PRAll-St★rs 4 Ep 1: Uptown Goin' Down

All righty then, the fourth season of losers trying again, AKA PR All-St★rs 4! Oh, but they aren’t all losers because the producers have slipped in two PR winners, Dmitry and Michelle, and the other designers, AKA The Losers, aren’t exactly thrilled about it.

But that’s neither here nor there because the challenge is up. PR All-Stars host — and very pregnant — Alyssa Milano splits the group into teams of Men versus Women who must create collections inspired by either New York's Uptown scene or New York's Downtown scene. A subway token is tossed and the men win, choosing to go Downtown, while the girls — who seemed to have wanted Downtown — head Uptown. Both teams of seven have a budget of $1500 and one day to make it work.

Let’s rip …

THE SAFE WOMEN 

clockwise from Top Left

ALEXANDRIA I loved this look but it is really a mash-up of downtown edge and uptown fabrics; a wee bit too sexy for the sophisticated girl.

HELEN This was a simple look, but I loved the inset shiny fabric curving down the body.

SONJIA Again, too edgy; the crop top was showing a bit too much skin for an Uptown Girl.

SAMANTHA During the critique Zanna Roberts Rassi told Samantha to lose the peplum — does anyone still think a peplum is cool? — and that saved this from the Bottom, I think. A shorter hemline might have helped, too.

THE SAFE MEN 

clockwise from Top Left

DMITRY It’s nice but it looks like a 1970s macramé plant holder hanging around her neck. Did not get it.

GUNNAR He was going with a chiffon capelet until Zanna told him that it looked “Chloë Sevigny meets Wonder Woman doing bridal.” Gunnar sniffed and said he disagreed, but he followed her advice nonetheless.

JUSTIN A taste level concern; the shorts look like a backwards diaper to me and it’s all a bit blah.

JAY I liked the pant, liked the tube top, but the vest seemed a little octopus to me. Not a favorite.

THE TOPS: The Men

CHRIS 

His inspiration was a crazy guy who seemed to have found a kilt in a trash can and tied it around his waist, but he wanted to reimagine it as a girl wearing her boyfriend’s shirt tied around her as a skirt. When Zanna stopped by her only critique was, "I love a kilt.”

Note to self: show her Carlos in one.

WHAT HE SAID 

My kilt is working

WHAT I SAID 

I like it, but is it design, because anyone can buy a kilt; I did love the leather top, though.

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID 

Alyssa was crazy about the kilt, and she got the boyfriend’s shirt inspiration Chris intended. Isaac Mizrahi loved the heaviness of the kilt with the skimpy, lightness of the top, while The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ thought the top, as a corset, was a bit loose; she did, however, call the look original. Guest judge, Ivanka Trump disagreed, saying it seemed a bit cliché, the belt too heavy, and the look kind of cheesy.

WHAT HAPPENED Chris, who predicted he’d be in the Top, goes Third.

BENJAMIN 

He was the lone guy who didn’t want to go Downtown, and his original idea really seemed to support that; but Benjamin wasn’t having it, saying a Downtown girl could look chic — though, yeah, that wasn’t the challenge, you know, to make a Downtown girl chic. But, when Zanna warned him that his look was too Uptown, he seemed to realize that his POV needed an adjustment for the challenge, and he made some changes.

WHAT HE SAID 

She looks amazing.

WHAT I SAID 

I still think it’s an Uptown look, very chi-chi, but the styling saved it.

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID 

Isaac loved it, saying it captured both the drama and the model’s body; this was his personal favorite. Alyssa said it could have gone wrong — i.e. Uptown — but it worked. The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ loved the graphic nature of the look, with the free and easy quality of the design. Ivanka loved how he referenced architecture in it—and hoped to wear it home to show Daddy so he could slap a big Trump Dress sign on it; those Trumps would put their name on anything.

WHAT HAPPENED 

Chic was in, but just Second Place.

FABIO 

Returning from Mood, Fabio found that his fabrics were missing; no idea if they had been cut, and left behind; not paid for and left behind; paid for and left behind. But there was no going back, so he had to make do with his teammate’s fabrics. And he did a nice job, which is what Zanna said — “It’s perfectly nice.” — but Fabio went back and threw in some ‘Wow’ straps across the back.

WHAT HE SAID 

I hope the judges notice everything about this look.

WHAT I SAID 

That different colored tie-belt-obi-wrap thing in the front seemed odd to me; very out of place.

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID 

Alyssa said "I want this on my body," and I added, “In about five months.” She loved that it seemed business in the front and party in the back. Isaac loved it, and also loved the two-toned color, front-to-back. The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ called it beautiful — and she should know — while Ivanka loved it, but thought the pants were a hair too short, even though it was both polished and edgy.

WHAT HAPPENED 

Fabio wins, but gets no immunity, as PR Al-stars don’t play like that!

THE BOTTOMS: The Women

MICHELLE  

She didn’t want Uptown, and she — like Benjamin — struggled to suit her voice to the challenge; she chose suede and cut-outs,. A daring choice, and Zanna noted that her girl might just be too cool for Uptown.

WHAT SHE SAID 

I’m really happy with the way it turned out.

WHAT I SAID 

I like Michelle, but I felt for her because she’s always on teams that drag her down; this was kinda edgy for Uptown, but I liked it.

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID 

Ivanka loved the Uptown sexiness of it, calling it reserved and sophisticated. Alyssa, though, said the fabric looked like car seat fabric — and when they took a close-up, well, I got car seat and car sick, too. It looked like Chrysler Cordoba Cheap Corinthian Leather — for those who remember that old ad. Isaac hated the additional fabrics in the back, and wished it had all been one suede — though not that suede.  The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™   also wished the back didn’t have the green pieces of fabric because then it would have been much better.

WHAT HAPPENED 

Michelle gets a pass.

KATE  

A Two-Time loser going for Third Time’s The Charm? As much as I loathed Amanda on the last arc of the PR, I loathe Kate on any PR show more. Get a job! But I digress. Kate is making a girly dress because she likes all things princess, but Zanna warns her that the top looks very modern and the bottom looks very retro, so Kate starts again. She does, oddly enough, save the Boob Shells for the second look.

WHAT SHE SAID 

It’s a Bond girl!

WHAT I SAID 

In a Sean Connery Bond film; which is to say, that it looks old and dated and the Oyster Breasts are a distraction.

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID 

Isaac said he loved natural boobs, and loved the kind of 50s augmentation of the Shell Breasts, but it was all ruined because the dress was too tight. The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™   said it felt old-fashioned, and the stripe at the knee cut the model off. Alyssa  thought there were a lot of ideas that failed to gel, while Ivanka thought it less Uptown and more va-va-va-voom.

WHAT HAPPENED 

I guess ill-fitting dresses with Boobs on the Half Shell are safe.

PATRICIA 

She loves making her own textiles and so she opts for what she calls a pomegranate detail that leads Zanna to sigh and say, Okay? But, she runs out of time, and the pomegranates don’t end up on the dress at all.

WHAT SHE SAID 

It’s a beautiful neckline, and a versatile dress, but I’m not happy with the darts.

WHAT I SAID 

Bullet Titty nightgown.

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID 

Alyssa said she loved an A-line dress because she’s 35 months pregnant and can only wear A-line. Isaac loved the idea of the dress but thought the fabrics looked dirty, while The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™  thought the breast darts weren’t doing good things—unless the goal was to use them as weapons?

WHAT HAPPENED 

Someone has to go, and it’s Pat.

MY TAKE

Alyssa Milano is huge! I hope she makes it to the end of the season, or maybe we’ll have our first Swaddling Clothes Challenge?

Like Fabio, I Love Zanna Roberts Rassi. The accent, the style, the zip. Loving her. I also like some Isaac Mizrahi. I wanna get drunk with him and just gossip gossip gossip. And, of course, The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™. Love.Her.

As for the designers: Gunnar? No. He just wants to be on TV; he is all affectation and no substance, which was evident when he first spoke at the beginning, and said something about another designer, "However comma …” Hon, you don’t say comma, it’s implied …period.

Sonjia needs to lay off the Smurf lipstick; I could make a tasteless joke about giving head to Papa Smurf but won't ... oops, I already did.

That Jay Sario is totally adorable and I’m having a First Episode crush on him.  Fabio, too, because I love his edge.

As for who I wanna see at The Tents — or whatever the PR All-St★rs uses as The Tents — I’m rooting for Michelle and Fabio right now, with maybe some Chris March thrown in because he’ll surprise you.

Gunnar can go, and he can stuff Kate into his man purse.

What did YOU think?

Would You Hit It?

Jake Gyllenhaal. Donnie Darko; Brokeback Mountain; Prisoners; Love & Other Drugs or, as I call it The One Where Jake Is Naked A Lot.

This might sound like a stupid question but, well, one man's Hit It is another man's Quit It; so ...

Would.You.Hit.It?

Yes or No.

I Didn't Say It ...

Judy Shepard, on a conversation she once had with her son Matthew about Wyoming and marriage equality: 

“I had had a conversation with Matt in 1998 and he asked me if I thought it would ever happen – if marriage equality would come to Wyoming. I thought: In my lifetime? No. But I thought he would see it in his. It turned out to be the complete opposite.”

This breaks my heart. So much promise …

Louis Gohmert, Texas asshat and Republican Congressman, still worried about gays in the military:

"I've had people say, 'Hey, you know, there's nothing wrong with gays in the military. Look at the Greeks.' Well, you know, they did have people come along who they loved that was the same sex and would give them massages before they went into battle. But you know what, it's a different kind of fighting, it's a different kind of war and if you're sitting around getting massages all day ready to go into a big, planned battle, then you're not going to last very long. It's guerrilla fighting. You are going to be ultimately vulnerable to terrorism and if that's what you start doing in the military like the Greeks did. As people have said, 'Louie, you have got to understand, you don't even know your history.' Oh yes I do. I know exactly. It's not a good idea."

I think Louie spends an awful lot of time thinking about man-on-man massages.

That’s all.

Jimmy Carter, former president, on the idea that states should still be allowed to ban same-sex marriage:

"I'm kind of inclined to let the states decide individually. And now as you see more and more states are deciding on gay marriages every year. But if Texas doesn't want to have gay marriage, then I think that's a right for Texas people to decide."

This is quite different than what he’s said in the past, so I hope it’s a misquote or a misstatement.

Jimmy needs to see that if, say, Bob and Carlos get married in South Carolina, and have their marriage recognized in that state, and then, for some reason, they move to Texas somewhere down the line, and find their marriage is invalid, that’s kind of the epitome on inequality.

Eh, Jimmy?

Ted Olson, AFER lawyer, saying the nation has reached a "point of no return" in the legal battle over gay marriage:

"I do not believe that the United States Supreme Court could rule that all of those laws prohibiting marriage are suddenly constitutional after all these individuals have gotten married and their rights have changed; To have that snatched away, it seems to me, would be inhuman; it would be cruel; and it would be inconsistent with what the Supreme Court has said about these issues in the cases that it has rendered."

It’s gonna happen, far sooner than I think most of us ever suspected, or expected.

Dolly Parton, on her gay following, Christianity and the LGBT community:

“They know that I completely love and accept them, as I do all people. I've struggled enough in my life to be appreciated and understood. I've had to go against all kinds of people through the years just to be myself. I think everybody should be allowed to be who they are, and to love who they love. I don't think we should be judgmental. Lord, I've got enough problems of my own to pass judgment on somebody else.  … [As] far as the Christians, if people want to pass judgment, they're already sinning. The sin of judging is just as bad as any other sin they might say somebody else is committing. I try to love everybody.”

I’m glad she didn’t resort to her old standby that gay people deserve marriage so they can be just as miserable as straight people.

Random Musings

Taylor Swift is everywhere this week because she has a new album coming out; get over it, I’m old, and I’ll call them “albums” until I die. But seriously, she’s everywhere and I am so afraid to see that Blow Up Doll’s bright red lips that I won’t turn on my TV.

So, what will I do about tonight’s episode of How To Get Away With Murder? I mean, I love Viola Davis. But what if Swifty appears? Unless, and this could be good, she’s the murder victim? I mean she plays the victim in all her songs, the ones that have infiltrated my brain without consent, so maybe she’d be a good victim on HTGAWM.

Now, don’t get me wrong; I like some Mindnumbingly Dumb Pop Music, but at least the kind I like comes from actual singers and not the computer-enhanced variety—Google her disastrous “live” performance on the Grammy’s a couple of years back when she couldn’t carry a tune in Size 10 Jimmy Choos.

I caught an earful of her new song, Shake It Off, the other day where she, for lack of a better word, “sings” about “haters gonna hate” … repeat ad nauseum … and I got to thinking that all she sings about are the people who’ve wronged her and don’t like her and are mean to her.

And it hit me that she likes being dumped and she likes people being mean and she lives for the haters, because without them, er, us, she’d have nothing to, again, for lack of a better word, “sing” about.

After the 9th Circuit Court struck down Idaho’s constitutional amendment banning same-sex marriage, Idaho state Senator, and certifiable Pandering Loon, Steve Vick proposed a solution to what he calls “gross governmental overreach”:

“If we’re not allowed to determine the standards for a marriage license, then maybe we should just not issue them. … I’m exploring is just eliminating marriage licenses in Idaho.”

Seriously, if Idaho is gonna have to “let” The Gays get married, then Vick wants to outlaw marriage altogether. That’s his solution!

I say, You first, Steve! Why don’t you call your lovely wife at home and tell her that your marriage is meaningless because now The Gays can do it, too, and so, since you’re obviously — and this is just my opinion … I have no proof — a deeply closeted homosexual, you and your wife should call it quits.

I mean, if marriage should be outlawed, Stevie, make it retroactive.

Asshat.

I used to have a mad crush on Bruce Jenner, the Olympian. The Bruce Jenner of reality TV fame? Not so much.

I don’t know what’s going on with him, and it isn’t my business, but the hairdo, the Farrah he’s rockin’, the shaving down of his Adam’s Apple, and this new picture of him with his lovely nail polish?

I don’t know if he’s transgender and planning to transition, or if he’s become such a famewhore that he’s taken a page from the Kash Kow’s playbook and will do anything to keep people talking.

That said, while I was stunned by the polish, I was more shocked that he’s a smoker.

AHS is getting some NPH and I am like OMG.

Neil Patrick Harris, and his adorable husband David Burtka, are set to guest-star on AHS. 

NPH will appear in Freak Show‘s 11th and 12th episodes as a chameleon salesman, while Burtka will turn up in the season finale—episode Lucky 13—in what is said to be a sexy storyline with Jessica Lange.

I.Can’t.Wait. But …. In other AHS news:

Lily Rabe, who played the role of Sister Mary Eunice on American Horror Story: Asylum, will reprise her Asylum role on Freak Show in Episode 10. 

And since Naomi Grossman returned to AHS: Freak Show as Asylum’s Pepper, maybe Sister Mary’s return involves Pepper and how she went from the freak show to Asylum‘s Briarcliff Institution.

Again: Can’t.Wait.

Leave it to FoxNews, the media arm of the GOP, and the talking-heads from The Five to declare that the war on women a creation of the Democratic Party.

And yet, in a segment focused on voting and how women and women's issues are impacting the midterm elections, co-host Greg Gutfield says it's a fact that women grow more conservative as they grow older, and so they should wait until they're older to vote:

"With age comes wisdom. I tell young people, 'You don't have to wait to become a conservative."

And off camera, co-host Kimberly Guilfoyle—a women, I’m guessing—is heard saying that women should wait "to get a brain." And then on-camera, she talks about how, as an attorney, she dismisses young women when choosing juries:

"Young women on juries are not a good idea."

She says she tells them to "go back on Tinder or Match.com," because they "don't get it" -- "it" being experience with household duties, "paying the bills, doing the mortgage, kids, community, crime, education, healthcare."

So, explain again how this whole war on women is a Democratic thing.

Asshats.

We watched Constantine last week; what a horrible show; and not one shot of last week’s Random Musing hottie, Michael James Shaw. A total waste of time.

So, this week, we’ll show off Carter Macintyre from USA’s new comedy — which started off funny so we’ll see — Benched, and the lovely and talented Erich Bergen, the Is-he-gay-or-isn’t-he assistant on Madam Secretary.

Totes adorbs.

I have talked before about how I wake up every day with a song in my head, and how, sometimes it’s something I heard on the radio or TV during the previous day, and how sometimes it’s just a song I like and how it crept back into my brain and out my mouth.

This week, though, it’s a song I haven’t heard since I was a young queerling and had a young queerling crush on Larry Gatlin.

But it’s pretty and, well, when I YouTube’d — that’s a verb now — it, I still felt a little something  …

Anyway, here’s the song that been playing on a loop in my head for the past few days.

PR All-St★rs Starts Tonight

Fourteen of the most talented designers — read: has-beens and losers … okay, I kid, I like some of them — in Project Runway history are sashaying back onto the catwalk for a second shot at winning.

Also back, is mentor, Zanna Roberts Rassi, as well as judges Alyssa Milano, Isaac Mizrahi and The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™.

There are all kinds of challenges, like a trip to London for a challenge featuring British royalty, collaboration with Broadway's "Wicked The Musical" and the first-ever wedding ceremony live on the runway.

And we’ll have some cool guest judges, like the fabulous Laverne Cox of Orange is the New Black, perennial guest judge, Debra Messing, designers Betsey Johnson, Michael Bastian and Elle Tahari, alongside some more questionable choices, like reality stars Snooki and JWoww. That must be for the Tacky Challenge?

But, more important than judges and guest judges, is who is coming back for a second, and sometimes third, shot at winning the PR?

Let’s rip …

Samantha Black 

Season 11, The Teams Season, 7th Place 

I seriously don’t remember her, though, to be fair, I’ve tried to erase The Team Seasons from my mind.

Samantha has been working on her line Sammy B Designs, and taking business classes at Macy’s Business Program. Samantha was recently named "designer to watch" by both Essence and Ebony magazines.

She was Auf’d for that … something she made for Heidi!

Helen Castillo 

Season 12, 5th Place 

Helen was the sad, morose one, the tattooed, sad, morose one, who almost made it to the finale.

Helen has been struggling to make a name for herself, although she has had some success and celebrity interest. She designed a Grammy® dress for Mary Lambert and mainly makes custom dresses for the everyday woman.

That cocoon thing sent her home.

Fabio Costa 

Season 10, Runner Up 

He's kinda hot; that's all I got.

He made it to The Tents, but not to The Winner’s Circle.

But he was so inspired that he and his design partner created their own androgynous and minimalist line called NotEqual. He is ready to come back to the runway and this time isn’t walking away without the win.

That was his Auf-ful look.

Gunnar Deatherage 

Season 10, 8th Place

Gosh, he annoyed me, and now he’s baaaack.

 Recently the creative director of NFocus Magazine, Gunnar’s days are spent styling, overseeing photo shoots and working on his designs at night for his line, Deatherage Designs.

He created his own print and found himself packing it and going …

Justin LeBlanc 

Season 12, 3rd Place 

One of the sweetest designtestnats ever.

Justin returned to being a full time professor after season 12 and recently completed his Spring/Summer Collection; he is also working on a Fall/Winter 2015/2016 collection with a theme based on his definition of love without boundaries.

His test-tube dress in the finale was great, but not great enough to save him.

Michelle Lesniak 

Season 11, The Teams Season, Winner 

I once said she was as snarky as me; that she was me "with a vagina." That still scares me.

Michelle returned to Portland after her success on the PR and is opening her own boutique. Dedicated to local manufacturing and ethical business practices, she is undoubtedly playing a key role in shaping and growing the Portland fashion industry.

Um, she won? So why does she get a second shot? I wanna see losers try to win! I did like her collection, though …

Benjamin Mach 

Season 11, The Teams Season, 11th Place 

He was sleek and sexy, but he made some messy looks.

Still, his made-to-order Benjamin Mach label launched this year, merging luxurious fabrics with a modern design.

But, he got the boot for designing Ugly for a Real Woman.

Chris March 

Season 4, 4th Place 

J’adore Chris March; j’adore.

Chris continues to build his business, Chris March Designs, designing for stars like Madonna, Prince and Lady Gaga. He recently formed an exclusive partnership with Target to design costumes and wigs for Halloween season.

He did a lot of clothes using real human hair in the finale and I think the ick factor was his Auf'ing.

Patricia Michaels 

Season 11, The Teams Season, Runner Up 

She was kinda nutty, kinda obsessed with weird notions, but I liked her originality.

After the PR Patricia returned to Albuquerque where she has been building a new studio and working on a ready-to-wear collection.

During the finale, this was one of her Auf'ing looks.

Kate Pankoke 

Season 11, The Teams Season, 9th Place … Season 12, 6th Place 

Sometimes you wanna beat someone over the head. Three times! Three times Kate’s been on the PR. Get a real job!

Okay, maybe she does; she now has her own bridal line and a new collection launching in October.

These looks got her Auf’d … twice.

Jay Sario 

Season 7, 4th Place 

I kind of recall his time on the PR, though i get him confused with Viktor.

After his original season, Jay moved from Hawaii to New York, where he currently works as a full-time visual merchandiser for Calvin Klein North America and freelances on the side. His recent passion is bridal wear.

This circus-looking-mother-effer was his Auf’ful ouster.

Dmitry Sholokhov 

Season 10, Winner 

Another winner? Shouldn’t winners be exempt??

Dmitry created his own brand "Dmitry Sholokhov" and shown in Moscow, and has an exclusive collection for Lord & Taylor.

That’s one of his winning looks.

Alexandria von Bromssen 

Season 12, Runner Up 

Gosh she was morose, and stern and serious … except for that crying jag near the end.

Alexandria manages her own clothing line, owns a designer boutique and runs a sewing camp for kids called Camp Couture.

This was her cock-a-doodle-do Auf’ing.

Sonjia Williams 

Season 10, 5th Place 

She's another one that i don't remember; I even went back and looked at old posts and didn't remember her. not good.

Sonjia has a collection with Anabelle NY and her clothes are available in Neiman Marcus and Saks Fifth Avenue. She is also working on her own solo line, Something by Sonjia.

This bit of seaweed got her Auf’d.

And there you have it, another round of losers, with a couple of winners thrown in, trying to become a PR Champion.

Are you In or are you Out?