Why Is It ...

… that a coworker was talking about people’s looks and she announced that she believes everyone has a good side so I told her she was a circle

… that it was only five years ago when people weren’t allowed to get close to me and I miss those days

… that after all these years my boss still doesn’t get me. Last Friday I said to him, “Since it’s the last day of the week do you mind if I take a longer lunch.” He said, “No problem, when will you be back,” and I said, “Sometime next week.”

… that as a white man in South Carolina I am terrified people will think I’m a Republican.

… that some of you come from the “If you stop crying I’ll buy you something” generation  while I come from the “If you don’t stop crying I’ll give you something to cry about” generation. We are not the same

… that people forget that karma can’t do everything; learn to insult people sometimes

… that people don’t realize I am sarchotic … so sarcastic that you can’t tell if I’m joking or psychotic.

… that I giggle when I get an Unknown Caller on my phone; I rarely pick up even when I know the person

… that sometimes you’ll be listening to someone yammer on and on and on and realize that their frontal lobe hasn’t fully marinated yet

… that most days I really don’t feel like crushing it, so I’ll just crinkle it a little

Bobservations

When we had the skylights taken out of the sunroom our contractor couldn’t match the wood on the ceiling so we agreed to just put bead-board up on the whole thing and I would paint it.

Last week Carlos stumbled upon some things we’d had hanging from the ceiling pre-renovation and he wanted to put them back up which started this conversation:

“I’ll just use the hooks we used before.”

“They’re gone.”

“Why are they gone?”

“Craig replaced the ceiling with bead-board so the hooks were taken down and I don’t know where there are.”

“They should still be up there.”

“Underneath the new ceiling?”

I told him I was going to get my cartoon frying pan and he muttered something.

“What that that?”

“I have a cartoon frying pan, too, you know.”

Now I’m sleeping with one eye open.

This Caturday is from May 2011 …

There are places in our house where cats are allowed to be … on the bed … on the couch in the sunroom … on the couch in the living room … on a kitchen table chair. There are not allowed on living room chairs ... or dining room chairs … or kitchen counters.

Tuxedo, however, because he's so delicious, gets away with murder. He is allowed on the bathroom counter, because he enjoys a sip of water from the faucet … he's allowed on one of the living room chairs … if he's in my lap. 

But now, apparently, he has granted himself access to a dining room chair. There he is, peeking at me when I asked if he was hungry.

And here he is, doing his Gargoyle impression from atop a living room chair. He doesn't use his front paws to hold on because he's been declawed … DO NOT DO THAT … so he looks like he's just hanging around. And he just looks so darned cute, that I looked the other way and ignored his infractions.

Luckily for us both, Other Daddy wasn't home.

Harriet Hancock—a Columbia attorney and stalwart advocate for the LGBTQ+ community and our families, and is the namesake of the Harriet Hancock Center, a Columbia institution serving that community—died September 23, just shy of her 90th birthday.

Harriet became a fierce advocate and ally for the LGBTQ+ community when her son Greg came out to her in the early ’80s. As she came to know other LGBTQ+ young people whose families had rejected or struggled to understand them, she realized how desperately South Carolina needed places of acceptance, support and belonging and so she built that place; the Harriet Hancock Center.

I first met her about eleven years ago when Carlos and I joined a group of LGBTQ+ South Carolinians who formed The Will of the People Fund to fight for marriage equality in our state. We achieved that goal in November 2014 following a federal court ruling in the case Condon v. Haley that struck down the state's ban.

Harriet helped establish the Columbia chapter of PFLAG—a national organization dedicated to supporting, educating and advocating for the LGBTQ+ community—in 1982. And she soon became a quite visible and active public spokesperson, combating prejudices and stereotypes on Columbia talk radio, writing letter after letter to state news media responding to the homophobic attitudes then commonplace in public conversations about AIDS and LGBT people.

She was a force of nature and she will be missed.

RIP Harriet, you’ve earned it.

The fact that MacKenzie Scott, Jeff Bezo’s ex-wife and one of the biggest single donors in history, has given out $26,300,000,000 to charity and not run out of money really puts into perspective how the arguments against a wealth tax are bull shiz.

When I saw these cakes the first thing that came to mind was, “Why on Earth would you cover those up?”

On September 24, 2026, Fox “News” hosts spent the day telling their audience that Democrats are Communists  and Communists are evil. And then they went home and put on gowns and tuxedos to run to the White House to attend a state dinner honoring an actual communist.

PS Then Cankles made a commercial about himself using OUR tax dollars in which he says he will take down the communists.

Was that before or after you invited them to the White House for Melanie’s goulash? And by goulash I mean she’s a Slovenian Hooker and goulash is one of her sexy time high priced moves. 

These are the rich white men at Cornell University who decided it would better suit them to protect seven rapists than the one girl who was terrorized by them and the fifty other young men in their text chain. They are as complicit as the seven rapists and their fifty coconspirators who did nothing when they learned of the rape.

Instead of teaching young girls how not to get raped howsabout teaching young boys not to be rapists. Oh, and in the cases of Kavanaugh, RFK Jr, and Cankles teach the old white men, too.

Wouter Peelen is a top international model, boyfriend of Elise Boers and father of their twins; and other than fashion magazines or runways you can find him on Elise's YouTube channel where his funny and loving appearance as a father a key element of the vlog and where you might ask yourself, Would You Hit It?

Why Is It ...

… that people need to stop sending boob shots and dick pics; send me a video of you reading so I know you’re not dumb.

… that people don’t see that I’m what Willis was talkin’ ‘bout.

… that while I am not excited about getting older I do enjoy how no one asks me to help them move anymore.

… that when my dentist told me I needed a crown my first response was, “I know, right?”

… that when someone tells me they don’t like me I often say, “Ouch! You hit me right in the I Don’t Give A Fuck.”

… that the older I get the more I understand why the cats walk away mid-conversation.

… that my nighttime routine includes a final pee, a back-up pee, and a ‘just in case’ pee.

… that no one has ever suggested that hemorrhoids should be called assteroids.

… that when my therapist asked about my intention for the day, I said, “May the bridges I burn light the motherfuking way,” and she just said, “No.”

… that my friends have just realized that I have “ROMO,” the Relief Of Missing Out.

Bobservations

Recently in Bobservations I made a point about Carlos not being funny and, I will admit, he is funny some of the time but other times he completely misses the joke.

Case in point: the Empire Today TV commercial jingle. Carlos sings it every single time it comes on really mangling the word ‘Empire’ at the end in some high-pitched howler monkey squeal. Here’s that part of the ad:

The other night I was watching an FX show called ‘Adults’ about a group of roommates—think Friends with F-bombs and adult humor and better acting. One character was newly single and had gone to a bar the night before, returning home all pleased with herself  that she gotten a phone number. She lay the bar napkin on the table as a trophy for all to see and sauntered away. One roomie picked up the napkin and read the number … 800-588-2300 … and all the roomies sang the ‘Empire’ part just like Carlos.

I saved it to show him that he’s not the only one mangling the Empire jingle and when he saw it he said:

“I don’t get it.”

“It’s the Empire ad and they’re singing just like you.”

“Okay.”

I got out the cartoon frying pan and gave him a good thwack.

This Tuxedo Tale from April 2011 and is simply entitled ‘Caturday’ …

Despondent over his love for books, and his utter inability to read a single word, Tuxedo simply gave up.

I have no idea what that name and number mean, but if this is a tailgate cake then sign me up.

Colorado Republican, Good Christian, Adulterer, Crotch Grabber and mother of at least one felon, Lauren Boebert is denying accusations that she engaged in sexual relationships with three of her female staffers and ALLEGEDLY paid one of the staffers $200,000 not to file an ethics complaint.

Reading a movie script is apparently Mission: Impossible for Little Tom Cruise who revealed that he has directors read scripts to him:

“I have them read it to me because I don’t want my ideas to invade it yet. I want to understand: What is their communication?”

Or, you know, he’s just a self-involved asshat.

I’ve got a ton of jokes about Cankles’ $5000 midterm voting checks but no one is going to get them.

Fifteen years ago this week, the U.S. military's 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell' policy was repealed and it all turned out just fine … until a drunken newsreader was appointed DUI Secretary of Defense.

Perhaps we should initiate a Don’t Drink and Drive, Talk, Walk, Exercise or Hold A Press Conference policy.

Samuel Watson is in his 20’s and hails from Sydney, Australia so naturally, we must ask Would You Hit It Down Under? 

Why Is It ...

… that people don’t realize that I’m quiet because not everyone gets to have access to the Premium Personality Package™.

… that I spent years seeking everyone’s approval and then I realized I don’t like everyone; problem solved.

… that people call me old-fashioned just because I don’t wanna buy a new toaster that I can sync with my phone.

… that the other day when someone called me evil, I just smiled. For a minute there I thought I was losing my spark.

… that most days half of me wants to cause a ruckus … and the other half does, too.

… that really good friends don’t ask why you need a concrete block and some heavy-duty rope, they just ask if the lake is deep enough.

… that when my boss asks if I’m ready to work, I always say “I’m prepared to give it my some.”

… that accordion to a recent survey 7 out of 10 people don’t realize when a word in a sentence is replaced with a musical instrument

… that people should never ask me what’s wrong, because I’ll start from 2006.

… that while everyone wants to work on Artificial Intelligence, I want something done about Natural stupidity.

Bobservations

Sunday morning after breakfast Carlos stayed in the kitchen as I cleaned—he makes pancakes, I clean—and then announced:

“I should go change out of my cooking clothes.”

As if he dresses like Mrs. Patmore from ‘Downton Abby.’ But then he came back out dressed in a ratty t-shirt and ripped jean shorts to clean the litter boxes and I thought perhaps he does have a specific wardrobe for every chore.

How have I never noticed this before?

This Tuxedo Tale is from April 2011 and is entitled “Caturday: Leapin' Tuxedo!”

Tuxedo spots a speck of dust floating in a beam of sunlight ........

......and he's off......in a blur!

Kai Schreiber, daughter of actors Naomi Watts and Live Schreiber, has been named the Breakthrough Model of the Year award The Daily Front Row.

Kai is the first trans model to ever win that award.

The march goes on …

The Metropolitan Nashville Airport Authority Board of Commissioners voted unanimously to rename Nashville International Airport after legend Dolly Parton.

The news comes after Tennessee Governor Bill Lee said he wanted to rename airport in honor of the “9 to 5” singer, whom he called “our state’s favorite daughter,” in order to “greet travelers with the enduring legacy of Dolly’s music, generosity, faith, and kindness.”

Sounds perfect.

The other night I happened to flip through the TV channels and came up the Creative Arts Emmys so I watched for a moment. And Actress Shailene Woodley won an Emmy Outstanding Guest Actress in a Drama Series for “Paradise.” That’s her up there on the left looking cute.

Two nights later at the “real” Emmys Shailene came out to present in that outfit on the right and I lost it. The hair pulled back is giving Almira Gulch vibes from the Wizard of Oz, but then the way, way, waaaaaay lowcut blouse is giving me hooker while the sequined pants are giving me Valley of the Dolls sleepwear and the gloves are giving me Dollar Store Dominatrix.

How could you go from so right to so wrong in a matter of days??

Speaking of fashion, iconic designer Bob Mackie died this week at age 87. He began working for film costume designer Edith Head straight out of school and then branched out on his own designer for everyone from Carol Burnett—that’s Carol in the “Went With The Wind Curtain dress from her TV show—to Cher and her Serious Actress look for the Oscars to Diana Ross’ sultry gown. He also designed for Mitzi Gaynor, Tina Turner, Ann Margaret and Elton John, among many others.

Fabulous talent.

RIP sir and thanks for the looks.

And now that we have seen Sweet Looks and Hideous Looks, Costume Looks and Revenge Looks and Glamour Looks, let’s look at Cakes and how wonderful they look when paired with a simple t-shirt.

Andrea Manzoni is an Italian model who works mostly out of Paris and Milan so if you traveled to either place Would You Hit It?

Why Is It ...

… that most people never learn that there is no bond like the bond between two coworkers who hate the same third coworker; am I right, Gary?

… that my friends take forever to figure out that once you get past the resting bitch face, the OCD tendencies, the slight aggressivenss and the sarcasm I am actually a delight to be aound

… that I highly doubt my name gets defended when I’m not in the room but I know it gets quiet AF when I walk in

… that when my boss suggested I think twice before speaking I instantly said I speak twice before I think

… that my new work word is Bitchuation… any situation that forces me to act klike a bitch

… that as I age I no longer spring out of bed but instead I perform a detailed systems check before attempting liftoff

… that I told the kid next door that when I was his age I used to get 10 CDs for a penny in the mail and I’m sure he thinks I’m lying about what a CD was, or what a penny is, or what’s the mail … or all three

… that when my therapist asked what I wanted to say to my inner child I said, “At least the trauma made us funny.”

… that whenever someone mutters the phrase ‘Have your cake and eat it too’ I always respond, ‘Wrong bakery, bitch.’

… that people say you should forgive and forget but I always say Fuck you and fuck that

Bobservations

The other night after dinner I was doing the cleanup—around these parts thems that cooks don’t clean, and thems that eats does the cleaning—and I found all kinds of vegetable detritus on the island; bits of tomato and pepper, onion and garlic, and a few seeds of some sort.

After getting dishes in the dishwasher and scrubbing a skillet I turned my attention to the island and wiped away the scraps just in time for Carlos to enter, screaming:

“Where are the seeds??”

“What?”

“The seeds. The seeds.”

“What seeds?

“I set aside some lemon seeds to plant in the backyard.”

“Sweetie, all I saw was food scraps and I trashed all of it.”

“I wanted to plant the lemon seeds to grow a tree.”

“Look, Jack, we don’t need no stinking beanstalk! Or any new trees. We’ve already got about a hundred trees or more and we don’t need another one.”

“But I wanted to grow lemons.”

“Did you forget about the time you wanted to grow grapefruit?”

“Never mind.”

I made peace by suggesting he get a  mini-lemon tree he can grow in the sunroom and not he’s like a cat with a new toy. 

This ode to cats is from April 2011 and is entitled: “Caturday: The Naptime Edition”:

Cats love to nap. Eat and then nap. Stretch and then nap. Use the litter box and then nap. Nap and then, you guessed it, nap. And they all do it pretty much the same way: curled up in a tight little ball. All except The Most handsome Cat Ever, Tuxedo, who marches, er, naps, to his own drummer.

Top Row: Tallulah Belle. On a dining room chair??!!??? And MaxGoldberg. On a cat bed, like a good boy.

Bottom Row: Miss Consuelo Roca Jones. As the newbie, she hasn't graduated to 'cat bed' yet. And last but never least, Tuxedo. Like Sinatra, he does it his way.

Here’s the whisk I mentioned last week. Ours has a handle like the left one but the whisk shape is more like the right one.

And just  in case anyone is wondering, we’ll be serving the cakes upstairs after dinner.

When you’re a former film star and really don’t have a career any longer, what do you do? Why, you run to the nearest podcast and talk about a movie you made 33 years ago.

Yes, Billy Baldwin—that’s him up there—whose career is going gangbusters … I kid … telling folks he will “never, ever work with” Sharon Stone again after they starred in “Sliver” in 1993. It seems she didn’t care for him at the time so Baldwin told producers he wouldn’t film love scenes with Stone. He finally gave in but with a caveat:

“I can do the scene but just please don’t make me kiss her. … I can’t kiss her.”

He’s held on to that story for 33 years until he figured he could use some press. Stone, for her part, when asked to comment, said:

“Who’s Billy Baldwin?”

Well, I imagine she said that.

These viral "hoof shoes" featured on the Neiman Marcus website are the Givenchy Leather Fringe Sandals, which cost $2,350.

No joke.

Magnus Juell is a Norwegian-Danish male model, fashion model, commercial model, e-commerce model, runway model, editorial model, hand model and fit model … Would You Hit It?

Why Is It ...

… that when I look back at all the successes and failures in my life I cannot help but be proud that the potty training stuck

… that I wonder what life would be like if I didn’t overthink everything. I think about that all the time.

… that I am an adult the same way a lawn chair is furniture; I mean, it’s technically true but no one’s impressed and I’m not very stable

… that I lovelovelove when my mere presence pisses someone off

… that since gas has gotten so expensive I’ve decided I’m just gonna drink energy drinks and run everywhere

… that some of you have no idea that you aren’t worth the fuck that made you

… that in high school I could eat a Gordita Supreme and a dozen Krispy Kremes at midnight and lose three pounds but these days I go up an entire pant size every time I swallow my spit

… that when confronted with a problem my go-to mantra is, Whatever. Fuck it. I tried. Not worth it.

… that no one understands that I am happy to apologize for being a bitch as soon as they apologize for bringing the bitch out in me

… that I hate when people accuse me of lollygagging when I am quite clearly dilly dallying