I Ain't One To Gossip But ... Kimye

All right, before I throw up in my mouth, let’s dish about last weekend’s Kardastrophe Wedding … and marvel at the way the New York Post announced the pre-divorce ceremony. Sex tape meets ego. Gotta love it!

Kim and Kanye exchanged vows at Forte di Belvedere in Florence, Italy in front of a wall of flowers, though I don’t think anything masked the stench of impending doom. 

Andrea Bocelli sang as Kim walked down the aisle, and I think for the first time in his life, he was glad he couldn’t see. Harsh? Maybe, but I stand by the words.

Bruce Jenner walked Kim down the aisle, his face pulled tighter, his hair more lustrous, his Adam’s Apple less prominent than Mother of the Bride, That Woman. But Bruce hated the whole affair because he was bored out of his mind and felt he was only used as a prop for the Wedding Episode on next season’s Keeping Up with the Kardastrophes.

Meanwhile, That Woman held NorthSouthEastWest and sobbed because her meal ticket was now someone else’s meal ticket.

The Hounds of Hell, Khloe, Kourtney, Kendall and that other K were Kim’s bridesmaids and each pocketed a handsome check for doing so.

Kim wore a custom-made Givenchy gown designed personally by Riccardo Tisci, Kanye’s long-time companion; Tisci also designed a little dress for NorthSouthEastWest just like Mommy’s … a picture that will surface again in about twelve years when the little girl enters therapy. Tisci also personally made Kanye’s tuxedo and I heard special attention was paid to the inseam, with several measurements taken and private fittings right up until the ceremony began. Snark? I think Tisci got the last laugh, though, because Kanye's shirt looks too big and Kim looks like a Vegas stripper.

At the reception, a nervous Kanye — perhaps realizing he was marrying the woman in the white dress and not the man who made the white dress … ALLEGEDLY — gave a 20-minute speech which he recorded for release on his next album; seriously though, he ranted about how hard it is being a media whore married to a media whore:

“They feel like it’s okay to put you on tabloid covers to sell your image, to use you in an SNL spoof…We don’t negotiate. We’re not like that. We’re not stupid… The Kardashians are an industry!… We are warriors! There is not one person at this table that has not had to defend us at some point or another…At this table…the combination of powers…can make the world a better place… [they are] the most remarkable people of our time… [Kim is] the ideal celebrity…the ideal art… [Imma gonna be] spending every single day of [my] life with Kim. … We don’t negotiate. We’re not like that. We’re not stupid.”

The most telling line of all? “The Kardashians are an industry!” Well, Kanye, don’t be surprised about all the fleas because you're laying down with dogs.

Kanye surprised Kim by flying in Lana del Rey to sing three songs, including “Summertime Sadness” and “Young and Beautiful.” Lana sang for free, though I heard she would get paid on the back-end when this thing implodes.

Rob Kardashian, Kim’s only brother, left before the wedding due to some family drama regarding his recent weight gain and Kim’s emphatic rule that no fatties be in the family photos. See, Kim wanted everyone to look a certain way, all glammed up in Valentino couture as they left Paris for Florence, but when Rob couldn’t fit into his suit, Kim ALLEGEDLY lost it and then Rob lost it, too, ALLEGEDLY shouting at Sex Tape, er, Kim that he was “sickened by Kim and Kanye’s display of wealth and clothes and beauty and called it ‘superficial bullsh-t’”

Um, Rob? Have you met your sister and Kanye before that day? They are the queens of superficial bullsh-t.

Khloe cried when she heard Rob was leaving the festivities and tried to convince him to stay, making excuses for Sex Tape’s behavior, you know, cuz she was a bride and all. Except, um, Khloe? Did you forget this was her third marriage? I mean, she should be used to it by now; it’s as easy as lying flat on your back to create a name for yourself.

Anna Wintour also skipped the wedding because, well, she’s Anna Wintour and she don’t look at ugly … ever. She will, however, ALLEGEDLY, use pictures from the pre-divorce ceremony in an upcoming edition of Vogue, possibly in a piece entitled What Not To Do At Your Wedding.

Rachel Roy was there. Beyoncé and Jay-Z were not. Hmmm, maybe that Solange elevator beat-down soured Jay on his “friendship” with Roy?

Beyoncé and Jay-Z thought the whole extravaganza was pretty tacky and so they went on vacation to the Hamptons, though Bey Instagram’d a photo of her new braids that say I’d much rather be on a hot beach than at your, er, wedding and a face that said another thousand words, before Instagramming a photo from the Kimye Vogue shoot with this message: "Wishing you a lifetime of unconditional love. God bless your beautiful family.” 

Notice though she doesn’t even mention their names? Shade. More shade? Bey didn’t Instagram one thing, not one thing, when Kelly Rowland got married. Yup, Beyoncé says more by saying less than anyone else; now if we could get to a less-is-more singing style … ?

Rumor has it the whole thing cost about $20 million, with the E! channel and Ryan Seacrest picking up the majority of the tab because media whores don’t pay, y’all. Odd, though, because I think Kim will ask three-times that amount next fall when she and Kanye divorce.

After the deal-with-the-devil, the couple took off for Ireland on a pre-divorce-moon, though baby NorthSouthEastWest didn’t tag along. She girl flew back to California with her granny, That Woman, and has probably been returned to the attic where she lives most of her days all alone.

And, so there you have it, a lavish waste of money for a Fat-Assed-Sex-Tape-Star marrying her Big-Headed-Might-Be-A-Friend-Of-Dorothy-Rapper.

But, let’s end as we started, but this time with the ad that New York Sports Clubs placed to congratulate the happy couple on their road to divorce.

Funny, cuz it’s true.

Seven Reasons Why This Is The End Of The Line For Marriage Equality Opponents

Straight — pun intended — from Queerty:

When the history of marriage equality is finally written — sorry, Jo Becker— last week will be the one to point to in determining when marriage equality opponents finally lost. For the anti-marriage crowd, there is no recovering from last week. When the Supreme Court decision for marriage equality came down last June, opponents still had hope that they could stem the tide at the state level. That illusion died for good last week. Here are seven reasons why opponents of marriage are now officially losers.

#1 Us: 19 court victories in row. Them: Zero. 

Right now, marriage equality is on an interrupted run of success. Oregon and Pennsylvania brought the total to 19 favorable court rulings, both federal and state. What do opponents have to show for their court time? A lot of lawyer bills (often at the taxpayers’ expense) and nothing else.

#2 NOM is going down in flames faster than ever. 

The National Organization for Marriage’s downward trajectory went from a steep hill to a sharp cliff. The loss in Oregon was especially humiliating to NOM, which had tried to insert itself into the marriage case there only to have the (gay) federal judge give it the boot. Then came Pennsylvania, where NOM is laboring under the delusion that it can undo what can’t be undone. To add injury to injury, the organization is facing a record fine in Maine for hiding the sources of its 2000 campaign contributions. Any more weeks like that and NOM might as well start auctioning off its office furniture.

#3 A new poll found a solid majority of Americans support marriage equality. 

The numbers don’t lie. Young people (otherwise known as the future) overwhelmingly support marriage equality. Even in the South, support is nearing the 50 percent mark. It will be impossible to reverse this trend.

#4 The judge who struck down Pennsylvania’s marriage ban was endorsed by Rick Santorum. 

Federal Judge John E. Jones III wrote an eloquent opinion upholding the rights of same-sex couples (more on this in a moment). You’d never guess from his opinion that Jones has been a prominent figure in Republican politics whose nomination to the bench was endorsed by none other than Rick Santorum, the politician most associated with opposition to same-sex marriage.

#5 The Pennsylvania decision quoted Ronald Reagan. 

“We are a better people than what those laws represent, and it is time to discard them into the ash heap of history.” That’s Jones in his opinion. But as a staunch Republican, Jones would be familiar with one of Ronald Reagan’s most famous speeches, which his writing directly echoes. In an oft-quoted 1982 address, Reagan predicted that“freedom and democracy will leave Marxism and Leninism on the ash heap of history.”  In alluding to Reagan, Jones clearly linked marriage equality to a conservative hero in a way that conservatives will immediately recognize (and many will hate). 

#6 PA Gov. Tom Corbett’s decision not to appeal. 

Tom Corbett is not a moderate Republican (even by the elastic definition that phrase has these days). He has compared marriage equality to incest and isa staunch opponent of anything LGBT. Yet, in a surprise to everyone, Corbett decided not to appeal the ruling striking down his state’s marriage ban. In the end, Corbett apparently concluded that there was no way to win the appeal. If someone with Corbett’s impeccably antigay credentials decides it’s a losing proposition, it’s a clear signal that the game is over.

#7 Anti-marriage leaders are talking like losers. 

It’s not just Maggie Gallagher who is admitting the cause is hopeless. Other conservatives are sending the same message. In an article in the National Review, Ryan Anderson, co-author of a book called What is Marriage? Man and Woman: A Defense, concedes that his side is waging “an uphill battle” and calls upon the like-minded “to take the long view, and to be ready to bear witness to the truth even if law and culture grow increasingly hostile.” That’s the language of someone whistling past the graveyard, not someone taking a victory lap.

Would You Hit It?

Tom Cruise has another summer blockbuster coming out, so he's been polished and nipped and tucked and Botoxed, and wearing his Justin Bieber hair and special lifts.

And I have one simple question ...

Would.You.Hit.It?

Yes or No.

I Didn't Say It ...

Orrin Hatch, the Republican Senator from Utah, waving the white flag on marriage equality:

"Let’s face it, anybody who does not believe that gay marriage is going to be the law of the land just hasn’t been observing what’s going on. There is a question whether [the courts] should be able to tell the states what they can or cannot do with something as important as marriage, but the trend right now in the courts is to permit gay marriage and anybody who doesn’t admit that just isn’t living in the real world. We have an excellent federal bench [in Utah]. Other federal judges down there might not have arrived at the same conclusion that these two have. But I think it’s a portent of the future that sooner or later gay marriage is probably going to be approved by the Supreme Court of the United States, certainly as the people in this country move towards it, especially young people. I don’t think that’s the right way to go; on the other hand, I do accept whatever the courts say."

Of course, he wants y’all, and his constituents to know, that he doesn’t like it, he just knows it going to happen.

Nasir Fleming, on being crowned homecoming queen at Danbury High School:

"My main reason for wanting to win prom queen is to show the school, and hopefully the world, that if a spunky, odd gay kid can win prom queen, then anyone can! This message is mainly for transgendered people, because they seem to face so much backlash for simply being themselves. If I can win a title that is out of my gender, anyone else should be able to, including transgendered people.”

I called him a hero earlier this week and that still stands.

Frank Bruni, on The Gay Kiss:

"A kiss is nothing. On the sidewalks, in the park, I see one every few minutes, a real kiss, lip to lip. It barely registers. It’s as unremarkable as a car horn in traffic, as an umbrella in rain. And yet a kiss is everything. A kiss can stop the world. The football player Michael Sam recently demonstrated as much.  … I still sometimes feel panic when my partner, meeting me in a restaurant, gives me a perfunctory kiss on the lips. And yet I feel robbed — wronged — if I sense that an awareness of other people’s gazes and a fear of their judgment are preventing him from doing that. We shouldn’t be bound that way, and on the day of the pro football draft, in front of the cameras, Sam rightly declared that he wasn’t. He did so with a gesture at once humdrum and heroic, a gesture that connects everyone who has been in love and affirms what every love shares: physical tenderness, eye-to-eye togetherness. It was something to behold. It was something to hold on to."

It’s just a kiss, y’all.

RuPaul, on using the word ‘Tranny':

"Does the word ‘tranny’ bother me? No. I love the word ‘tranny.’ … It’s not the transexual community who’s saying that. These are fringe people who are looking for storylines to strengthen their identity as victims. That is what we are dealing with. It’s not the trans community. ‘Cause most people who are trans have been through hell and high water… But some people haven’t and they’ve used their victimhood to create a situation where, ‘No! You look at me! I want you to see me the way you’re supposed to see me!’ You know, if your idea of happiness has to do with someone else changing what they say, what they do, you are in for a fucking hard-ass road… I dance to the beat of a different drummer. I believe everybody — you can be whatever the hell you wanna be, I ain’t stopping you. But don’t you dare tell me what I can do or what I can’t — say or can’t do. It’s just words, like, ‘Yeah, you hurt me!’ Bitch, you need to get stronger. If you’re upset by something I said you have bigger problems than you think.”

Much as I love Ru, she needs to stop and think.

If using that word offends the transgender community then you stop using that word. Stop.

Phil Robertson, of Duck Dynasty, giving an Easter Sunday sermon juts filled with hate:

"They were mad at me…You say, why’d they get mad at you? Cuz instead of acknowledging their sin, like you had better do, they railed against me for giving them the truth about their sins. Don’t deceive yourselves. You want the verse? The news media didn’t even know it was a verse! They thought I was just mouthing off. Is homosexual behavior a sin? The guy asked me. I said, ‘do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God?’ Don’t be deceived. Neither the sexually immoral, nor the idolators nor adulterers nor male prostitutes, nor homosexual offenders, nor thieves, nor greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.”

STFU.

Mark Ruffalo, on his hesitancy to accept a role in HBO’s The Normal Heart because he’s a straight actor:

“I'd heard about [director Ryan Murphy] and I was a little nervous about saying no without at least speaking to him, giving him the respect that he deserves. We met, and my thinking at the time was, ‘Aren't we at the place in our culture, in our development, where a gay man should be playing this part?’ That was kind of a concern for me. Politically speaking, it felt like that was the right thing for this play and for this movie at this time. And Ryan said, very clearly, ‘That's the antithesis of what this movie is about. It doesn't matter what your sexual preference is. It matters what actor I think should play this part.’”

If that’s the case, then all straight roles should go to straight actors? No, it’s about whom can best fulfill the vision the director has in mind, and I think Ruffalo was a fabulous choice.

“Dr.” Robi Ludwig, a reality TV psychotherapist, on how Santa Barbara mass murderer Elliot Rodger may have gone on the rampage because he couldn’t cope with his “homosexual impulses”:

 “When I was first listening to him, I was like, ‘Oh, he’s angry with women for rejecting him. And then I started to have a different idea: Is this somebody who is trying to fight against his homosexual impulses? Was he angry with women because they were taking away men from him? But this is a kid who couldn’t connect, and felt enraged, and wanted to obliterate anyone that made him feel like a nothing.”

Go back to playing a doctor on TV because you have no basis in reality. Charlatan.

“Dr.” Robi Ludwig, reality TV psychotherapist, backtracking on her crazy:

“I was misunderstood on @FoxNews this weekend, when I was asked to hypothesize several factors which could have triggered ‪#‎ElliotRoger's spree killing. I in NO way meant to indicate being a homosexual or having homosexual impulses is a cause for spree killing.”

Funny, cuz it’s kinda what you said.

Charlie Dent, Republican Pennsylvania Representative, coming out for marriage equality:

"Life is too short to have the force of government stand in the way of two adults whose pursuit of happiness includes marriage. [In] conversations with my family, I have come to realize that they already see the world through that lens. As a Republican, I value equality, personal freedom and a more limited role for government in our lives. I believe this philosophy should apply to the issue of marriage as well."

Funny he didn’t feel that way when it seemed like marriage equality would never happen in his state.

Color my cynical, but I feel he’s climbed aboard the bandwagon after-the-fact to make himself look better. He doesn’t.

Jim Carrey, giving the commencement speech at Maharishi University of Management in Iowa:

“The decisions we make in this moment are based in either love or fear. So many of us chose our path out of fear disguised as practicality. What we really want seems impossibly out of reach and ridiculous to expect so we never ask the universe for it. I’m saying I’m the proof that you can ask the universe for it. And if it doesn’t happen for you right away, it’s only because the universe is so busy fulfilling my order.”

It never hurts to ask.

Maya Angelou, in 2009, asking New York state senators to support marriage equality.

 “I would ask every man and every woman who’s had the blessing of having children, ‘Would you deny your son or your daughter the ecstasy of finding someone to love?’ To love someone takes a lot of courage. So how much more is one challenged when the love is of the same sex and the laws say, ‘I forbid you from loving this person’?”

RIP

Great lady.

Random Musings

Overheard at Home: 
Bob: "Maya Angelou died today."
Carlos: "Oh. I'm sorry to hear that."
Bob: "Yeah, she had a pretty incredible life."
Carlos: "Now, which aunt is that — ?"
Bob: "What?"
Carlos: "Is that your aunt from Virginia?"
Goddess love him, eh?

I like a good beer, but I especially like one that tastes like equality.

Out in Idaho Crooked Fence Brewing has released a new brew taking aim at their anti-marriage equality governor, C.L. 'Butch' Otter. Their new India brown ale is being called "Little Bitch Otter."

Crooked Fence Brewing co-owner and marketing director Kelly Knopp:

"Anyone that is going to try to take away freedoms or not let someone be equal, Crooked Fence is against."

Knopp also says a portion of opening day sales will go directly to Add the Words Idaho, and the Pride Foundation.

Good brew!

I didn't watch Lifetime's Flowers in the Attic or the sequel Petals on the Wind because they sounded kinda stupid and kinda soft-core lady porn.

But then I saw actor Wyatt Nash, who co-stars in Petals, and, while I still won't watch it, i may be on the lookout for him.

Well, well, well, count me in.

The U.S. Census Bureau will start categorizing gay married couples as families. Gay married couples are families? Who knew?

The 2013 American Community Survey results, which will be reported in September, will, for the first time, integrate the estimated 180,000 same-sex married couples into the nation’s 56 million families.

We count! We really count!

Okay, so y’all know I’ve taken shots at Justin Bieber in this here bloggy thing because he’s kind of a spoiled little douche, a Sizzurp-slurping, weed-smoking, drag-racing, law-breaking, egg-tossing, fan-hating, misogynist, but, you know, every once in a while even a puissant like The Biebs does something right.

At a recent event for amfAR [American Foundation for AIDS Research] Bieber was listening as one man stepped up with a donation of $545,000 to the charity and he decided, quietly, to match the offer with his own 545K.

His act of generosity apparently stunned the crowd, and also stunned organizers who asked him if he was serious; he was.

I’ll give him props for that.

After cutting Jessica Urbina’s picture from the yearbook because she was wearing a tuxedo, the Sacred Heart Cathedral Prep school in San Francisco has apologized for their asshatted move.

School president John Scudder Jr. and Principal Gary Cannon applauded the students who stood up for, and stood by, Jessica:

“Given the nature of this specific case, we believe that decision, while conforming with our policy, was wrong.”

School officials now say the dress code will be updated to no longer require female students to wear dresses in an effort to be more sensitive every student’s gender identity.

Too bad, though, that Jessica won’t appear in this year’s yearbook.

I was surfing this here Interwebz and I came across this headline over at Towleroad:

‘CLUELESS' ACTRESS STACEY DASH JOINS FOX NEWS

Clueless, indeed. Sometimes these things just write themselves!

Florida … of course … Republican … naturally … Representative  Charles Van Zant has said that the American Institute for Research, a testing company administering new statewide tests for students, has a pro-homosexual agenda because it has done research on LGBT issues. 

Speaking at an education conference, Van Zant said the testing program would "attract every one of your children to become as homosexual as they possibly can."

Yeah, that old indoctrination lie. But it’s a Republican from Florida so did anyone really expect common sense, or even the truth?

Some of you may have noticed that I haven’t posted about 22-year-old Elliot Rodger’s murder spree in Santa Barbara last week.

Well, it’s because I’m tired. I’m tired of everyone getting all riled up about these things when they happen and demanding that gun laws change and then doing nothing about it. I am tired of our elected officials using these murders as a chance to speak about gun control and then go back to their cushy jobs and do nothing about it.

We don’t want gun control, as a nation, because if we did we would demand it, and we would vote out of office every single Republican, Democrat, Independent, and Teabagger who is in the pocket of the NRA. But we don’t, so we don’t care about gun control.

Until it hits close to home, as happened to Richard Martinez, whose son Christopher was murdered by Elliot Rodger. Martinez wants members of Congress and others to stop calling him to offer condolences for his son's death, and he wants them to do something:

"I don’t care about your sympathy. I don’t give a s— that you feel sorry for me. Get to work and do something. I’ll tell the president the same thing if he calls me. Getting a call from a politician doesn’t impress me. … They talk about gun rights. What about Chris' right to live?! When will this insanity stop? When will enough people say, 'Stop this madness?' We don't have to live like this! Too many have died. We should say to ourselves, 'Not. One. More.' … I’m angry with the leadership of the NRA who always want to characterize this as if it’s a lone madman. That it’s an act of nature we have to tolerate. I am angered by how they have worked to normalize this. … I will go anywhere and do anything to support political candidates who are running for office who are in favor of reasonable gun control. … You don’t need three handguns with 400 rounds (of ammunition). That’s crazy. It’s a matter of proportion.”

Hopefully Martinez, who is meeting with Elliot Rodger’s father to create a plan to have stricter gun laws enacted, will be the one to do something.

So we won’t have to hear about these stories again.

Now, onto some better news …

St. Paul’s Hospital in Vancouver, British Columbia, has shut down its dedicated AIDS ward, saying they no longer have enough patients — and the end of AIDS is in sight.

Ward 10C opened in February 1997 during the peak of the HIV and AIDS epidemic in Vancouver, when approximately one person was dying of AIDS every day. Earlier diagnosis of HIV, along with advances in treatment and care, has resulted in a significant decrease of AIDS. Patients living with HIV will continue to receive world-leading treatment and care. The focus of the ward will include treatment related to addictions such as various bacterial and viral infections like chronic hepatitis.

British Columbia's number of AIDS cases has dropped by 90% since 1995.

Perhaps an end is in sight?

And more good news …

Orange is the New Black actress and trans activist Laverne Cox will be the cover-girl on the June 9th issue of TIME Magazine and took to Facebook to spread the word:

“What a wonderful bday present! Yes today is my birthday and I am on the cover of @TIME magazine. I realize this is way bigger than me and about a tipping point in our nation's history where it is no longer acceptable for trans lives to be stigmatized, ridiculed, criminalized and disregarded. This is for my trans siblings out there and for anyone who has ever been told that who you know yourself to be at your core is not legitimate. You are who you know yourselves to be. #girlslikeus #whereislavernecox #lavernehive”

The times continue to change, eh?

Photo of the Week: Huge Ackman

Why Hugh, you suggestive little minx!

ISBL Asshat of the Week: Catholic School Principal Nancy Matteo

At St. Andrew Elementary School, a Catholic school in Bucks County, this year’s graduation dance had an Oscar theme, and the invitations to the dance featured this year’s Oscar host, Ellen DeGeneres.

Uh oh. Lesbian say what?

And, realizing what they had done, you know sending out a picture of a lesbian to the parents of their schoolchildren, St. Andrew Elementary School principal, Nancy Matteo, rushed out an apology email and then asked that each and every invitation be returned to the school at once.

So they can be destroyed.

In her email, Matteo told parents it was "completely wrong" to use DeGeneres' picture since Ellen “lives her life outside the teachings of the Catholic Church."

Um, but you picked her. You didn’t know Ellen DeGeneres was a lesbian? Seriously? Perhaps not, because the email never once mentions Ellen’s orientation though she has been out publicly for seventeen years and legally married to Portia de Rossi for six years.

Matteo, to make sure the parents know this was just a slip and she would never ever allow a lesbian’s picture to enter the homes of children in her care, says she was "obviously NOT thinking" when she let the invitation to the June 8 dance be distributed with DeGeneres’ photo.

"Perhaps I was distracted by the Oscar."

Then she calls Ellen a "poor role model” in the email:

"A role model, as defined by Webster's Dictionary, is a person who is unusually effective or inspiring in some social role, job, position, etc. This does not describe her at all. We work so hard to be good role models and then I go and do something stupid!"

Apparently, Nancy Matteo, whose head is permanently stuck up her homophobic, out-of-touch, doesn’t know pop culture, ass, won’t speak to the press about her faux pas. But she wants everyone to know that she has demanded that every single invitation be returned to her at once so she can personally destroy them.

After, I’m guessing, she takes them home, tosses them on her bed, and rolls around on them all nekkid and shiz. 

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