Why Is It ...

… that there is a special class of people who turn every crappy situation into a master class in stupidity and they are known as Dipshitiots.

… that there are some people who have pissed me off from the moment we met that I wanted to buy them a toaster … for their bathtub.

… that whenever someone says to me, “What do you mean by that,” I generally reply, “Probably what the fuck I just said.”

… that people don’t understand that I am not rude, I am selectively nice, and you were not selected.

… that when people piss me off I tell them to F.O.C.US … Fuck Off Cuz You’re Stupid.

… that not even my friends understand that I would be the first person killed in a horror movie cuz I refuse to use my last minutes running.

… that when I suggested to my boss that we should be allowed to fight one client a day, and perhaps two on Fridays, he was not happy.

… that getting old is so hard; one wrong pillow alignment and my neck is filing for disability.

… that no one understands that my Serenity Prayer is, “God, grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to change direction when I see them coming, and the wisdom to not smack some sense into them when I can’t avoid them.”

… that I’ve only just realized that if you’re going to talk to me for more than two minutes, I’m gonna need something to lean on.