Bobservations

We had a bit of a scare last Friday involving the Greatest Cat in the World, Tuxedo.

See, our cats do not go outside, at least unattended. Tuxedo is allowed to walk along the railing with me by his side, or sit in my lap and take a siesta, but because of the rural nature of Casa Bob y Carlos, and the wild-ish animals who roam nearby, it’s not a good thing to let cats wander.

That said, over the course of time we’ve lived here Tuxedo has escaped a handful of times and has always been lured back inside by the promise of treats.

Last Friday, Carlos got up, let the dog out, fed the cats and made the coffee; we had breakfast and chatted and then I got up from the table …

“Where’s Tuxedo?”

“I don’t know, He was here for breakfast.”

"Did he get out when you let the dog in?”

“I don’t know.”

We began the search; through the house, in all the bedrooms, the office, the laundry room, the sunroom; under couches or on tables; in closets where perhaps a door was closed on him; in the bathroom.

No Tuxedo. I head out back, treats in hand, shaking the bag…

“TUXEDO! TUXEDO! TUXEDO!”

No Tuxedo. I go into the front yard …

“TUXEDO! TUXEDO! TUXEDO!”

No Tuxedo. Now I am scared and getting annoyed because I think Carlos missed him when he ran outside and so all kinds of thoughts—of what happened to the cat and what I will do to Carlos—are racing through my head.

“TUXEDO! TUXEDO! TUXEDO!”

Back inside; no cat. I then check every single cupboard in the kitchen, the laundry room and all the bathrooms, shaking that damned bag of treats as I go …

“TUXEDO! TUXEDO! TUXEDO!”

In the master bathroom, I look into a cupboard; no cat. I turn … and there he is, sitting in the bathtub.

See, the night before we’d given all the cats a hit of Advantage because they were scratching a lot. You give Advantage at the base of their neck, so they can’t lick it off.

Tuxedo, because he is so smart, thought he’d wait until Mean Daddy—his name for Carlos—got out of the shower and then he would roll around on the bottom of the tub so see if he could rub the Advantage off.

He got yelled at for disappearing and big smooch from Nice Daddy—that’s what he calls me—for being safe.

In the car, later, driving Carlos to work, I said:

“Sorry for all those hateful things I said about you when we couldn’t find Tuxedo.”

“You didn’t say anything mean to me.”

“In my head, sweetheart in my head.”

“Oh, I expect it was especially vicious then.”

“Yes.”

And luckily, just in my head.

Model Todd Sanfield created an underwear line a few years ago, and that’s one of the photos of the newest campaign.

Um, is it invisible, underwear, Todd?

The “Commando” Line?

This week we learned that 300 priests in Pennsylvania have molested over a thousand children. Boys and girls raped by priests and the Vatican has said

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That’s all.

Up there in Vermont, Christine Hallquist has become the Democratic nominee for governor.

Not a big deal, except Hallquist is the first openly transgender nominee for governor.

The march goes on, but still …

A middle school in Achille, Oklahoma is closed on the heels of violent threats by parents … parents … on social media against Maddie, a 12-year-old transgender student who identifies as female and uses the girls’ bathroom.

Maddie had been using the staff bathroom at her old school but began using the girls’ bathroom at the new school because she didn’t know where the staff bathroom was. And, naturally, she was accused of using the bathroom to “peep” at other students.

And that’s when the threats began on a private parents’ Facebook group for the school. The parents … again parents … called Maddie “it” and “thing”, suggested that her genitalia be mutilated to make her female …

“A good sharp knife will do the job real quick”

Another illiterate, toothless, possibly cousin-f**king parent said it was “hunting season on them kind” and that there was “no bag limit.”

In Vermont trans females are running for governor, but in Oklahoma trans females are running for their lives.

Oh, lord, he doesn’t “get” time zones!

It appears that several times in the first year of his administration, _____ wanted to call Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe in the middle of the afternoon but there was a wee problem: afternoon in DC is the middle of the night in Tokyo and _____ didn’t understand that.

Seriously. His team tried to cover his buffoonery by saying that, as a global businessman grifter, _____ does understand time zones, but that he can’t be bothered to add up “time differences” when he feels like calling a foreign leader.

Oh, yeah, that’s a much better explanation.

In the wake of Omarosa going unhinged, Minister of Propaganda Kellyanne Conway ran into some trouble when she couldn’t name a single West Wing staffer who is African-American.

This Week host Jonathan Karl noted that pariah Omarosa had been the most senior black person in _____’s White House and asked Kellyanne who that person might be now, and Kellyanne said:

“African American?” 

She then named HUD Secretary Ben “Brain Surgeon” Carson, but Karl quickly pointed out that Carson is not a member of the White House staff. He asked again:

“I’m asking you about the White House staff. Who — who there is in the White House staff right now?"

“We have Ja’Ron [but Conway couldn’t remember the last name of Special Assistant for Legislative Affairs Ja’Ron Smith] “He’s been very involved with Jared Kushner and President _____ on prison reform from the beginning.”

Karl asked if Smith had an office in the West Wing, to which Kellyanne lied:

“He has an office on the — in the EOP, absolutely, the Executive Office of the President, yes.”

The EOP is where non-West Wing staff work and it’s in the Eisenhower Executive Office Building next door to the White House.

Oh, Kellyanne, facts are hard, eh, girl?

In case you needed more proof that Republicans lie whenever their mouths are moving, I give you Florida Republican State House candidate Melissa Howard.

There were rumors that she didn’t earn a degree from Miami University in Ohio, so Howard flew home to prove the naysayers wrong. And then she posted a picture on social media of a partial college transcript and another picture of her holding a copy of a diploma, but …

… the degree is a fake, according to Miami University General Counsel Robin Parker, who saw the pictures. And quicker than you can say, ‘Bitch don’t lie,’ Howard removed the diploma pictures from Facebook.

Miami University says Howard attended the school, but did not earn a degree, either in 1994 as she first stated, or in 1996, which she later claimed. And the degree she’s holding so proudly in that picture is a Bachelor of Science in Marketing something Miami University does not offer, and never has.

In addition, the "diploma" contains the signatures of Robert C. Johnson, Dean. Well, Johnson was dean of the graduate school not the dean for the School of Business and therefore would not have signed Howard’s diploma.

Howard has stopped talking which means, for now, she’s also stopped lying.

UPDATE Melissa “Pants On Fire” Howard has dropped out of the race. Bye Felicia!

____ ally and confidante Roger Stone posted a photo to Instagram—which he has since deleted—showing _____ and his Flying Monkeys—Senator Devin Nunes, Rudy Giuliani, Roger Stone, Sarah Huckabee Sanders, Mike Pence, and Sean Hannity—dressed in “Space Force” uniforms.

Stone posted the picture with the caption:

“I love this —proud to be in this crew—but the only lies being told are by liberal scumbags.”

Trouble was the uniforms were emblazoned with Swastikas.

Sheesh, Republicans are dumb.

Some men I’d like to see model the Todd Sanfield Commando Line?

Christopher Meyer, top left, who plays the young hottie Anton on The Affair… Sidenote: The Affair might be one of the best shows you’re not watching.

Christopher Abbott, top right, plays Mason on The Sinner, a kind of Whydunnit instead of a Whodunnit.

Will Brittain, bottom left, plays Dave, one of the good … hot …guys on Colony, while Tory Kittle, bottom left, plays another good … hot … guy on the same show.

Just sayin’ …commando.