Saturday, August 18, 2018

It's Snarkurday!

He has a long list of, ahem, “accomplishments,” from singing, rapping, preaching, creating end-of-the-word apocalyptic fashion, but is Kanye West now headed to porn?

It seems the owner, Greg Lansky, has offered Kanye a job directing a porn video and having complete and utter artistic control—scary because, again, I’ve seen his fashion line—perhaps after hearing Kanye admit in a new song how much he’d like to bang those other K.K.’s other than the one he married:
"You got sick thoughts?
I got more of ’em,
You got a sister-in-law you would smash?
I got four of ’em.”
I can see it now, or better yet, I can’t … Kum Klan: Khloe, Kourtney, Kendall and Kylie Do Kanye.

I imagine That Woman will market this one, too.
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Oh Azealia Banks …you act as though you’re some kind of musician, but you’re all hot mess and no tunes.

Banks has been hanging out with Elon Musk]s girlfriend, Grimes,  trying to make “music” but is only causing trouble. See, Azealia claims she was left alone at Musk’s house and became bored … or delusional … or crazy … and took to Instagram to rail against Elon and Grimes for not around.

She brought up his looks; she accused him of Tweeting on acid; there was some stuff about racism, Down Syndrome, threesomes, and emerald mining in Africa during apartheid. You know, general stuff that tumbles out of Banks’ head; but it didn’t end there. Azealia decided she needed to say more about Elon and chose to say them to new gossip rag, Business Insider.

After Elon had Tweeted about taking Tesla private, saying that funding for the company was secured” a reporter from Business Insider thought maybe Azealia had the deets and messaged her and, again because crazy, delusional, nothing better to do, she replied:
“Yeah I saw him in the kitchen tucking his tail in between his legs scrounging for investors to cover his ass after that tweet. He was stressed and red in the face. He’s not cute at all in person. I wasn’t trying to eavesdrop because I’m truly not that person. I didn’t hear any specifics but I could hear that he was scrambling because he in fact – didn’t have any funding secured.”
Seriously, Business Insider? Your source for scoop on Elon and Tesla is Azealia Banks? I mean, when she’s not getting thrown off airplanes, she’s getting bounced from Russell Crowe’s house, or squatting at Musk’s place, but you think she’s got some Tesla intel?
The best thing of all is that when Business Insider tried to get Elon Musk to comment on Banks’ news, he went all Mimi on JLo:
“I don’t know her.”
Love that!
Last week, Sean Young, and a 30-year-old male accomplice, got caught stealing two Apple laptops from a production company in Queens. Young claimed that she wasn’t stealing, because she thought the laptops were hers except … after the story broke, and before the cuffs were locked on her wrists, she returned the computers.

The laptops belong to School of Old Productions, which had hired Sean Young …seriously? … to direct a film titled Charlie Boy, written by Greg Kritikos. But, quicker than you can say “Action” Young was, ahem, let go from the production and apparently so were the laptops.

Luckily for Sean, the charges will be dropped as Timothy Hines and the rest of the crew decided that Sean didn’t need to be punished, with Timothy adding:
“We wish Sean the best of luck.”
Greg Kritikos was just as diplomatic shady:
“I’m glad we can finally put this behind us. I wish her all the best. Pray she gets the help she needs.”
She should’a gotten help decades ago, after she appeared on the late Joan Rivers’ talk show dressed as Catwoman because she didn’t think Michelle Pfeiffer was the right choice.

No word on whether or not she donned the catsuit for her late-night laptop break-in.
Tyrese Gibson, of the Fast and the Furious franchise, used to be hot, but lately you don’t see much about him and he says it’s because of the family drama he was involved in last year.

In 2017, Tyrese was locked in a custody battle with his ex-wife Norma Mitchell over their daughter Shayla that involved into him being investigated for ALLEGED child abuse Norma claimed he spanked Shayla so hard she “couldn’t sit” and that he would steal their daughter and move to Dubai.

And Tyrese didn’t help his case much because he began wearing sweatshirts with Shayla’s name on it, which might have been cute if he hadn’t hired a plane to fly a banner over the girl’s school that read:
He and his current wife also dressed all in black for custody hearings because Tyrese claimed it was like going to a funeral. And, ickiest of all is when Tyrese dedicated alive performance of a song to his daughter; the song? Let’s Get It On.

But now Tyrese is playing the poor card saying that because of this custody mess—and his own messiness—he cannot get work and that his income has fallen off by 75%. He only makes $51,000 a month now, y’all, and must pay $10,853 a month in child support. That leaves him with a little over $40,000 a month, or 10K a week and he cannot live on that because his own monthly expenses total $113,000 a month.

Take a seat Tyrese and talk to me when you only have cat food to eat for dinner. $40,000 a month. Time for a fundraiser!
Isn’t Paris Hilton like 50 now? I mean, she’s been around since dinosaurs roamed the Earth, right?

But, the sad thing—one of the sad things—about Paris is that she’s postponing her marriage to Chris Zylka and she wants you to know that it’s not because they’re breaking up and not at all because she bought her own engagement ring, gave it to him to give to her, and then Instagrammed the “spontaneous” proposal.

And now their November wedding has been pushed back to May because Paris wants more time to plan.

Uh huh. An “escape” plan ... for Zylka.
According to new revelations, Amber Heard and Johnny Depp’s marriage didn’t fall apart because he’s some wild-eyed addict and she’s a bisexual gold-digger but because of, well, crap.

Actual crap.

The end began when Johnny showed up 2 hours late for Amber’s 30th birthday party and then they each claim they were assaulted by the other. But it turns out it was the marital bed that was assaulted.

Johnny now claims that Amber and her friends “deliberately” soiled the sheets with someone’s face and he wasn’t having it. Amber claims the fecal sheets were an accident made by Boo, their Yorkie, but, and this is a real story, y’all, the housekeeper who cleaned the poo says it was far too big to have come from a little dog.

And now a source close to Johnny says there is “strong, photographic evidence that connected Amber to the feces” and it was left as a “prank”.

Gosh, these two kids were perfect for each other. Too bad they couldn’t have worked it out and crapped their sheets all over the world.

Seriously. These two need to sit down.


Deedles said...

Getting into porn? I thought Kanye married into porn. I don't know, since I don't keep up with this krap!

anne marie in philly said...

so much shit today, bob. why ANYONE would think ANY of this is "important" needs to have their head examined! "celebrities" are inane!

the dogs' mother said...

Never blame the dog!! (Abby sez blame the cat...)

Helen Lashbrook said...

Perhaps Mr Gibson should try living on benefits? How many of us earn $10,000 per month?

Bob Slatten said...

"married into porn" Thanks for my morning giggle!

Mitchell is Moving said...

Are you shittin' me?!?

Jennifer said...

They blamed the Yorkie? No shit?!

Debra She Who Seeks said...

Not just the usual bullshit -- now featuring REAL shit!

Dave R said...

I thought you knew, everything associated with Depp is a shit show.

Paris who? Talk about dinosaur bones. She needs to learn to stay out of the headlines like Sean Young...

Azalea seems to be more of a weed than a flower.... oh, it's Azealia