Bobservations

Lately Carlos has been asking Sri to tell him jokes, which the then saves up for me, telling me as were in bed about to doze off; jokes like:

A park ranger warned some campers:

“Never get on the bad side of a bear.”

“What side is the bad side?”

“The inside.”

Or …

I make a lot of Dad jokes for someone who’s not a Dad.

It’s a real faux Pa.

Or …

I was washing the car with a friend and someone asked:

“Can’t you just use a sponge?”

I have told him that I will murder him one night in his sleep for these jokes and I will get off on the charge once I tell people what he’s doing.

Those jokes are a crime punishable by death … or at least being hit in the head with a cartoon frying pan.

This one, about The Great Tuxedo, is from March 2009:

"I was on yard patrol today, raking leaves, bagging, leaves, hauling bags across the lawn to be put in  the back of the car and taken. Tuxedo likes to sit in the window and watch.

But then he gave me the Pouty Face when I came inside because he isn't allowed to go outside.

Then he decided to punish me for leaving him in the house while I was outside having 'fun.'

Note to self: Don't piss off Tuxedo!"

Carlos was amazed that tuxedo would attack my hand and biting like that, but it didn't really hurt, it was just how we played.

I miss that.

I don’t eat fast food, but for some it’s a way of the life and maybe their only joy? Take one Belinda Miller from Georgia who drove her SUV through the front doors of her local Popeye’s because she claims they didn’t give her her biscuits.

According to the police, Richmond County sheriff’s deputies responded to Popeye’s for an accident with injuries and the manager told them that Miller drove her SUV into the east entrance after she became upset that her order did not have any biscuits. She continued to ram her car into the store and then decided she’d made her point and left for home, where police found her. She has been charged with aggravated assault and criminal damage to the property.

Like I said, I don’t eat fast food, but, damn, those must be some good biscuits!

At a recent publicity stop in Iowa Julie Ross, who calls herself a “craftivist”, gifted Florida’s Anti-Woke Governor Ron de Fascist with a handmade snowflake. But the joke was on Ronnie because, look closely, the snowflake is made of the word ‘fascist.’

Love it!

Everyone’s talking about the Big Dress at the Oscars last weekend, and I missed the photo of Nigerian singer Tems, who co-wrote Lift Me Up, from Black Panther: Wakanda Forever, and her giant hood.

People seated behind her craned their necks to watch the show, but I’d have found a tiny pair of sheers and cut myself a face one and pushed my head through right beside hers.

Seriously, look at her gorgeous face that has Zero Fucks to give anyone sitting behind or beside her. Lift Me Up, indeed, so I can see that show!

Last week at church, the pastor asked if anyone would like to express praise for answered prayers, and Susan Greene took to the podium:

"I have a praise. Two months ago my husband, Phil, had a terrible bicycle wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn't know if they could help him."

The men in the congregation gasped and clutched their nether regions as Mrs. Greene continued:

"Phil was unable to hold me or the children, and every move caused him terrible pain. We prayed as the doctors performed an operation to piece together the crushed remnants of his scrotum and wrap wire around it to hold it in place."

The men in church were visibly squirming now:

“Thank the Lord, Phil is out of the hospital and the doctors say that with time, his scrotum should recover completely."

The men sighed and the pastor asked if anyone else had praise; a man stood, and walked to the podium:

"I'm Phil, and I just want to tell my wife the word is sternum."

Oh.

The New Mexico legislature has passed legislation, officially titled the Human Rights Modernization Act, to modernize the state’s anti-discrimination law by adding explicit protections for LGBTQ+ people.

The proposed law, which Governor Michelle Lujan Grisham is expected to sign, establishes a broader slate of protections for LGBTQ+ people by defining gender and sex in state law and expanding existing definitions of sexual orientation and gender identity.

Good on New Mexico. Especially with the anti-LGBTQ+ nonsense going on around the rest of the country. This is what happens when you put adults, and by adults I mean Democrats, in charge.

Another show I’m enjoying is Alaska Daily, starring Hilary Swank as a reporter in Alaska covering the many stories of Indigenous women who go missing every year in this country; a couple of hotties co-star, and they are Craig Frank, left, and Shane McRae, right, and so I pose the question; Which One Would You Hit?

Tuesday Thought #3

Bobservations

Several weeks ago, Carlos called me at work to ask if I could take off July 20th and drive him to an eye appointment; I said I’d make the request right away and I did so,

Cut to July 19th and we’re driving to work in the morning, and I say:

“What time is your appointment in the morning?”

“It’s at 4 o’clock.”

“Four? Why’d you ask me to take the day off? I could have worked and just left about a half hour early.”

“I wanted to make sure we could get there on time.”

“Well, I’m sure we can since we have the entire day to drive the forty miles.”

Oy. That man. That adorable man.

A McDonald’s in Glastonbury, Connecticut is throwing some shade at a newly opened Chick-fil-A right next door, by posting that sign outside their restaurant:

 “We Welcome Everyone.”

Cuz, you know, Chick-fil-Anti-gay. Now, the manager at that McDonald’s says:

“It just means that everyone is welcome, young and old, everyone.”

The shade! I love it.

Sean Spicer, _____’s original liar, has a book to sell, but apparently it’s riddled with :::gasp::: lies, or, as most people call them lies.

One blatant error? Spicer refers to the author of the infamous _____ dossier as ‘Michael Steele, who is actually the former chairman of the Republican National Committee, not the British ex-spy Christopher Steele.

Seriously, Sean? Alternative facts, lies, or just plain stupidity?”

The title for the upcoming eighth season of American Horror Story has been officially revealed:

American Horror Story: Apocalypse

The new season is said to be a crossover of season one’s Murder House and season three’s Coven and will premiere on FX September 12. Confirmed cast members include Sarah Paulson, Evan Peters, Kathy Bates, Billie Lourd, Adina Porter, Cheyenne Jackson, Billy Eichner, Leslie Grossman, oh-so-yummy-and-oh-so-gay Jeffrey Bowyer-Chapman, right, Kyle Allen and … Joan Collins.

Plus, Emma Roberts will reprise her role as Coven's bitchy witchy Madison Montgomery.

I’m in!

Color me sad… Ivanka _____’s clothing line is kaput!

It will be shuttered, and employees have already been told to get out. In a statement, Ivanka said lied:

“When we first started this brand, no one could have predicted the success that we would achieve. After 17 months in Washington, I do not know when or if I will ever return to the business, but I do know that my focus for the foreseeable future will be the work I am doing here in Washington, so making this decision now is the only fair outcome for my team and partners.”

Wait, so the line was extremely successful? Y’all know that _____’s don’t run from cash, they run from failure and try to spin it into success. The line bombed, no one was buying, and Ivanka fled.

On the upside, since the line was manufactured everywhere but MAGA-land, no Americans have lost their jobs.

In this week’s edition of Racism Valet … out there in Berkeley, Essex Cook was walking along a street with his family when a woman began following them and verbally assaulting them.

In a video, the woman, Lauren Milewski, shrieks to the interracial family:

“You don’t belong here. Get out of Berkeley, Get out of here, You don’t belong anywhere.”

When Essex’s cousin, Elexia, tried to de-escalate the situation, Lauren Milewski became physically violent, and grabbed Elexia’s dress and hit her.

Sadly, several people walked by the altercation and said and did nothing, until finally one group of passersby called the police.

Lauren Milewski, racist asshat and thug, was arrested on suspicion of public drunkenness and violating parole.

Yes, the woman who suggested that an interracial family doesn’t belong on the streets of Berkeley, is on probation for grand theft.

Here’s the deal … when you see a Lauren Milewski out there verbally and physically assaulting someone, say something, Call someone, Dom something.

Walking by is being complicit.

At the White House’s annual “Made in America Product Showcase” event this week, Congresswoman Claudia Tenney noticed an odd thing about the place settings in the State Dining Room.

The flatware was made in China.

At a Made In America Showcase.

That’s America under _____.

Marcia! Marcia! Marcia!

The Brady Bunch house is for sale! For …. $1.885 million. And it does not come with Alice!

The 2,500-square-foot house in Studio City neighborhood hit the market after having the same owners for 45 years. Sadly, the couple passed away, and their children clearly didn’t wanna play Brady … and loved the idea of pockets of coin … so they opted to sell.

The listing claims the Brady house is the second-most photographed house in the country after the White House. And listing agent, Jodie LeVitus Francisco, says there’s a lot of interest, and it’s coming from developers who want to take a wrecking ball to the house much like that football slammed into Marcia Brady’s nose when everyone knows “Mom said don’t play ball in the house.”

So, it’s a tear-down? What’s going up in its place? Starbucks? CVS? The house from Mama’s Family?

This week _____’s Department of Agriculture announced it would offer $12 billion in aid to farmers hindered by retaliatory tariffs imposed on U.S. grain, produce and meat exports.

Those retaliatory tariffs are in response top _____’s tariffs imposed on other countries.

Let me get this queer: _____ imposes tariffs on Chinese goods. China responds in kind by imposing tariffs on American food stuffs. _____ then offers a $12 billion bail-out with money borrowed from … China.

Seriously?

Diminutive Attorney General Jeff Sessions was speaking to a group of conservative high school when they began chanting “Lock her up.” Let’s not even wonder why they’ll still chanting that except to say they have nothing to offer to the conversation, but … Session actually laughed at the chant:

“I heard that a long time over the last campaign.”

Sessions bets be careful, lest someone grab him and put him on a high shelf where he cannot get down.

I just heard that singer Demi Lovato is in the hospital recovering from a drug overdose. Lovato has a long history of substance abuse but had been clean for the last six years until recently.

But, Lovato wrote and recorded and released a song called “I’m Not Sober” recently, which has me wondering … I mean, she wasn’t sober when she wrote the song, she wasn’t sober when she recorded the song, she wasn’t sober when she released the song, and she wasn’t sober when she recently forgot the words to the song in a live performance. That all means she hasn’t been sober for quite some time and yet those around her did nothing to stop her or get her help.

See, to them Demi Lovato is a paycheck and if she doesn’t perform, they don’t get paid. What does it matter if she’s literally singing for help?

We all know that the news lately is bad, and vile and, well, _____. But at least I’ve found some solace, some way to listen to the news and not feel completely awful.

Whit Johnson, top left, has a perfect newsman name and a Clark Kent aura; he’s on GMA nearly every morning and I can take bad news when he smiles at me.

Jeremy Diamond, top right, is on CNN and between him, all beast mode and stuff, and Jim Acosta, it’s getting hot up in there.

Lastly, but never least, because he’s been here before is the, I hope, aptly named James Longman, bottom, I’m guessing, also of ABC with an English accent, a rockin’ bod and some homosexual tendencies … he’s gay, y’all.

The news is somehow more palatable.

Random Musings

Last week I posted about Jadin Bell's attempted suicide by hanging after being pushed to do so by bullies at his school and on the Internet. His parents made the decision to take Jadin off life support and he died Monday morning.

Another one .... taken too soon.

I am not a consumer of fast food; I like to cook, and, well, I like to save money so eating at some place with a drive-thru isn't conducive to either one of those things.

Neither is the idea that I might be getting horsemeat in my burger.

After weeks of deny-deny-deny, Burger Kings has finally admitted that if you had a Whopper at one of their UK restaurants, you probably ate horse.

I say Neigh to Burger King.

Neigh!

Just when you think the GOP isn't overrun by backwards thinking, petulant schoolboys with Little Penis Syndrome, comes news that one such Republican, Montana state representative, Jerry O’ Neil is actually sponsoring a bill that would give felons the option of receiving a spanking over incarceration. 

I don't mean a slap on the wrist so it surer sounds like it.

No, while the legislation would cover not just misdemeanor crimes, it will also cover felonies. In fact, it appears the bill requires that the “exact nature of the corporal punishment to be imposed” be directly related to the severity and nature of the crime committed. 

I can hear the judge now, 'Will the defendant please rise, go out to the front of the courthouse and bring a switch back from the willow tree."

Unless of course, you're a felon, then it'll be, "Fetch me my belt."

For the record, O’Neil has also requested to have his legislative salary in gold and silver, wrongfully interpreting a provision of the U.S. Constitution that prevents states from minting their own paper currency.

It sounds more like he'd be happy to get his pay in Skittles.

Beyoncé's performance at the Superbowl.

People are hailing it like it's the Second Coming .... of Madonna.

I didn't hear a lot of singing come out of Beyoncé's mouth, but she grabbed her crotch and licked her finger before running it between her breasts; she shook her booty and she whipped her hair in a way Willow Smith would call reckless.

Plus, it wasn't so much a performance as it was a pyrotechnics show with mirrors.

She can dance, though......

So, earlier this week I posted about Aaron Klein, of Sweet Cakes by Melissa in Gresham, Oregon, who refused to bake a wedding cake for a same-sex wedding because, you know, God said so.

Well, now Baltimore-based pastry chef and "Ace of Cakes" star Duff Goldman has offered to bake a cake for the couple and bring it to them for free:

"I saw this story and I was like, “Wait -- I can do something, there’s injustice involving a cake! For a cake decorator to really feel like he really needed to take a stand…it just makes absolutely no sense. It’s petty, it’s small…this man has wrapped up his hatred in the cloak of religion.”

It should be noted that Charm City has been making same-sex wedding cakes for years.

Speaking of the Superbowl....

I saw the interview with 49er's quarterback, Colin Kaepernick. What a charming, humble young man; what an adorable smile. 

What a great story.

Yesterday, the Illinois Senate Executive Committee passed the SB10, the Religious Freedom and Marriage Equality Act, out of committee on a vote of 9 to 5. Senate President John Cullerton, a leading supporter of marriage equality, has announced he will call the floor vote on February 14.

Rick Garcia, Director of the Equal Marriage Illinois Project:

"We are all very excited to see this bill move forward. We are looking forward to a full vote in the Senate and we expect it to pass. It should be a very welcome Valentine's Day gift for the thousands of couples and families that are anxiously awaiting the passage of this bill. The momentum continues to build in Illinois."

Jim Bennett, Midwest Regional Director of Lambda Legal: 

"The day when loving, committed same-sex couples in Illinois can marry feels imminent, and Lambda Legal is energized by this vote. Our state is ready to become the tenth state where same-sex couples have the freedom to marry, and we urge people across the state to call their senators and urge them to vote in favor of the bill when it comes to a vote as early as next week.  It's just time." 

It's moving ahead, people.

I find David Beckham and Adam Levine to be oh-so-attractive with their clothes on, rather than clothes off.

Both men have lovely bodies, but it's the excess of tattoos that makes me want them to just stay suited up at all times.

And this comes from a guy with six tattoos.

Just sayin'.....

Just because .....

They are so afraid of Gay-Straight Alliance [GSA] clubs in the Lake County School District that the school board is deciding they might want to ban all clubs.

Yes, because a 14 year-old middle school student wanted to form a GSA in response to bullying at his school, the board will say goodbye to the Chess Club, the Drama Club, and the Debate Club.

Lest a gay kid want to start a GSA.

This is education in Florida.

Punish every student because of your own homophobia.

Those who wish to ban all clubs are: Bill Mathias, Debbie Stivender and Chairwoman Kyleen Fischer who want to ban all extra-curricular clubs in secondary schools, and Tod Howard and Rosanne Brandeburg who want to ban all extra-curricular clubs only in middle schools.

I think we should ban these people from ever being part of a school board.