Thursday, February 19, 2015

Today In Christian Love: Woman Tries To Choke The Baby Jeebus Into A Stranger

Margurite Dawn Haragan, of Boise, Idaho, just loves the Baby Jeebus, and she’ll do anything for the Baby Jeebus, except understand the teachings of the Baby Jeebus.

See, Haragan figured it was her job to bring folks to the Baby Jeebus, only she went about it in an entirely different way: by beating and choking you into accepting Jesus as your savior. And one day, on her mission, she wandered over to a woman’s house — the victim is identified only as A.G. and t it is not clear if A.G. knows Haragan — to bring her to salvation, but A.G. is Jewish and so, well, she wasn’t really interested.

Haragan banged on the windows at A.G.’s house, yelling at the woman that she better believe in Jesus Christ and saying she would not leave until A.G. did just that. So, A.G. opened the door to politely tell Haragan that she was looking for a new relationship with anyone, including Jesus, so maybe Haragan could simply go home a pray on it, or something; then she stepped outside to s get the license number of Haragan’s car so she could call the police.

That’s when Haragan, filled, no doubt, with Christian love, slapped A.G.’s  face, grabbed her by the hair, and dragged her to the ground; then she started kicking the victim in the stomach and thigh area, all the while yelling at her to accept Jesus into her life or the beat-down would continue.

I’m imaging that somewhere the Baby Jeebus was not amused.

And finally, in what might have been a last-ditch effort to convert the woman, Haragan stepped on A.G.’s neck and pulled her hair; that was when A.G. — figuring out how to appease Crazy — said she would convert, which seemed acceptable to Haragan, who let her go. But two days later—apparently not having heard from the Baby Jeebus that A.G. was ‘on board—Haragan returned to A.G.’s home, cut up all the mail in the mailbox, and carved “death bin bond” into the mailbox, a phrase which no one seems to know what it means.

Haragan was arrested and told a “she did not understand what she was being charged with, she did not want a public defender, and she would not hire her own lawyer.”  She then added, perhaps unconvincingly:
“I am a sworn-in deputy of Ada County and I also give my oath that what I say is legal and binding.”
Needless to say, Haragan has never worked for Ada county or any nearby counties, and so the judge went ahead and appointed a public defender. She faces up to five years in prison for each count.

On the plus side, when she gets to the Big House, she’ll have a captive audience for her, um, sermons, and will no doubt be preaching from behind bars to keep her congregation safe.

4 comments:

Helen Lashbrook said...

I have no objections to anyone's religion; just do NOT tell me all about it. You won't convert me; all you'll do is make me cross.

the dogs' mother said...

Hopefully she doesn't have a cell mate and a padded cell...

anne marie in philly said...

doesn't this ID bitch realize baby jeebus was BORN JEWISH?

Raybeard said...

There was a case here in England a few days ago when, in a shopping mall, a middle-aged woman went up to another woman pushing a pram and just grabbed the baby by the throat. The mother successfully fought her off before she could do any damage. I don't know whether the woman was caught or they are still looking for her - the incident was caught on CCTV. I'm wondering if the motives of your story here and the mystery assailant have anything in common. Wouldn't surprise me too much if they did - though a BABY?!?