

Doody. Hee hee. Brandi demanded a “trial by jury” and Krupa wasn’t walking away, so it looked like this mess would happen but ... it’s case closed now.

The feuding reality “stars” have reached an out-of-court settlement with the stipulations remaining confidential, though Krupa’s lawyers say she’s pleased with the outcome and Brandi eating ... no, not that ... crow:
“I want to apologize to Joanna Krupa for the statements I have made about her. I regret making such statements about Joanna Krupa; I also certainly never intended my statements to be taken so seriously and out of proportion. I apologize as I never wanted my statements to affect Joanna Krupa’s reputation and I wish her nothing but continued success in life.”
Wow. I never thought Brandi would back down! Perhaps she stopped drinking for half a minute and realized she’d never win that case unless she took a trip ... down there ... in court.

More Beyoncé ... back in February, the family of Anthony Barré, AKA Messy Mya, filed a suit against Beyoncé for using his voice in her song Formation.

Messy Mya was murdered in 2010 and then Beyoncé used samples of his voice in her song with no citation, no credit, no permission and no coins. And so the family sued, but since Beyoncé believes all she does is right, even stealing the art of a dead person for her own personal bank account, she filed to dismiss the case and went on about her business.

Not so fast, gurl, said Judge Nannette Jolivette Brown, who denied the request.

At this stage facts ALLEGED by the plaintiff are deemed true, and Brown found that Barre had made a case that Beyoncé’s use of the clips was not transformative and that, although the samples were short, it was a “qualitatively significant” use. She also notes that a motion to dismiss for failure to state a claim, like this one, is “viewed with disfavor and is rarely granted.”

In other words, Beyoncé may think she’s all that, but Judge Brown say, Not today, Satan.
So, Silver Foxes, the Golden Girls homage featuring aging homosexuals, is as dead as Sophia’s cooch. And Hollywood homophobia is ALLEGEDLY to blame!

The creators are saying that Hollywood is shutting doors on Foxes because of ageism and homophobia because mature gays aren’t the most recognized demographic and they tend to be generally ignored ... especially from younger gays who don’t yet know that this will be them in a few years.

Co-creator, and co-writer of several Golden Girls episodes, Stan Zimmerman says he can’t get a major network to even look at the script:
“In all my years in television, I’ve never seen a script reading get so much attention. I think this proves that there’s a great interest in seeing a sitcom like ours come to life. Ageism and homophobia are not only keeping the show from getting picked up, but from even being read by a major network.”
The creators and the cast—George Takei, Leslie Jordan, Bruce Vilanch, and Todd Sherry—met up for a table read in June but that may be all that this turns out to be. And while I might have liked to see a gay Golden Girls but if I ever get to thinking about it, I’d realize there already was a gay Golden Girls called ...

The Golden Girls.


the dogs' mother said...

More fun and games - it must be Saturday, er, Snarkaday!

anne marie in philly said...

such garbage this week...except for HM QE2. it's the gin, I tells ya; that's what keeps mistress maddie looking young and perky!

Fearsome Beard said...

I go into my neighborhood liquor store to buy lotto tickets however the clerk knows me and knows I'm on the wagon.

Helen Lashbrook said...

One reason the queen's survived to be the age she is, is because she's VERY, VERY, VERY rich and she doesn't need to vacuum the carpet, wash the sink and toilet out etc., she pays mugs to do that. Another is that she's kept working (and I don't mean the opening supermarket rubbish that the rest of her family do) and using your brain is a good way to keep dementia at bay.

Anitia Moorecock said...

the queen is 91 and is pickled everyday? shit, my mistress should live to be about 210 then.

and someone should tell Franklin grease isn't a beverage.

Blobby said...

I hate to say I skip some of your posts, but anything that has the word "beyonce" in it........I go right past. It's not's her.

Dave R said...

It would not surprise me if just about everybody in the House of Windsor is pickled...

Anne Johnson said...

If the queen drinks that much and has lived to 91, why the hell did I quit?

Mitchell is Moving said...

Oh, dear god!