Friday, January 12, 2018

PR All-St★rs 6 Ep 2: Designers In Distress

Uh oh! Shock! Alyssa Milano is in the workroom! Really? As if the designtestants didn’t know they’d be meeting her for the next challenge; give me real surprises, PR!

Anyway, Allyssa’s in the workroom, with mannequins toppled over, and caution tape everywhere and garbage cans, so clearly this is going to be another Construction Site Unconventional Challenge; but then the PR surprises me!

After spraying them with a fire extinguisher, for what reason I do not know, Alyssa says that this week’s challenge is to create a distressed look, following a “new trend in fashion” … or a reboot of an old trend if you remember distressed denim in the 90s.

The designtestants will have $200 and one day to create “post-apocalyptic fashion” by using at least two distressing techniques—blowtorches, knives, sanders, fake blood, bleach etc.—and they must create a story as to why their model survived the apocalypse.

Let’s rip, before the zombies arrive …
THE SAFES
clockwise
AMANDA her look was a cool shredded overcoat, but the jumpsuit underneath was so ill-fitting that Carlos thought it was a man modeling since the crotch seemed to be bulging. I, however, got Carol Burnett Show skit costume from it.

CANDICE I thought she’d rock this, but what she gave was a Beetlejuice reboot with a female star.

EDMOND His look was sexy and chic, but I didn’t get distressed … except at the idea he may be going home if he doesn’t listen and step it up. Black doesn’t show distressing very well, people!

FABIO his look gave me a cruise ship vibe, but not Poseidon Adventure, but more Kathie Lee Gifford Carnival Cruisewear zebra.

HELEN It was ethereal and spectral, though it mostly looked dirty and not entirely distressed. And the hair was giving me Cruella DeVil vibes.

JOSH Bullseye? Howsabout totally missed the mark.

KEN His look was beautiful, but it looked like a bride had wandered through a crime scene.

KIMBERLY She also suffered from the black don’t show distress mess. And does a rope bra say distressed? I don’t think so.

MELISSA She created an 80s club look with a garbage bag coat. The only distressing thing about it was how boring it was.
THE BOTTOMS
STANLEY
Blowtorch, charcoal, spray-paint
He opts to go with what he sees as his strengths; create a beautiful ruffled gown and then figure out how to distress it. It’s the exact same color as the dress Edmond made last week that the judges raved so maybe Stanley thought that would help.

But he’s so intent on making the gown beautiful—Anne Fulenwider, who is no Tim Gunn, calls it a pretty prom dress—that he doesn’t begin the distressing until the last moment.

WHAT HE SAID
I love the color, I love the concept.

WHAT I SAID
I do like some of the burned edges, but is it enough?

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID
He tells the judges his model went to the opera and was caught in a fire. The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ loves the burning technique, and the color, but thinks the top looks cheap; she dubs it an eBay Prom dress … ouch!  Guest judge, Orange is the New Black actress Danielle Brooks says it still looks dated, and kinda perfect, and says Stanley didn’t push it far enough. Alyssa loves the burned edges and the color, but also wishes he ‘d taken it farther. Isaac hates the color, though he likes the fragility of the netting; he ends up calling it swamp thing or a quinceañera apocalypse, neither of which is good.
KELLY
Grater, utility knife
I like Kelly, I do, but her design sense seems to be trashy … and then more trashy; girl seriously needs an edit button.

Her story is something about her girl being an ice queen but started dancing so much she set the world on fire, and to Kelly that means fur and glitter and netting … and sequined ear muffs.

When Anne saw it, her suggestion was to set it on fire; she may have meant torch the mess and start over, but Kelly took it to mean, burn the edges of the netting.

WHAT SHE SAID
I feel like I completely nailed it.

WHAT I SAID
It looks like a Vegas chorus girl who got too close to the pyrotechnics in one of those $1.99 all you can eat buffet casinos way off the strip.

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID
Isaac loved her story, and suggested they have lunch someday, but wasn’t a fan of the look; he liked the “funny” embroidery on the bodice but thought that fishnets over fishnets gets lost and Kelly needs a 12 Step Program for Over Accessorizing. Danelle Brooks loved the ear muffs and the distressed shoes, but nothing about the look itself. The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ said it was all too much and warned that making so many accessories doesn’t help the outfit; she dubbed it Bad Burning Man.
CHAR
Charcoal, grater
Her apocalyptic girl is a firefighter … huh? But, you know, to make it distressed and end-of-days chic the pants will have a train and she’ll write the words “Detroit Fire Department” on the back, though she clearly didn’t plan that very well because it turn out “Det Fire Dept.”
Had she listened to Anne, who told her it would take the look into costume, she might have been onto something.

WHAT SHE SAID
I’m feeling confident because it’s so different than the others.

WHAT I SAID
The pants are interesting, though they just look like they’re too long, but the rest is a ‘Meh’ from me.

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID
Isaac loves the idea of pants with a train calling it “kooky” and “great. Alyssa says the distressing on the top is cool, but the bottom of the pants look like they went through a lawn mower. Danielle Brooks loves the pants and the one glove, while The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ sees no design and thinks it looks like it comes from Party City …on the Fire Sale rack?
THE TOPS
MERLINE
Blowtorch, fake blood, grater
Girl loves some architecture and wants to create a 3D look that is worn by a woman in 2180, in Galaxy 51 and the dress is a map to get the key. The key to what, you ask? Perhaps the key to understanding Merline’s story.

And it might be a short story, because even though she congratulated Merline on last week’s win, Anne dubs this a basic shift dress.

WHAT SHE SAID
I made sure my look is polished.

WHAT I SAID
I thought black wasn’t a good choice for a fabric you were going to burn.

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID
Isaac called it fabulous and chic, while The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ loved the sharp lines—Merline listened to GC after last week—though she thought the shoulders looked unfinished. Danielle Brooks loved the structure of the piece and the peek-a-boo burned spot. Alyssa called the 3D effect inspirational.
ANTHONY
Charcoal, blowtorch
You get the feeling Anthony is going down—and not in a way he’d like—because he doesn’t get the distressing aspect and because he’s afraid he’ll set himself on fire. He starts with a gorgeous gown idea and then he’ll figure out how to torture it … hopefully.

Anne likes what she sees, but thinks Anthony needs to listen to his story and follow that toward the distress signal, which may or may not be him going home.

WHAT HE SAID
She is handling this tattered abused gown.

WHAT I SAID
It is a beautiful gown, put through the wringer, so Anthony clearly figured it out.

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID
Anthony said his girl was a princess from the Gambia who was at the MET Gala, and suddenly the world ended, and her dress caught on fire. The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ called it “elegant and balanced” though she would have hated the print had Anthony not torched it and drawn on it. Danielle Brooks loved the sexiness of it, while Alyssa thought his distressing looked a part of his design and not an afterthought. Isaac called it “distressed and fresh as a daisy” but was worried that Anthony blew it out of the water and had no idea he’d done so.
ARI
Blowtorch, fake blood, grater
Ari’s dress was for a fire goddess, and then hid it under a coat for the big reveal. Anne worried that she was being too ambitious and had way too much work to get done, but Ari doesn’t seem to play games and just gets down to business.

WHAT SHE SAID
 Really love how the gown flows and flutters.

WHAT I SAID
I liked the gown better than the coat, and loved the burned pieces; really distressing.

WHAT THE JUDGES SAID
After saying her girl survived a massive tectonic plate shift and volcano eruptions, The Beautiful Georgina Chapman™ said she loved the “degrading” effect on the gown. Isaac also called it fabulous, but thinks the burning may have gone on too long. Alyssa thought the blowtorched pieces looked like lace.
Anthony was clearly the winner, even though he was the most surprised by the call, and that leaves us with Kelly and Stanley on the Bottom. I knew Stanley was done because he couldn’t wrap his head around ruining a gown, but then Kelly got the boot for her excessiveness.

The judges were right, it was a good show—Isaac calls it “probably the best runway we’ve seen”—but, while I liked the idea of distressing, everyone did some form of burning, and that annoyed me. I wanted someone to get really creative and take their gown into the street and have an Uptown bus run over it; or toss it in a flighty gutter. Bring it people. Don’t bore Isaac? Don’t bore me!

That said, maybe Isaac will be The New Nina!

I giggled when Anthony thought all the product in his hair would catch fire because I think that of my own hair at times:
“Now listen, I have enough chemical in my hair to wipe out a nation.”
Agent Anthony?

And I think Ken summed up how most of them felt about the challenge:
“We make beautiful things, not tear them apart.”
Everyone seemed to struggle with that idea, at least the most talented designers …. Josh? A bullseye? How literal.

And seriously, I guess no designers are Mensa members since most had a time trying to say “post-apocalyptic.” Post-apoca-lipstick?

And Anne nearly started a fire in the workroom after setting Helen’s hot wood cutter onto a table! And where did the paintballs come from, and the paintball room, and why was only Josh using them. That was a smart move for him.

Then it got weird when Anne praised the designers and says if she really likes the winning design she’ll put it in Marie Claire. Cool, but … sorry Anthony, she clearly didn’t’ like any finished look as they never appeared in the magazine.

Now for the bad news … I’m really not too invested in any of these designers. I mean, I think Edmond’s adorable, Anthony is funny, Ken and Hellen will bitch out at some point. But none of them are jumping off the screen at me as far as who I think should show at The Tents.
Hopefully that’ll change because ….

WHAT did YOU think?

6 comments:

the dogs' mother said...

What the HELL??
"After spraying them with a fire extinguisher"
I did not see it but being the mother and wife of
folks with asthma I was horrified to read that line.
Then I looked it up: NO IT IS NOT SAFE. Even cleaning
it up you need to be very careful.
https://servicefireequip.com/dangerous-fire-extinguisher-powder/

AlexandriaVic said...

Thanks for the great review.

I was thinking the same thing and I have to agree with you that none of these designers blow my skirt up. Anonthy is funny as hell and I loved Alisa calling him Gurl.

I look forward to your next recap/review.

Deedles said...

Not to be a reversed Pollyanna (Annayllop?), but I'm so glad that I've decided not to watch this anymore! I guess I don't know fashion, and if this is it, I don't want to. This show ran out of ideas a few seasons ago and should've stopped. I do like your recaps though, Bob, so there's that.

Helen Lashbrook said...

I'm with TDM; I was horrified to read that the contestants got sprayed with a fire extinguisher; wouldn't happen on TV over here, the EU regs (and long may they stand, Brexit notwithstanding) would not allow such idiocy. But I did like the Anthony dress

Kirk said...

Some of the clothes the designers themselves are wearing seem more interesting to me, or at least less embarrassing, than what their models are wearing. And that includes the woman that got the X.

I've never watched this show as I don't currently have cable, so I'm not sure what you mean by "The Safes". Do you mean they're safe choices? I like Edmond's dress the best. I don't have a problem with it being black.

Bob Slatten said...

@Kirk
The Safes are the designers who aren't in the Top Three or the Bottom Three. And i agree that some of the designers'own clothes are more interesting than what they design!