Bobservations

Kent Taylor CEO of Texas Roadhouse, is giving up his base salary and incentive bonus so that those funds can be made available to assist front-line hourly restaurant employees.

Just sayin’, when this is all over, I may just have to find a Texas Roadhouse and have a bite to eat.

One of the first deaths of a Virginian from COVID-19 was Landon Spradlin, a Christian “musical evangelist” who shared a meme that compared virus deaths to swine flu deaths and that it was a plot against _____, writing:

“It will come and it will go.”

Not before you did, sir.

Billionaire David Geffen took to Instagram to say he is self-isolating during the pandemic and wants y’all to know that he’s safe … on his $590 million yacht:

“Sunset last night … isolated in the Grenadines avoiding the virus. I’m hoping everybody is staying safe.”

To be fair, Geffen’s foundation is a major contributor to LGBTQ rights groups, health clinics, and charities for the homeless in L.A., but, c’mon man, did you have to prove yourself so out of touch?

The Empire State Building debuted a flashing red and white light display, and lit up red, Monday night, an effect intended to represent America’s heartbeat, according to the building's Twitter account:

“We’ll never stop shining for you. 

Kinda breaks my heart a little.

Well, now we know, and in November we need to make sure _____ knows we know.

Way back on February 5, _____ administration officials rejected an offer of emergency coronavirus funding from Congress. In that meeting was Democratic Senator from Connecticut, Chris Murphy, who Tweeted that day:

They knew in February; were warned in February; and they did nothing.

November is coming 

Commerce Secretary Wilbur Ross is working from his estate in Florida, while the _____ administration tries to limit the economic fallout from the coronavirus outbreak.

Ross said in January the pandemic could be good for U.S. jobs and manufacturing, arguing it might give businesses “another thing to consider when they go through their review of their supply chain.”

Wilbur Ross is a fuckmonkey.

Great news …  Christopher Meloni is bringing his Law & Order: SVU character Elliot Stabler for a new  upcoming NBC crime drama series. Like SVU, Meloni’s series will also be set in New York, centering on “the NYPD organized crime unit led by Stabler.”

I was hoping it would be set in Scotland so we could get Meloni in a kilt.

Life Tabernacle Church was packed for services on Tuesday night after its pastor, Mark Anthony Spell, was charged with six misdemeanor counts of disobeying the powers of the governor for defying the state’s ban on public gatherings amid the coronavirus crisis; he said:

“We have a mandate from the word of God. … We have a mandate from God to praise God in his sanctuary. This is the sanctuary.”

Perhaps COVID-19 is God’s way of thinning the religious wingnut herd?

And now, even though we had Scottish beef[cake] earlier, I need a little more of a palette cleanser, in model David Taylor.

He gets my motor running …floats my boat …tightens my screws …lights my fire … maybe I’ve been cooped up too long.

Still …

It's Snarkurday!

Did we learn nothing from Being Bobby Brown? That ratchet show destroyed what was left of Whitney Houston, so why would anyone, least of a diva like Mariah Carey, want to do a reality show?

But she is; Mimi is shooting a show for E! — the same channel that infected us with Keeping Up With The Kardastrophes and I Am Cait­ — that will follow her as she is wheeled around Vegas to do her casino show, and then follow her on her European tour.

Currently, the working title is Mariah’s Squad, or, as I see her being wheeled around like a corpse, Mariah’s Squat.

Well, it looks like the days of Madonna giving her son Rocco a little space lasted about … a day.

While Rocco and Guy Ritchie were in a London court to continue the custody fight, Madonna was performing for a private crowd in Melbourne. The invite-only show was supposed to start at 10:30PM, but it didn’t start until after 1AM perhaps because Madge was, literally, busy applying clown make-up so she could sing a bunch of songs she never sings, ride around on a tricycle, and perform Send In The Clowns in front of a giant picture of Rocco … something Rocco has begged her to stop doing.

Next up she’ll be channeling Baby Jane Hudson and doing her rendition of I’ve Written A Letter To Rocco. Or maybe she’ll just crash and burn.

In the Whoever Came Up With This Idea Deserves To Be Fired file: Lindsay Lohan is a guest editor at the London newspaper, The Sun. Calm yourselves, I know what you’re thinking: Lohan can write?

In her first of what is sure to be one article for The Sun, Lindsay Lohan wrote about how she almost banged Harry Styles. Lohan says that early one morning in 2012, there was a knock on her hotel room door and when she opened it, Harry Styles was there, asking if he could um, er, schtup her … fulfilling another day of her paid escort title:

“I didn’t know it was him. He was in a suit. I said, ‘Well, you’re very good-looking – can I help you?’ That was it. He was like, ‘I’m Harry. Gavin and Michael sent me here.’ I was in bed. I was like, ‘I’m going to bed but it was nice to meet you.’ It was 2am, I had just come back from an AA meeting. I looked like shit too. I was wearing a big hotel robe, I had a slip under it. It was not a good look. It didn’t click who he was at the time.”

First off, Lindsay Lohan turning down anonymous sex with a stranger knocking on her door at 2AM is like Oprah saying, “No, no more cookies for me.”

Lohan says she met Harry again at a party in L.A. and he said that he knocked on her door at because some friends dared him to.

“C’mon, Harry, bang her. She’ll do it, all you gotta do is ask.”

The funny thing is this sounds eerily close to a story that that other Hollywood whore-let, James Franco, says about the time Lindsay Lohan appeared in his hotel room at 2AM to, um, er, schtup.

Lindsay Lohan, plagiarist … and whore.

Meanwhile, back at Madonna onstage at that private show in Melbourne … where she guzzled from a flask and called Guy Ritchie a “son of a bitch” and then begged someone in the crowd, anyone, to “f**k her”:

“Someone please take care of me, please. Who is going to take care of me?”

Where’s Harry Styles now? Or Lohan for that matter?

Sally Field. Two-time Oscar winner and expert at dumping people. Who knew?

Sally was on Watch What Happens Live and during a game of Plead the Fifth she admitted she faked her way out of dating Johnny Carson. After Andy Cohen asked Field to describe the relationship — she dubbed it, “The Octopus And The Reluctant Little Guppy” — he took the bait … see what I did there? … and asked if that meant Carson was all hands. Sally nodded and then told how she was able to end the relationship:

“I was never a person who knew how to say no to people. When it came down to things, I said, ‘Yeahhh!’ Ultimately the only way I could get out of many things was to tell people I had lost my mind. I told him … I was having a breakdown and being sent away. I couldn’t figure out how just to say I’m really am just not into this. I just said, ‘I’m so sorry. I have to go away. They’re putting me in a home.'”

Brava, Sally; you took that Sybil character and brought her to life to get out of dating Johnny Carson. I like you. Right now, I really like you.

California is still suffering from a drought but don’t tell that to celebrities because they need more water than regular folks … it takes a whole lotta H2O to keep a movie star lawn green, and a movie star pool filled, and a movie star hair clean of LA smog … even if they pay a fine to get it.

California put its cities on a water diet by forcing cutbacks by as much as 35%, though the folks in 90210 only had to reduce their usage by 32%. But they failed at that so state water officials fined the city and now they are Water Shaming celebrities.

Beverly Hills officials sent warning letters to their biggest water wasters, including David Geffen, director Brett Ratner, Will & Grace co-creator Max Mutchnick and … wait for it … who knew … Amy Poehler.

For two months last summer, David Geffen’s estate used an average of 27,000 gallons of water a day — sixty times what the average LA family uses — and he was fined $30,000 for it, while Ratner and Mutchnick took the “It’s a leaky pipe” plea when they were publicly shamed.

But Amy Poehler rolls like Geffen, and her family used 170,000 gallons of water in two months, for which she was fined more than $20,000.

Look, celebrities aren’t regular people, and they shouldn’t be treated like us; if Poehler and Geffen and Ratner and Mutchnick wanna fill their homes with water and swim nekkid in it all day we should just be happy they’re being kept alive to keep us entertained … while we die of thirst.

More Madge? Well, the stories of her messiness on tour are growing, with the press and her fans complaining about shows starting late and Madonna appearing drunk and disorderly onstage, swilling tequila onstage, falling off tricycles, begging someone to f**k her.

But Madge is fighting back, saying all these stories are bulls**t because any time a fan or a newspaper criticizes her it’s sexism and misogyny:

“Thanks for supporting me. Too bad people don't know the art of acting and playing a character. I could never do any of my shows high or drunk. And yes underlying all of this is sexism and mysongony [sic] which proves that not only do we not get equal pay but we are still treated like heretics if we step out of line and think outside the box!  Sexism is alive and kicking but i am ❤#livingforlove”

Madonna can’t spell misogyny so she was either drunk when she wrote that, or just dumb. But what pisses me off is that every time anyone criticizes her, Madonna plays the Sexism and Misogyny Cards when, in fact, the criticism is because she’s self-indulgent, egotistical, and only cares about herself … not her fans.

Ageism is alive and well in Hollywood and it’s all kinds of crazy …

About a year ago, 38-year-old Maggie Gyllenhaal was told that she was “too old” to play the love interest of a 55-year-old man, and now Olivia Wilde is saying that she auditioned for, and did not get the part, of Leonardo DiCaprio’s wife in The Wolf of Wall Street because she was “too old” to be Leo’s on-screen wife.

Wilde was 28 went she auditioned to play the wife of 38-year-old Leo, so the role went to 21-year-old Margot Robbie. Wilde says she was told she was “too sophisticated” for the part, but knows that in Hollywood-speak that means “too old.”

Look, we all know Leo likes ‘em young off-screen, but, sheesh, does he have to marry high school girls on film, too?

And, since she’s all over the news with her antics, let’s end with More Madonna: she showed up two hours late for another concert last week and she blamed it on … her fans:

“You were here too early. You should have taken your time doing your hair and make-up, then I wouldn’t have been late.”

In addition, the show, which started late, ended early because local trains in Brisbane stop running at 1AM so the arena needed to be cleared out.

Thanks Madonna! Too bad she was ALLEGEDLY too drunk to ride her tricycle because maybe she could have given some fans a lift home.

I Ain't One To Gossip But ....

It looks like uber rich David Geffen is having boy drama again.

It seems that the 71-year-old Geffen’s 20-year-old ex-boyfriend — who was kicked off his college football team for making out with his wealthy daddy in the press box during a game … he initially told school officials Geffen was his grandfather but that didn’t explain the lip-lock — was arrested last October for violating the terms of a restraining order.

Jamie Kuntz is accused "of following, harassing and making a 'credible threat' against Geffen sometime between September and November, and he is now facing a felony stalking charge and a minor misdemeanor charge for allegedly disobeying a court order to stay away from his former lover.

I bet David Geffen wishes he could go back to the good old days when the only gossip about him was that he’d married Keanu Reeves.

Oh, and by the way, the only time 20 goes into 71 is when there’s a money exchange involved. Just sayin’.

Gosh, I loathe Gwyneth Paltrow. And the fact that she name-drops her own mother to her own soon-to-be-or-not husband makes me loathe her all the more.

It seems Goop was hanging out in the Hamptons with her consciously-uncoupled-towel-boy-slash-singer-slash-sometimes-husband at a spa, where said ex, AKA Chris Martin was paying for a one-hour massage.

Naturally, bored by her pedestrian husband, Gwyneth busied herself with texts and phone calls while he mopped the sweat from her forehead. But, when he asked to whom she was speaking — he’s English, that’s how they talk ... "to whom" — Goop said, and this is where I die:

“Blythe Danner“. Her.Mother.

I guess ‘Mom’ or ‘Mother’ is just too common for Paltrow. I also guess that on the other end of that phone call, Blythe Danner was mouthing the words: How did this bitch get my new number? to the help.

So many women — twenty eight at last count — have come forward with strikingly similar stories of being drugged and raped by Bill Cosby that most people believe he has a standard M.O. and is a sexual predator. So what does Cosby do? Well, he urged the “black” media to stay neutral, i.e. don’t ever mention it; he sat back while his wife sang his praises as a victim, and now this …

Cosby has hired an entire fleet of private investigators to dig up information on the women who are coming forward because, god forbid, if a woman who says Cosby drugged her and raped her and then sent her on her way, well, then she deserves to have the whole world know she has unpaid parking tickets, or didn’t clean her apartment before she moved, or drinks, or swears or had had multiple sex partners.

See, any woman who would do all that — and I mean twenty eight women who would do all that — would obviously also lie about being raped by the Jell-O pudding man.

Way to shame and blame the victims, Mr. Cosby, rather than stand up and fight. Or is that because they’re all telling the truth?

God Madge, please sit down. After several songs were leaked from her upcoming album, Madonna claimed she was the victim of a terrorist attack not unlike, I imagine, the families of those killed on 9/11’s terrorist attack, now she’s taken to comparing it to being raped.

Drama.Queen.

But, to me, what she’s most upset about is that, after the songs were leaked, she and her team decided to release six tracks for that upcoming album and every single one of them has bombed … not unlike a terrorist attack. The songs barely made an impact; in fact, there was a “nosedive” in sales after the first week, which saw her in lucky number 13. Now her single with Nicki Minaj, “Unapologetic Bitch” is down to #188, while “Living for Love” is #529.

In addition to all of that, one of the songs — “Two Steps Behind” — is allegedly about Lady Gaga whose own albums are still out-selling Madge’s Rebel Heart.

Poor Madge, being out-sold by her rival and Taylor Swift, a girl young enough to be her, well, almost granddaughter.

Back in September, Jeremy Renner is divorcing his wife of ten months — and mother of his daughter — Sonni Pacheco.

Didn’t know he was married? Probably because he kept it a secret until last September. But now it’s about to get ugly up in there, with all kinds of speculation that Jeremy married Sonni to help her stay in America, or that she was just the surrogate baby mama to Jeremy and his business partner boyfriend.

Sonni Pacheco is seeking the split over irreconcilable differences and … get this … she says he stole her passport, birth certificate and Social Security card. Pacheco says they have a prenup, but adds that it should be torn up because it was based on fraud.

No further detail about what she means by “fraud” but the last time I heard “fraud” used in a divorce proceeding was when Zellweger was seeking an annulment of her four month-long marriage to the long-rumored-to-be-gay, Kenny Chesney. Just sayin’.

Lindsay Lohan has been infected with the Chikungunya virus while on vacation in French Polynesia — give her a break, she worked steadily for about eight weeks this year so she deserves a little time off — but says she will not let it ruin her vacation.

In unrelated news ... giggle ... every single pharmacy in French Polynesia is completely out of pain meds.

Coinky-dink? I think not.

I love Christina Aguilera but, gurl, she’s a diva who can make Mimi look positively sweet.

A couple of weeks ago Christina went to Disneyland in Anaheim to celebrate her birthday with friends and family and she went off on The Mouse.

She was ALLEGEDLY quite rude to fans that approached her asking for a photo but then the tables turned when she couldn’t get a photo with Mickey Mouse. It seems the person behind the Mouse ears was leaving the area for his break when she asked for a picture and was told she would have to wait until he came back; she went all Reese-Witherspoon-Without-The-Vodka on him, asking Don’t you know who I am??

And then she called Mickey Mouse, the symbol of the happiest place on Earth, an asshole. Mickey had to be ushered to a safe zone before he went all Gangsta Rodent on the pop tart.

Okay, so we all know Justin Bieber wouldn’t know the truth if it egged his house, right?

I mean, he once said he’d bought a yacht when all he was really doing was hanging out on some rich family’s boat; he once took a photo of a Bugatti and said it was his car when, in fact, it actually belonged to Birdman.

Now, he says he bought himself a new plane for Christmas, and proudly Social-Media’d — Yes, it’s a verb — pictures all over; he captioned the picture: “New jet for Christmas, and she’s beautiful.”

Trouble is that the G4 on which he posed is for sale, but Bieber never bought it. It was just another lie, like the lie that he’s got talent for anything more than being a douche.