Random Musings

As is our habit, we decorate the house for Christmas the weekend after Thanksgiving, and, as is my habit, I become a combination of Martha Stewart, Joan Crawford and Adolph Hitler in my zeal to make the house look just so ... which may explain why Carlos disappeared during the tree trimming and only returned as the last ornament was hung.

Now, lest you think it’s all Poor Carlos, listen up … listen up … We were decorating the outside, hanging lights and stringing garland on the front porch. We have these two large bows we put on the porch pillars, but since they spend so much of the year folded up inside a box, it takes a minute to flatten them back out, and then puff them up so they look like bows.

After doing the first one, I took the second one out of the box and said to Carlos:

“I’m gonna take this bow into the house so I can straighten it out and get it ready to hang on the pillar with the other one.”

Carlos looked at me and said:

“You only have one bow up there.”

Uh huh. It’s not just me.

PS This is me decorating for Christmas. Just sayin'.

Texas Congressman, and Republican … because, of course … Joe Barton apologized last week for sending a nude selfie that ended up all over social medial he claimed the person who leaked it was a woman with whom he had a consensual relationship:

“While separated from my second wife, prior to the divorce, I had sexual relationships with other mature adult women. Each was consensual. Those relationships have ended. I am sorry I did not use better judgment during those days. I am sorry that I let my constituents down."

The photo is that one down there, with the ugly little bits crossed out, of Barton pointing his camera up toward his face from below his genitals alongside a text reading:

“I want you soo bad. Right now. Deep and hard.”

Seriously. This is what a grown ass man does? But then he’s a family values Republican separated from his second wife who admits to have had consensual sexual relationships with other women while awaiting his divorce.

Hypocrites. The lot of them.

Well, well, well … Dictionary.com has announced their Word of the Year and we can thank Ivanka ‘Grifter’ _____ for it.

See, Ivanka’s choice to remain involved in her father’s presidency and act like his littler lap dog helped make “complicit” the Word of the Year!

Cuz, you know, she’s complicit.

A painting of Christ by the Renaissance master Leonardo da Vinci sold for a record $450 million last week. The painting, called "Salvator Mundi," Italian for "Savior of the World," is one of fewer than 20 paintings by Leonardo known to exist and the only one in private hands.

But still … $450 million? That money could not have been used for something better?

Oh the problems of the 1%. Or the 1% of the 1%.

Okay, this whole CGI [computer generated imagery] business in filmmaking has gone too far and I will not stand for it.

Apparently the shorts that Armie Hammer’s character wears in the new film Call Me By Your Name were so short that some of his, um, er, anatomy kinda spilled out of the bottom of them and director Luca Guadagnino had to digitally remove Hammer’s balls from certain parts of the film.

Really? On the upside, rumor has it that if you look hard enough, you might be able to find them elsewhere.

This is a true story but mostly it’s just a blatant attempt by me to post another photo of yet another Husband In My Head, Armie Hammer.

Well, the half-wit-half-term former governor of Alaska, Mama Grizzly Bore™ was in DC recently and many in the media wanted her take on all these new cases of sexual harassment and assault; this is what she had to say:

“You know, I think a whole lot of people know that, I’m probably packing. So I don’t think there’s a whole lot of people who would necessarily mess with me.”

Yeah, that’s not why, you gasbag.

One of my favorite things about the internet is all the crazy that pops up … as in this story that came about this week when My Husband In My Head, Prince Harry announced his engagement to American Meghan Markle.

According to Twitchy editor Greg Pollowitz, Harry and Meghan’s children may be American citizens, giving them the chance to rule not only one country, but two. And it’s a way for England to Make America English Again.

To Pollowitz and his special brand of crazy, I say, “Sod off, you wanker.”

Eric ‘The Dumb One[?]’ _____, AKA on the interwebz as Forest _____ coming down on the side of stupid in the aftermath of his father’s use of the word Pocahontas to describe Elizabeth Warren at that White House event celebrating Navajo code talkers.

Forest, er, Eric, Tweeted:

“The irony of an ABC reporter (whose parent company Disney has profited nearly half a billion dollars on the movie “Pocahontas”) inferring that the name is “offensive” is truly staggering to me.”

What I find ironic is the Eric doesn’t seem to realize that the Disney film Pocahontas was called that because it was about Pocahontas, and it was used as a slur against anyone.

.Seriously, he’s that dumb.

After that, I need a palate cleanser of hot men …

Brandon Quinn, top left, plays the love interest of Kevin’s sister on Kevin [Probably] Saves The World. Why he couldn’t have been Kevin’s love interest annoys me.

Daniel Francis, top right, is a British actor who plays Dr. Facilier on Once Upon A Time, a show noted for hot men in leather pants.

Alexander Skarsgård, bottom left, plays my BFF Nickie Kidman’s husband on the HBO show Big Little Lies. He’s not a nice man, rather abusive, in fact, but damn … he’s fine.

And then we have Tom Riley, bottom right, who plays Charlie the cancer patient on the BBC show Ill Behaviour, now airing on Showtime.

I feel better, and a little tingly, now.

Random Musings

Carlos teaches a class after work on Thursdays, so I usually get home from work myself, make a little dinner, peruse the interwebz, and then go pick him up around 8PM.

Last Thursday was no different except ... as I got into my car, I did my usual routine, I clicked the garage door opener, I turned on the car, I fastened my seatbelt and turned on some tunes; and then I did something different; I got my cell phone from the center console to call Carlos and tell him I was on my way.

Then I back out ... and the automatic garage door opener either decided to only open the door part of the way or it decided to open the door all of the way and then lower it as I was backing out.

Crash.Shatter. Luckily, it was just the rear window and no damage to the car or the door. And luckily we have very good insurance which covered the replacement window for no charge, and it was replaced at home while we were at work on Tuesday.

And an upside? Well, apparently there’s a glitch in the Saturn VUE wherein the cargo door will not open using the keyless device. And, get this, there is no way to open the cargo door without the keyless device. There is no hatch button inside the car; there is no button on the inside of the cargo door; and there is no lock in the door in which to insert a key. We have researched how to fix this issue and it’s quite complicated except ...

For some reason when the window in the cargo door was replaced now the door opens again with the keyless device.

At least for now ... so I’m still calling it a win-win.

In New Hampshire, it’s perfectly legal for a man to marry a 13-year-old girl and now, thanks to the state’s GOP for voting down a bill to raise the marriage age, it’ll stay that way.

The current legal marriage age allows 13-year-old girls and 14-year-old boys to marry as long as they have consent from their parents and a judge signs off on it but still, why would lawmakers wish to keep that on the books?

They want to help soldiers. What the what?

The GOP argued that the age increase would block young soldiers from getting married and providing military benefits to their partners or children. Others said the change could lead to more single-parent households.

Hey GOP? If you wanna help soldiers, howsabout helping them not to go to war, or, failing that, helping them when they come back home, wounded and battle scarred, to assimilate back into public life? Howsabout fixing the VA?

Asshats; the lot of them.

You just can’t make-out anywhere these days.

Timothy and Noah were “passionately making out” near an apartment complex dumpster when they were interrupted by the complex’s assistant manager. So, the two men, startled out of their ardor, punched her in the head before she could escape to her car. One of the men banged on the windows and threatened to kill her.

The two men were arrested, of course, and told police officers they were high on pot and mushrooms.

Poor Timothy and Noah Batz ... same last name? A married couple?

Nope, they’re brothers. And now I need a Silkwood scrubdown.

Last Friday it was a glorious 85 degrees in Smallville. The azaleas were blooming, the trees were leafing out, the daffodils were pushing up from the earth.

Sunday it was 25 and it snowed. Not a lot, i know, but still ...

Good thing there’s no such thing as Climate Change, eh, GOP?

Newly out and proud It Boy, Colton Haynes is now newly out and proud engaged to be married, to his boyfriend, florist to the stars, Jeff Leatham.

Leatham popped the question while the two men were in Los Cabos, Mexico, and had a little help from ... Cher! Leatham began the romantic moment with a video from Cher singing their favorite song after she said to the happy couple:

“So, I got you babe! Alright, this is for you, you know what it is, you know what you’re supposed to do now and this is gonna be the best thing ever and you have to call me to tell me how it worked out, alright!”

That video was followed by video messages from their family members and close friends, and after Colton said “Yes!” there were fireworks set to Bruno Mars’ ‘Marry You’ as the couple danced.

This was my proposal: Carlos looked at me and said, “We oughta get married, you wanna?” And I said, “I guess so, what’s on TV?"

Or something like that.  I kid, but congratulations to the happy couple!

So, suddenly he’s everywhere and I don’t know who he is ... Jai Courtney, top. He’s an Aussie actor best known for action films, sci-fi and looking like a brick sh*thouse. I’m intrigued.

I’m also intrigued by Trevante Rhodes, bottom, one of the stars of Moonlight and a star of a new Calvin Klein underwear ad.

I’m just plain intrigued ... and a little hot’n’bothered.

Take note of the above map ... if your state has a red X in it, then there will be major local, state or federal elections this year, and this is where the Resistance comes together.

You know what to do ... send _____ a message that his election was a mistake and We The People are no longer playing.

Check out vote411.org and vote, dammit.

The other morning, Minister of Propaganda Kellyanne Conway was on GMA and was asked this question:

“Do you believe Obama wiretapped _____ Tower?”

And she responded like this:

“There are all kinds of ways to surveil people.”

I shrieked—it was early in the morning so, yeah, I shrieked—at the TV:

“ANSWER THE QUESTION!!!!!”

Later on that morning, I asked Carlos:

“Do you want to ...”

blibbety-blah-blay-blue I have forgotten what I asked him, but I remember his reply:

“We could.”

I said:

“What kind of answer is that to a Yes or No question?”

“I’m just saying, we could ...”

I realized I’m married to a Kellyanne Clone.

I’m having her deprogrammed as we speak.

So, that movie theater in Alabama that won’t show Beauty and the Beast because of The Gay is not alone; now the entire country of Malaysia, through their film censorship board, announced that they would like Disney to cut the “gay” scene because in Malaysia scenes promoting homosexuality are forbidden.

Disney said, “No.”

Good on the Mouse.

Joe Barton, a Republican ... because of course ... from Texas ... because of course ... was holding a Town Hall in his district recently when one of his constituents asked if Barton would work with Rep. Jackie Speier, a Democrat, to sponsor legislation combating violence against women; Barton is a Republican who voted against the Violence Against Women Act. The constituent said:

“Given your voting record opposing legislation protecting women from violence, will you make a commitment to us today, make a promise that you will reach out to Congresswoman Jackie Speier and work with her to see this bill successfully through Congress?”

Barton said he voted ‘No’ because he believes violence against women is a “state issue, not a federal issue” and that was met with a chorus of boos.

A man in the crowd stood up and shouted:

“Violence against women, that’s a national issue! That’s an issue that impacts everyone everywhere, not only in this country, but everywhere!”

And Barton, pointing his finger at that man, yelled:

“You, sir, shut up.”

That did not make his audience happy:

“You don’t tell anybody to shut up! You work for us!”

Not for much longer, I hope.

BP Republicans

When the oil spill began in the Gulf, many people, including President Obama, wanted to hold BP accountable.

These Republicans quickly leapt to the defense.....of BP.

Ladies and Gentle-Ladies, your The BP Republicans:

Congressman Joe Barton, the top Republican-BP on the committee overseeing the oil spill and its aftermath, delivered a personal apology to BP, saying the $20 billion fund that President Obama directed BP to establish to provide relief to the victims of the oil disaster was a "tragedy in the first proportion."

As criticism mounted in the wake of Joe Barton's apology to BP, R-BP Representative Steve King came to his defense. "I think Joe Barton was spot-on," King said on the conservative Laura Ingraham radio show.

Kentucky's R-BP Senate candidate Rand Paul leaped to the defense of BP, calling President Obama's efforts to hold the British company accountable for the Gulf Coast oil spill "un-American."

On a conservative radio show, Sharron Angle — the GOP-R-BP nominee for Senate in Nevada — called the Gulf oil spill victims' relief program a "slush fund." When a caller suggested the BP payout was extortion, she agreed, saying, "Government shouldn't be doing that to a private company." Her solution to the energy crisis is to "deregulate" the oil industry.

Representative Michele Bachmann [R-BP Minnesota] defended BP, criticizing the Gulf Coast oil spill fund — designed to aid spill victims — as a "redistribution of wealth."

Sunday Funnies