An Oscar Stream Of Consciousness

Loyal ISBL readers know that I am a proud Awards Show Whore®. I watch them all, from the Emmys and Tony's to the Oscars and the Grammys; hell, I even watch the Daytime Emmys. If the television industry wants me to watch, put the word "awards" the title and I'll be glued to it. The Revenge Awards. Modern Family Awards. Project Runway: Awards. The FoxNews Awards....okay, so it doesn't work all the time. Still, I'll be there.
But this is about the granddaddy of awards shows, Oscar, and since it came in at just a hair over three days, er, hours, I have time for some Oscar thoughts. Let's rip.....

• What was the deal with having Morgan Freeman open the show? Let's just get right to Billy and start this thing. Time that could have been saved: Two minutes.
• Billy Crystal. He's been my favorite Oscar host ever and he never fails to disappoint. He's a showman, and just gets it that he's supposed to tell a quick joke and keep things moving. Still, his Opening Movie Montage and his Best Picture Song and Dance were, as always, a hit with me.
• Just Bieber? Really? Time that could have been saved: Two minutes.
• "In this economy where else can you watch millionaires give each other gold statues."
• Brad Pitt. I'm sorry, he used to be so pretty and so hot, and now he's just so craggy and handsome and still so hot. Seriously, the hair and the scruff. Hot. Hot.
• That montage of past films? Why do that? I mean it served no purpose. Time that could have been saved: Three minutes.
• Cameron Diaz and Jennifer Lopez. It's like Skank Squared. At least Diaz looked elegant for a change; JLo looked so squeezed into that dress I could tell how many empanadas she had for lunch. And that whole thing where they showed their "ass"ets? What are they? Hooters waitresses? Note to Academy: No more Diaz and Lopez. Time that could have been saved: Four minutes.
• Sandra Bullock is delightful and funny, but there was some mighty Botox goin' on in that forehead. I've seen more movement on the brows of the Presidents on Rushmore.
• Christian Bale is still so hot. I does love a man with an accent.
• Best Supporting Actress. Loved Octavia Spencers' win for The Help. Loved the standing ovation,. Loved her real tears and her real face.
• That, sorta, kinda funny, video about Test Audiences and The Wizard of Oz was cute--one good line, 'Lose Dorothy.'--but: Time that could have been saved: Four minutes.
• Bradley Cooper's porn 'stache was oddly Jack Wrangler to me. Google it, if you will.
• Now, that whole Cirque du Soleil number was very cool. That could stay in every year.
• The best part of Robert Downey Jr and Gwyneth "I'm the greatest star" Paltrow's bit was when RDJr told her to be quiet and then called her boring. I know it was supposed to be a joke but part of me hoped he meant it.
• Chris Rock rocked. He's so much more at ease and funny as a presenter than a host.
• Billy Crystal and Melissa McCarthy's bit. Too funny. So, um, limber.
• Ben Stiller is short. And not really funny.
• Emma Stone, however, was high-larious. if the Academy is looking for a younger host to lure in that younger demographic, they should have thought Emma Stone and not James Stoned and Anne Hathaway. She, for me, was one of the funniest things on the show. All day long today, I will be saying, "Jonah? Get up here. Let's dance!"
• Best Supporting Actor. I loved Christopher Plummer's speech. Long overdue win.
• Shot of Diaz in the audience. Looked like she got high after presenting.
• Penelope Cruz. ¿Como se dice 'Botox' en español? Y, ¿Como se dice 'eyebrow waxing' en español?
• Will Ferrell and Zagh Gafilankiasbork were funny, and then took it too far. As usual.
• Angelina Jolie. What was up with that pose? I love her, but man she seemed to be trying too hard. And when one of the winners, Jim Rash, mocked her by mimicking the pose, i wanted her to acknowlege it. Sidenote: Alexander Payne is adorable.
• Best Directer. Michel Hazanavicius for B&W silent film, The Artist. Which.I.Loved.
• Meryl Streep glittered in gold talking about the Governor's Awards. James Earl Jones is a brilliant actor. Dick Smith is a brilliant make-up artist. Oprah Winfrey is brilliant at doing that Bite-My-Lip-To-Force-Myself-To-Cry-So-People-Will-Think-I'm-Humble-Even-Though-I-Should-Win-Every-Award-EVER thing.
• Best Actor. Jean Dujardin. Ooh.La.La.
• Best Actress. Meryl Streep. I was shocked. i thought for sure Viola Davis would get it. I was shocked. But I am so Team Streep that I was happy. And I loved her speech. But I was shocked.
• Tom Cruise. Now, let's talk about Cruise and Pitt. Both, as younger actors were very, very pretty boys. But, while Brad Pitt has gotten older and more handsome, and craggy and sexy, Tom Cruise last night looked like he'd just come from a Chemical Peel Party, with a stop at the Plastic Surgeon. Someone is afraid of looking old. Methinks she needs to stop.
• Best picture. The Artist. Again, I loved it. A movie with no sound, other than music, and in B&W, was just a joy to watch.

So, there's my stream of consciousness for this year. I can rest now. 


What did you think?