It's Snarkurday!

SNL premiered last weekend. Ariana Grande was supposed to be the musical guest, but she backed out; I was glad until I learned that Kanye would be the replacement … luckily, we DVR the show and I Fast forward through musical bull shit …especially when, during the first number, he wore what looked like a bottle of Clorox.

At the end of the show, after Adam Driver signed off, Kanye was scheduled to do one more song, but decided to air a commercial rap about _____ whilst wearing his MAGA hat. It did not go well … in fact it did not make it on TV though the audience got the brunt of it.

He talked about the Democrats are hatching a plan to keep black people on welfare and how ____ is love but then Kanye, oh, I mean, Ye, was furious about the snub and demanded that the cast and Adam Driver come back onstage and not saying why and then he went off on them.

Even though the show had given him everything he asked for, including a third performance at the close, Kanye complained that he had been “bullied backstage” about wearing the MAGA hat. Except that was a lie; an insider, and you know it’s Keenan, said:

“No one bullied him about wearing the MAGA hat. He wore it in promos and all week before the show even aired and was asking everyone if they thought he should wear the hat, interns, anyone walking by who would listen.”

But, you know, Kanye, poor mistreated, misunderstood Kanye, who thinks _____ is the savior didn’t get his way and pitched a hissy.

He should have tea with Miss Lindsey.

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Speaking of hot messes …and Lindsey’s, er, Lindsay’s … Lohan is back!

It seems Lindsay was in Moscow—where high-class call girls go—and spotted a family of four that appeared to be living on the street. The family might have been Syrian, though that’s unclear, but they spoke no English.

So, Lindsay offered them money to stay in a hotel for a night, but they appeared not to understand what she was saying … or they didn’t want a room at the Hooker Suites Red Square. So, she then began live-streaming the interaction of her trying to talk to a homeless family until it got weird.

Lohan tried to take one of the children away, saying that she just wanted the kid to stay in a hotel for “one night, one night, one night.” The family grabs their kids and tries to move, but Lindsay keeps telling them she’ll take the one kid just for “one night.”

And she follows them and accuses them of “trafficking children” and accuses them of "ruining Arabic culture by doing this.” At various points during the live-stream, Lohan adopts several poorly done fake accents, including one accent that sounds Indian, which she used to shriek:

“Is he your son? From Pakistan? Don’t **k with Pakistan.” 

It did not end until the mother turned and stopped the rampaging Lohan with a punch in the face.

Seriously. Did she think she was making a low-budget version of Taken? Or Not Without My Daughter [Son]? Or was it Lohan’s reboot of The Parent Trap?

At any rate, we know that she’s still a wackjob. I mean, if you ever stopped thinking she was a wackjob.

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There are always stories about who’s gonna be the new James Bond. I mean we’ve heard Clooney, Idris Elba, Emily Blunt and even Harry Styles, but here’s one you probably never thought about …

Michael Jackson.

Tis true; apparently uber agent Mike Ovitz claims that back in the 80s, the King of Pop wanted to be Bond. Jackson begged Ovitz, and his business partner Ron Meyer, about taking on the role of Bond, though Ovitz clearly thought it was crazy and says he listened just to be nice… Jackson’s hat fell into the guacamole:

“Then the blob fell off, and Ron totally lost it. I cracked up, too, and Michael stalked out. I found him and explained for 15 minutes that we hadn’t been laughing at him … Finally, Michael’s face cleared. ‘OK, Ovitz. OK,’ he said. ‘But I want to play James Bond.’ I am proud to report I didn’t laugh, this time.”

And, to be fair, Ovitz did explain to Jackson that he was too thin and too, um, sensitive to be taken seriously as Bond. Jackson seemed to understand, but then opted to portray himself as someone who would take down Bond and he wrote “Smooth Criminal” as his response.

And if you’ve seen the video, you know he’d be better suited playing Jane Bond.

Just sayin’.

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Bradley Cooper is out promoting the fourth reboot of A Star is Born and has some interesting tales to tell. He claims he once lost a role because he was deemed not “f**kable” enough?

Seriously?

“I’ve always been an underdog. I was always operating under the lens of not really being seen as the ‘main guy.' Early on, I didn’t get a role because they said I wasn’t ‘fuckable.'”

I’m’a just say this …I saw Cooper paly an unethical lawyer on an early episode of Law & Order: SVU and if he was f**kable then, he’d have been f**kable any day.

I mean he was a lawyer with bad hair and I’d have done him.

Oh, maybe that says more about me? 

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It’s been a year since Jane Fonda served shade to Megyn Kelly for asking about plastic surgery, and clearly Megyn’s show must be sinking because she’s just thirsty enough to start talking about it …again!

Megyn is now saying she regrets the moment, though not because she should have asked the question, but because she never should have had an Oscar winning legend on her show in the first place when there are kids with cats to interview.

But Megyn now claims, a year later, that Fonda had answered that question many times before—which may explain why she was annoyed, hoping that this seasoned “journalist” could find a better question—and says she think Fonda grew annoyed because, well, let her say it:

“She answered that question in about 40 different forums. It was nothing wrong with me … I think the issue was somebody who used to work at Fox News was asking it of her that particular day. There’s nothing I can do about that. I know some people don’t like Fox News, and some people don’t like me and that’s OK.”

Poor Megyn thinks it’s because she was a Fox News hack? Um, Megyn, Fonda knew you had come from Fox before she agreed to the interview, so if she had an issue with being questioned by you she would have declined.

You’re looking desperate and thirsty for attention … again.

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Sex and the City was a cute show. The first movie was a cute-ish show. The second film was a sh*t show.

So, like most people save some in the cast, I was glad Kim Cattrall pulled the plug on the idea of a third movie. But then SJP lost her shiz because Cattrall called her out on her BS, and then Kristin Davis chimed in because she needs the coins, and then some of the supporting actors went after Kim because they had time between shifts at Starbucks.

But some fans want a third film because they need to see something while Long Island Medium is on hiatus, so they asked SJP to have Samantha written off or even killed in a third reboot:

“You are still my hero. Please replace or write her out Kim/Samantha if she is not interested and bring back sex and the city movie #3. The fans need this.”

SJP, though, knows how her bread is buttered and that no one wants to see a Samantha-less SATC, or any SATC for that matter and she responded to the idea:

“Not sure if I can imagine doing another movie without her.”

That sounds nice, but it once again portrays Kim as the bully and not an actor who realizes the show is over.

Now, kill off Charlotte and we may have something.

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