I Didn't Say It ...

George Clooney, actor/activist, on Steve Bannon, former advisor to _____, calling himself a “street fighter”:

“I like picking fights. I like that Breitbart News wants to have my head. I’d be ashamed 10 years from now if those weaselly little putzes, whose voices are getting a lot higher every week as this presidency starts to look worse and worse weren’t still [after me]. Steve Bannon is a failed f**ing screenwriter, and if you’ve ever read [his] screenplay, it’s unbelievable. Now, if he’d somehow managed miraculously to get that thing produced, he’d still be in Hollywood, still making movies and licking my ass to get me to do one of his stupid-ass screenplays.”

Steve Bannon licking George Clooney’s ass? Oy. Especially when you realize that Bannon has had his lips pressed to _____ rump for the last couple of years.

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Kirk Cameron, on God’s lovingly murderous wrath

“One thing we know about hurricanes — and all weather — is that this is not Mother Nature in a bad mood. This is a spectacular display of God’s immense power. And when He puts His power on display, it’s never without reason. There’s a purpose. And we may not always understand what that purpose is, but we know it’s not random. And we know that weather is sent to cause us to respond to God in humility, awe, and repentance.”

And that’s a Christian’s view of God ... who will kill you to humble you.

No wonder I don’t believe ...

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Joe Biden, former Vice President—and next President?—blasting “Education Secretary” Betsy DeVos' plan to rescind sexual assault reporting procedures on college campus:

"Sexual assault is the ultimate abuse of power, and its pernicious presence in our schools is unacceptable. Policies that do not treat this epidemic with the utmost seriousness are an insult to the lives it has damaged and the survivors who have worked so hard to make positive change. Students have taken on this fight. Keep fighting. Tell this administration that we refuse to go backwards. We will have succeeded when no woman who is abused ever instinctively asks the question, 'What did I do?’”

Again ... run, Joe, run ... or, aththe very least, keep turning the screws on this corrupt administration.

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Tucker Carlson, Fox News lapdog, fuming that Tony Perkins’ hate group, Family Research Council, has been labeled a hate group by the Southern Poverty Law Center:

“Well, to call someone a hate group is to lump them in, in the popular mind, in my mind anyway, with like Nazis and crazy people, violent people, truly scary people….You would think that any normal reporter, no matter how liberal, would be looking through the list of hate groups, so-called hate groups​​, and say, “You know, OK, some of them are clearly hateful and crazy.” And then they get to the Family Research Council, and you say, “I may not agree with their agenda, but they are not a hate group.” Why does nobody at say CNN or The Washington Post ever think this is overreach? It is not a hate group. It is a Christian group.”

Let me make this queer for you, Fucker, er, Tucker: the FRC hates The Gays and wants to do whatever it can to deny us equality because we are gay. They hate The Gays, hence they are a hate group.

Now, siddown.

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Brian Austin Green, 90210 alum, to those who raged when his wife, Megan Fox, posted a photo on her Instagram account showing their son Noah dressed as Queen Elsa from Frozen:

“He’s four and I’ve heard from some people that they don’t agree. They don’t agree with him wearing dresses. To them I say, ‘I don’t care.’ He’s four and if he wants to wear it, then he wears it. And it’s dresses or goggles, or slippers, whatever. I feel like at four or five, that’s the time when he should be having fun. He’s not harming anyone wearing a dress. So, if he wants to wear a dress, awesome. Good on him.”

Bravo, sir; if he wears a dress because he’s questioning his gender identity or expressing his gender identity, why stifle it. If he wears a dress because he’s expressing creativity, why stifle it.

He’s a kid and all the haters need to keep moving.

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Hillary Clinton, former Secretary of State and presidential candidate, saying she won’t pursue the 2020 Democratic presidential nomination:

“I am done with being a candidate, but I am not done with politics because I literally believe that our country’s future is at stake. We have a reality show that leads to the election of a president. He ends up in the Oval Office. He says, ‘Boy, it’s so much harder than I thought it would be. This is really tough. I had no idea.’ Well, yeah, because it’s not a show. It’s real. It’s reality, for sure.”

I am glad—and I hope she means it—that she’s done; I am also glad that she will continue to speak up and out in the political arena, but, yeah, her time has come and gone.

Oh, and Bernie, if you’re listening, take a note.

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John Oliver, host of HBO’s Last Week Tonight, catching up with all things _____ after his vacation:

“His 35-year-old daughter calls him ‘Daddy’ and he likes it. That is just one of those facts that on some level I already knew I just never wanted to have confirmed. ... [And] he’s all over the place. Dreamers have to go. Or maybe they can come back. Or maybe they don’t have to go at all. And in the meantime, 800,000 people’s lives are in the balance….It is actually really ironic that he is taking such a hard line against Dreamers. Because this guy is clearly out of his f**king mind.”

Word.

And yeah, ‘Daddy’? Ick.

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Ted Cruz, on that Twitter ‘Like’ heard around the world:

“There are a number of people on the team who have access on the account. It appears that someone inadvertently hit the ‘like’ button. When we discovered the post, which was I guess an hour or two later, we pulled it down. It was a staffing issue, and it was inadvertent.”

So, someone, not Ted Cruz, a Bible thumping Republican—and we know those folks don’t go for porn :::wink wink:::—“inadvertently” liked a porn tweet?

Gurl please. No one buys that, except maybe your wife.

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Jimmy Kimmel, on Ted Cruz’s “Like” of Twitter porn, and the excuses that followed:

“It was a video from a genre known as ‘stepmom porn.’ Just think, if only he’d done something this perverted during the campaign he might be president right now. I have four theories. Number 1, someone on his staff was browsing porn on Twitter and accidentally liked it. Number 2, his Twitter account was hacked. Number 3, Ted himself was looking at the porn, his wife Heidi walked in and he accidentally hit the ‘like’ button while he was trying to get his pants zipped up. Or number 4, you know Ted lost the presidential election, he’s been bullied by _____, he’s tired of being the uptight religious guy from Texas, he just said, ‘screw it, I watch porn in public now, this is who I am.' [But] I really honestly don’t think it was Ted Cruz. I don’t think Ted Cruz looks at porn. Ted Cruz masturbates to pictures of poor people without healthcare.”

C’mon ... we all know it was Ted.

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