I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

More Anna and Andre? Sure …

You probably know that Vogue editor-in-chief Anna Wintour is about as cold and unfeeling as an actual rock, hence what Maddie calls her: Nuclear Wintour. And if you read this same blog last week you’ll know that Anna released an internal email to Vogue staff members last week, in which she acknowledged the lack of diversity at the magazine and tried such placating phrases as “we will do better” and “I value your voices” and “someone get my shoe carrier in here, my feet hurt.”

Okay, maybe I made that last one up, but former Vogue editor-at-large, André Leon Talley, who has written a book all about Anna, and a little bit about himself, and appeared on Sandra Bernhard’s SiriusXM show Sandyland to discuss Anna's statement. He claims that Samira Nasr, the newly appointed—and first black female—Editor-in-Chief of Vogue-rival Harper’s Bazaar, will affect Anna’s power base and that’s why she issued her Mea Culpa:

“The statement came out of a world of white privilege. I want to say one thing: Dame Anna Wintour is a colonial broad. She’s a colonial Dame … she’s part of an environment of colonialism. She is entitled and I do not think she will ever let anything get in the way of her white privilege. Own up to it, dear, all I’m asking for his human decency and kindness.”

There we be a real Nuclear Winter before Wintour owns up to that.

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I know Jeremy Piven was in Entourage but I remember him best when he appeared on Ellen, Ellen DeGeneres’ comedy about a girl names Ellen before she was a lesbian.

What I didn’t know about Piven was that he was ALLEGEDLY blackballed by Hollywood when he was accused of some #MeToo sexual perversity; he made a big show of taking, and passing a lie detector test, but his career has been less-than ever since.

As I said, I only remember him from the original Ellen show in the 1990s so …

Jeremy Piven today is offering his services—such as they are—to the public through Cameo. Yes, if you’re stuck at home during lockdown and have some extra cash on hand, say, oh I dunno, about $15,000, you can have a 10-minute Zoom call with Jeremy Piven.

Again, Jeremy who? Piven, whose ego knows no bounds because he’s not the only celeb selling their time, he just thinks his is worth more.

Lance Bass is charging $249 for recorded video or $1250 for Zoom Call. Sean Astin costs $295 for video or $599 live, while skating legend Tony Hawk is charges $200 for recorded  videos and $1,000 for live chat.

Just think, a few months back you could have had Tori Spelling for $95. Good thing you waited because I think she’s in the bargain bin for $19.95.

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In the middle of a pandemic how are our soap stars supposed to do those oh-so-sexy sex scenes? Well, one such show, The Bold and The Beautiful, which is set to go back into production next week, has a solution … they’ll be enlisting the help of the real-life partners of their actors for some kissing scenes and …wait for it … it’s epic … dolls for the sex scenes.

Barbie and Ken may have new careers.

Yes, The Bold and The Beautiful, the first US TV soap to start production, will enforce social distancing up to and including the social distancing of the actor’s nether regions. Bradley Bell, the executive producer, tried cutting out all the kissing scenes but it made the show awful.

Or, more awful. But fear not, the sex is back and here’s how it’s done … each actor in the sex scene will perform solo and then the two scenes will be spliced together; Bell explains:

“They’ll look like they’re nose to nose, in the throes of passion. But they’ll be shooting scenes all by themselves.”

It’s called the Masturbation Process? But for the sex they will enlist the aid of what Bell describes as “life-like blow up dolls that have been sitting around here for the past 15 years, that we’ve used for various other stories—[like] when people were presumed dead. We’re dusting off the dolls and putting new wigs and make-up on them and they’ll be featured in love scenes.”

Wow. Dust off the corpse of dead Aunt Sandy doll, slap a new wig on her and send her in, legs spread, heels to Jesus and mouth open …

Seriously.

UPDATE: BandB  was supposed to make its grand return to filming this week but … production was halted the first day of shooting to, ahem, beef up safety protocols.

Maybe one of those blowup dolls tested positive?

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I imagine Lindsay Lohan is hoping her rebooted career as actress/singer/high-class … I kid … hooker gets into gear because she has one more mouth to feed.

No, LiLo isn’t preggers! Mama Dina, who we last left fighting another DUI charge has become engaged to her internet boyfriend of six years, whom she hasn’t even met yet!

Yes, Jesse Nadler, Dina’s online boyfriend slipped a virtual ring on it even though the two have yet to set actual eyes on one another. And then, to make it Social Media Official™ he mailed her the ring!

Nadler says he sent Dina the ring through the mail because they’re unable to travel due to coronavirus. He’s in California caring for his ailing mother while she’s on Long Island nursing a box of Chardonnay.

And one wonders how Lindsay got so effed up? This is why:

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Joanna Johnson Comes Out

Joanna Johnson was just 25 when she first appeared on  the CBS soap, The Bold and The Beautiful, first playing heroine Caroline Spencer, then her identical twin Karen. And, upon leaving the show, she began working behind the scenes, first in creating the Kelly Ripa-Faith Ford sitcom Hope & Faith and writing and producing ABC Family's Make It or Break It and USA Network's Fairly Legal. But now, at age 50, she's coming out, and coming back to B&B in a new story about Karen living as secret life as a lesbian.

It's art imitating life.

Joanna Johnson: "After I started playing Karen, I remember doing a fantasy scene that showed what life would have been like if Caroline had not died of cancer. She was married to Ridge and had two kids and a wonderful life. When we finished shooting, I ran to my dressing room and just cried and cried because I knew I was never going to have that kind of life."

Except she did. Johnson is now married to L.A. club promoter, Michelle Agnew, and they have two children, Julian and Harlow. 

Joanna Johnson: "[The] times have certainly changed. I guess that's why I'm ready to open up. It feels weird and wrong to play this revelation about Karen's life and not talk about my own. I used to hang out with Ellen Degeneres, k.d. lang and Melissa Etheridge back in the day and thought it was so beautiful they were out, even though I didn't have the nerve. When I realized I was gay in my early twenties we didn't have role models like Ellen. I'm not anywhere near as famous as those ladies, but I guess it's my turn to do my little part. It's time to live a fully authentic life."

And you shall.

Welcome out, Joanna, and please accept, as our Welcome Out gift, a copy of the Gay Agenda, and the obligatory Coming Out Toaster Oven.

Welcome out.

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Straight Talk From A Soap Diva

I like my stories.

Yes, I sound like an old woman in a housecoat, hair in curlers, terrycloth slippers on my feet, sitting in an overstuffed chair with crocheted doilies on the armrests, watching my favorite soap and eating bon-bons.

Sue me.

But I like me some One Life To Live. And I like that they've added some gay characters to the mix. And then tossed in a mayoral election and a scheme for Dorian to get elected by declaring herself gay and wanting to be married to the woman of her dreams.

Politics as usual, even in my stories.

But they will be having a symbolic, mass gay wedding this week on the show, where twenty-two gay couples will be married, and Robin Strasser, the actress playing the mayoral candidate pretending to be gay, has some interesting things to say about a lot of things.

On equal rights for the LGBT community:

"[I]t has never done any factor of our society any good or given true gain to suppress, discriminate or do harm to another group. You can’t give me historical evidence that it ever made anything stronger to isolate or try to destroy another group. It shouldn’t even be up for debate. Particularly when the nit-picking over what should be allowed and what shouldn’t negates the willingness of the gay community to be of service, as in to become parents of children who are not necessarily the first ones adopted. There’s no win in that, and it’s shameful. I got a lot of dividends that I was hoping would come in on Obama. Gay rights was one of them.

On the continuation of war in the Middle East and our military service men and women:

[....] I’m a product of the ‘60s. Amongst the promises besides his commitment to gay rights was the idea that we were going to go get the boys and girls, men and women fighting for us home. I’m deeply concerned that what’s being discussed is how many more we are sending. Vietnam -- they said we want to bring them home with dignity and honor. How about bring them home alive? -- there’s a concept. Or, if they are wounded, give them everything they need to heal. If someone has died, see that their family and their children are taken care of in the sense of no foreclosures. I don’t think there should be foreclosures on military families -- period. It should be impossible in any financial agenda that a family that has a husband or a wife, son or daughter fighting for us, die for us, that they can’t get a 24-month grace period to dig themselves out of some hole that was crafted by questionable banking and lending practices. "

Won't Play Gay.....Or Even Gay Friendly

clockwise from upper left corner:
Patricia Maucer, Saundra Santiago,
Brett Claywell, Scott Evans

I have been a fan of One Life To Live since Viki was married to Joe. or was it Clint? Or Sloane? Or Ben? Charlie?

I forget.

But I remember when OLTL did the first gay teenager storyline about a young man coming out of the closet. it was very well handled, and well told. So, I was happy to hear that OLTL was going to have a new gay couple on the show. Officer Fish, played by openly gay actor and brother of Chris Evans, Scott Evans, and his old college buddy Kyle, played by Brett Claywell..

They're calling them Kish. I hate when they do that.

And I was even more surprised to learn that Patricia Mauceri has been fired from the recurring role of Carlotta Vega on OLTL due to her protests about Carlotta's small role in the upcoming gay storyline. Apparently, OLTL wanted to go against stereotype and show Carlotta as a gay friendly Latina mother.

Mauceri objected to Carlotta's positive attitude about homosexuality, saying it conflicted with her personal beliefs. So, Mauceri was fired and the role was recast with Saundra Santiago, who has no trouble separating her religious beliefs and the part she plays on a soap opera. I wonder how Mauceri would have felt if an actor chose to be fired rather than play out a scene with a Latina. It's called acting, dear; it isn't real life. You can still be a homophobic hater on your days off. It's all good.

Here's how it all went down:

When Officer Fish (Evans) decides to come out to his very religious family, he purchases a book on how to come out to your parents. Somehow this book ends up in Cristian's possession and Carlotta mistakenly believes Cristian, who is her son, is gay, leading to a comedic scene where she is shocked, but then begins to accept "her" son's sexuality citing his sensitivity, artistic temperament and concern for his appearance.

The scene was meant to be played as a comedy of mistaken identities, with Cristian continuing to insist he isn't gay. The laughing stopped when Patricia Mauceri went to the producers and demanded the scenes be re-written, or she wouldn't play them. Patricia felt Carlotta would never accept her son's "gayness".

When the producers informed her the scenes would play out as is, Patricia persisted and the decision was made to recast the role.

Patricia Mauceri has worked extensively with gays in theater and on film over the years, but her personal religious beliefs have changed.

Again, dear, it's a job. Not a lifestyle.

The Gays Go All the Way in Daytime

I could add my own two-cents, but I like Seltzer's cents.....sense....better.

from TheDailyBeast.com

As the World Turns took an unexpected turn this week and went where no soap opera—and few primetime shows—has dared: showing two post-coital men.

On June 1, 2007, the character of Noah Mayer made his first appearance on As the World Turns, the daytime drama that has aired daily since 1956. He was a military brat turned heartthrob, who quickly hooked up with a fellow intern at the local television station. She fell for him—and so did her openly gay best friend, Luke Snyder.

It took a while for Noah (played by Jake Silberman) to admit his own attraction to Luke (Van Hansis), who had come out the previous summer. On August 17, 2007, Noah and Luke shared a groundbreaking kiss—the first gay male kiss in the history of American daytime dramas. Overnight, the clip went viral and still stands as one of the most-viewed videos on YouTube. This Christmas, Noah presented Luke with a watch that was engraved, "Worth the wait."

Since that fateful exchange of spit, the characters have naturally faced countless obstacles. At first, their mutual friend was caught in the crossfire of Noah's sexual identity crisis. Noah had to come out to his homophobic father, who (after killing his wife) soon conned Luke and Noah on a fishing trip where he shot Luke, paralyzing him from the waist down. But since this is daytime, where characters are known to have seven lives, it wasn't a surprise when Luke walked again thanks to the devotion and optimism of Noah's steadfast support. Even more twisted: Noah briefly married an Iraqi refugee to keep her in the country after she claimed his father saved her family. Luke and Noah stole kisses but fear of being discovered by the Immigration and Customs Enforcement agency drove their otherwise openly gay rapport back into the 1950s.

As the months wore on, the sexual tension between Luke and Noah (affectionately dubbed Nuke and Loah) grew. They kissed increasingly frequently and with decreasingly little fanfare from blogs, but they never went all the way. They did talk about sex—and what their first time would be like—but it never came anywhere near their horizon. Like everything in their relationship, intimacy was shown through incredibly compelling dialogue.

The inseparable pair talked about everything. Their feelings were always expressed (thanks in large part to head writer Jean Passanante, who happens to be responsible for the only two other gay characters in soap history) if not physically acted on.

Luke and Noah's dynamic escalated on New Year's Eve, when the night finally seemed right. Except for one elephant in the room: Luke's step-grandfather, who had kissed him during Thanksgiving. To make a convoluted story short, Luke got drunk (not a good thing when you've had a kidney transplant, too) after seeing Noah console his ex-girlfriend, and then he kissed his step-grandfather. Of course, Noah was a witness and threw a punch to protect "his love." When Luke confessed to initiating the kiss, Noah walked out, leaving Luke alone to read a note written from Noah, which was meant to be read the next morning, when they would have been together in bed.

For fans, it appeared, as usual, as if Luke and Noah had gone a few steps forward and many more steps back. Sure, they would recover over time. Like most soap "supercouples," they were meant to be. I was prepared for the long haul of relationship rebuilding.

It's difficult to explain to non-viewers how earnest and well-drawn Luke and Noah's relationship is. It was a task I felt ready to tackle after mildly (okay, very) obsessively watching the program (and getting hooked on the other plot lines in the process) for nearly two years now.

This weekend, I intended this article to be called "Why Daytime's Main Gays Should Abstain." It was going to be an attempt to explain how this couple is revolutionizing the portrayal of gays on television. They have had their share of media attention—beginning with their first kiss, a conservative outcry, and including a brief write-up in the New York Times—but nothing seemed to get at the heart of the matter.

For me at least, what makes Luke and Noah unique in television—and especially daytime—is that by not jumping in bed together, they're defying a classic gay stereotype. Indeed, many critics and gay bloggers accused As the World Turns (and Proctor and Gamble's production company) of having a double standard, since straight characters are routinely promiscuous. In my view, the writers were holding the characters to a higher standard that should be applauded.

Who needs to see them shirtless between the sheets and read between the lines? As the World Turns is not The L Word or Queer as Folk. And for all its cliché, it's not as stereotypical as Will & Grace or Sex and the City when it comes to gay characters. Nor is it Brokeback Mountain.

As the World Turns seemed removed from that pressure—and in on the joke. This Christmas, for instance, Noah presented Luke with a watch that was engraved, "Worth the wait."

When I ran into stars of the show around New York City, I'd congratulate them for subtly making a difference. It seems as though more than gay-targeted programs, daytime shows have a special accessibility that allows them to win over hearts and minds. And they were (mostly) doing it via hearts and minds, not exposed nipples and wet chests.

Their epic relationship has lasted over a year. If that's forever in daytime (especially considering their collegiate age), it's an eternity in gay years—and, let's face it, that's a really long time to wait.

There is something to be said about a couple that shows its true colors (yes, Cyndi Lauper had a guest-spot during Pride Week) by their commitment, tenderness, sincerity, and loyalty in the face of so many odds, not because they wanted to get it on.

The more I watched As the World Turns, the less I actually wanted them to have sex.

So it came as a quite a shock, when on Monday's episode they rekindled their broken union by... having sex.

Without any warning or hysterics, the show took that unexpected turn and went where no daytime drama—and few primetime shows—has dared: Luke and Noah were shown post-coital, sheets ruffled.

And you know the best part? The person responsible for getting them back together after the fallout from Luke kissing his step-grandfather was his grandmother, the show's matriarch (played by Elizabeth Hubbard for the past 25 years), who was also the most understanding when Luke first came out.

So not only is this not your grandmother's soap, leave it to the grandmother-who-unwittingly-played-a-beard to get the boys back together.

She even delights in sharing their post-sex ice cream sundae.

Henry Seltzer is a homepage editor for The Daily Beast.