I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

While the entire world revels in the reboot of Bennifer let us not forget the sadness that is Alex Rodriguez.

A-Rod is not doing well lately, y’all. I imagine he spends his days cutting JLo’s face out of pictures, deleting her photos from his phone, and painting himself as a victim. But this week he took that extra step into self-pity when he posted an Instagram picture of a family dinner with his two daughters and made sure we saw that he had set the table for six … the three empty spaces being for JLo and her kids.

How sad. How sad that she dumped him because he was ALLEGEDLY cheating on her so she could ALLEGEDLY start making her move on the next guy.

How. Sad.

 

photo 1   photo 2

Ricky Schroder, has-been actor, MAGAt, Thing #45 supporter QAnon conspiracy theorist wingnut harassed a Costco employee over the weekend for refusing to allow him inside the store without a mask.

When the Costco supervisor told Schroeder that the store’s mask policy remained unchanged despite last week’s new federal guidance for fully vaccinated Americans, Ricky went all Butt Hurt White Man Victim:

“Didn’t you see the news? You didn’t see the news? Nationwide, Costco has said you don’t need to wear masks.”

The supervisor calmly tells the wingnut that he’s wrong:

“Costco always goes above and beyond when following the law, and the mandate in California has not changed—”

Schroder cut him off:

“Oh, if they allow us? If they grant us that, our kings? The people in power? You’re going to listen to these people? They’ve destroyed our economy. They’re destroying our culture. They’re destroyed our state. And you’re just going to listen to the rules? I’m getting my refund.”

Schroder then shrieked at his, um, fan, as well as “everybody” in California to “get their refund” from Costco:

“Give up your membership to Costco until they remove this.”

Jason again reminded Schroder that Costco was following state law but Schroeder wasn’t having it and stormed off like the pissy little used-to-be that he is but, you know, as the story went viral, he had a change of heart as people took him to task on social media, and he crawled back to Facebook to apologize to the supervisor:

“I’m not upset with you or anyone in the position that you have. I understand that you’re following their laws and rules. I was trying to make a point to the corporate overlords and sorry that I had to use you to do it. If I hurt your feelings, I apologize … But I do think independence from medical tyranny is more important than hurt feelings.”

Medical tyranny. Corporate overlords.

Clearly Ricky still has that Silver Spoon shoved up his ass.

photo

More Bill Gates? Well, in addition to being on speed dial with Jeffrey Epstein, Gates apparently had a habit of asking female employees at both Microsoft and The Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation out on dates. And while it appears that most of those attempts, which were called “clumsy”, ended in rejection, a confirmed affair with an employee led to Gates being investigated by the board of Microsoft a year before he stepped down.

Back in 2019, the Microsoft board investigated reports that Gates “sought to initiate an intimate relationship with a company employee in the year 2000.” Bill then issued a statement admitting to having had an affair “almost 20 years ago which ended amicably,” but swears it had nothing to do with him stepping down from the board a year following the investigation.

And, as if that doesn’t show what a snake Gates was—even though most women rebuffed his advances—there are reports that between 2011 and 2014, Bill “met Epstein dozens of times” ALLEGEDY … and this is rich … for marital advice.

All the money in the world and he wants y’all to believe he asked a child raping sex trafficker for advice om his marriage?

My only question now is, who gets custody of the vaccine chips that have been embedded in 130,000, 000 of us?

photo

Remember the Goop vagina candle? The one she claims smelled like her cooch?

Well, apparently it was a bomb, and I don’t just mean that it didn’t sell like hot cakes. Apparently the Paltrow Pussy Scented Candle is also incredibly dangerous because one man named is suing Goop because he ALLEGES the candle exploded in his house.

There was, um, Goop everywhere!

Legal documents say Colby purchased the $75 candle online in January, lit it for the first time in February, placed it on his nightstand, and then says that three hours later the candle became engulfed in flames and exploded.

Colby says there was a “limited warning” on the Goop website that cautions not to burn the candle for more than two hours but says Goop should warn people that the candle could cause injuries if it exploded, and he wants $5 million.

Now, this isn’t the first time a customer claimed the vagina candle was an explosion hazard. Jody Thompson says her candle blew up when she lit it and that it “emitted huge flames, with bits flying everywhere.” She described it as an “inferno.” 

Now, I have questions … why was Colby, a man, in need of a vagina-scented candle? Does he not get the real thing? Does this mean Paltrow’s cooch is a lethal weapon? If you light a match near Paltrow’s crotch, will she burst into flames? And more importantly, who buys a candle that smells like cooch? 

But, if you did, or would, purchase such a thing, I'd like you to know that this fall you can buy the Bob's Sweaty Ball Scented Road Flare! Nothing says 'Stop, and help me' like the smell of sweaty balls.

photo 1   photo 2

I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

As usual, it’s taken Jennifer Lopez about a nano-second to end one relationship and then start another, but the shocking thing this time is she’s gone back to old fiancé, Ben Affleck.

Yes, people, Bennifer–who split in 2004–is back together and, depending on who you ask it was either just a sudden case of ‘I forgot how much I loved you’ or a month’s long plan in JLo’s mind before she sent A-Rod packing.

Leave it to JLo to have an escape plan.

Is it true love rekindled, or is it the result of Bennifer talking to one another for months before A-Rod was canned? Did JLo break up because he’s a cheater, and did they try to fix things while JLo was “talking” to Affleck.

Or is it just more media fodder for the girl from the block who craves attention?

photo

From true love :::coughcough::: to a couple splitting up: Bill and Melinda Gates.

Although they announced their divorce last week, it’s rumored to have been in the works for a very long time. In fact, Melinda consulted with divorce lawyers for about two years before filing for divorce from Bill.

And while the couple hasn’t said what prompted the split, a former employee claims it started with Melinda’s “concern” over Bill’s dealings with convicted sex offender Jeffrey Epstein.

This thought never crossed my mind, but it certainly did cross the mind of brewella deville of Fort Kickass who called it last week!

Kudos!!

photo

Even though the Oscars were weeks ago, people are still talking about how Glenn Close lost her eighth shot at the Golden stature, and suddenly, to sone, Glenn Close is a loser. Well, Glenn has some words on that:

“Who in that category is a loser? You’re there, you’re five people honored for the work that you’ve done by your peers. What’s better than that? And I honestly feel that the press likes to have winners and losers. And then they say, ‘Who is the worst dressed?’ And, you know, ‘Who made the worst speech?’ Forget it. It’s not what it’s about. I say, fuck them!”

Y’all better stop playing with Glenn. Remember what she did to that bunny.

photo

So, one result of the pandemic was finding out that Ellen DeGeneres is not as nice as we were all lead to believe.

After her One-percenter whine about how hard it was to quarantine in one of her many mansions, people began talking about Ellen, and it wasn’t all dancing and giggles. She was called out for being cold and aloof and mean to her employees, and to some guests on her long-running talk show, and three top producers exited the production over ALLEGATIONS of a toxic work environment. For her part, Ellen says:

“When you’re a creative person, you constantly need to be challenged—and as great as this show is, and as fun as it is, it’s just not a challenge anymore.”

I guess the real challenge was trying to revamp her image … back to being nice, and it couldn’t be done. And so, at the end of next season, Ellen is over.

Dance. Off.

photo

I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

The Samantha-less revival of Sex and the City that no one other than Sarah Jessica Parker asked for will be more diverse.

No, seriously. The show will feature three women of color as regulars because, as the creators say, they can’t tell a story with an all-white cast because “it’s not reflective of New York. So they are being very, very conscious about understanding that New York has to reflect the way New York looks today.”

Today? Do they believe people of color only started living in NYC after the second film bombed? Perhaps, so, because they clearly had no problem with an all-white New York City when the show premiered in 1998, though they made a huge step forward when they added Jennifer Hudson, as New York’s only woman of color, in the first film, though JHud moved back to St. Louis so New York was all-white again by the second film.

But today, in 2021, the creators of Sex and the City want you to know that New York City is a more diverse city because they hired three people of color.

Sex and the City. Diversity. Nope.

photo

The U.S. government is suggesting that Kim Kardastrophe tried to smuggle an ancient Roman sculpture into the country.

The statue was detained at the U.S. border in 2016 after Masterpiece International, a logistics company that worked for Kardastrophe, tried to import it with the wrong documentation, causing Italian authorities to demand its return.

According to court documents, Kardastrophe bought the sculpture, known as Fragment of Myron’s Samian Athena, in 2016 from the Axel Vervoordt Gallery in Belgium, but that the piece was detained when it arrived in LA after authorities were alerted that it might be protected cultural property. Italian officials requested provenance details from Masterpiece International, which provided the sculpture’s sales invoice to Kardastrophe, as well as a previous invoice showing that Vervoordt had purchased the work from Galerie Chenel in Paris in 2012.

But there are discrepancies in the descriptions of the sculpture on the two invoices, with the 2012 statement calling it “a large, draped statue” with provenance from an “Old German Collection, bought before 1980,” and the Kardastrophe invoice describing it as a “fragment,” and containing handwritten notations indicating it had originated from Italy.

Huh, Kimmy sure smells like an ALLEGED art smuggler, but we won’t know for sure because she and Axel Vervoordt aren’t talking.

UPDATE Kimmy says she never purchased the statute and someone must have used her name. Seriously; that’s what she says.

photo

So, Bill and Melinda Gates are divorcing. Yawn. But what is interesting is that Bill apparently transferred $1.8 billion in stocks to Melinda Gates on the day she filed for divorce.

Wow, I remember breaking up with a boyfriend and he said I could take the coffee maker, and I thought that was generous.

photo

This week Channing Tatum was on The Kelly Clarkson Show and talked about how his body is highly unrealistic and it only looks like that because his job requires him to work out all the time. But he has a plan to stop the constant exercising: become a better actor:

“As someone who works out for a job, I promise you I would not look like this unless I had to be naked in most of my movies mostly. At some point I have to get better at acting so I don’t have to be naked in all of them.”

Um, Channing, we already have a lot of really good actors, so you do you and keep baring that ass in your movies. If I wanna see great acting, I’ll lean toward Anthony Hopkins or DiCaprio or Daniel Day Lewis, and  when I want hot ass, I’ll buy a ticket to anything you’re in.

photo

I Didn't Say It ...

Dr. Anthony Fauci, member of the White House Coronavirus Task Force, on _____’s lies and misinformation in his daily coronavirus briefings:

“The way it happened is that after he made that statement [suggesting China could have revealed the discovery of coronavirus months earlier], I told the appropriate people, it doesn’t comport, because two or three months earlier would have been September. The next time they sit down with him and talk about what he’s going to say, they will say, by the way, Mr. President, be careful about this and don’t say that. But I can’t jump in front of the microphone and push him down. OK, he said it. Let’s try and get it corrected for the next time.”

No, Dr. Fauci. Correct him on camera, in real time, or else you become part of the spin. You’re the one who knows, you’re the educated man. Speak up so that more people don’t get sick and die.

photo

Rachel Maddow, on _____ lying to the American public about the effectiveness of a malaria drug against COVID-19:

“I know we ought to be getting used to this kind of thing by now, but I’m not. President ­­­­­_____ today, again, just flat-out wrong in public about this malaria drug that has gotten stuck in his mind, quite some distance from the facts. But the president loves saying things like, you know, ‘There’s a drug we’ve got and it’s very effective. It’s approved already! Everybody’s gonna get it.’ He loves saying things like that because that would be a lovely thing to be able to tell people, unless of course that’s not true in which case telling people a fairytale like that is cruel and harmful and needlessly diverting and wildly irresponsible from anyone in any leadership role. It’s actually wildly irresponsible if somebody said that to you from a bar stool—if any of us could go to bars anymore—but to get that from somebody at the presidential podium? ... There is a clear pattern here in this crisis of the president promising stuff that he knows America would love to hear but it’s not true. And even stuff that he’s saying that he will do that the federal government will do, he’s not doing. I feel like we should inoculate ourselves against the harmful impact of these ongoing false promises and false statements by the president by recognizing that when he is talking about the coronavirus epidemic, more often than not, he is lying. Even when he’s talking about what he has done or what he will do, he is consistently lying and giving you happy talk that is stuff that the federal government isn’t actually doing. ... And so, the sooner we come to terms with that, I think the better for all of us. If it were up to me, and it’s not, I would stop putting those briefings on live TV. Not out of spite but because it’s misinformation. If the president does end up saying anything true, you can run it as tape but if he keeps lying like this every day on stuff this important, all of us should stop broadcasting it. Honestly, it’s gonna cost lives.”

The thing is, no matter issue is facing this country, it has to be about _____, or else he’s not interested.

That’s explains the lies and the stupidity.

photo

Steve Mnuchin, Secretary of the Treasury, thinks y’all are making too much of this unemployment nonsense:

“To be honest with you, I just think these numbers right now are not relevant whether they’re bigger or smaller in the short term. Obviously, there people who have jobless claims, and, again, the good thing about the bill is the president is protecting those people. They had no choice, now with this bill passed by Congress, there are protections, and as I said, hopefully, those workers will be rehired, but between these three programs, it protects all of American workers. And by the way, you know, lots of big companies do continue to hire, for obviously grocery stores, pharmacies, you know, delivery services. These companies are on overtime, so I know they’re hiring people as fast as they can.”

It’s “irrelevant” to this millionaire that last week 200,000 Americans were unemployed and this week it’s over 3 million.

It's frightening how out of touch the _____ administration is as countless Americans suffer from sickness and death and unemployment thanks to their incompetent response to the coronavirus.

photo

Chris Hayes, MSNBC news anchor, on _____’s coronavirus FOX News PR blitz on Tuesday in which he announced that he’d like to open the country by Easter:

“After a few days of said war, it seems like _____ is now looking to surrender. Today … _____ announced that he wants to open the country up again by Easter. Why Easter? Because it would be beautiful to see packed churches for the holidays. Easter is two and half weeks away. Other countries that have battled this epidemic have had lockdowns for 60 days. The place with the worst outbreak in the world, Wuhan, China, where all this started, are still in lockdown. Maybe they’ll be out in time for Easter. In the midst of this global pandemic, at this moment of crisis, the president, as he has been doing daily, as he has done since the first case arrived on our shores, went out today and said things that are flat out wrong, that are lies, and more than that, that are dangerous. That’s why we did not play you any sound of what he said today, because frankly, the president has become a kind of—well, he’s a genuine threat to public health, his rhetoric at this point, the things he says.”

Stop airing his briefings, or at least the part where he speaks; he provides nothing new, offers no sympathy, and instead turns it into a Poor Me Rally.

Stop.Airing.Them.

photo

Trevor Noah, The Daily Show, has another idea:

“You know what we need to do with Donald _____? The same way they bleep out curse words in rap videos, they need to start bleeping out Trump’s misinformation in his press briefings. Every time he’s up there at the podium, they should be ready with the censors.”

If they bleep every time he lies it’ll sound like thousands of alarms going off all at once.

Just stop airing the portion of the briefing where he is speaking lying.

photo

Ainsley Earhardt, Fox & Friends host, suggested that the economy should reopen so women could get their hair and nails done:

 “Every day, we’re talking about different topics, because we’re moving in hopefully the direction of getting where China is now, or South Korea is now, and just getting some improvement. If you bought clothing before all this happened, if you want to return it, are stores gonna waive that 30-day period where you can get your money back? This not a priority, but women have to get their hair done. I saw someone tweet out, you’re going to see what color our real hair is, because our roots are going to grow in. All my friends are saying—this is not a priority, people are dying, and I realize that—that they can’t get their nails done.”

First off, if she’s not joking, then she’s clearly the biggest idiot at Fox News, which is saying a lot.

If she’s not joking, then she’s clearly the biggest idiot at Fox News, which is saying a lot.

Women are out of work, and a lot of them are not taking care of their children 24/7.hoping they don’t get sick, or even worse, their older parents don’t get sick, but Ainsley boils it all down to hair and nails.

Maybe that’s what the women at Fox News are worried about because as long as their on their knees a few hours a day they still have a job.

photo

Bill Gates, gazillionaire Microsoft founder, on reopening the country in two weeks:

“We need to shut down so that the worst case that was happening in [Wuhan, China] or Northern Italy, that we avoid that. It’s very tough to say to people, ‘Hey, keep going to restaurants, go buy new houses, ignore that pile of bodies over in the corner. We want you to keep spending because there’s maybe a politician who thinks [gross domestic product] GDP growth is what really counts.’”

Gates suggests a shutdown may need to remain in place for six to 10 weeks.

And that’ll be so close to the election that _____might just freak out and do something dangerous and stupid and totally _____.

photo

Bryant Culpepper, Okeechobee County Commissioner, on how to stop coronavirus:

“This sounds really goofy, and it did to me too, but it works. Once the temperature reaches 136 degrees Fahrenheit, the virus falls apart, it disintegrates. I said how would you get the temperature up to 136 degrees? The answer was you use a blow dryer. You hold a blow dryer up to your face and you inhale through your nose and it kills all the viruses in your nose.”

I ask that Culpepper try it on TV and have doctors standing by to handle his burns. When he’s better, tell him that hitting himself in the head with a hammer makes the virus run, and let him try tat.

Asshat.

photo

I Didn't Say It ....

William H. Macy, Shameless actor, on co-star Emmy Rossum’s demand to be paid the same as Macy:

“They wrote the Equal Rights Amendment in 1927, it didn’t get passed by both houses of Congress until 1972. It still hasn’t been approved by all the states therefore it didn’t make it as an amendment to the Constitution. It’s about f-ing time, don’t you think? She works as hard as I do. She deserves everything. The only thing I got over Emmy Rossum is I’m better looking.”

Rossum and Macy are both the stars of that show so why aren’t they paid the same? I mean, it’s that simple, no?

[photo]

Kellyanne Conway, saying the White House was “irresponsible” for saying _____ knew about the Russian hack:

“That is just remarkable. That is breathtaking. I guess [Josh Earnest]’s auditioning to be a political pundit after his job is over soon. That is incredibly disappointing to hear from the podium of the White House press secretary, because he basically—he essentially stated that the president-elect had knowledge of this, maybe even fanned the flames. It’s incredibly irresponsible and I wonder if his boss, President Obama agrees.”

Obama does, you tool, he does agree.

We all do, but the GOP doesn’t care about that as long as they have the White House ... for now.

[photo]

Nicholas Landry, LGBT rights activist, on his coming out and his brother, Louisiana Attorney General Jeff Landry’s battle against equality:

“My coming out process was not the easiest time, and now that I’m standing on my own, I know I can’t sit silent anymore. I’m not really into politics (but) Jeffrey is suing…to block the right for equal marriage and equal rights in the state of Louisiana… It’s that kind of hatred and that kind of bigotry and that type kind of discrimination that is, just, uncalled for.”

You are political, Nicholas, because you are fighting for true equality for all Americans, regardless of their presumed ‘differences.

[photo]

Jeff Landry, Louisiana’s Republican Attorney General, on his fight against LGBT rights and his relationship with his openly gay brother Nicholas:

“I love my brother, that’s unquestionable… (but) what I tell him is that we have to respect the law.  We have to respect the Constitution.”

Um, Jeff, you delusional tool, where does it say in the Constitution that LGBT Americans have no rights.

Please find me that passage or shut the **** up.

[photo]

Kellyanne Conway, on President-elect _____'s decision to stay on as an executive producer of “The Apprentice”:

“He’s a very transparent guy. Everyone can see what he’s doing and the fact is that he is conferring with all types of experts to tell him what he is allowed to do and not to do as president of the United States. And if this is one of the approved activities, then he will perhaps consider staying on ... but were we so concerned about the hours and hours and hours spent on the golf course of the current president? I mean, the presidents have a right to do things in their spare time or their leisure time. Nobody objects to that.”

Golf is a leisure activity, you tool, producing a TV show is a job.

Seriously, this woman's head is so far up _____'s ass I'm amazed we can hear her speak at all.

[photo]

Bill Gates, comparing _____ to JFK: 

“But in the same way President Kennedy talked about the space mission and got the country behind that, I think whether it’s education or stopping epidemics … [or] in this energy space, there can be a very upbeat message that [_____’s] administration [is] going to organize things, get rid of regulatory barriers, and have American leadership through innovation.”

Gates has apparently had the _____ Kool-Aid and lost his ever-loving mind.

Donald _____ is nothing like JFK.

[photo]

John Barrowman, on losing an acting job because he’s gay: 

“The producers pulled me into the office and sat me down—one was gay—and said they didn’t want me to talk about my boyfriend at the time, Scott, who I eventually married…In a nutshell, they asked me to go back into the closet, and I went back to Scott and said, ‘I can’t do that’.”

Barrowman’s example should be followed by all gay actors ... live your life, not your career.

[photo]