I Ain'tOne To Gossip But ...

Rumor has it that Kim Kardastrophe is a billionaire, but money can’t buy you brains.

Kimmy, who has been studying to be a lawyer for some time now, has failed her baby bar exam in California and now her dreams of being a real-life lawyer might go up in flames … like her marriages.

Kim made it official on a preview of Keeping Up with the Kardastrophes, where she fessed up to flunking, but rumor has it that she failed the test months ago and saved the shame to air it on national TV.

Perhaps a little less time living your life for TV and more time actually studying, and you might pass next time.

Oh, who am I kidding …

photo

Another demon spawn who lives her life for social media is Kelly Osbourne—before on the left and after on the right—who took to Instagram to clap back at online haters who say she’s had plastic surgery:

“I just want to bring up a topic that you guys are all talking about, because I’m always really honest and really upfront about what I’ve done to my body, and who I am, and I have not had plastic surgery.”

Kelly, who did lose 85-pounds last year, insists  she has “never done anything to [her] face other than a couple of injections in [her] lips, in [her] jaw and in [her] forehead.”

So, every but plastic surgery.

photo

I guess when you really have nothing to do, you dredge up gossip about dead people? Amirite Quincy Jones?

In the first installment of The Hollywood Reporter’s Icon series of interviews, 88-year-old Jones says he refused to work with Elvis Presley because Elvis was “a racist mother…” and that he wouldn’t work with him:

“ I was writing for [orchestra leader] Tommy Dorsey, oh God, back then in the ’50s. And Elvis came in, and Tommy said, ‘I don’t want to play with him.’ He was a racist mother—I’m going to shut up now. But every time I saw Elvis, he was being coached by [“Don’t Be Cruel” songwriter] Otis Blackwell, telling him how to sing. “

Otis Blackwell told David Letterman in 1987 that he and Presley had never met. But that’s not the issue; Quincy Jones never explains why he thought Elvis was racist, just says it’s so. Now, yes, Elvis has left the building and so he cannot respond, but if you’re gonna call someone a racist you better have the tea to back it up.

Or else just sit there and be quiet.

photo

Is there anyone, anyone, on the planet thirstier than Jennifer Lopez?

Nope. I mean, we all know she and A-Rod broke up in January, got back together in February, split up in March, and now we find out she was with Ben Affleck in April … on the down low. Oh, not to look like she wasn't man-jumping, but because Bennifer 2.OMFG wanted to announce their reunification on Instagram before anyone knew about it because, you know, publicity.

But that plan fell apart when, just a couple of weeks after JLo called it quits with A-Rod, B-Fleck was spotted arriving at her LA home in her white Escalade where he stayed, behind closed doors, for more than a week because JLo ALLEGEDLY wanted to make the announcement that their once true love was true again on social media. But Ben ruined that by being seen behind the wheel of her car going to her house.

So plans were changed, and Bennifer 2.Oh-no-they-bettah-don’t was seen riding in a car at his place in Montana, then he was spotted on her balcony in Miami, and then, to top all that off, Ben began wearing the watch she gave him back when they were both relevant, and then packed away when they became irrelevant. Clearly, though, we are moments away from Bennifer 2.Oh-what-are-they-thinking PDA, because that’s how JLo rolls, and drags her men along with her.

True facts, though … no one knows how serious JLo and Ben are about each other, due to the fact that, as one source puts it, they’re two people who can’t ever be alone.

Sadly, the thirst is real.

photo

Miles Teller—whom I loathe even though I cannot think of one thing I’ve seen him and still I find him a smug prick—and his wife Keleigh Sperry went on a couple’s vacation to Hawaii with Aaron Rodgers and Shailene Woodley. And apparently Miles was punched in the face for stiffing a wedding planner of $60,000.

First things first, it wasn’t me …I wasn’t in Hawaii recently. But Miles and Keleigh are now giving their side of the story, and they are saying the attack wasn’t at all about being cheap self-entitled pricks, but that it was just a random beat up the smug prick in the bathroom kinda thing.

You see, Mr. and Mrs. Smug Prick were having dinner at Monkeypod Kitchen in Maui when Miles went to the bathroom and while in there, he was confronted by a dude who was mad at him for skipping out on that huge wedding planner bill and so the guy punched Miles in the face. Police were called and Miles, who wasn’t injured badly, vowed to press charges, but … afterwards, Keleigh told an Instagram Story to set the record straight and to defend herself and Mr. Smug Prick against the accusations that they’re entitled pricks who don’t pay their bills by claiming that Miles was not attacked over money and that two strangers jumped him in the bathroom and it’s happened before:

“The story reported about Miles being punched in the face by @TMZ over ‘MONEY’ is completely false. Miles was jumped by 2 men we have never met after they trapped him in a bathroom. It seems these same men have done this to many people and we appreciate your support Maui.  This is now a criminal investigation.”

But … gosh, this is as many buts as there are in a Keeping Up with the Kardastrophes episode … TMZ has updated their story and according to them, this was not a case of a random punching of a smug prick in a men’s room, because, ALLEGEDLY, one of Miles’ attackers is married to the woman who helped plan Miles and Keleigh’s Maui wedding in 2019 and was stiffed out of $60,000. And Tre Lovell, the lawyer for the wedding planner and her husband, told TMZ that the bathroom fight was over money:

“It is my understanding that the altercation was a dispute over money pertaining to the couple’s wedding. We are currently evaluating my clients’ legal claims that may exist surrounding the incident, statements made about the incident and the parties previous business dealings.”

Hopefully, Miles and the wedding planner’s husband will keep the fighting all the way to Judge Judy because she loves to smack down self-entitled smug pricks who don’t pay their bills; and she does it on TV and not the bathroom.

photo

It's Snarkurday!

So, Iggy Azalea. I don’t know her. And I don’t know who, or what, Halsey is, either, but apparently Halsey, who is bi-racial, and has blue hair apparently, fired some shady shots at Iggy, calling her a “moron” with a “complete disregard for black culture.” 

M’kay. And so then, Iggy talked about Halsey while on an Australia radio show, saying she was surprised Halsey came for her and said she wouldn’t have done the same because she doesn’t come for people she doesn’t know:

“Yeah, it’s a bit weird to bring someone up in an interview that you weren’t asked about. It’s kind of like if we were talking right now and then I just like, randomly started talking about Janet Jackson ... For me, because I’m a famous person obviously and I know a lot of the time people have opinions and they’re not always accurate, so I really try very hard not to give my personal opinions about people that I don’t know. I don’t know her.”

Mariah Carey’s lawyers are thinking of filing a copyright infringement lawsuit against Iggy because “I don’t know her” is a Mimi Trademark.

[photo]

Speaking of Mimi, after her cameo in The House was scrubbed because of her diva antics, she flew into Tel Aviv to promote her partnership with skincare line, Premier Dead Sea Cosmetics.

Mimi wanted to talk beauty and Mimi, her two favorite topics, but the press wanted to discuss James Packer, her billionaire ex, and his possible involvement in a corruption scandal.

See, Packer is friends with Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, who is under investigation for ALLEGEDLY accepting illegal gifts from rich businesspeople ... like James Packer who ALLEGEDLY wanted to buy himself some Israeli citizenship for tax reasons. Packer ALLEGEDLY gifted members of the Netanyahu family with vacations and use of his private jet, and even gave free tickets to see Mimi perform in Israel in 2015—I kid, perform? I mean totter around on hooker heels and lip sync.

So, when Mimi met with reporters to push Premier Dead Sea Cosmetics she was asked about Packer and acted as though she had no idea who he was before muttering something about staying out of politics. And when the reporter brought up the free concert tickets, Mimi tried to joke her way out of it before awkwardly saying she feels bad if that happened. Then came a question about a dinner Mimi and Packer had with the Netanyahus, and if she remembered any “gift giving.”

Mimi said all she remembered was the food. Go figure. Mimi and food, til death do they part.

[photo]

Real Housewife of New York, and Pinot Grigio slurper, Ramona Singer had a “meltdown” in the Hamptons recently when she confronted publicist Anna Rothschild and accused her of tattling about Singer and her ex-husband Mario Singer’s 2014 affair with Kasey Dexter.

While witnesses said Ramona—who divorced Mario last year—“had a meltdown” and “screamed” at Rothschild, saying she was “evil, horrible . . . you broke up my family,” Rothschild calmly replied:

“Your husband was the one who left you and broke up your family.”

Afterwards, i.e. after sobering up, Singer tried to downplay the incident by saying she “merely expressed to her that I felt it was a low blow to ... [release] private information on my then-marriage and family.”

A Singer alcohol-induced meltdown and no Bravo cameras around to capture it? Then maybe it didn’t really happen.

[photo]

Lord help us all, but ... Lindsay Lohan is trying to be the new GOOP.

Last week Lohan announced on Instagram and Twitter that she had launched a subscription-based lifestyle site called, wait for it, Lindsay Lohan.

I would’a gone with LOOPY.

But, for just $2.99 a month, you can have access to Lindsay’s life, beauty secrets and lifestyle tips ... like how to apply make-up for a mugshot, how many lawyers to have on speed dial after a bar brawl, how to wangle a better color than orange for a jumpsuit.

I think, though, for $3.99, you might get Lindsay After Dark and already several Russian businessmen are plunking down rubles that for that one,

Just sayin’.

[photo]

Media whore Kelly Osbourne marched in NYC’s Pride Parade last week because, media whore, but the big story was that, while marching, Kelly really had to go and so she ducked into a Starbucks to use the bathroom and says the baristas gave her the “The toilet is for customers only” spiel and so Kelly Osbourne pissed herself.

Seriously? Why didn’t she just buy something then? Oh yeah, media whore; if she’d bought something she wouldn’t have peed in her shoes and then traipsed all over social media to complain about how hard her life is, without ever thinking that the Starbucks bathroom is for customers and not the tens of thousands of people marching down NYC’s already urine-soaked streets.

But Starbucks Corporate told their side of the story and essentially pissed on Kelly Osbourne again by saying that particular Starbucks has no bathroom and that customers are “typically directed to a store a few blocks away.”

I guess Kelly just couldn’t make it or else, yeah, media whore.

[photo]

The finale of HBO’s Silicon Valley aired this week and marked the final appearance of  T.J. Miller.

Last month it was announced that Miller and producers had “mutually agreed” this season would be his last, but then T.J. started talking and talking and ... maybe it wasn’t so mutual?

Miller says he never spoke to executive producer Alec Berg about his decision to leave because “I don’t like Alec,” and, “I don’t know how smart [Alec] is. He went to Harvard, and we all know those kids are fucking idiots. That Crimson trash.”

Burning bridges. That’ll play well in Hollywood.

Congrats T.J. you’ve officially become the new Sean Young or Katherine Heigl. Good luck squeezing into that cat-suit or hawking kitty litter

Google “Sean Young Catwoman” and “Katherine Heigl Kitty Litter” if you wanna know.

[photo]

Kendall Jenner and Kylie Jenner are their mother’s daughters because they’ll do anything for attention ... like literally stealing images of famous African-American rap artists and putting their own Jenner-branded stink on them.

Seriously; the Kendall + Kylie clothing line has a bunch of vintage-style t-shirts for “bands” and rap artists, like Biggie and Tupac, and then they stamped their own faces on the shirts too, because when you think Biggie or Tupac you also think untalented hacks who’ve become famous because their older sister fucked on camera and their mother sold that video.

But, as soon as the t-shirts went on sale online, everyone was outraged and suddenly the t-shirts were pulled from the online store, and so Kendall took to Twitter to apologize and actually uttered the line:

“These designs were not well thought out.” 

Ya think? Because nothing Jenner or Kardastrophe is ever fully thought out, except for how it might keep their names in the press.

That Woman must be sqeeeeeeeing all over herself.

[photo 1, photo 2]

Something new has been revealed in the filing of Johnny Depp’s lawsuit against his former managers, The Management Group [TMG].

TMG filed an extensive chronology of their communications with Depp to prove they had informed him of his extensive money issues for years and to prove he has a history of lying publicly and a history of paying people off to lie for him.

The lie in question is that Johnny Depp had full knowledge that his two dogs, Boo and Pistol, were being smuggled into Australia in 2015.

Depp, working on Pirates of the Caribbean 5 at the time, claimed Amber and some staffers “accidentally” smuggled in the dogs, which is against Aussie laws. Heard ended up pleading guilty to a minor charge and paid a fine.

But now TMG says Depp was “fully aware that he was illegally bringing his dogs to Australia, and when confronted [he] heavily pressured one of his long-term employees to ‘take the fall.’”

And so there’s a slight chance Johnny Depp could face perjury charges; Australian Deputy Prime Minister Barnaby Joyce:

“If the allegation is correct, there’s a word for that—it is called perjury. We’re an island continent and we take biosecurity very seriously and it doesn’t matter if you think that you’re Mr. Who’s Who of Hollywood, you’re going to obey our laws.”

Now, it’s probably just huffing and puffing by Joyce, but it’d be kinda sweet to see Depp up on perjury charges since he ALLEGEDLY had his then wife, and then employee, take the fall for the Dog Smuggling.

[photo]

Again, someone I do not know: Hannibal Buress.

But he’s apparently in the new Spider-Man: Homecoming and recently walked the red carpet at the LA premiere ... or did he?

For whatever reason, the real Hannibal Buress didn’t want to go to the premiere, so he ALLEGEDLY put out an open call on Twitter—which has since been deleted—asking for a look-a-like with “solid comedic timing” to go in his place. He asked all interested candidates to provide pictures, and if chosen, they would receive $500 compensation. And then he chose LA actor and screenwriter Joe Carroll.

Buress best be careful lest Joe Carroll make a better Buress impression and instead of producers asking for Buress, they’ll start asking for a Buress look-a-like.

[photo]

I Didn't Say It ...

Henry Rollins, on [t]Rump 2016:

"In a nation of hundreds of millions of people, there is one man born to lead. A man who stands head and shoulders above the rest. A lone alpha who burns incandescent in a vast wasteland of darkness. When asked to serve in Vietnam, he said no and took a deferment. He took a few of them, actually, because he is his own man. He got married. The merger didn’t work. She was fired. So was the next one. It’s business, not personal — like America! He has overcome adversity. Like bankruptcy. And with an almost Michelangelo-like genius, he conquered the K2 challenge of his hair. He is what America needs. A man with so much self-confidence that, if you put him in the Oval Office, some of it will no doubt trickle down to you. Who is this man who will put all other world leaders in their place? The same man who just read a cellphone number, allegedly Lindsey Graham’s private line, out loud so the world could hear. (Hey, I laughed.) This man is America. So bend over, relax and hold onto something solid, because here he comes — here comes Donald Trump 2016. And when he puts it in, you’ll know who your daddy is."

Rollins rules!

[photo source]

Clay Aiken, on Donald Trump: 

“I kind of hope he decides to stick with it and maybe give people another option outside of the Republicans and Democrats.”

And that option is The Blowhards With Money Party?

We already have that, Clay, and it’s called the GOP.

[photo source]

Barbara Boxer, US Democratic Senator, on how she is bothered by men, like fellow Senator James Lankford lecturing women about reproductive health:

“I just don’t like lectures by men about what it’s like. I’m pro-choice and I just have to say, using pregnancy as a political football doesn’t sit well with the people I represent and the people of this country. We have to respect one another. I respect your view entirely. I’m asking you to respect mine. Keep Uncle Sam out of my private life and my children’s and my grandkids’ and your’s. Families will make these decisions with their God, with their doctor.”

Sounds pretty clear, right? Keep the government out of women’s vaginas.

[photo source]

James Lankford, US Republican Senator, in response:

“I’m a dad of two daughters. I had something to do with the birth as well, and was also there. I was there during the sonograms.”

Wait, let’s make one thing queer, James. After you shot the wad, it was all on your wife; she carried the children; she birthed the children; she breastfed the children.

You helped; you helped, you didn't birth. Deal with it, and stay out of women’s issues and quit trying to make abortion a man’s issue.

It isn’t.

[photo source]

Kelly Osbourne, on Donald [t]Rump’s anti-immigrant lunacy:

“And if you kick every Latino out of this country, then who is going to be cleaning your toilets, Donald Trump?” 

Look, I know what she meant, but she went about it all wrong.

She was certainly not implying that the only job for which Latinos are needed is to clean toilets; she meant that, possibly, a great many maids in those [t]Rump hotels are Latina and so maybe [t]Rump should think twice … twice? I mean once … before bashing Hispanics.

[photo source]

Jeb Bush, on defunding Planned Parenthood due to the GOP lie that the organization is selling aborted fetuses:

"I’m not sure we need half a billion dollars in funding for women’s health programs. If you took dollar for dollar, there are many extraordinarily fine organizations, community health organizations that exist, federally sponsored community health organizations to provide quality care for women on a wide variety of health issues. But abortion should not be funded by the government, any government in my mind."

First thing, Jeb; abortion is not funded by the government by law so quit lying and pandering. Secondly, we need trillions and trillions of dollars in defense money but $500 million in women’s health issues—like cancer screenings and treatment—is too much?

Siddown.

[photo source]

It's Snarkurday!

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned … or, in this case, like Nick Cannon not getting a $30 million dollar pay-out from Mariah Carey when the two divorced.

Yup, since Mimi said No-No to Nick’s request to pay him off for the rest of his life, he’s planning to write a tell-all book about her ALLEGED drug use, her strange eating habits, psychosis, what she has said about other artists, her sexual proclivities and her parenting skills. In fact, he’s going to suggest he get full custody of the twins, AKA Paycheck and Residuals, because he ALLEGES that Mariah has admitted she never wanted children.

It’s a lovely example of good parenting on Nick’s part, selling his ex-wife’s secrets to make a payday and grab the kids so he can use them to score more coins.
Chris Brown is trying to win back the heart of his ex-girlfriend; no, not the one he beat-up, the other one: Karrueche Tran.

Of course, this all comes after he accused her of banging Drake all over Instagram, because nothing says love like calling your girl a whore on social media. And this comes on the heels of the news that, while dating Karrueche, Brownie banged some one-off and got her pregnant.

Yeah, he’s a keeper, but, well, what else has Karrueche got going for herself?

I see a reconciliation …

Taylor Swift and Calvin Harris are officially dating now — and apparently coordinating their outfits, too — so cue Swifty’s next album of breakup songs in 5 … 4… 3… 2… 1…

Right after Katie Holmes tied together a few sets of 700-count Egyptian Cotton sheets, climbed out a window, outran the dogs, scaled a fence, grabbed a Greyhound and hightailed it to New York City to divorce Tom Cruise, we’ve been subjected to stories of Tommy Grrrl’s devastation at not having his daughter Suri around for photo ops and such.

He made such a stink at first, that we were treated with daily photos of him carting around his daughter like Paris Hilton carts around a Capuchin monkey and then … nothing. In fact, the last Tom-and-Suri photo op was in London back in 2012, though he was busy filming some Tom Cruise-tacular.

Now, rumor has it that it’s been well over a year since daddy’s seen his daughter. He claims it’s because he was shooting Mission Impossible 37 for months and had no time off to see her, but apparently he just had two weeks off and, well, no Suri, though he did take time to take his son to a basketball game and have his picture taken.

Tom’s rep says he has seen his daughter plenty, but on the down low … tee hee, see what I did there … ALLEGEDLY … to shield her from cameras, but Katie sources say that’s not true.

Maybe he just never had the chance to force Katie to sign the ‘I Own My Children’ proviso in the pre-nup? ALLEGEDLY.

First Nick Cannon and now this?

Major player publicist Cindi Berger has parted ways with Mariah Carey after more than 15 years together, and when reached for comment, Berger said:

“I have enormous respect for Mariah. She is one of the great talents and voices of our time, and I wish her nothing but the best in her future endeavors. I care very deeply for her personally, but I felt that professionally it was time for us to move on.”

Professionally? Seriously, all you have to publicize about Mariah is how tight her dresses are, how big her boobs look, and how many pieces of chicken she had for dinner.

Easy peasy.

Cat fight!

Apparently Kelly Osbourne and Giuliana Rancic are feuding  about Rancic’s “weed and patchouli oil” comments about Zendaya’s hair on that show that used to be … and then should have died with Joan … but was resuscitated for Kathy Griffin before she bailed after seven weeks.

It all began when Rancic appeared on The Today Show and blamed her comments on editing:

“I think it’s time to just tell the truth. I thought the joke was not edited in the proper way. That’s just something I have to live with. It’s very important for me to get out there and tell the real story.”

But then Kelly Tweeted — because Tweeting is how anyone answers anything these days:

“Liars ALWAYS get caught!”

A source — possibly Kathy Griffin in search of a new gig — says there is a feud and the Tweet is aimed at Rancic:

“Kelly cannot understand why Giuliana keeps talking about editing when there was a whole audience and crew who heard and saw otherwise!”

And Rancic seems to confirm the feud, too, and adds that there might be bitterness with Kathy as well:

“I haven’t [been in touch] with them at all. I can’t speak for them, what they meant by those comments. Nothing good can come from trying to speak to them.”

Ouch! Maybe it’s gang warfare, with the Griff’s and the Ozzy’s fighting the Ghoulianas?

If you’re visiting Lake Como in Italy and hoping to spot George Clooney at his villa, it might cost you.

The town of Laglio, where Clooney bought an 18th-century mansion with private dock years ago has hiked fines for those who create “problems of public order” by gathering to gawk on the main road behind the villa or approach by boat closer than 100 meters offshore.

Mayor Roberto Pozzi signed ordinances introducing fines as stiff as $550 — five times higher than before — to discourage land-based and boating gawkers. The fines are only in effect during the Spring and Summer when Clooney is in residence.

I like Clooney, but I wouldn’t pay five large to see him.

Timothy Olyphant, on the other hand? Priceless.

I Ain't One To Gossip But ....

Those Kardastrophes ruin it for everyone. No, not Kim Kardastrophe or even Kanye Kardastrophe, I’m talking NorthSouthEastWest Kardastrophe ruining Fashion Week for babies! See, during this years’ New York Fashion Week, little North threw not one but two front-row hissy fits. Kim was so embarrassed; she took North backstage and left her there while she returned to her seat. What a wonderful mother!

Now, it’s not her fault; she has a lunatic for a father and a famewhore for a mother who thinks that the front-row at a fashion show is the best place for a toddler.

Well, now Nuclear Wintour has put her foot down and officially banned all children from runway shows by telling designers not to allow toddlers on the front row at any fashion show that she attends.

Now if only Anna would ban spoiled brats and porn stars, we’d never see Kim or Kanye at Fashion Week again!

This makes me laugh … the thief who stole Lupita Nyong’o‘s $150,000 pearl Oscar dress has apparently left it on a bathroom floor after he attempted to have it appraised and learned the pearls weren’t real. And then he actually called TMZ to say he took two of the pearls down to the Garment District in LA and learned they were fake so he returned the dress to the hotel.

To top it off, the people at Calvin Klein never said if the pearls were real or fake, and the only person who represented the orbs as real and valued the dress at $150K was Lupita’s stylist.

Francesco Costa, Women’s Creative Director of Calvin Klein, said this:

“Did anyone ever say they were real from Calvin Klein? I always assumed everyone knew they were fake, but I guess not. The source awesomely adds, “Do they really make dresses out of real jewels since Cleopatra died?”

The thief was apparently all bent out of shape and said he called TMZ just to “expose Hollywood’s fake bullshit” but he just comes off looking like a moron thinking he was, what, going to pawn a $150,000 peal dress and not get nabbed.

Stupid is a stupid does.

Wow. Her dressing room hasn’t even been fumigated yet and already people are coming for Kelly Osborne’s Fashion Police gig.

The two front-runners, and I mean they’re a couple of heifers racing down a chute into the rodeo ring, are Khloe Kardastrophe and NeNe Leakes. Ryan Seacrest, who practically runs E! is said to be Team Khloe while UsWeekly says NeNe is in it to win it.

A source close to Khloe — it’s Khloe, really — says, “She was supposed to do it last time and passed. She may consider doing it again but the offer would have to be really high. It’s a lot of extra work for her.”

‘Extra work’? Bitch, please. Khloe has never had a job.

As for NeNe, rumor has it that shortly after The Great Joan Rivers™ passed away, NeNe’s name was bandied about as a replacement.

Again. Bitch, please. Kill the show already. It has been the same without JR.

And ... women who dress like this are going to be Fashion Police?

There’s always been the idea that the Kennedy’s are America’s Royal Family, and it’s kinda true … in that some of them are spoiled, self-indulgent, pampered, drunk in public and dumb.

Like Robert Kennedy Jr.’s underage daughter, Kyra, who made a scene when she was refused entry at club Lava at the Turning Stone Resort Casino in Verona an upstate New York recently.

The 19-year-old made a drunken stink at the club when security didn’t accept her ID — a passport belonging to her 26-year-old half-sister, Kick.

One witness — and it could’a been Lohan because it was at a nightclub and that girl lives in nightclubs — said, “A security guard took Kick’s passport from Kyra and asked her to recite her birth date, and she didn’t know it. He then caught her trying to look up Kick’s birthday on Wikipedia on her phone. 

The security guard then refused to return the passport, and Kyra started shouting all this stuff, including, ‘I am a Kennedy, Google me. If you don’t let me in, the governor will be calling.’”

Lovely. Her grandfather would be so proud.

I just love a Bitter Old Queen Fight … and I don’t mean Carlos and I have a spat over breakfast about who didn’t do the laundry ... I mean a Global Bitter Old Queen Fight.

Y’all remember when Madge took a tumble at the BRIT Awards after a dancer tried to remove the cape she was wearing — to reveal her matador outfit — and he ended up heels over tits on the floor? Well, afterwards Madge admitted the cape was tied too tightly and the staging wasn’t exactly as they had rehearsed, but she thanked Giorgio Armani for making the cape.

But it seems like Giorgio had his bikini briefs on backwards because he took a swipe at Madge for no apparent reason, saying the bull fighter’s cape that took her down was meant to be closed with an easy-to-undo hook but she wanted it tied instead:

“Madonna, as we all know, is very difficult. That’s all there was to it.”

Okay, so Madge changed the closure on the cape, but she’s the one who took the fall. Why is Bitter Old Queen Giorgio throwing shade at Bitter Old Queen Madge? We all know she’s “very difficult”. What does that have to do with her fall though?

I think Giorgio is suggesting that when he wears the cape around his house and his scantily clad male dancers pull it off of him to reveal his toreador suit, he doesn’t fall down and go BOOM so why should she?

Sometimes these things write themselves …

Y’all remember Amy Pascal; the former Sony Pictures boss who emails were hacked and showed what a b***h she was and so she was kicked to the curb. Well, in this case ‘the curb’ was a downshift position to ‘on-the-lot producer’ in a smaller office once used by Seth Rogen.

But the movie is being delayed because of Rogan’s love of marijuana. The suite Pascal’s set to take over reeks of pot thanks to its most recent occupants, Rogen and his Interview directing partner Evan Goldberg.

The offices will be repainted in an attempt to get rid of the smell, as the ALLEGED stench had seeped into the flooring — some say they could smell it two floors away.

Rogan for his part is fuming — get it, fuming — about the story, at first calling it untrue, and then saying he was angry that they would call his pot ‘stench.’