It's Snarkurday!

John Travolta and male masseurs; he just cannot shake the gossip that he loves being rubbed by, and rubbing on, male masseurs. And so why is that?

Well, maybe it’s his personal hotel rider that seems to keep the gossip alive because John Travolta will only be massaged by men, and John Travolta requires that hotel staff put aluminum foil and dark curtains to black out the windows, and john Travolta brings in his own sheets, and removes them when he goes, and John Travolta requires that whatever room he’ll be occupying be empty for a full day before he steps inside in order to avoid anyone else’s scent lingering behind.

Okay, well, I can get behind that scent thing because some folks just douse themselves with colognes and perfumes, but bringing his own sheets? Blacking out the windows? It’s like Johnny wants to protect and haul away the DNA evidence and keep anyone from watching him “do it.”

It appears that one Peter Sloane has boldly gone where no man has gone before … he’s suing William Shatner for $170 million because he says Captain Kirk is his Daddy, and he’d like Shatner to submit to a DNA test and cease claiming he isn’t Peter’s father.

Sloan claims that his birth mother, the late Canadian actress Kathy McNeil, had a brief affair with Shatner, gave birth to his son, then gave the child up for adoption when he was 5 days old. Shatner, naturally, denies Sloan is his son, and says it’s all about the money … and a boat-load of money it is.

But Slone won’t go away easily; he says he met Shatner back in his TJ Hooker days and that Shatner initially “admitted he was [Sloane’s] father.” But a week later, Sloan claims, he was contacted by Shatner’s people who said he would deny paternity and begged him not to go public because it “could be horrendous for [Shatner].”

Peter Sloane wasn’t deterred; he surprised Shatner at a meet-and-greet, he registered the Web domain petershatner.com and began a local CBS radio show under the name Peter Shatner; and that was when Shatner sent the lawyers after Peter who said:

“Bill ... confirmed to me once again that he is not your father. There have been many people over the years who have claimed to be his children … He is not interested in spending time discussing this issue with you.”

Then, Sloane ALLEGES, Shatner’s people shut down his Twitter feed and had IMDb Pro to take down a page about a movie he was working on. And so he wants, or needs, $170 million.

Beam me up some of that cash please.

Jeffrey Wenninger, a former security guard, claims, in a lawsuit no less, that while working for Elton John for twelve years, Elton repeatedly groped him.

In March 2014, Wenninger says that he was riding in a car with Elton when, he ALLEGES, the singer put his hands down Wenninger’s pants and “tried to force his fingers between [my] buttock cheeks.” He also says Elton tried to fondle his genitals “both over and under his clothing.” 

Then Elton said, “Get your todger out [and] say hello to Uncle Elton.”

Perhaps he was looking for Wenninger’s rocket, man?

A month after the incident in the car, Wenninger says Elton twisted his nipples while saying, “You have so many gay genes in you, they just haven’t met up yet.” And Wenninger says there were a lot more moments of groping and fondling by John before he decided to quit his job, though he never once reported any incidents of inappropriate behavior until now. Wenninger says he has suffered emotional, physical and mental pain and wants cash damages from Elton.

Elton John’s team has already hit back, calling Wenninger’s lawsuit as authentic as Elton’s “hair.” Ouch!

Columbus Short could’a been big. He was in the first season of Scandal but suddenly disappeared amid reports of a violet, knife-wielding past. Then he was in a bar fight in LA, sucker punched a guy and ran.

Well, it’s even messier. Columbus Short met Karrine Steffans last year while working on a movie together and two months later they were married. And now that marriage is apparently over because Columbus Short is an adulterer and Karrine Steffans ain’t playin’.

Karrine not only threw all of his sh*t out of their apartment, but she took pictures of the sh*t and posted them on Instagram, where she also started calling out his numerous mistresses. She even posted a picture of Short calmly sitting in the lobby of their building with all his sh*t scattered around, and then captioned it:

“Somebody come get @officialcshort cheating ass and all his sh-t. What about you @aida006…still want him? And @candicernb…you f–ked my husband…want him?” 

After that, she posted a video of the damage with the caption: “You okay @officialcshort?” with her voiceover: 

“Nobody has anything to say. Nobody has anything to f–ing say. You feeling OK, you feelin’ okay?”

Oh, Karrine, you went all Angela Bassett, Waiting To Exhale, on Columbus, but he had his own Tweets to spew:

“Just want to say....that it's unfortunate that way things end up. I felt truly that a woman gave me a home and a place to get my mind right …

“And a place to maturate gifts that I wasn't able to foster, without stability. I love Karin and her brilliantly talented son. But toxicity …

“Of any kind isn't healthy for anyone. I've been working hard to bring you guys quality movies, music and art. And that's exactly what will …

“Continue to happen. How could you not love a woman who took you in a broken place and allow you to heal. I'm thankful for the journey and …

“It ain't the first time I've been homeless. But will definitely be the last!! When it's all said and done stand strong stand tall and …

“Most of all UNBROKEN......If I'm still standing you have no excuse! #MoreThanConquerers.”

Lawdy, child, this man is delusional. I think Karrine might have dodged an actual bullet.

So, That Woman has been dating Corey Gamble for about a year and a half. He started out as a bodyguard-type — what, she thought she was Whitney — and then That Woman basically hired him to be her on-screen love interest and general “handler” to those kids.

And it’s apparently not a secret that Corey cashes a check to be That Woman’s man and babysitter. Because a source, and it might be the one Kardastrophe who doesn’t really have a job, says:

“Corey’s given a stipend [by That Woman] to help look after her kids and make sure they are OK when they go out. He’s essentially an employee.”

And true to Job Description, Gamble was spotted escorting the Kardashian girls — and not That Woman — to Hollywood eatery; he was also included in the family’s Easter Sunday celebrations but that’s just because he pledged his loyalty, in return for coins.

Hmmm, would That Woman pay a man to be her, um, date, and to watch her kids?

That’s a rhetorical question.

So, Vanity Fair recently published a story about the making of Kramer vs. Kramer — part of Michael Schulman’s upcoming biography about acting legend Meryl Streep titled Her Again: Becoming Meryl Streep.

And apparently Kramer vs. Kramer, which resulted in Meryl’s first of 10,000 Oscars was a nightmare, mostly due to Little Man Dustin … Hoffman, that is.

According to Schulman, Hoffman was so serious about his role in Kramer vs. Kramer that he even had their “pretend” apartment redesigned because he said his character wouldn’t live there. But then Hoffman took method acting to the Nth degree by actually slapping Meryl Streep on the second day of shooting so it would appear more real.

On the second day of shooting, as Hoffman’s character Ted follows his hysterical wife Joanna, Dustin slapped Meryl hard across the cheek, leaving a red mark. But Meryl The Legend took the slap, used it in the scene, and took home Oscar gold for it.

But Hoffman’s on-set assholery wasn’t limited to slaps; he also continually made fun and light of the fact that Meryl’s boyfriend at the time, John Cazale, had cancer and died right before filming started. He would taunt Meryl about Cazale, jabbing her with remarks about his cancer and his death and claims it was all so she could bring that anger to her performance. And he improvised a scene by smashing a wine glass on a table, sending shards of glass into Meryl’s face and hair.

Look, Little Man, Meryl Streep is a legend and she has more Oscar Gold than you have Oscar Mayer.

Hoffman should’ve been seeing a doctor about his LMS … Little Man Syndrome.

So Lamar Odom, fresh from the hospital after his drugs and whores weekend in Las Vegas, recently appeared with this wife — no divorce yet — Khloe Kardastrophe on the family’s annual Easter Sunday paparazzi stroll.

But he got himself liquored up first.

Do I blame him? Not really, I’d have to be totally sh*tfaced to appear in public with That Family, too.

And it probably helped to be three sheets to the wind in case the Kardastrophe’s spontaneously combust by going into a church.

Drunks can scramble …

Last week, Justin Bieber announced that he would no longer be doing meet-and-greets with his fans—fans, plural, giggle—after his concerts because he found them draining.

What? The meet-and-greets? Or the fans?

Anyway, it’s a Who Cares moment except that some fans have already paid for meet and greets … some paying $2000 to Meet The Twerp … so what to do, what to do …

Well, despite Justin’s cancelling the event, fans were unable to get refunds without also forfeiting their tickets to his show, and then those that did attend the show went backstage to have their picture taken with a cardboard cutout of Bieber.

Well, at least the conversation would have been more thrilling except … Bieber skipped the meet-and-greet with fans because it’s too hard but did make way for celebrities and their families, like Wayne Gretzky, his wife and their daughter, to meet him.

So, it’s not the meeting of the fans, it’s meeting regular people fans?