Architecture Wednesday: Hudson Street Church Conversion

Hudson Street is the conversion of an Anglican church, built in 1892, into a modern, luxurious home, in 2012, in Melbourne, Australia.

A vast Living-Dining-Entertaining area is arranged around a stunning Nero Tempesta marble fire-place. The house seems both formal—probably that whole used-to-be-a-church thing—and informal. There are limestone floors at your feet and Baltic Pine ceilings overhead. The kitchen features Calacatta marble surfaces, a butler’s pantry and double ovens.

Above all of that is a mezzanine level Lounge; and a roof space loft with views of the city, for the ideal work space, retreat, mediation room.

There are five bedrooms and five bathrooms; the master suite is in its own wing, with a marble and limestone bathroom. A guest room has its own ensuite and opens to a beautifully landscaped yard.

In the basement is the wine room—or, as I like to think of it, My Room—with recycled messmate—a tree in the Eucalyptus family—ceilings and beautiful onyx marble paneling; it can hold 700 bottles. On the same level is the gym-game room, with its own bathroom and a day bed retreat.

Outside is another kitchen, a beautiful lawn, which covers a 1585-gallon water tank, and solar heated pool. Double garage and abundant storage put the finishing touch to a home in which the finest materials, the best ideas and a complete commitment to quality have produced a brilliant, breath-taking result.

Plus, in case you forgot, there’s a 700 bottle wine room.

Prioritize people!

As always, click to emBIGGERate

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Brian Sims Silenced On DOMA By Colleague Citing 'God's Law'

Brian Sims, that openly gay Pennsylvania Democratic state Congressman—and, to be fair and honest, extreme hottie—took to the House floor last week in the wake of the Supreme Court’s decision on DOMA and found that his remarks were blocked by several state lawmakers using a procedural maneuver; and when two of Sims fellow Democrats attempted to speak in support of Sims, they too were blocked.

One of those lawmakers, a conservative—of course—Republican—of course—Representative, Daryl Metcalfe, said he felt Sims’ comments were a violation of "God's law."

Yes. He did.

"I did not believe that as a member of that body that I should allow someone to make comments such as he was preparing to make that ultimately were just open rebellion against what the word of God has said, what God has said, and just open rebellion against God's law."—Daryl Metcalfe

See what he did there? He states that he should not allow someone to make comments he views as rebellion against God, so he silenced Brian Sims before even hearing what Sims was going to say. And that’s an elected official in Pennsylvania.

Sims said he had no intention of criticizing marriage equality foes, and was only going to talk about the importance of the SCOTUS ruling: "I wasn't planning on chastising anybody. I wasn't planning on discussing how far we have to come in Pennsylvania or that we really have no civil rights in Pennsylvania."

At the end of the session, Sims spoke again, this time criticizing Metcalfe and the other legislators who blocked him:

"A few months ago I reminded this House that we put our hands on the Bible and swore to uphold the Constitution, not the other way around. What I did was in no way against the law of any God. I can't call anyone a bigot, a homophobe or racist, but language used against me does not live up to the standards of this body."

Then he asked his legislative colleagues to censure Metcalfe because his comments "did not live up to the standards set by this body."

Metcalfe, as a rabid conservative who believes what he says should be heard, and he alone gets to decide what others might say on the floor of the Pennsylvania Statehouse, is standing by his words:

"For me to allow him to say things that I believe are open rebellion against God are for me to participate in his open rebellion. There's no free speech on the floor."

Welcome to Pennsylvania, where lawmakers are not entitled to Free Speech. Welcome to Pennsylvania, where members have the right under House rules to veto another member's remarks under "unanimous consent." When the openly gay, and, again, openly hot, Sims got up to speak, Metcalfe and at least one other representative withdrew their consent.

How can the people of Pennsylvania expect any work to be done, when you have lawmakers deciding for themselves who should speak? The only way to move forward, to come to any kind of understanding, is through conversation and dialogue, and letting people speak.

Even in Pennsylvania.

Sims, to his credit, is also not backing down. Under the advice from House Speaker, and Republican, Sam Smith, Sims will use the proper procedure to censure Metcalfe by going through the Ethics Committee or seeking a House resolution.

Sims has said he will pursue the censure: "This is a guy who hates women, he hates gay people, he hates minorities and he hates immigrants."

And then, so, so not backing down, last Thursday Brian Sims and fellow Democratic Representative Steve McCarter introduced a bill to legalize same-sex marriages in the state:

"LGBT Pennsylvanians are seeing their neighbors in New York, Maryland and Delaware, among other states, now qualify for the approximately 1,000 federal rights and benefits that come with civil marriage and they are increasingly asking why they don't have those same rights, as well as the state rights and benefits."

That’s what Pennsylvania needs. A congressman who stands firm, who will not fall in the face of bigoted statements from a colleague who cites God’s laws in an American statehouse. We are not a country of God’s laws, we are a country of man’s laws, and Daryl Metcalfe, like so many others, will soon find himself foot-stomping and head-snapping when marriage equality comes to pass.

Because it will.

Even in Pennsylvania.

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Governor Mike Pence's Staff Edits His Facebook Page So It Seems Like Folks Agree With Him

Be careful what you post on social media sites, because sometimes it’s inappropriate, and sometimes, if you’re Mike Pence, Governor of Indiana, things he doesn’t agree with are posted on his Facebook page and his staff removes the comments.

It appears that Governor Pence’s staff deleted hundreds of comments from his official Facebook page because he, or someone, deemed them uncivil. Most of the comments were in response to a posting by Mike Pence, reaffirming his support for a proposed state constitutional ban on same-sex marriage before Indiana voters in 2014.

Pence’s office began moderating the comments as soon as they were posted; last Thursday morning, the number of comments on the Pence’s marriage equality statement approached 1,200, but by the afternoon, even though more comments had been posted, there were just 800 or so.

Many who commented say their posts were removed, not for being rude or uncivil, but for simply being opposed to the governor’s, soon-to-be-antiquated opinion, and, initially, Pence maintained that his staff did feel the deleted comments were uncivil, while pointing to other posts that weren’t removed and yet were critical of the his stance.

But, here’s a comment that was deleted for being uncivil: Jessica Strope said: “This Hoosier stands for equality. Too bad so many of the ‘Right’ stand on the complete WRONG side of history.”

In another, Beth Hollandbeck Barnes asked Pence, in part, to explain to three of her children why their older brother, who is gay, “doesn’t deserve the same rights they do.” She said her family was traditional and that Pence was wrong to assume he speaks for Hoosiers: “I figured they were just deleting hateful stuff, so I made sure to have a cogent point.

That her post was later removed, she said, showed that “voices like mine aren’t valued.”

Of course, there were some that were rude, and childishly offensive, like the one that called Pence a “simple minded hairless ape” but is that really worthy of deletion? Isn’t that sort of stepping on Free Speech?

The debate over the deletion of the posts has a legal dimension, as US courts still struggle to adapt to social media, and some feel officials who monitor, and edit, their social media outlets risk running afoul of the Constitution.

Lyrissa Barnett Lidsky, a law professor at the University of Florida, says that’s because people have a First Amendment right to express their views in a public forum, and she believes Pence could face legal issues if his Facebook page—even if operated by staff members—were viewed by a court as a public forum:

“If a government actor sets up as part of a government action a place for citizens to come and speak and interact, then the rule is that you can’t cherry-pick the viewpoints you like and eliminate the viewpoints you don’t like.”

Still, Governor Pence said that wasn’t his staff’s motivation, adding that “I’m somebody who really believes that civility and mutual respect are important. I do know our staff has a long-standing policy that many news organizations have had regarding name-calling and vulgar comments, and I’m confident our staff was just administrating that in the way that we do in any other debate.”

All well and good, in some instances, but where was the vulgarity in Jessica Strope’s comment?

Naturally, the ironically named anti-LGBT, anti-equality groups are rallying behind Pence. Curt Smith, president of the Indiana Family Institute and one of the leading advocates for a constitutional ban on gay marriage, supports the governor’s efforts to keep the debate respectful, and yet censored:

“I applaud the governor for policing the conversation and steering the tone toward a more civil conversation. He has a unique role as our state’s governor. He has a particular responsibility (on his Facebook page) to make sure the comments are uplifting and edifying and appropriate.”

The lack of a clearly stated policy on Pence’s Facebook page left many users scratching their heads at the deleted comments.

Kyle Straub had a feeling when he posted his comment about 10 p.m. Wednesday, after users had noticed other posts had disappeared, that it might get deleted, so he took a screen shot; his comment had been deleted by morning: “You want to avoid the ‘brain drain’ and better keep Hoosiers in Indiana after graduation? Well, I’ll give you a hint on where to start: the right side of history. Times are changing.”

And Liz Pelloso says she was actually blocked from interacting with the page after her comment was deleted. One of her deleted comments was a complaint that Pence’s staff was deleting comments.

In a twist, of course, without taking any responsibility, Governor Pence has since issued an apology, expressing regret that some comments were deleted from his official Facebook page “simply because they expressed disagreement with my position.” But there was no word on whether the staff members who took it upon themselves, or were instructed, to remove the comments have been fired or reprimanded.

Here’s the deal, this whole marriage thing is a huge conversation, but how can we have the conversation when people like Mike Pence take it upon themselves to edit out the parts with which they don’t agree?

I know people write hateful, stupid, bigoted, hurtful things on Facebook; I’ve seen them. I’ve seen them on my own blog. But if the comment is just one that disagrees with your position, wouldn’t it be better to leave it in and keep the conversation going? That way minds can be opened and mouths can be shut.

Governor Pence, who is responsible for his staff, and their actions, as the boss, ought to be ashamed of himself for trying to manipulate the discussion to his side.

Just sayin’.

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Timothy Dolan: Still Protecting Rapists and the Catholic Church

After years of listening to the Catholic Church sing their Deny, Deny, Deny song, this week a box of files was released by the Roman Catholic Archdiocese of Milwaukee that shows that back in 2007, anti-gay Cardinal Timothy Dolan, then the archbishop there, requested permission from the Vatican to move nearly $57 million into a cemetery trust fund to protect the assets from victims of pedophile priests who were demanding compensation.

Let’s get that queer: Dolan asked the Vatican for permission to hide money in case monies were awarded victims of child rapists.

Still Cardinal Timmy, now the archbishop of New York, denied that he tried to hide funds, and, again, reiterated his denial in a statement just this week that these were “old and discredited attacks.” But, the files contain the actual letter, written by Dolan in 2007, to the Vatican in which he explains that by transferring the assets, “I foresee an improved protection of these funds from any legal claim and liability.”

The Vatican approved the request in five weeks.

The sickest part of all this mess, besides the fact that the Catholic Church harbored sexual predators, aided and abetted pedophiles, hid funds to avoid costly payouts in civil suits brought by the victims, is that Timmy Dolan played himself as part of the solution to this, um, problem. As the scandal grew, and continues to grow, Dolan expressed his personal outrage at the harm done to children; he apologized; he pledged to help the church and the victims heal.

Then he asked for permission to hide $57 million. I guess he wasn’t lying when he said he wanted to help the church; and, perhaps, help himself, since now he is Archbishop Dolan.

Victims of pedophile priests are now calling for a federal investigation into the actions of then-Cardinal Dolan and his predecessors; Dolan, perhaps to deflect criticism, says he welcomes the release of the documents.

The current archbishop of Milwaukee, Jerome Listecki—who planned to release the documents before a judicial hearing—did release a letter he wrote, warning Catholics in his archdiocese that the documents could shake their faith: “Prepare to be shocked. There are some graphic descriptions about the behavior of some of these priest offenders.”

Such as the fact that the files contain documents from the personnel files of 42 clergy offenders with “substantiated” allegations, going back 80 years. Such as, the Reverend Lawrence Murphy, who is believed to have molested some 200 boys during his 25 years of teaching; and Sigfried Widera, who faced 42 counts of child abuse in Wisconsin and California. Murphy died in 1998, and Father Widera committed suicide in Mexico in 2003.

In that letter to his flock, Archbishop Listecki said the documents showed that 22 priests were “reassigned to parish work after concerns about their behavior were known to the archdiocese,” and that 8 of those “reoffended after being reassigned.”

The release of these new documents comes from a case filed in bankruptcy court between the Milwaukee Archdiocese and 575 men and women who have filed claims against it alleging that priests or other church employees had sexually abused them.

The archdiocese of Milwaukee, saying it was the best way to compensate the victims and resolve the controversy, filed for bankruptcy in 2011, becoming the eighth Catholic diocese in the United States to do so. Negotiations between the two sides in Milwaukee broke down once the church began arguing that some 400 of the 575 cases are invalid.

In January, the archdiocese said it had spent about $9 million in legal and other fees in the bankruptcy process and was going broke.

Going broke? What about the money that Dolan hid away? What does that say about The Church and their stance on pedophile priests?

It says the same old thing, that the Catholic Church, and men like Dolan, is only out to protect the Church and not the children.

If in any other part of society, you came across an organization that harbored men who raped children, and then the organization moved those men to other jobs where they raped again, and the leaders of that organization began hiding money in fear of monetary judgments against them, we’d all be raising quite a ruckus.

So, why is that the Catholic Church gets to hide rapists and money and no one, notably the members of the Church, are demanding answers?

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Post-Death To DOMA, A Michigan Judge Blocks A Ban On Domestic Partner Benefits

Oopsy. It looks like some Michigan lawmakers just got bitchslapped by a federal judge.

See, last Friday, U.S. District Judge David Lawson blocked Michigan's ban on domestic partner benefits for public school and local government employees because he believes that state lawmakers simply wanted to punish gays and lesbians.

Oh. But.He.Did.

Lawson said plaintiffs who have lost benefits or were forced to buy expensive private health insurance have made a "plausible claim" that the law violates the Equal Protection Clause of the U.S. Constitution:

"It is hard to argue with a straight face that the primary purpose — indeed, perhaps the sole purpose — of the statute is other than to deny health benefits to the same-sex partners of public employees. But that can never be a legitimate governmental purpose."

The ban on domestic partner benefits was passed in 2011 by the Republican-controlled Legislature and signed by Republican-controlled governor’s off, AKA Rick Snyder, and effectively ended insurance coverage  for people whose domestic partners work for certain public employers.

Supporters of the law, i.e. homophobes and bigots, say it saves tax dollars and follows the spirit of Michigan’s 2004 constitutional amendment—approved, at the time, by 58% voters—that defines marriage only as a union between a man and a woman.

In his 51-page opinion, Lawson cited last week's decision by the U.S. Supreme Court that struck down the portion of DOMA that barred certain benefits to married same-sex couples.

Although the injunction doesn't end the case, Michigan ACLU legal director Michael Steinberg believes that the law is doomed, and adding that any public school district or local government can now choose to restore or create benefits for same-sex couples or unmarried heterosexual couples.

Governor Snyder's office said the governor will review the ruling and consult with the state attorney general "to determine any next steps," meaning he’ll stomp his feet and cry activist judges. And, the state itself could appeal; the attorney general's office, which defended the law in court, had no comment but Ari Adler, spokesman for House Speaker and Republican Jase Bolger said the law's supporters still stand behind it.

On a happy—can’t-wait-to-see-it-happen—sidenote, another judge is considering whether to strike down Michigan's nearly 9-year-old ban on same-sex marriage.

The march goes on.

UPDATE

That other Michigan judge--citing last week's SCOTUS ruling on DOMA--will allow a lesbian couple to sue the state for marriage rights:

"Plaintiffs’ equal protection claim has sufficient merit to proceed. The United States Supreme Court’s recent decision in United States v. Windsor, No. 12-307 (U.S. Jun. 26, 2013), has provided the requisite precedential fodder for both parties to this litigation.

Plaintiffs are prepared to claim Windsor as their own. And why shouldn’t they? The Supreme Court has just invalidated a federal statute on equal protection grounds because it “place[d] same-sex couples in an unstable position of being in a second-tier marriage.”

Moreover, and of particular importance to this case, the justices expressed concern that the natural consequence of such discriminatory legislation would not only lead to the relegation of same-sex relationships to a form of second-tier status, but impair the rights of “tens of thousands of children now being raised by same-sex couples” as well. Id. This is exactly the type of harm plaintiffs seek to remedy in this case."

The trial date will be set later this month.

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Is Alec Baldwin This Week's Paula Deen? Why I Think So

Alec Baldwin has a temper. I remember the video footage of him trying to break into a paparazzo’s van the day his daughter was born; banging on the windows and cursing up a blue streak. We all thought, ‘Good for you.’

Cut to a few years later when a phone conversation with Alec and his then-teenage daughter was leaked, and listening to him call her all sorts of nasty things was, to say the least, uncomfortable. And he’s ranted about airlines that tell him, he’s ALEC Baldwin, you know, to turn off his phone. So, so funny? Or not.

Now, Baldwin is in trouble again for Tweeting his ire at George Stark, a Daily Mail reporter, who wrote that Baldwin’s wife, Hilaria, was Tweeting while the couple attended the funeral of actor James Gandolfini last week. And Baldwin, not at all known for his restraint, said, “My wife wasn’t Tweeting throughout the funeral and that wasn’t nice of you to say so.”

Of course he didn’t say that. He took to Twitter where he Tweeted:

ABFoundation @ABFalecbaldwin

I'm gonna find you, George Stark, you toxic little queen, and I'm gonna fuck...you...up.

ABFoundation @ABFalecbaldwin

If [sic] put my foot up your fucking ass, George Stark, but I'm sure you'd dig it too much

ABFoundation @ABFalecbaldwin

My wife and I attend a funeral to pay our respects to an old friend, and some toxic Brit writes this fucking trash

ABFoundation @ABFalecbaldwin I want all of my followers and beyond to straighten out this fucking little bitch, George Stark. @MailOnline

ABFoundation ABFalecbaldwin

George Stark, you lying little bitch. I am gonna f%#@ you up.

ABFoundation @ABFalecbaldwin Someone wrote that my wife was tweeting at a funeral. Hey. That's not true. But I'm gonna tweet at your funeral.

ABFoundation @ABFalecbaldwin

My wife DID NOT use her phone, in any capacity, at our friends funeral. Now, fuck this twitter + good luck to all of you who know the truth

Then he deleted his Twitter account.

Now, is he the new Paula Deen? I’m going to say yes, because of his use of the word ‘queen’ and his suggestion of “f**king” him by shoving a foot in Stark’s ass, though he thinks Stark might like it.

Now, the word ‘queen’ might not sound offensive, in and of itself, but the idea of Baldwin suggesting that Stark might like something shoved up his ass, along with the term ‘queen’ is offensive to the gay community at large. Especially in New York City where, in recent weeks, we’ve seen a sharp rise in gay bashings and hate crimes, and the murder of one gay man, shot point blank in the face. 

Baldwin’s choice of words is not unfortunate, or a mistake, it’s disgusting and hurtful and harmful. But then he tries to explain it away and his apology, or lack thereof, and explanation, are as mind-numbingly idiotic as anything Deen has said of late:

"The idea of me calling this guy a 'queen' and that being something that people thought is homophobic...a queen to me has a different meaning. It's somebody who's just above. It doesn't have any necessarily sexual connotations.

To me a queen...I know women that act queeny, I know men that are straight that act queeny, and I know gay men that act queeny. It doesn't have to be a definite sexual connotation, or a homophobic connotation. To me those are people who think the rules don't apply to them.

This guy could blatantly lie, I mean blatantly lie about my wife on the internet and there are just no rules that apply to him, but that's outrageous to me....if what I said offended everybody, that obviously wasn't my intention.

I'm not interested in offending anyone. If homosexuality was an issue for me, I would have moved out of New York years ago. I find that laughable."

Not so fast, Alec. You might think the word ‘queen’ means what you say, but people hearing you say it, Tweet it, are not going to feel the same way. I have never heard that word said and not thought of a gay person—or, maybe, maybe, an actual queen—and adding to that your suggestion of violence toward the reporter is just as disgusting and offensive.

You used the word ‘queen’ as a put-down. You knew it was a put-down and, not being a stupid man by any stretch of the imagination, you had to know it would be perceived as an anti-gay put-down. So, save your apologies and try this: try removing that word from your vocabulary if the only way you know how to use it is as a derogatory name for someone who writes something about you that you don’t like.

It may not be the N-word, but I find your use of it, along with your threat of violence, to be upsetting, and disgusting, and very, very Paula Deen-like.

Baldwin also released this statement to GLAAD:

"I have worked, periodically, with numerous marriage equality organizations, especially over the past couple of years, to achieve the very rights that gay couples are earning by recent court decisions.

I would not advocate violence against someone for being gay and I hope that my friends at GLAAD and the gay community understand that my attack on Mr. Stark in no way was the result of homophobia.

As someone who fights against homophobia, I apologize. I have worked, periodically, with numerous marriage equality organizations, especially over the past couple of years, to achieve the very rights that gay couples are earning by recent court decisions. I would not advocate violence against someone for being gay and I hope that my friends at GLAAD and the gay community understand that my attack on Mr. Stark in no way was the result of homophobia.

Many Thanks, Alec Baldwin." 

And do not get me started on that whole “I’ve worked for gay causes” bull. That smacks of “Some of my best friends are fill in the blank” or of Paula Deen’s “We treat the black folks like family.” You can still be a bigot, a racist, or a homophobe, in your heart, when you use the wrong word, and then try to mangle some sort of ‘Oh no I didn’t’ out of it.

As Andrew Sullivan said, on the topic of Baldwin and his word choices:

"This is not just hate speech; it’s a specific call for other people to physically attack a gay man. It’s a call to violence against a specific person, which, last time I checked, was a crime. He’s a pro-gay liberal, so he may get a pass for this. He shouldn’t."

No, he shouldn’t. He should do as I have suggested Paula Deen do, over and over again, say, “I’m sorry I was wrong.” And then shut up. But no, always the one to get in the last word, Baldwin responded to Andrew Sullivan:

"I don’t think it’s a call for violence against a specific person because they’re gay, it’s a call for violence against a person who lied about my wife."

Oh, I guess calling for violence against a person who lies is appropriate now.

At least he didn’t call Sullivan a ‘toxic queen’ so there might be hope for him yet.

Until someone else pisses him off.

Oh yeah, and before any gays out there start defending Alec Baldwin and his rotten choice of words, think about this: what if it was said to you? What if, after a snippy little altercation with someone, they said, I'm gonna find you, you toxic little queen, and I'm gonna fuck...you...up. I'd put my foot up your fucking ass,  but I'm sure you'd dig it too much.

Not so nice now, eh?

HGTV Star and Food Network Star! A Recap and Rant...Part Four

HGTV STAR!!! “Real Life” Clients!! Again!!!

This week, once again, our designtestants are given, ahem, “real life” clients. I say “real life” because they are being tasked with designing kitchens and dining rooms, but the cabinets and flooring and appliances are already picked out, and the kitchen layouts will remain the same as they were pre-redesign.

So, it isn’t design, it’s install; and maybe paint and put up a drape and set out some canisters. Oh, but, be still my heart, the designers are told that they will be allowed to pick a sink and faucet; I mean, if it’s by Kohler™, of course.

The final six are divided into teams of three, and get help from two carpenters. So, let’s rip ‘em a new one ….

TEAM ANNE, BROOKS & ABBY

Brooks, Abby and Anne are tasked with designing a warm and modern kitchen and they come up with beige; oh, sorry Anne, it’s Taupe-y Gray, sorry. Anne took charge this week because, as she said, this was her element. I took that to mean Anne would be going home, but the producers at HGTV Star! threw a curveball at me.

Abby kept mumbling about how this wasn’t her ‘thing’ and how she could make drapes. Makes me long from HGTV Drapestar!

Brooks’ additions were to paint the wooden vaulted ceiling white; it was a smart move because it really made the room seem larger. His dumb move was to do some 60s Jetson countertop that looked like a throwback, or a throw-up, from the olden times.

But, oh for the love of ‘but’, Brooks scores major points for buying a great sink. HGTV Sinkstar! And since the judges were less than thrilled with Abby’s beige-on-beige-one-beige countertop and backsplash, I’m guessing the upcoming season of Project Beigestar! is on hold.

What isn’t on hold, I’m guessing, is HGTV Tablesettings! because the judges just loved the plates and flowers and candles Anne set out on the dining table. So much so, that Anne wins this week.

For.Setting.A.Table. And picking taupe-y grey.

TEAM BORIS, TIFFANY & JERIBAI

Their, ahem, “real life” clients want a warm—isn’t that to be expected—and inviting kitchen; I, myself, prefer the cold and Get The Hell Outta Here kitchen, but I digress.

Jeribai, who has yet to win a challenge, decides that he will do the impossible, at least for HGVT Star! He’ll do a tile backsplash and get it done! “It was the best backsplash I have ever seen done on the show,” Vern said. “It was executed to perfection and looked great with the cabinets.”  Hold the phone, y’all! Maybe Project Backsplash! will be on next season, with Vern Yip traveling the country in a minivan, marveling at well-executed tiled walls. Set.My.DVR.

Tiffany and Boris focused on the dining room, where Tiffany put in a metal table. Nothing says warm and inviting like a surgical table for two. But, Boris decided to go for the warm by picking a lovely grass-cloth wallpaper; I’ll give him points for using it because it did cover up the 60s paneling that was in the room.

Boris also took down the couple's corner cabinet liquor storage—a must for a home with children—and replaced that with floating shelves that were too short to actually hold wine bottles; the bottles ended up looking like they were supporting the shelf above.

JUDGING

The Goiter chided Jeribai for fumbling his words in his Camera Challenge—something she does nearly constantly—but saved him because of the brilliant tile-work.

Vern loved the way Tiffany called the hardware on the cabinets the ‘jewelry’ which proves he doesn’t watch his own network because every single designer on the channel calls the hardware jewelry. Seriously, Vern, step up. Or at least stand up, child, we can hardly see you at the Big Boy Table. She’s safe.

Boris listens to The Goiter say, “I was … immediately honed into this beautiful sink” as if it was the Second Coming, or something. He’s safe. Jeribai doesn’t win, but putting up tile guarantees him the chance at having his show not produced by HGTV.

Anne, like I said, wins for setting a table—something I do every night—and for taupe-y grey. Boris gets saved for a dazzling wallpaper choice.

Abby goes home because she put herbs in a plastic planter box in the dining room.

MY TAKE

Howsabout less of these phony “real client” challenges because you just know that, since everything but the kitchen sink was already chosen, what kind of design was really done?

And howsabout less of these team challenges? If someone wins and actually gets their show on TV they are not going to be working in teams, so let them work individually with real clients and see what they do.

Have someone surgically remove the marbles from The Goiter’s mouth and then have them surgically reduce the size of Boris’ mouth; it still looks like he’s gonna eat someone.

What’s a Sabrina Soto? She’s the one who seemed the most real this week because she said, of Tiffany’s metal table, “I’m pretty sure I’ve gotten a pap smear on that table before.”

The most real moment in a completely phony episode.

FOOD NETWORK STAR! FOURTH OF JULY LIVE!!!!

We have ate chef-wannabes left and this week’s Mentor Challenge is the one where they appear on ‘live’ TV to cook sausage and peppers and then something crazy happens. No, silly, they don’t actually cook! The producers throw ‘em a curveball and see how they recover. Let’s rip ….

Viet: His curveball was that the sausage and peppers went missing. His reaction? Standing still and saying over and over and over and, yes, one more, over again, ‘Where are the peppers?’ Fail.

Russell: The lights went out on Russell’s appearance but he just kept going. I wonder if sausages and peppers in the dark is any good?

Stacey: Someone.Took.Her.Whisk! Um, yeah, so she used a fork. Big deal; millions of people in this country don’t have whisks and they all use forks.

Chad: The host, Terrence Jenkins from E! began coughing. He kinda stopped; maybe he was waiting to see if he needed to Heimlich the guy? I would’a like to see Chad lip-lock a dude, even if it wasn’t me.

Damaris: The set started falling apart on her, but she blamed it on poltergeists. Good save.

Nikki: As she cooked, the fire alarm went off, so she stood there. Arms folded. Um, Nikki? You’re supposed to march out of the building in single file to a safe place on the other side of the football field. I learned that in grade school!

Chris: Jenkins spilled the oil. Chris talked louder and louder. My head began to hurt.

Rodney: His curveball was being rushed for time, but he didn’t mumble or stumble or fumble. Rodney wins! For not mumbling.

The Star Challenge: to do a ‘live’ show featuring all thing foodie and Independence Day. As the winner of the Mentor Challenge, Rodney picks which food he’ll serve up—desserts, of course—and then gets to assign the others. Let’s rip … again ….

Viet: He was given Chips and Dips, and seemed kind of offended, so you know he’ll blow it. And blow he did, when a ‘live’ caller asked about three great dips to serve—I shrieked salsa, hummus and guacamole—and Vern stammered, um, yeah, three dips. Backstage, Giada also shrieked salsa, hummus and guacamole, so you know Viet—and let me say this, he is just the most adorable thing ever—would be in danger of leaving. His Crab Dip was as waterlogged as his performance.

Russell: He didn’t make sense when talking about Potato Salad, and seemed totally lost until Alton Brown—on whom I also have a wee culinary crush—asked him to ‘throw it to commercial.’ Then he came to life, for one bri3ef shining moment. His salad looked like mashed potato salad; not a good thing to eat cold.

Stacey: She was told to butcher, and she did everything but; by that I mean, while she butchered meat expertly, she did not butcher her segment. She came off good, though her pork was overcooked; her sauces, though, saved her, but her being good, AKA perfect and too professional because that’s a bad thing, were not good. Huh?

Chad: Poor Chad—The Hot Grill Man—was given veggies, but turned it around to a Veggie Cheese-steak thing. The downside, while he was outside grilling with the allegedly famous Farmer Lee, he kinda failed to introduce the man. His veggie dee-lights dee-lighted the judges.

Damaris: Rodney sends Damaris to the Bar, where she proceeds, I think, to get hammered and act all giggly like she just don’t care. She got points because the judges will able to get their drank on and they liked it.

Nikki: Nikki—you know, who doesn’t do meat—gets Fried Chicken, and the proceeds to say it’ll be so good, you’ll only need one piece and then you can move on to the veggies. She’s perky and giddy and girly, all annoying. Her chicken, while small because it’s meat and meat sucks, y’all, scored with the judges.

Chris: He was given Cole Slaw and well, yeah, it’s Cole Slaw. Points for toning down his loudness, though. Points off for slimy Cole Slaw; hint: roasted peppers are slimy.

Rodney: Rodney made some Meringue dessert, but returned to the mumbling and rumbling and fumbling, and then said the word ‘suckers’ twice, even though he wasn’t doing anything with candy.

THE VERDICT

Stacey wins for being good and professional, though a bit too good and too professional. They actually told her they needed her to make a mistake or two. Huh? What? Huh?

The Bottom Two are Russell and Viet, both for being bad on camera and for making really bad cold mushy food.

In the end, Viet went home. I felt bad because he seemed like an innovative chef, and he was every which way adorable, but he couldn’t master his confidence on camera.

MY TAKE

This is how Design Star! should run.

Let the designers each design their own thing and then be judged on it.

They didn’t ask everyone on Food Network Star! to make the same dish, so you got to see some creativity that is sorely lacking on DS Star!

Greg Rikaart Comes Out

Greg Rikaart, an Emmy-winning actor on The Young and the Restless has come out as gay, in light of the recent Supreme Court decision on DOMA and Prop H8, in a Tweet and a TwitPic:

Congratulations Greg, and Welcome Out.

You, naturally, will be receiving a copy of The Gay Agenda, and the obligatory Coming Out Toaster Oven. Please be aware that we here at HOMO HQ are in a bit of a Toaster Oven back-order, but it's worth waiting for.

Just like Coming Out.

Welcome out, Greg, Welcome out.

Rick Perry: ISBL Asshat of the Decade

I know, I know, you’re saying, ‘But Bob, it’s only 2013! Surely someone more deserving of this award will come up.’

To which I say, ‘Oh hell no.’

Rick Perry is such an asshat, such a delusional moron, he makes George Bush look like a member of Mensa. But, worse than being out-of-touch, narrow-minded, and stupid, he’s also dangerous because he’s, well, out-of-touch, narrow-minded, and stupid.

This is the man who said, of The Gays:

“Even if an alcoholic is powerless over alcohol once it enters his body, he still makes a choice to drink. And, even if someone is attracted to a person of the same sex, he or she still makes a choice to engage in sexual activity with someone of the same gender.”

Huh? So, being gay is like being an alcoholic?

Then he said this, about the BP oil spill: 

“From time to time there are going to be things that occur that are acts of God that cannot be prevented.”

Yes, folks, Rick Perry said the BP oil spill was God’s fault.

But, in light of the recent abortion debate and filibuster in the Texas statehouse, I have come across another Rick Perry quote that seals his fate as the ISBL Asshat of the Decade.

See, while many around the country, and even in Texas, have called Texas state senator, Wendy Davis a hero for standing on her feet for 11 hours to filibuster an anti-abortion bill, Governor, and Not Gay, Dammit, Rick Perry said this about her:

"Even the woman who filibustered the Senate the other day was born into difficult circumstances. She was the daughter of a single woman, she was a teenage mother herself. She managed to eventually graduate from Harvard Law School and serve in the Texas senate. It is just unfortunate that she hasn’t learned from her own example that every life must be given a chance to realize its full potential and that every life matters."

First off, Miss Ricky, she’s an elected official of the state of Texas, learn her goddamned name! 

Secondly, you dumbass, she is pro-choice, which does not mean that she is pro-abortion. Those two things are quite different. And her mother, that single mother, made the choice to have her child and not to have an abortion because it’s her right to choose. And Wendy Davis also made the choice to have her child, because it is her right.

You, sir, are so delusional, and so one-note, and so pandering to the ultra-conservative factions of the GOP that you cannot even differentiate a woman who chooses  to have a child, and a woman who chooses, for whatever reason, because it is her right, to terminate her pregnancy.

Woman who are single mothers are automatically inducted into the Pro-Life movement any more than women who are Pro-Choice have an abortion just because they believe it’s their right to do so.

I could rant, and rage and spit and hiss, but, since I also #StandWithWendy, I’m gonna give her the last word before signing off:

"Rick Perry's statement is without dignity and tarnishes the high office he holds. They are small words that reflect a dark and negative point of view. Our governor should reflect our Texas values. Sadly, Gov. Perry fails that test."—Wendy Davis

She was much kinder than I, but this is my blog and I’ll rant if I want to, and I’ll crown Miss Ricky Perry, the Oh So Not Gay Governor of Texas, as the ISBL Asshat of the Decade.