Ain't That America XXXIII

War, child rape, drunken FBI directors, lying Attorney Generals, the wrong First Lady and the wrong President being called to Congress to testify about Jeffrey Epstein.

It’s been a helluva week …

The White House released a photo of Cankles and his regime monitoring the progress of the illegal attack on Iran from the “Flatulation Room “at Mar-Illegal.

Of course, he had a picture snapped because he wants to be Barack Obama and knows that will never happen:

Cankles then declared that “most evil” Khamenei was killed in the attack and rumors suggest schoolchildren were also killed but, hey, the five-time draft dodger got his photo op.

 

In a visit to central Wisconsin, Vice President JD Vance implored voters to not give power back to the “crazy” Democrats blaming hospital closures on “problems inherited from Biden.”

He failed to mention it was the massive Republican cuts to Medicaid funding that kept those hospitals afloat.

 

Transgender Kansans are being informed on the eve of a new state law going into effect that their driver’s licenses will be considered immediately invalid.

Why? Is there one person who can tell me why without resorting to the bible—lower case b—or some unnamed fear of trans people? Spare me the trans people rape children because it’s not them … it’s the priests, and ministers, and pastors, and rabbis in your places of worship who are fucking children.

Oh and it’s your president, too.

 

A federal judge reprimanded the Cankles regime for claiming that an immigrant seeking his release from custody was convicted for marijuana possession in 2009 … when he was 4 years old.

Government lawyers attached a document from ICEstapo that they “indicated” was related to his criminal history but West Virginia District Judge Irene Berger noted the “differences in birthdate, birthplace, parents’ names, and immigration status.”

You cannot make this shit up.

 

Border Czar and con artist Tom Homan tried to school Pope Leo XIV on Catholic teachings about immigration.

Homan prefaced his unsolicited theological lesson to the Pope by touting his credentials as a “life-long Catholic.”  He went on to attack Leo for criticizing the Cankles Regime’s mass deportation campaign, asserting that Leo failed to grasp Catholic doctrine.

Seriously?

 

It wasn’t just the blanket left behind on a plane that got Kristi DogKiller Noem so riled up that she fired the pilot. It was, according to three DHS insiders, another item left on that flight last spring: Noem’s bag. No one knows for certain what was inside the bag—or they aren’t saying—but it was enough to cause Border Barbie and her Bitch Boy Corey Lewandowski to go apeshit.

What was in the bag, Kristi, which had you and your married lover  Corey freaking out?

 

The New York Times reports that many documents released by the DOJ from its investigations into the convicted sex offender Jeffrey Epstein failed to include some key materials related to a woman who made an accusation against Cankles.

The materials are FBI memos summarizing interviews the bureau did in connection to claims made in 2019 by a woman who came forward after Epstein’s arrest to say she had been sexually assaulted by both Cankles and Epstein when she was a minor.

Hey Pammy? Does the DOW erase the rape of a child by your boss?

 

After the State of the Union speech where Cankles got into a shouting match with Representative Ilhan Omar, Rudy Giuliani attacks Omar for looking “too” Muslim:

“Muslims have a choice about how they how they dress. And you can look Muslim and look more American than that … You don’t come here to remain Somali. You don’t come here to remain Italian. You don’t come here to remain German. You don’t come here to remain whatever it is you were.”

I guess Rudy no longer identifies as Italian but does claim membership in the Ignorant Goosestepping Racist Fuck Regime.

Now, I need a palate cleanser and here’s a couple:

More ballots have been cast in Texas through the first seven days of early voting for the 2026 midterms than any recent midterm or presidential election year. That turnout is fueling optimism among Texas Democrats, who are once again trying to score their first election victory for a statewide office since 1994.

Over 650,000 votes were cast in-person and by mail in the Democratic primary, compared to about 590,000 cast in the Republican primary and we know that when Democrats vote, Democrats win.

Keep in mind that the GOP is running on the idea that only they can fix the problems in Texas but fail to mention that only they have been in power for the last twenty years.

 

Democratic Congressmen Ted Lieu and Dan Goldman demand that a special counsel be appointed to investigate Attorney General Pam Bondi after she ALLEGEDLY perjured herself during her Epstein testimony:

“Testifying before a House Judiciary Committee hearing on February 11, 2026, Attorney General Bondi emphatically stated, ‘There is no evidence that [Cankles] has committed a crime.’ Yet a number of the documents from the Epstein files released to date by the Department of Justice directly contradict her statement. [And] when confronted with her lie, she did not retract her statement, she doubled down. She stated, ‘Don’t you ever accuse me of committing a crime.’ We request that you immediately appoint a special counsel to investigate Attorney General Bondi for lying under oath. America cannot have a liar and a criminal as our top law enforcement officer."

The simple fact here is that Bondi lied under oath because there are mountains of evidence in the Epstein files alleging that Cankles committed numerous crimes like assault, sexual abuse, rape, and threatening victims.

Bondi knows that, and I hope one day she is imprisoned for her lies.

There we are, another week down and the GOP has taken us into an illegal war because a madman wants you to stop talking about how he fucked a child … the GOP question two people, one of whom isn’t in the files, about Epstein, because they cannot question their Cult Leader lest he call them names …

We have one way out: vote. Vote out the child rapists and the pedophile protectors and the transphobes and the warmongers who want to send your sons and daughters to war but not theirs, vote out the regime of middle-aged frat boys and drunken asshats and the women who allow a man to get away with raping women because the stock market went up.

Vote them ALL out …..

Bobservations

Since Carlos went on disability, he has been doing translations for the local school districts and the occasional in-person translation for groups like DSS. This week, he had one scheduled for Monday, and since I wasn’t working that day, I played the Happy Dance card about having time at home by myself; that translation was cancelled … I died a little ,,, but was rescheduled for Tuesday.

As luck would have it, I was also off Tuesday and waited with glee … I kid or do I … for the DSS case worker to pick him up. She was late, and Carlos texted her that he could do the translation via phone, and that’s what they did. Another day, with some time to myself, shot to hell. I joked with Carlos that he could leave the house for at least two hours so I could have my alone time, and after his phone translation, he came into the living room, with his coat:’

“I’m leaving now.”

“Where are you going?”

“You wanted me out of the house, so I’ll just wander around the neighborhood for a couple of hours.”

“Okay … bye.”

He walked into the foyer and began putting his coat in the closet.

“Um, sweetie pie, the front door is that other door.”

“I’ll just stay in the closet for a couple of hours,”

“Why not? You spent your first twenty-five years in there.”

Never a dull moment!

It’s not really much of a struggle for Tuxedo, but he is doing his part and being very patrioti-cat.

Yellow, the man is yellow. As vice president, Michael Elizabeth Pence must preside over the session of Congress that will formalize Joe Biden’s Electoral College victory. And because he’s yellow, and afraid of what other ReTHUGlicans and MAGAts might do to him, the traitorous, goose-stepping, possibly closeted, little rat will scurry from DC right after.

I guess Mother likes her men with no balls?

Yes, we’re still hearing that _____ says he won’t leave the White House even though he’s an impeached,  lame-duck, one-term loser, so what shall we do?

Picture it: you have a job for four years., but then you get fired, and yet you show up ready for work. What would your bosses do? Have you escorted from the building? And your hooker wife, too?

Attorney L. Lin Wood filed a pro se lawsuit in Georgia federal court trying, again,  to overturn the will of the people and have _____ named the winner of that state’s General Election. Trouble is, like most _____lawyers, Wood is inept. Case in point: just before his signature block on the final page of the lawsuit is the following verification section:

“I declare and verify under plenty of perjury that the facts contained in the foregoing Verified Complaint for Declaratory and Injunctive Relief are true and correct.”

Plenty of perjury? Bitch, we already knew that.

David Werking, a forty-two-year-old man, was awarded $75,000 in damages from his parents, Beth and Paul, because they destroyed his porn collection.

Seriously. In 2016, a newly divorced David, moved into his parent’s home. A few months later, he moved out and when he got to the new place, he noticed he was missing twelve boxes of pornographic films, magazines, and sex toys. He checked with Mom and Dad, who said:

“Frankly, David, [we] did you a big favor by getting rid of all this stuff. That you would buy and watch films depicting such violence is beyond the pale. I have no words to express the depth of my shock and disappointment. Believe it or not, one reason for why I destroyed your porn was for your own mental and emotional health. I would have done the same if I had found a kilo of crack cocaine.”

Well, c’mon, Whitney told us that crack is wack, but she never said a word about porn, so David sued his parents and the court sided with him.

Just think of all the porn he can buy with 75K; and he’ll no doubt need it because, with this story out there, I imagine David will be spending most of his time alone, in the basement, with some lube and a box of tissues.

The idea that criminals stick together has never been clearer than it is this morning, with the news of new _____ pardons for cronies and war crimes.

He has pardoned his former campaign aide George Papadopoulos who pleaded guilty to lying to the FBI; he pardoned former US congressmen Duncan Hunter, who used campaign funds as income, and Chris Collins, who was convicted of inside trading; he pardoned Nicholas Slatten, Paul Slough, Evan Liberty, and Dustin Heard, the four Blackwater guards who murdered Iraqi citizens. He also pardoned Alex van der Zwaan, the Dutch lawyer who was sentenced to 30 days in jail after pleading guilty to lying to Mueller investigators; he pardoned two Border Patrol agents who were convicted in 2006 of shooting and wounding an unarmed undocumented immigrant and then covering it up. He also commuted commuting the remaining prison term of former Texas GOP Congressman, Steve Stockman, who was convicted by a jury in Texas of almost two dozen felonies, including fraud and money laundering.

Admitted criminals and murderers who all have one thing in common: they support _____.

PS My apologies to Dolly.

Jules Horn is a German model, who went from Industrial Mechanic to model at the ripe old age of twenty-four. He’s a health fiend; a vegan who starts every day with a seven-minute cold shower—just looking at his face and I could use a cold shower.

He’s both rugged and sophisticated; a night at the opera, a day on the ranch.

And briefly speaking, it’s a ‘Yes’ for me.

And any man who can rock a skirt or wear a frilly suit with a jock strap on the outside, or football pads, briefs, and a bird on his head, is the man of my dreams.

Or looks good wet, in clothes and out.

And had a bit of the exhibitionist in him.

That’s all … except Jules has three rules to live by: always be kind to everyone, set goals for yourself, keep your head on your shoulders and eyes on the stars. Hmmm, I could be exceedingly kind to him … and he is very goal-worthy … and, yeah, I’ll keep my eyes on him. He’s that kind of hot crunchy granola vegan meditating journaling loves to cook guys.

I could get behind that … or in front of it. Just sayin’.

The Funny Papers

Rick McKee, David Fitzsimmons, Clay Bennett, RJ Matson, Bill Day, Kevin Siers, Steve Sack, John Cole, Drew Sheneman, Nick Anderson