The Funny Papers

Marc Murphy, Nick Anderson, Trevor Irvin, Mike Luckovich, Jesse Duquette, Lalo Alcaraz,  Ann Telnaes, Pedro X Molina, JD Crowe, Max Espinoza, Adam Zyglis, Bill Bramhall, Gary Huck

Why Is It ...

… that people don’t get it that I don’t waste time Googling song lyrics; I sing what I hear ... ♪♫ Dancing queen, young and sweet only seven teeth.♫♪

… that my mood has so many swings it’s a park now.

… that they ask you to be at the airport three hours before your flight but they won’t tell you what gate to go to until the very last minute.

… that, at this point, if a clown invited me into the woods alone, I would just go.

… that my social skills include: 1] laughing when I shouldn’t laugh; 2] telling jokes in awkward situations; and C] saying ‘You too’ when the waiter tells me to enjoy my dinner.

… that you need to know that before you judge me, I don’t care.

… that when someone tells me I look familiar, I say, “I don’t even go outside, why are you lying?”

… that I need an app that deletes my number from other people’s phones.

… that no one understands that if you think I’m mean now, wait until I don’t like you.

… that controlling my facial expressions has to be the toughest battle I fight every day.

I Didn't Say It ...

Charlie Angus, Canadian MP, speaking to The Felon:

“[The Felon], I’m going to say this once and I might never say it again, I want to thank you. I want to thank you for bringing Canada together. It took a malignant narcissistic slug like you to make us put aside all our differences, all our regional fights, all our concerns with one another, and realize we actually had to stand up for something better: standing up for the rule of law, for democracy, for decency. We know we’re on your border and it freaks you out because you and your incel gang are terrified of diversity, equity, and inclusion. Your DEI nightmare? Well, we are your DEI nightmare … we are your DEI nightmare … Canada will always be a country of diversity. We will always be a country of equity. We will always be a country of inclusion. And we will defend the rule of law.”

I guess that’s one way to look at the havoc The Felon spreads wherever he drags his fat ass.

Except while he's uniting Canada, he's dividing Americans, and America from the rest of the world.

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George Clooney, actor,  claps back at The Felon for calling him a "a second-rate movie star" and "failed political pundit" for daring to challenge his MAGA fascism:

"I don't care. I mean I've known [The Felon] for a long time. You know my job is not to please the President of the United States. My job is to try and tell the truth when I can and when I have the opportunity. And look I'm well aware of the idea that people will not like that, there will be people that criticize that, and there's certainly people... You know Elon Musk has, you know, weighed in every once in a while. That's their right to do it and it's my right to say the other side. When the other three estates fail, when the judiciary and the executive and the legislative branches fail us, the fourth estate has to succeed. ABC has just settled a lawsuit with the [The Felon] administration. And CBS News is in the process. We’re seeing this idea of using government to scare or fine or use corporations, to make journalists smaller."

Attack the press, control the press, control the narrative and so far ABC and CBS have caved to the regime.

Stand up for goddesses’ sake.

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Jasmine Crockett, Democrat Representative from Texas, on The Felon and hos GOP goose-steppers breaking the law:

“I’m glad the Supreme Court stepped in and stopped that plane from taking off last night. Because deporting folks with no criminal record and no due process isn’t justice—it’s cruelty. And let’s talk about the real kicker: The same Republicans pushing this mess are following a convicted felon like he’s the Second Coming. You can’t cream ‘law and order’ while breaking the law at every turn.”

As I heard someone say yesterday, if The Felon wants to prove he’s right about these deportations, or the human trafficking, then give them all due process and prove they are criminals and gang members.

But he can’t …

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Lisa Murkowski, Alaska GOP Senator, responding to a question about fear of the current regime:

“We are all afraid. It’s quite a statement. We’re in a time and place where—I don’t know, I certainly have not—I have not been here before. And I’ll tell you, I’m oftentimes very anxious myself about using my voice because retaliation is real. And that’s not right. But that’s what you’ve asked me to do and so I’m going to use my voice to the best of my ability.”

Hey Lisa? I got news for you … pull your head out of your chicken ass and work for the people who elected you, not the sociopath who mean Tweets.

Even if he primaries you, you’ll be fine with your pension and healthcare for life, but the people you represent will be utterly screwed so maybe do you f**king job and quit begging for sympathy. Don’t tell us you’re going to use for voice, do it.

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Elizabeth Warren, Democrat Senator from Massachusetts, on RFK Jr’s attack on autistic people:

“I won’t share RFK Jr.’s lies about autism. It’s disgusting and dangerous. If he had a shred of decency, he would apologize and resign. Autistic people contribute every day to our nation’s greatness. To every kid with autism, I’m in this fight all the way for you.”

Now RFK, heroin addict, wants an autism registry and for what end? The way Hitler wanted people with differences to be registered?

I say we register drug addicts and keep watch on them.

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Laurence Tribe, American legal scholar and former professor at Harvard Law School, om The Felon’s attacks on higher education:

“What we have discovered is that he is a combination of ineptitude, vindictiveness, lawlessness and bluster. The people who caved to him, the universities and the law firms, who thought that if they paid his ransom, they would be safe, have learned that they’re not safe. He comes back for more. That’s the way it works. But because of all these demands, the attempt to take over, essentially, a private educational institution to tell us what we can teach, to tell our students what they can say, what they can think, to tell law firms whom they can defend—those efforts are absolutely illegal. It’s not even a close question. Judges across the spectrum are going to rule against [The Felon]. We are going to prevail. And in doing, so we hope that we will give courage to others, because the only way to deal with a bully is to stand up to him, to stand up in solidarity and say, ‘No, you will not dictate all of us, you will not control our lives, you will not control our thoughts.”

I think The Felon is jealous that he couldn’t get into Harvard and so he wants to punish them.

I think The Felon is jealous that he’s an illiterate moron and Harvard pushes ideas and thoughts and progress and equality.

Keep saying No, Harvard, and I guarantee other colleges and universities will stand with you.

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Pete Buttigieg has a hopeful reminder to anyone upset by the current political climate:

“The head of our country’s government is in the early stages of consolidating total power. We must of course reject this, but that is not enough. We have to respond by creating a different and better kind of American politics than we have seen before … We are seeing right before our eyes what it looks like when the head of the government of the country we live in doesn’t think he has to obey the courts or the law. It’s an incredibly important and incredibly dangerous moment for the country. It’s a test of whether we’re actually a freedom-loving people, and I think it leaves a lot of Americans feeling powerless. I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t believe that there are a lot of things we can do. Some of them seem old-fashioned—getting in touch with your member of Congress or joining a demonstration in the streets. Those are important, and we’re going to have to be creative about other means of making it known that this is a freedom-loving country, that wherever you come out of—left, right or center—I’m not going to stand for the head of the government of this country, continuing the process of taking on absolute power. Instead, we’re going to build something different and better, a vision where our politics and our economics respond to the needs of everyday people, one that leaves us more free, more prosperous than before, are very obviously less free, less prosperous than we were even a few months ago. This doesn’t have to be a one-way trip.”

I stand with Pete. Don’t get too bogged down by this criminal incompetent regime; use your anger to create change and make something better like, oh I don’t know, Pete in 2028.

PS Pete Beardigieg is hot.

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Bobservations

So, our exciting lives this past month took us into new gutters for the casa, followed by the slow painful death of our heating and air conditioning system. It was well past its prime when it left us so we had a local company come out, give us an estimate and then come back out two days later to do the work.

On the first day they were still working when I came home and so I had to pull off the driveway under the trees to park. Needless to say mama wasn’t happy and I sulked and skulked down the driveway past the workers truck when I saw what I will say to my dying day was the world’s most epic ass.

I instantly perked up and spent a couple of minutes talking to the caretaker of the ass who told me that they would be out the first thing the next morning to finish the work.

In the house I told Carlos of that ass, and was at the back door when the ass came to say they were leaving; I stood at the door watching until they’d walked away and, had I been more subtle, I might have been able to snap a photo.

I am not subtle, but then you already know that.

The next day I was up and showered and shaved and waiting for my soon-to-be-new husband and when the truck arrived I ran outside like a giddy schoolgirl, or schoolboy who swings that way, and was told Mr. Epic Ass wasn’t coming. I slithered back to the house, crawled up on a chaise and spent the day in mourning.

Now, you may ask, why is this a Carlos story? Well, it’s because he couldn’t see that epic ass and had to endure my description of it for several days and then talk me out of breaking something on the new unit so they’d have to return.

This Tuxedo Tale is from November 7 and 14 2019 and is entitled ‘Tuxedo went to the vet.’

I noticed he had licked the fur off the back of his front leg and so, after Carlos did a quick check, we took him to the vet to see what was what. Turns out it may have been a bug bite that he scratched and then cut into his skin, so he began licking to clean it and the fur came off; or it is the result of a play fight with either Max or Consuelo. Either way, it’s nothing bad and he’s on anti-biotics—which he hates—and a twice daily cleanse of the area.

But this isn’t about that, it’s about the joy of Tuxedo. See, he was a bit of an abused cat when we rescued him; he’d been adopted out several times and always returned to the vet’s office in Miami as “mean.” Then we took him in and let him acclimate to our house and the five other cats we had at the time, and Tuxedo became the sweetest, friendliest cat ever and that leads us to the vet’s office in Smallville.

While he cried in the car on the ride, once there he was calm. When we got in with the vet tech, as she was weighing him and checking him out, he was easy-going. Then came the thermometer up the butt; and he was calm and handled it like any bottom at any gay bar anywhere … or something. But … as she finished with him, Tuxedo stood on his hind legs and put his paws on my chest and rested his head against me. The vet tech squeeed with delight about the hug he was giving me.

When the doctor came in the vet tech was holding Tuxedo for the exam and he stood on his hind legs to give the vet tech a hug, too. The doctor loved that and asked if Tuxedo would give her a hug and, yes, he did. And then they took his picture while hugging the doctor.

Long story a little shorter … as we left with his medications we stopped to pay at the desk and were asked our pet’s name.

“Tuxedo.”

“The one who hugged the doctor?”

“Um, yeah. Do you want one?”

“Can I?”

And she could.

Then at home came the task of giving him his meds and cleaning the wound. The wipes were easy, but the medication had to be given orally through a dropper orally, which meant holding Tuxedo down and shoving the dropper in his mouth and feeding him the medication.

Twice a day for seven days I would take a towel and wrap it around Tuxedo, keeping his paws from grabbing at me, and then Carlos would force the medication into his mouth. After the first dose, as soon as he saw the towel, Tuxedo knew what was coming; he didn’t run, but he wrapped his front paws around my neck and tried to climb me to get away. It was quite the struggle, but we finally finished his round of antibiotics.

And I will give Tuxedo props for not holding a grudge; as soon as he had the meds, he got a treat and then would crawl into my lap and go to sleep.

He really is a good boy … and thrilled to be “off the dropper.”

I have always had a crush on Mark Consuelos. I think he’s a beautiful man, so I was pleased to see him modeling … shoes? I guess?

And The Felon’s Regime wonders why no one who has a brain firing on all-cylinders would trust these ignorant criminals as far as we could throw them.

In a perfect world, Pam Bondi would be in in an El Salvadoran Gulag.

While complaining about the backlash over her multimillion-dollar space ride that was nothing more than an ego trip, Gayle King explained that the negative feedback following the stunt hurt her feelings. She said that it was totally important space stuff for the morning talk show crowd though she doesn’t consider herself an “astronaut”.

‘Cuz y’aren’t, Blanche, y’aren’t.

PS Gayle compared herself to Alan Shepard and said it was sexist to call her trip a space ride.

Gayle? Honey? Pull your head out. Shepard was an astronaut, you were a passenger; I mean, do you call yourself a pilot when you ride in an airplane? And I don’t think Shepard had a hair and makeup crew standing by when he returned to Earth.

Department of Homeland Security Secretary and dog killer Kristi Noem robbed last weekend at a DC restaurant. Security footage shows an unknown white male wearing a medical mask steal her bag and leave the restaurant with Noem’s driver’s license, medication, apartment keys, passport, DHS access badge, makeup bag, blank checks, and about $3,000 in cash.

She can’t protect a handbag, how is she supposed to protect the border?

Call me crazy, but all this time I thought it was drag queens and gay men that had the best tea …

Giorgio Ramondetta is an Italian model, surfer, and student and begs the question: Would You Hit It?

Architecture Wednesday: Cliff May Pacific Palisades House

This Pacific Palisades home is perched above Old Ranch Road in coveted Sullivan Canyon, this Cliff May—a building designer best known for developing the suburban Post-war "dream home"—home exudes the integrity and rustic origins of a California ranch house.

Set off the street up a private drive on a tree-filled knoll with unparalleled privacy and breathtaking settings the home features vaulted wood ceilings, skylights, and terra-cotta tile floors and an open, free-flowing floorplan.

A central "great room" includes living, dining area and kitchen; the courtyard is surrounded on three sides by the great room and the primary suite on one side with the other bedrooms and baths on the others. Through French and sliding glass doors, each sun-drenched room opens to the tranquil and bucolic grounds canopied by mature sycamores and oaks.

This house is the epitome of cool, calm California living.

Dwell