UPDATE; Joe Bell's Walk To Stop Homophobia, Bullying and Suicide

Far from his home in Oregon, Joe Bell is sitting at a booth at Lucky Slice in Ogden, Utah, looking at a picture on his phone. On the left is Joe’s 13-year-old son, Joseph, who has his arm around one of Joe’s other sons, Jadin. It has been just more than four months since Jadin committed suicide. [read my post HERE]

After a few seconds, Joe Bell puts the phone back in his pocket, steps outside and heads east, starting the 49th day of his walk across the country to honor his son—who was literally bullied to death—and to raise awareness about bullying and youth suicide.

The night before, Joe spoke to a group of strangers in the basement of the Unitarian Universalist Church of Ogden. He was there as a guest of the OUTreach Resource Center, a community center and support group for LGBT teens and young adults, to share Jadin’s story.

When Joe finished speaking at the OUTreach gathering, some of the students in the room shared their own stories of being bullied at school and at home. One spoke of being beaten and verbally abused by family members when he came out. As he finished his story, Joe offered what consolation he could.

“You’re a good man,” Joe told him. “Know inside yourself that it’s gonna be OK.”

That moment was just one that was repeated throughout the evening. Eighty percent of the people who come to OUTreach don’t have a supportive adult like Joe at home. Which may explain why, in this country, suicide is the third-leading cause of death among teens and young adults. In Utah, it is the second-leading cause.

Joe and his wife raised three sons and a daughter in La Grande, Oregon, and it was just last year that Jadin, his middle son, came out as gay; Jadin was a freshman in high school at the time.

“I knew he was different at a very young age. We love our children, and we raised our children to love who they are.”—Joe Bell

And while Joe raised his kids with a passion for the activities he enjoyed, like hunting, after coming out to his father, Jadin then announced that he wanted to start cheerleading.

“I just about fell out of my chair,” Joe said, though his support of his son, and what his son wanted to do, never wavered. But it was when Jadin began cheerleading that things got worse for him. Joe, watching his son from the stands, saw the harassment Jadin endured, and he knew it was much worse when he wasn’t at the games.

“I just watched him deteriorate,” Joe said. Jadin began to see a counselor to deal with depression, made worse by the harassment and bullying he suffered, and for a while he seemed better, even if his situation at school didn’t improve. “Our school and administration do not know how to deal with the bullying problem,” Joe said.

On January 19, 15-year-old Jadin tried to hang himself on a school play structure; some passersby noticed his body and called for help. He was taken across the state to Doernbecher Children’s Hospital where he stayed for two weeks. When it became clear that he would not recover, Jadin was taken off life support and died on February 3rd.

Jadin's story is just one of many stories of LGBTQ youth that are being bullied in schools by students, teachers, administrators and other parents, and Joe Bell, having lost his son, wants it to stop.

After Jadin’s death, Joe was lost; he’d seen, first hand, the harassment his son endured, and he began to feel as though he’d failed as a father. He began thinking a lot about Jadin, reflecting on an eighth-grade trip Jadin had taken to New York City. For Jadin, that trip was the highlight of his all-too-short life; he began to dream of going to college in New York.

Sadly, that dream was never realized.

But, for Joe, he realized the trip to New York City could be made again, this time in Jadin’s honor, and to talk with schools and churches about bullying, and homophobia, and the loss of so many young people in this country.

“It was either give up or fight back. I’m a fighter.”—Joe Bell

So Joe began training for his cross-country walk; it was during this training, and through the help of family friend, Bud Hill, that Joe Bell found Faces for Change, an organization which seeks to educate others about harassment and bullying; Faces For Change is supporting Joe throughout the walk.

For Joe, the walk is a time to remember his son, but it is also a way to start a dialogue about bullying and suicide. And while Joe has received all kinds of support along the way—his shoes are donated and he had a book filled with all sorts of encouragement from people he’s met—he has also come across some anger.

North of Tremonton, Utah, a Catholic bishop stopped to offer Joe a ride and, after hearing Joe’s story, the bishop dropped him off with a pamphlet on “the sin” of the gay lifestyle.

That kind of talk is especially hurtful to Joe, who prides himself on being a proud Christian, travelling with a notebook filled with Bible verses on every page. And yet, when Faces for Change was trying to find a place to hold the send-off party, three churches turned down the organization’s request.

I guess the idea of children being bullied to death is of no concern’ or maybe it’s just the LGBTQ children they don’t care about.

But, this kind of homophobia, and ignorance, doesn’t stop Joe Bell. He has made it a point to stop and speak in any town where he’s been warned that he might experience some intolerance.

After leaving Ogden, Joe will head to Salt Lake City, where his family will meet him, and he can relax for a couple of days. Then he goes on to Denver, then Kansas, then New York.

New York; for Jadin. And to make us aware that his son, like the sons and daughters of so many, have been bullied to death and we need to make it stop.

Jadin Bell

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In Indiana, Gay Couples Face Jail Time For Filing A Marriage License

It was just last week That I posted about anti-marriage equality, Mike Pence, the governor of Indiana, and his staff, deleting pro-marriage equality comments from the governor’s Facebook page. The governor called the deleted comments uncivil and rude, but the ones I found were anything but, making Pence, and Indiana, seem kinda hate-filled against The Gays.

But that was just the beginning, I guess.

Now, it appears that a same-sex couple applying for a marriage license in Indiana, where same-sex marriage is against the law, could be arrested and jailed for up to three years simply for submitting a marriage license application to their county clerk; even if the license is denied.

See, up there in Indiana is an old law from 1997 state law that says it’s a Class D felony to submit false information on a marriage license application or lie about the physical condition, including gender, of a marriage license applicant.

So, if two men, or two women, who wished to marry—or just fill out an application in protest—their signing of the application would trigger the law, because Indiana’s electronic marriage license application specifically designates "male applicant" and "female applicant" sections for gathering required background data.

Now, there doesn’t seem to be any indication that anyone could be arrested for filling out a marriage license application and writing a man’s name in the ‘female applicant’ section—or even vice versa for a lesbian couple—but It is against the law in Indiana where the governor remains virulently anti-marriage equality.

And, there is a recently approved reform of the state's criminal code will, starting July 1, 2014, that will drop the crime to a Level 6 felony, punishable by a maximum of just 18 months in prison and a potential fine of up to $10,000.

Big deal, eh?

The odd part of this bass-ackwards law is that a county clerk who ignores Indiana's same-sex marriage ban, by issuing a license to a same-sex couple, would face minimal punishment. The same law that makes it a felony to submit false information on a marriage license application declares it only a Class B misdemeanor—punishable by up to 180 days in jail and a fine of up to $1,000—for a clerk to issue a marriage license based on that false information; and, because the charge is not a felony the clerk would not face removal from office upon conviction.

It’s a felony to submit false information, but it’s a lesser crime to act upon the false information, even when you know it to be false.

Indiana is set up for a marriage equality fight next year over whether to add its existing marriage equality ban to its state Constitution. The GOP-controlled General Assembly will decide during the January-March 2014 session whether to submit the proposed constitutional amendment—which also bans any form of civil union, you know, just in case—to voters for ratification.

If lawmakers approve the amendment, supported by Governor Pence, then the matter will be placed on the November 2014 ballot.

Letting the majority decide what the minority can, and cannot, do.

The good news is that, right now, many Indianans are opposed to amending the state Constitution with discrimination. But, still, in Indiana you have a governor trying to manipulate the conversation on marriage equality into his favor, and you have laws that would jail same-sex couples who fill out an application for a marriage license.

Not good, Indiana, you can do better.

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HGTV Star and Food Network Star! A Recap and Rant...Part Five

DESIGN STAR!! ANIMAL HOUSES!!!

It’s Boys v Girls! Fraternity v Sorority!

Another team challenge where the designers don’t design as much as they shop and sand and spray-paint.

:::yawn:::

Let's rip ...

ANNE & TIFFANY

I think they got the better end of the deal, because the common room at the sorority house looked like an actual living and dining room, albeit with some ugly ass furniture and a fireplace that looked like it was sliding down the wall, and eventually did slide down the wall.

Tiffany was in charge of paint—she went gray, too—and of telling a carpenter to fix the fireplace so she could slap a TV on the wall above. She also bought carpet tiles and laid them on the floor. The floor tiles were a hit—again, shopping and not actual design—while the lack of accessorizing on the remodeled fireplace cost her some points.

:::yawn:::

Anne took charge of telling someone to paint the doors an orange red and then she spray-painted an old buffet black to make it more modern. It looked like an old buffet spray-painted black; not good. She also took the sorority crest and had it printed on a piece of grasscloth wallpaper and hung it on the wall; it was nice, but certainly not worth the raves showered upon it by The Goiter.

So the girls win because of paint choices, a rug, and a TV hung above a new fireplace.

Sheesh, had I known that was all it took, I would'a auditioned.

BROOKS, BORIS & JERIBAI

With three team members it seemed like a shoe-in that the guys would win, right? No, because the producers want two guys and two girls next week, so as soon as I heard Boys v Girls, I knew a guy was going home.

Plus, the guys got the harder room to, um, for lack of a better word, ‘design’: the fraternity’s common room. Pool table, ratty couches, ginormous dining table, florescent lighting, dropped acoustic ceilings. It was a night mare from wall-to-wall, floor-to-ceiling. But, ALLEGEDLY, the fraternity brothers use the space for social events, studying and dining, and requested more seating and more overall sophistication so Team BBJ--which sounds more fun than the actual team--decided it should look like a men’s club.

Boris, of the Big Teeth, was charge with drapes and furniture, so, I guess to him, Gentlemen’s Lounge means black drapes from floor to ceiling, and there’s nothing better for a frat house than a white, WHITE, linen, LINEN, sofa. I mean, ten seconds after the frat boys saw the room, one of them leapt onto the couch with his shoes on. So I guarantee that by now the couch is dark brown; and ripped.

Jeribai, more of a handyman than a designer, took care of sanding and refinishing the huge dining table, and, while he did a good job, is that worthy of your own show? I’ll say it, No. He also was in charge of buying lamps for the space so that the god awful fluorescents didn’t need to be on all the time, and he found some great lamps and sconces at an estate sale; too bad he didn’t find more, because his lighting finds looked atrocious under the clickety clacking of the florescent bulbs that were always on.

Brooks, you know, the teacher, so this was his to lose, took charge of creating a faux paneling effect around the room. I liked it, but I hated the industrial gray color he chose.

Boris had the fraternity’s crest printed and mounted on foam core, but it looked cheap next to the pool table Jeribai and Brooks bought, which they had fitted with a felt emblazoned with a better image of the fraternity’s crest.

Jeribai was safe because he can sand a table and refinish it, and he knows how to buy a pool table; and possibly because he’s cute, which is good for TV.

Brooks and Boris are up to get cut, and I’m thinking it’s Brooks because his Camera Challenge was a d-i-saster. But, it’s The Better To Eat You With Boris whose creepy smile was sent home.

MY TAKE

Out of a sense of Design Masochism, I’ll finish recapping the shows, but I think I’m done with design Star. I have no idea how these designers design because they work in teams and their designs are basically picking paints and buying fabrics.

I really want to see someone be given a space and a client, and then design the room from space planning starting point to a sense of creativity in paint and furnishings and a general idea of what they want to show.

This is about taking two, or thee, people, and letting them loose in a shopping mall and then saying, ‘Take it all back to the job and make a room.’

Plus, how many ways can I say it, but why is The Goiter on this show? She doesn’t have a design show, she has design commercials where she puts a runner on a table and then sets out Glade scented candles, and she’s judging designers?

And Vern, too? Where’s his show?

And, again, what’s a Sabrina Soto besides the comic relief?

FOOD NETWORKS STAR!!! Product Placement!

Okay, I am just now coming back from last week’s elimination of the adorable Viet. I still have my Chad, so the heat index is still high.

This week’s mentor Challenge is to create two products that can be marketed to the public, and the judges, Bobby Flay—who gets the Paula Deen Award for using the word Homeboy to describe Russell—and Giada di Laurentiis, and Adorable Alton Brown, will whittle down their two ideas into one idea that they’ll then present to bigwigs from Target—I always thinks food when I think Target—Kellogg, and Kraft Foods.

CHAD: Baked beans and a Spice Rub. The judges liked the beans but felt the spice rub was just another spice rub, so Chad presented Big Boy Beans to the marketing panel.

He chose a glass jar so you could ‘see’ the beans and one of the execs said it was a waste because, yeah, you couldn’t ‘see’ the beans.

Plus, they had no idea what Chad meant by ‘Big Boy’ and his explanation went nowhere fast.

But, he was safe.

STACEY: Gluten-Free/Dairy-Free Cookie and Cayenne Butterscotch Sauce.

Let’s just say without the gluten and the dairy it was a pile of sawdust. So Stacey went with her sauce. And it was good, though her presentation is so robotic that she might call her show Stepford Recipes.

But she was safe.

NIKKI: Eggplant Sauce—which should have been called Baby Diaper Sauce—and Piquillo Pepper Sauce. The color of the eggplant sauce was enough to keep the three judges from even bothering to taste it, so it was Piquillo Pepper Sauce all the way.

Except Nikki could not tell the panel where in the store they might find her sauce, which translates to, she doesn’t even know how to use her sauce.

Still, it was good, and she was safe.

RUSSELL: Bacon Candy and … something else; forgive me, but he had me at Bacon.

Naturally, he was told to go with the Bacon Candy, though I wondered how one might actually sell it, and what one might actually do with it, except eat it like candy, since it’s a chunk of bacon.

Still, Russell invited the panel to Sin with him, and they loved his POV, if not the idea of a Bacon Candy.

He was safe.

DAMARIS: Bourbon Peach Ginger Jam and …. And … I guess I wasn’t that invested this week because I’ve also forgotten her other idea. But it was the jam she chose to pitch, and she pitched it like a rock: dull and landing with a thud.

Sad for her, because the judges keep telling her to tone it down, and then she tones it way down and they ask her to pick it up.

Luckily, the panel liked her jam, so Damaris lives to giggle another day.

RODNEY: Spinach and Goat Cheese Quiche and Mixed Berry Pie. The judges liked his quiche best, but when Rodney pitched it to the execs, he decided it would be best to sing it to them; they had no idea what he was talking, er, singing about. And then his product: Quiche in a Jar. With the dough in Saran Wrap on top; or maybe that was the goat cheese. And that would make the spongy white stuff duct-taped—Yes, I said, duct-taped—to the jar the actual dough.

Quiche.In.A.Jar. And a song. I was surprised Rodney didn’t get the hook.

CHRIS: Roasted Apple and Red Pepper Jam and Sweet Corn Bisque.

There was no sweet and too much heat in the bisque, so Chris went with the jam, though he changed the name to Roasted Apple Ketchup.

His sales pitch was off-putting and went nowhere fast, and then he tosses in a story about being in an apple orchard and then smoking the apples in the largest smoker in Ohio.

Chris needs to learn when to tell a story and when to sell a story.

He’s out.

MY TAKE

At least the competition on this Star!! show has something to do with how they might work on their own shows, and be able to build a brand that makes them, and the Food Network, some money.

But I can’, as yet, see one of these people I would watch. Stacey is too rehearsed; Nikki’s too veggie. Rodney is too …. Pies; Chad is too hot for me pay attention to what he’s doing plus, I’m not a BBQ fan. Damaris is a ditz, but not a funny ditz.

That leaves Russell. I like the idea of his Sins, but if every week he does something with Bacon, Salt, Sugar, Fat and Liquor, well, it’ll get old, and artery-hardening, fast.

Also, is Bobby Flay an arrogant f**k or is it just me? Are Giada’s lips getting thinner? Isn't Alton Brown just adorable when he critiques?

These Could Be The Next Ten Marriage Equality States

In the wake of the Supreme Court rulings on DOMA and Prop H8, the push is on for marriage equality across the United States.  With the dismissal of Prop H8, same-sex marriage is now legal, again, in California that brings the total to 13 states where gay and lesbian couples can marry, in addition to the District of Columbia. So, who’s next?

States that could see marriage equality this year:

Illinois: Marriage equality almost passed the Legislature this past spring, but a Democratic state representative tearfully told his colleagues that he didn’t have the votes so he would give them time to talk it over with constituents.

Now, same-sex marriage advocates are saying that the next try will probably come this October, when lawmakers gather for a short session, and they believe the SCOTUS rulings, particularly the one extending federal benefits to gay spouses, could make the difference.

New Jersey: Though Governor Chris Christie, a potential GOP presidential candidate for 2016, vetoed a same-sex marriage bill last year, and said again last week that he’d veto another one, believes the majority should vote on the rights of the minority and wants to “let the people decide.”

But Democrats in the Legislature are considering whether or not to try to override another Christie veto, though they could also put marriage equality to the popular vote this fall. Most polls say it would pass easily.

And there’s also a path through the court system; New Jersey has civil unions, but seven same-sex couples are arguing that those don’t comply with a 2006 state Supreme Court ruling that gay and straight couples should have equal rights. A hearing is expected in August which could pave the way for equality.

Hawaii: Fear that Hawaii would become the first state to allow same-sex marriage led Republicans to write the Defense of Marriage Act, which was signed by President Bill Clinton and stood from 1996 until the Supreme Court struck it down last week.

Current Governor Neil Abercrombie, a Democrat, supports marriage equality, and bills to authorize it have been introduced in the state House and Senate.

Hawaii has had civil unions since January 2012.

Advocates for marriage equality are pushing in Hawaii federal court, too, though many believe Hawaii lawmakers will act “much sooner than later.”

And then we have next year … and so on ….

Oregon: It’s one of 29 states with a constitutional ban on gay marriage, and it could easily be the first state where voters repeal such a ban. Marriage equality advocates are eying the November 2014 election and need 116,000 signatures to get on the ballot.

Arizona, Colorado, Michigan, Ohio: Voters could be asked as early as November 2014 to overturn the constitutional ban, but advocates must decide whether to wait for 2016, a presidential election year, when turnout will be higher.

Nevada: The earliest gay marriage could get on the ballot is 2016, Rouse said, because of a quirk in a state law requiring two votes in the Legislature with a general election sandwiched in between.

New Mexico: It’s complicated. A court case could be decided as early as next year. The Legislature could act, too, but bills both to enact and prohibit gay marriage have gone nowhere so far, and Governor Susana Martinez opposes equality.

Still, the march goes on, and the tide is on our side.

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What This South Carolina? A Lesbian In A Beauty Pageant?

For some gay men, beauty pageants are a special thing; the pageantry, the gowns, the drag queeniness of some of the contestants. Me? Not so much. Give me a good awards show and someone drunk on a Red Carpet and I’m in; but, that may change since I heard this story.

The Miss South Carolina Pageant is next week, with the gowns and the glitter and the gaffes during the question and answer portion of the show—Caite Upton, anyone? See HERE—but this year there is a special contestant like we’ve never seen before in the Palmetto State. For the first time in history, the pageant has an openly gay contestant; and she’s multi-racial.

Her name is Analouisa Valencia and many are calling her the new face of the south.

:::fingers crossed:::

The South could use a new face; just sayin'.

And while this is the second time Analouisa has competed, this is the first year she's competing as an out lesbian.

"Last year, I did compete at state, but I wasn't as comfortable because of the fact I was hiding who I was. This is my first year coming out and saying, 'This is me, girls. Sorry, I'm going to be changing in the same dressing room as you. This is what's going to happen.'"— Analouisa Valencia

But, while it might seem having an openly gay contestant is a first for South Carolina, she is also the first bilingual contestant in pageant history.

Seriously? 2013? And she’s the first bilingual contestant? Oh yeah, South Carolina.

And, with three titles already under her belt, Valencia's family says her success represents the changing face of the south, though it’s a change which finds many folks unprepared as they focus on her sexual orientation and her ethnicity. But Valencia says it’s her passion for coaching Special Olympic athletes that she wants judges to remember. She doesn’t want to be The Gay Contestant, or The Multi-Ethnic Contestant, she wants to be Analouisa, and, hopefully, that’s how people will see her.

And this particular gay might just find himself sitting in front of a TV next week, rooting on one particular pageant gal.

Good luck, Analouisa.

And, if you win, and collect the $25,000 scholarship, there's also a Coming Out Toaster Oven, and copy of The Gay Agenda for you.

It’s a win-win, though, any way you look at it.

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Sunday Funnies