Sunday Funnies

I Ain't One To Gossip, But ....

Do you remember back in the day, when Britney Spears was losing it? I mean, before the umbrella charging at the SUV and before the shaving her head in public? Even before she would drive around all night long drinking Starbucks after Starbucks and talk with an English accent? It seems that Amanda Bynes, aka Lohan 2.0™, might actually also be Britney 2.0™.

See, last week Bynes went off on a photographer. The struggle began with Bynes walking down Sunset Blvd. in Hollywood, shielding her face when she realized she was being photographed. Apparently the star didn’t like the way she looked—you know, with a coat thrown over her head—and she tried to reason with the paparazzo and flatter him into deleting the pictures, by agreeing to pose for him. But then she tried to grab the camera—I guess she wanted to take his picture—and the photographer begins shouting that Bynes hurt him.

Bynes calmly says, “I didn’t touch you.”

Now, she should know better; she’s become a paparazzi darling ever since her first DUI, and her fist arrest and first, second, third, fourth, and fifth car accident. So why she decides to pose is kinda weird. Except that seems to be Amanda Bynes these days. Talking to herself in dressing rooms for hours and then taking a spin class at the gym and stripped down to her bra and used the time to fix her makeup in the wall of mirrors.

She’s a target.

And it only gets worse. Her team of lawyers, agents, managers, wranglers, have all dropped her as a client, and now her family seems poised to go all Britney Conservatorship on her.

Which means she’ll be crazy for a couple of months, make a disastrous appearance on an awards show, and then end up judging a TV talent show for millions a year.

Sounds like a good plan.

Rihanna.

Trashy and drunk Rihanna. Trashy, drunk, and Tweeting love to the man who beat her senseless.

Now, we can add puking in public to trashy, drunk, and Tweeting to a beater.

See, after her performance at the iHeart Radio concert over the weekend, Rihanna went out to party and ALLEGEDLY  barfed all over her VIP table in front of everybody at a Vegas nightclub.

According to a source—and you know it’s Chris Brown’s new girlfriend: “[Rihanna] was partying with pals at the 1 OAK nightspot …. when the celebrations became too much for her and she struggled to control herself before throwing up…. She threw up in a napkin. The guy with her handed her a white towel to clean up.”

Funny, he should’a just taken her to the parking lot and hosed her off. She’d probably think she was a water park, throw her hands in the air and start screaming.

But she soldiers on. After puking and then having her team clean her up, Rihanna kept on and was later spotted heading to notorious strip club Spearmint Rhino.

I get it. I’ve been there. Once after performing at Burning Man I went out to a club and got rip-roaring drink and, while most people think it’s a sign that you ought to stop drinking, Rihanna and I think of it more as making room in your stomach for more booze.

Party on.

Oh how times have changed.

Matt Lauer used to be the news guy on The Today Show until he took over from Bryant Gumbel and then proceeded to have Katie Couric pack her knives and go and then have Ann Curry voted off the island, so he could be surrounded by a bevy of beauties he no doubt calls Lauer’s Lovelies.

Much to his wife’s chagrin, I’m guessing.

Nowadays, with Lauer is said to be The Today Show Demon. He insists on “making all editorial decisions” and is “running the show and he’s not listening to anyone … it’s a huge problem.”

And all because of a little something I call GMA, mixed in with BMS. Now, we all know GMA is Good Morning America, which has been stomping The Today Show into the ground, but Matty also suffers the dreaded BMS, Balding Man Syndrome; and those two things have made him a super-bitch.

I mean, the viewers are tired of him, the staffers loathe him, his wife threatens divorce if he so much as let’s another woman cross his path.

It’s hard.

And he deserves it, and, best of all, falling ratings mean that Matt will soon be asked to take a “significant” pay cut. He deserves it.

Karma is a bitch and it’s all over the Today Show.

Back to Bynes.

After her car was impounded and she was court ordered not to drive, what does an LA girl do? Move to New York, silly, and see if she can commandeer a subway car and train-drive-drunk. So, it’s all good, no?

No. See, also in La Grande Apple with Lohan 2.0™ is Original Recipe Lohan™--sidenote: New Yorkers? RUN!!!!--and we all remember that it was just a week ago that serial criminal, drug addict, kidnapper and jewel thief, Lohan, Tweeted that Bynes gets off easy for being a drunk driving Texter because she was a child star.

Pot. Kettle.Psychotic Moron.

And so, as the battle of the bitches moves East Coast, Bynes has ALLEGEDGLY been telling people that Lindsay’s latest run-in—and it was an actual run-in as she ALLEGEDLY hit someone—is Karma.

In an effort to avoid Lindsay, because drunks and addicts and crazy folks don’t like to be seen together, Bynes has been calling stores, restaurants and especially hotels, to make sure that Lindsay isn’t there. Maybe she ain’t so crazy after all?

Except…..

Park Avenue’s Hair Party 24 Hours is, as the name suggests, open all night, and one night a young woman—oaky, it was Bynes—fell in around 2:30 AM, muttering to herself.

“It took a while for us to realize it was Amanda Bynes,” says a worker at the NYC shop. “She was staring in the mirrors around the room, completely on her own.”

But she didn’t get her mani-pedi on, she just talked to herself and left.

The next day she showed up at beauty store C.O. Bigelow downtown. “She was talking to the light fixtures and singing loudly,” a source—and you know it’s Lohan, Dina or Lindsay. “And she tripped on the way out…”

At the gym she spent an hour in a locker room attaching false eyelashes while belting out Usher’s “Without You.” Dolled up, she then sat down on a treadmill with her small mirror to apply what an onlooker—again, one of the Lohans—called “way too much lipstick.”

Yeah, it really sounds like she’s switching from Lohan 2.0™ to Spears 2.0™.

Put away the hair shears NYC.

Just sayin’.

Could it be?

Is the fight between Nicki Minaj and Mariah Carey nothing more than a ploy by American Idol producers to get us to watch their sinking show?

Insiders say all that talk about Carey and Minaj not getting along on set has been drummed up by producers of the Fox hit. “It’s totally spun for publicity,” says one insider.

Say.It.Isn’t.So.

But AI needs the drama because last May’s finale, when someone we’ll never hear from again won, drew the smallest audience in AI history, and producers hope they can restore the roar by creating a fight where there isn’t one.

A source—and you know it’s Paul Abdul since she’s still out of work—says, “[Executive producer] Nigel Lythgoe would love it if ‘Idol’ did better than ‘X Factor’ [and the] whole Mariah and Nicki beef is completely untrue. It’s just a desperate attempt to boost ratings.”

Trouble is, Mariah is just crazy enough to hear about a feud and believe it and actually start a fight with Minaj.

And that would make Must See……no, it would still be AI going down in flames.

I have to laugh at this story.

See, after Tom Cruise’s team of Scientology minions bitched and moaned about Katie Holmes going all media on Tommy’s ass, following her role in Escape From Crazy, now Tommy’s peeps are doing the same thing.

Only they’re trying to paint him as Little Tommy Lost. Poor Tommy.

But it’s not quite working because, well, everyone has been made aware that Tommy hasn’t seen his beloved daughter in two months, though his lawyer actually released s statement that Tommy talks to her via phone every day.

Loving father, no?

But Tom has been busy working in London on yet another formulaic movie, and, well, going out and partying most nights, so he’s too busy to see his child; or any of his children, I’m guessing. But it’s not all work and partying, folks, Tommy also went yachting for several days rather than see his child.

Poor lonely Tom. Partying in London and sailing around, um, Croatia. It’s a lonely life.

A lot of this “partying” has taken place during weekends when he could have easily opted to take his private jet and visit Suri instead. But he’s playing the victim: “I’ve got to see her,” an emotional Cruise told a friend recently. “I miss her.”

Um, then maybe stop making movies every five seconds and stop partying and yachting and hop on your magic plane and go visit her.

Seems simple, but when your long on ego and short on, well, everything else, you forget things like children.

Jeebus.

After her d-i-sastrous sit-down with “Dr.” Phil, when she was drunk and high and stupid, you’d think Dina Lohan would shut her Chardonnay Hole.

Nope, Dina sat down with Entertainment Tonight, though this time she managed to appear sober and lucid. Though she kept spinning the same lies she always spins.

Lindsay’s just a kid! I’m a single working Mom! It’s hard being drunk all the time!

On the “Dr.” Phil Phiasco, Dina says: “I was absolutely not under, intoxicated, or on any kind of medication. I was extremely upset.” 

Yes, because you realized you were drunk, high and stupid, AND on tape.

But the best part of the interview, and the only part that truly made me laugh out loud, was when Dina said, with a straight-cracked-out-alcohol-puffy face, "I’ve never partied with my daughter in my life!”

Pictures say a thousand words, and all of them are Liar!

And onto some Lindsay.

She skipped out on another hotel bill.

She is refusing to pay her tab at the W in Atlanta—where she stayed filming her latest role, a ten-second cameo in Scary Movie 47—though the $1,000 tab for minibar, mani-pedi’s and massages way shy of the $46,000 tab she left for the Chateau Marmont to cover.

In fact, she was so adamant about not paying the bill that Lindsay pulled a sit-in of sorts and refused to leave the hotel until movie producers paid her tab.

And they did. But, and I love this, rumor has it the producers will be deducting the hotel tab from Lindsay’s paycheck.

Which means she’ll get a negative amount?

We dished Tom, now let’s do Katie.

We all breathed a collective sigh of relief when she climbed down a rope of sheets and hitchhiked on a turnip truck from LA to NYC just to get away from Casa Crazy and its matriarch, Tommy Cruise. And Katie seemed to be the picture of responsible parenting every time we saw her and daughter Suri on the streets of La Grande Apple, going to zoos and not buying a dog, and enrolling in school. It seemed Katie really is a nice normal girl.

But then she began reaching out to old friends, er, old boyfriends in her newly single state, which isn’t a bad thing, and most folks don’t really mind.

Except one.

Diane Kruger minds. And she minds because Katie has been reaching out to Joshua Jackson—Katie’s old Dawson’s Creek boy-too—and current boyfriend of one….Diane Kruger.

Oops.

Katie and Joshua were a couple on-screen and off while filming The Creek, and Jackson is saying that Katie reached out to him after divorcing superstar Tom Cruise, and Kruger isn’t happy. I mean, Joshua’s old, maybe new, girlfriend, gets $400 million a year in child support. How does a boy ignore that bankroll?

 “Diane has been dating Joshua since 2006—just around the same time Katie married Tom,” an insider known as the Church of Scientology—says. “Even though Joshua’s relationship with Katie only lasted a year, Diane knows that it burned red-hot. I think that bothers Diane deeply.”

And Joshua isn’t helping by saying things like, “Katie told me I was her first love and she would treasure it forever.”

And that won’t sit well with Diane. “That kind of talk will have Diane green-eyed with jealousy,” revealed the insider. “I think she wants Katie as far away from her man as possible so she doesn’t get a chance to steal him back!”

Okay, sounds plausible, yes, but, show of hands, who doesn’t think this is all a bunch of hooey drummed up by Tommy’s minions to make Katie look bad? I mean, Daddy doesn’t see daughter and Mommy wants to schtup her old boyfriend.

Sounds like a good movie plot, although Tom is too busy running around Europe and Katie’s too bust texting her old love.

Anna Wintour scares me.

I mean, I think if you cross her she’ll have you killed. By thugs. In haute couture, sure, but you’ll still be dead. Yet there is one thing I love about Anna and that is how she loathes Kim Kash Kow Kardashian as much as I.

According to In Touch, at an event at New York’s Fashion Week, Kanye West brought KKKK, his latest piece, and that when coming upon Wintour she greeted Kanye warmly, and then snubbed the Kash Kow.

And Kanye said nothing because Anna would have him killed and he knows it.

 “Anna wouldn’t even looks at her; it was obvious Anna doesn’t like her in the least,” says an eyewitness named Paris Hilton—who also was snubbed by AW. “Meanwhile, Anna was kissy-kissy with Kanye. It couldn’t have been funnier.”

And this isn’t the first time Anna shunned Kim: Wintour reportedly banned Kim from her annual star-studded Met Gala this year, though KKKK says she was never even going because she had to work in LA.

Anyone see this as a high-0larious lie? KKKK missing a big time event with movie stars because she had to restock the shelves at her “store”?

And Anna’s not the only person who finds the Kash Kow undesirable.

George Clooney loathes her, too, and ALLAGEDLY told his girlfriend, Stacy Keibler to "stop hanging out" with Kim.

A source—and you know it’s George Clooney—says, “George feels like the Kardashians are famous for nothing – they have no talent and are looked down on in the industry. He thinks Stacy being friends with Kim could hurt possible career opportunities for her.”

Now that’s funny in itself because Stacey’s “career” while it last is that of George Clooney’s girlfriend. Still, anyone who snubs Kash Kow is fine with me; especially if they’re packing heat like Anna Wintour. 

Good News Friday: Town Turns The Tables On High School Prank

Whitney Kropp is a sophomore at Ogemaw Heights High, in West Branch, Michigan, was in class last month when the results of the homecoming vote were announced over the PA system. It was the usual suspects; popular kids and cheerleaders, jocks. But Whitney then heard her name among the nominees and was stunned that this could happen.

And that alone should have made her suspicious. See, Whitney’s one of "those" kids; the different ones who don't wear the same clothes as everyone else, and doesn't the same hair and goosestep along with the other students. She stood out in the crowd; she wore black clothes and had strange hair colors, but, hearing her name among the others made her happy.

Until….She began hearing that other classes erupted in laughter when her name was mentioned. And then, popular football player, Josh Awrey, also a sophomore who would have been paired with Whitney, withdrew from the court.

Still, Whitney saw this as a bright light in her high school experience: "In the Homecoming Court! :)" she wrote on Facebook. "Little nervous but this is going to be fun :D"

Another girl wrote back: "Probably not with Josh though."

Whitney responded: "He couldnt do it cause of football plus he never goes to homecoming."

"That's not what he told everybody."

See, just like the movie, Carrie, the whole thing had been planned as a joke by students at the school. How funny it would be to have one of the unpopular girls be part of the homecoming court. How funny, indeed.

"I thought I wasn't worthy," Kropp said. "I was this big old joke."

But the joke didn't last long once the story got out. Whitney lives in a small town where news spreads fast; her sister told her friends, who told their parents, and suddenly a Facebook page, in support of Whitney Kropp, was created. The page has more likes—some 3,500—than there are people in town—just 2,100.

A bank account was opened for Whitney’s homecoming expenses but the money that poured in was unnecessary; town businesses began donating whatever Whitney needed.

Shannon Champagne, a beauty salon employee, said, "It really touched me. I can't believe that kids can be so mean and ruthless. In high school, everything means everything to you. You don't realize that none of it will matter after you leave."

So she and another salon worker offered their services and asked other businesses to do the same. Businesses in West Branch will be buying her dinner, and talking her photos; some even purchased a gown, the shoes and a tiara for Whitney to wear.

And even better than that, when the homecoming game comes around, and the homecoming court is brought onto the field, the entire town plans on turning out to cheer for Whitney Kropp. Clutching posters and wearing T-shirts that say "Team Whitney," they will cheer that girl, the butt of the joke, but now the star of the show, and wearing a brand new red dress, circles the field in a convertible.

And some of those coming to the game are former graduates who haven’t been back in decades.

"We want to make this the best homecoming ever," said Rebecka Vigus, who has never gone back for the homecoming game, but changed her mind when she heard about Whitney.

And she isn’t the only one; one football player has changed his mind, too.

After all the online uproar, Josh Awrey, elected alongside Kropp to represent the sophomore class, has decided to remain in the court. On his own Facebook page he wrote, "Im sick of everyone blaming me. I had nothing to do with this. I think what they did is rlly rude and immature."

And not at all funny.

So, Friday night, the strange girl, the one who has colored hair and always wears black, will be the most popular girl in town. 

Funny, how that worked out.

source

PS The school is investigating the "joke".

PR 10 EP 11: You've Simply Got To See The Baby!

Okay, we’re getting down to the wire here—in fact, next week’s challenge will determine who goes to The Tents—so let’s make this a fabulous event: design for Babies!

Three Men and a Baby say what?

Seriously. But then we learn that the designtestants will create a look for baby that will be incorporated into Heidi Klum’s Truly Scrumptious line at Babies R Us and suddenly it all makes sense. Cross promotion for Heidi, the PR and babies R Us. But, in the first of three twists, there will be two winners, one for a baby boy outfit and one for a baby girl outfit: Christopher, Elena and Melissa designed for the girls while Fabio, Dmitry, and Sonjia created looks for the boys.

But man oh man is this gonna be hard. Your “client” doesn’t so much talk as they spit up on themselves and crap their pants. It could get ugly. And the moms are also a problem, especially Christopher’s, who likes haute couture baby-wear and is very taste specific. I thought maybe Christopher would go all Ven on Mama but he pulled it together.

The second twist was the most annoying twist ever; since Heidi loves to torture the designtestants, she opted to send a bunch of fake babies to the workroom to help bridge the designers' knowledge gap. It sounds cute, right? But then the babies cry and need to be rocked, fed, or changed to make them stop. Now, had I been there, I would have taken my baby into the Singer Sewing room and top-stitched the lips closed.

Crisis averted.

Luckily Auntie Tim came in to take the babies to “the park” which I thought of as code for “storage bin” and the crying stopped; at least from the babies.

So, let’s rip…….but first, Twist Three; Heidi came in the workroom with that Heidi Smile and told the designers they would also create a companion piece for Mom, although only the baby clothes would guarantee a win or an Aufing…..

DMITRY 

Right off the bat he made us aware that the challenge came from Heidi because she has “like 105 kids" but then he also noted that designing for children was akin to designing for a cat.

I beg to differ. I design clothes for Tuxedo all the time and it’s a snap.

His, um, for lack of a better word, “design” was a little like pajamas that, um, maybe, um, Satan’s Son might wear. Fire engine red with a pointy red hat; all that was missing was a tail and pitchfork.

But then he showed us that the hap unzips and form a cape which means….

Satan’s Son can fly!

 The fit was too tight and the leggings too short. Kors liked the graphic nature of the design with the little car on the front, although Nina thought that, graphically, at least, it looked more like a walking crayon—especially with Satan’s hood up. It was dubbed a little too costume-y also by Kors, though the three moms on the panel—guest judge Hilary Duff has a small child—reminded him that kids love capes and pointy hats.

And tails and pitchforks?

Heidi thought it was modern, but not at all commercial, and since this was a design for her line it wouldn’t make the cut because she’d make no money on it.

And she has those 105 mouths to feed, y’all.

In the end, Dmitry was saved.

FABIO

Fabio rose to the challenge of Fake Baby Daddy because he wants to be a Real Baby Daddy one day. And I think that gave him a leg up in the competition this week since none of the other designers have children—and none of them seem to want children…and one of them, Elena, should be banned from reproducing.

His look was one-piece—easy on, easy off; and a little retro looking. But, um, he put a pocket on the baby’s back. Now, I know kids are bendy and stuff, but how is that little boy going to get his cigarettes outta that weird pocket?

Kors liked that it was nautical—and retro—but done with a modern twist; he also noted the practicality of having it be one piece. Heidi loved it, with all the detail from her own line. Nina noted that it wasn’t so baby-ish because the, you know, children grow, and stuff. He won’t be 423 days old forever after all. Hilary Duff loved the retro aspect, and thought Fabio was one of the designers who thought about the ease of getting a squirming, crying, wriggling, snot-nosed little brat in and out of his clothes.

Okay, maybe that was me. At any rate, Fabio also gets a save.

SONJIA

She opted to make a suit, you know, for Banker Baby Boy. But then she got all wild and made it a SweatSuit, you know, for Banker Baby Boy at the Gym.

But she gets lucky because her model is, and this is coming from me, y’all, a guy that likes his kids with whiskers and a tail, and the ability to use a litter box, the Cutest.Baby.Ever.

Seriously. That kid waving and smiling was Pia Z-adorable; what wasn’t so adorable, was seeing Kors wave back with that Grinch looking face of his. I thought I heard him say to Nina: “I love babies. Deep fried with a side of Ranch dressing.”

I could be wrong.

Back to Sonia: it’s gotta be hard to make a kid look stylish and she managed to do it. The only fault I could find was that the T-shirt, or tank top, beneath Baby Banker Blazer looked like a little something from Steven Tyler’s Dude Looks Like A Baby Collection.

But maybe Banker Baby is also Banker Baby in a Boy Band.

Yeah, I’ll stop with that.

Heidi called him a sharp looking little man, but still fun, while Hilary Duff liked that the baby could move in it—cuz babies move, or so I’ve been told. Kors dubbed it faaaaabulous and modern and polished, while Nina loved that it was separates and a kind of No-Fuss look. Smart and sporty.

CHRISTOPHER

He’s still annoying me with all the voices, but, well, as a big old Judy Garland, Liza loving, boa wearing, showtune singing, homo, I loved it when he said—in a sea of crying Fake Babies--"Now I know why Judy went off the deep end with Liza."

Too bad this isn’t Project One Liner.

And Christopher had quite the challenge. His Baby Client Mama was a true diva. She dresses her kid in Dior, for goddess’ sake. And she had all kinds of idea; well, not so much ideas, as orders. White denim jacket! Three quarter sleeves.

No.Pockets.EVER!!

Oy. And then, when Mom comes into the workroom, and sees what he’s done, she nearly Pinking Sheared his man bits off. She was not happy; well, to use her words, she “hates” it. The kid's dress and even the simple dress Christopher made for her. I kinda wished he’d gone all Ven on her ass and made her cry.

Mom. Not the baby. I’d had it with crying babies at this point.

But he stuck to his guns when Sonjia reminded him that he didn’t need to please the Baby Client, or her Mama, because the real client was Heidi.

Nice save; and Sonjia deserves a muffin basket for saying so.

Now, his dress. It was cute. It was Spring. It was very Special Occasion Specific. Easter Sunday Brunch. Babies First Wedding. I mean, don’t get me wrong, it was pretty, but any kid—even with a diva mom—would get that thing dirty in two seconds flat and with all those flowers and leaves sewn into it, it would have been a bitch to get the maid to wash it.

Still, Nina thought it was adorable, though impractical, while Heidi loved it but felt it too special occasion—wait, Nina and Heidi agree with me? I.Could.Die! Kors, on the other hand, wasn’t a fan of the jean jacket because it looked like it would be hard to get on and off, but he did like the dress. Hilary Duff loved both pieces and I worry, because she has a son, and I think she might put him in a Flower Eater Dress.

In the end, Christopher gets the Girl Win—for the outfit and for being kind of a girl.

MELISSA

Once again she has time management issues.

And, well, some taste issues. Or, as Heidi kind of suggested, when she saw the tights Melissa made that looked just like the ones already in the collections, some plagiarism issues.

So, once again Melissa starts over, and made that fatal mistake: she decided to create a Baby Girl version of an adult dress. And a cocktail dress, no less.

Now, to be fair, she did make a nice vest to wear over the cocktail dress, but then the dress was more fitted to a Tiny Adult and not a baby; as I said earlier, Babies are bendy, but Melissa needed a Rubber Child in order to get that tight dress on. Plus, and usually Heidi likes this, it was so short that the diaper was in full view. And no one likes that look unless it’s Betty White.

Yeah. I went there.

Heidi thought the white dress was too structured for toddler and not at all practical; also, she noted that metal zippers aren’t the best against Baby Soft Skin. Heidi did give her props for the jacket, but, well, unless you’re Baby Paris Hilton, you need to go out wearing more than just a coat.

Hilary also made mention of the zipper shredding baby skin, while Kors blasted Melissa for her fabric choices. Nina hated the exposed zipper and the exposed dirty diaper and thought the whole thing was too serious.

Seriously bad, she means.

But, as happened on the PR, Something Uglier This Way Comes…..

ELENA

Elena proved she should not have kids, the minute she named her Fake Baby “A**hole.” And so she proceeded to design a look that screamed Made By An A**hole.

She used everything she could muster. Denim. Ruffles. Elastic. Snaps. Pinks. Green. Blue. Appliqués. It was a Symphony Of Too Much. Too harsh? Look again.

But Elena also gets points for once again stepping out of her comforts zone; as Tim noted during the critique, “No shoulder pads?” Yes, I thought she might go for Baby Linebacker jacket, too.

The jacket was way too busy—and kind of stiff looking—with ruffles and flowers and pockets and lions and tigers and bears. Oh my. Plus she went crazy with fabrics—the green t-shirt and the pink pants. Heidi thought it looked hand-me-down; as in, “Hand me down that kids outfit, I’m on my way to the incinerator.”

Now, Kors liked the jacket but didn’t think it worked with the rest of the look. Heidi dubbed the pants a throwaway, and the cam onto the runway, ripped them off the kid and proved her point by throwing them away. Nina dubbed the whole thing impractical—at which point Elena muttered something like, “Thanks for the input” and Nina said, “That’s my opinion.”

Oh Elena. You never sass Nina when you’ve made something ugly because then….

Auf’d.

MY TAKE

Project Runway is not for kids. If the challenge had been to make a great dress for mom, and then throw in the twist of creating a baby outfit, it might have worked better.

Note to producers: never work with kids and animals…unless you want to do a special design challenge for Tuxedo and then, well, we’ll be right there.

After the good one-liners from Dmitry and Christopher this week, I was stunned to hear the line of the night come out of Tim Gunn’s mouth as he sent Elena packing: “What are we going to do without fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck?”

Loved it.

Next week is the avant-garde challenge, which ends up being either fabulous of tragic.

But it does determine who gets to The Tents.

What did YOU think?

I Didn't Say It ....

Rupert Everett, on his gay dads comment: 

"The good news on this is I'm not applying for any sort of public office. I'm just an individual with my own life and the things I want to do myself. I'm not against anybody doing anything... I'm not one of those people who wants to say, 'Oh no, you can't do that, you have got to pull the clocks back'. Just I, personally, feel like that... I have loads of friends, gay friends, with children... I am not big into marriage, straight or gay, to be honest. I am very out of kilter with the rest of the world, I realise."

But then let the rest of the world do as we please. No one said you had to get married, Rupert, or become a father. We’re just fighting for the right to choose to get married, or not, and choose to become parents, or not.

Bill Graves, Oklahoma District Judge, using the Bible and DNA to deny transgender people a legal name change:

“A so-called sex-change surgery can make one appear to be the opposite sex, but in fact they are nothing more than an imitation of the opposite sex . . . To grant a name change in this case would be to assist that which is fraudulent. “It is notable that Genesis 1:27-28 states: ‘So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them. And God blessed them, and God said unto them, be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth …’ The DNA code shows God meant for them to stay male and female.”

First off, it isn’t a “so-called” sex change; it’s an actual gender reassignment surgery, so get that straight.

And if you want to use God and the Bible to run your daily life, go for it, but don’t impose your own limited world-view on others.

Judge not, lest ye be judged, Judge.

Herndon Graddick, GLAAD President, on having Intel coming out against the BSA antigay stance:

"Intel joins current Boy Scouts of America Board Members, President Obama, Mitt Romney and hundreds of thousands of Americans in speaking out against the BSA's practice of unfairly kicking out gay scouts and scout leaders simply because of who they are. All of the great work that the BSA does to help young people will continue to be overshadowed by their blatant discrimination until they join other inclusive national organizations like the Girl Scouts of the USA and the 4-H Club. The time is now for the BSA to side with fairness, otherwise they will continue to see sponsors and scouting families drop their support."

You can’t teach character when you have none, and that’s what the BSA is doing.

Madonna, um, “clarifying” her “black Muslim in the White House” comment:

"I was being ironic on stage. Yes I know Obama is not a Muslim (though I know that plenty of people in this country think he is.) And what if he were? The point I was making is that a good man is a good man no matter who he prays to. I don’t care what religion Obama is – nor should anyone else in America."

You weren’t being ironic; you were trying to garner publicity, which is why you showed your tits and ass onstage earlier this year, and why you carried a gun onstage after that, and why you put a swastika over someone’s photo after that.

You’re desperate and you’re pandering, two signs that you’re also over.

Dan Savage, on Mitt Romney's brand of homophobia:

"I don't make a distinction between an honest bigot and a dishonest bigot...Whether someone punches you in the nose because they really hate you, or they punch you in the nose because they want to impress people who hate you, you still have a broken goddamn nose. I'm not going to look into Mitt Romney's stony little heart, I'm not going to bust open that bank vault in the Cayman Islands and retrieve his heart to look at it. What I care about is policy. And his policies are homophobic and by my estimation, that man is a homophobe."

Can’t be any clearer. Mittsy can couch his views as being traditional, or Biblical, or Mormon, but they’re homophobic none-the-less. But, can we really expect him to be open to gay folks when he assaulted a gay classmate years ago because he didn’t like the boy’s hair?

Once a bigot, almost always a bigot.

Paris Hilton, backtracking from her “all gays have AIDS” moronic-ness:

"As anyone close to me knows, I always have been and always will be a huge supporter of the gay community. I am so sorry and so upset that I caused pain to my gay friends, fans and their families with the comments heard this morning. I was having this private conversation with a friend of mine who is gay and our conversation was in no way towards the entire gay community. It is the last thing that I would ever want to do and I cannot put into words how much I wish I could take back every word. HIV/AIDS can hurt anyone, gay and straight, men and women. It's something I take very seriously and should not have been thrown around in conversation."

First off, you cocaine smuggling moron, even in a private conversation what you said was wrong and disgusting and anti-gay.

Second off, you no talent drug mule, you are trying to get your name back in the press because whatever little career you had, being the party girl, is over. You’re old, Paris, and you’re still stupid, and you should simply stop talking forever.

Tony Perkins, of the FRC, on DADT and the anniversary of its repeal:

"Has America's military completely collapsed in the first year after repeal? Of course not--our service members are too professional to let that to happen. But these challenges are only a non-story because the media won't tell the story. We need only look at no-fault divorce in the 1970s to recognize that radical shifts in public policy take decades to fully manifest. No one can honestly deny the impact that no-fault divorce has had on children and the institution of the family. Within 20 years of the introduction of no-fault divorce, we saw the acceleration of cohabitation, single-parent homes, and unintended pregnancies. By the time Americans recognized their mistake, it was too late. Let's hope the same isn't true for our brave men and women in uniform."

It’s funny that it was just a year ago that Tony weans saying the end of DADT would bring about the collapse of our military, and now he’s saying it’ll take twenty years.

See, in twenty years, when it doesn’t happen, no one will even remember who Tony Perkins was or his special brand of hate.

And, Tony, if you really are against divorce, fight that fight, don't fight people who want to be married, fight those that marry and then divorce because marriage is hard

Lady Gaga, on the Pope’s opinion of marriage equality.

"I think that gay marriage is going to happen. It must. We are not actually equal—humanity—if we are not allowed to freely love one another... What the Pope thinks of being gay does not matter to the world. It matters to the people who like the Pope and follow the Pope... It is not a reflection of all religious people."

It’s a reflection of bigotry and intolerance, and homophobia and hate.

But, then, that’s the Catholic Church.