Bobservations

Last weekend, after watching a bit of the funeral on TV, we were out running errands. Carlos now uses a cane when he’s out, especially in unfamiliar areas, to help him get about; it also alerts people standing around to maybe step aside and be a little more aware themselves.

But this day, as we walked into our local Lowes store, and thinking about the funeral, I said to Carlos:

“C’mon, McCane.”

Then I laughed and reminded him that I’m hilarious, and then said:

“I’m gonna start calling you Carlos McCane.”

He replied:

“I don’t like you.”

And we all know that’s a lie; but then cut to a few days later, while walking into a movie theater. I turned to him and started laughing, and said:

“I cannot wait for Christmas!”

“Why?

“Cuz then I can call you Candy Cane!”

“I really don’t like you.”

Again, we all know that’s not true, but thank god for his sense of humor, and how he gets me.

Karma is a Bitch … last week six Republican members of the Oklahoma House of Representatives who opposed the state’s teacher pay bill were voted out of office in their runoff elections.

In fact, 15 of the 19 legislators who voted against the teacher pay bill will not be returning next term; eight lost their primaries, four chose not to run for reelection and three are leaving because of term limits.

The Resistance is working.

Remember that episode of Friends where Joey, annoyed by Chandler, put on all of Chandler’s clothes? If you missed it, that’s him up there.

Perhaps the costume designers on Friends were on to something, or were way ahead of time, because last week fashion house Balenciaga introduced the “layered Oversized Parka.”

It retails for $9,000. Really.

Last week _____ lied again; nothing new, I know. But it was such a stupid lie, told for no other reason than to boost his flaccid … ego.

He bragged during an event in North Carolina that his golf course in the state was on the “largest man-made lake in the world”:

“You know where my club is, right? _____ National. It’s a very big success on Lake Norman. Beautiful. Largest man-made lake in the world by far, right?”

But the facts are that Lake Norman doesn’t even crack the list of the 10 largest U.S. reservoirs; in fact, Nevada’s Lake Mead, the largest on that list, holds 25 times more water than Lake Norman.

Seriously, the man cannot even tell the truth about lakes.

Carla Maloney, secretary of the Republican Committee of Beaver County, resigned last week after it was revealed that she repeatedly called NFL players who kneeled during the national anthem “baboons.”

“Tired of these over paid ignorant blacks telling me what I should believe in. I will tell you what I believe in and that is our Flag the National Anthem and America period end of story. You don’t like it here go to Africa see how you like it there. We are all Americans not African American not Hispanic American. WE ARE ALL AMERICAN. [The] Steelers are now just as bad as the rest of the over paid baboons. You respect your flag, country and our national anthem. How many men and women have lost limbs or died to protect this country and you baboons want respect.”

The party, the racist party, rots from the head down.

Speaking of athletes who kneel, this week Nike announced that Colin Kaepernick, who started the Take a Knee movement to protest racial injustice in this country, is one of the faces of the company’s 30th anniversary of the “Just Do It” campaign.

I love it; he deserves it.

Sidenote: people are now burning their Nike merch because they are pissed about Kap but they seem to forget that they’ve already paid for the stuff so they are only hurting themselves.

Asshats.

Diego Berrio and Edwin Giraldo Cortez, two Catholic priests from the Chicago area, were arrested in Miami Beach after bystanders along Ocean Drive reported the men having oral sex … in their car … in broad daylight.

In fact, Diego and Edwin were so busy getting’ busy they didn’t even notice that police had arrived to arrest them.

That’s all.

It starts … Next Wednesday at 10PM … the mashup of Murder House and Coven and the return of Jessica Lange!

Over the long weekend we watched two movies, one at home, and one at the local theater.

First up, was The Light Between Oceans, the story of a couple living alone on an island—he’s a lighthouse keeper—who suffer two miscarriages, and when a rowboat drifts ashore with a baby and a dead man on it, they take the child in as their own … until they learn that the child’s mother is looking for her daughter.

Good film, but the best part, for me, because I’m shallow, is Michel Fassbender as the lighthouse keeper. Tall and dreamy, is he.

Then we went to see BlacKkKlansman, the true story of a black cop, Ron Stallworth, who infiltrated the KKK back in the early 70s; it’s a great film, relevant to America today, sadly, and the ending should, should, make you cry.

Again, though, shallow me, couldn’t help but be enthralled by John David Washington, son of Denzel and Pauletta, who is quite a dreamboat.

I was also, as I have been before, taken by Adam Driver, unconventionally hot, in my mind. 

And also, very good in the film. So there!

Bobservations

Yesterday I woke up and, because it was still dark outside, noticed a flashing light. I looked over and saw Carlos’ alarm clock flashing 12:00 because clearly the power had gone out sometime during the night. I nudged him.

“Charlie [that’s a name his Aunt Gloria calls him, and so do I from time to time] Charlie? The power went out.”

He mutters, Uh oh, and I doze off again. But I hear him get up, and hear the shower running and about a half-hour later, I wake up. I stumbled to the kitchen and he says:

“The power went off last night.”

I say:

“I know, I woke you up and told you.”

“No. Max woke me up by crawling on top of me.”

“Maybe Max began crawling on top of you because I woke you up to tell you the power had gone out and you moved and woke him up.”

“I think you were dreaming.”

Yes, I dreamed the power went out and dreamed that I woke up and told Carlos about it, and then, miraculously, my dream came true.

I’m that good.

I’m hoping that my dream where Carlos listens when I speak will come true, too.

Oy.

I follow a page on Facebook about ‘What’s Going On …’ in our local area. People post questions about looking for a contractor, or someone to do some work; they advertise yard sales; they recommend businesses; and then there are others.

Some posts, I hate to say, are so illiterate, I literally have to read them out loud in what I call my toothless cousin-f**ker voice just see make sense of it; that gives me a laugh. But this week a woman posted about buying truck parts at an Auto Zone and the nice young black man that helped her carry them to her truck. I didn’t see the point in mentioning he was black as it had nothing to do with the story until she added:

“It was nice, him showing me the respect I deserve.”

Seriously; but then another woman posted:

“I know him, he helped me at the Piggly Wiggly.”

Now, the first women never mentioned the young man by name, which caused me to think that, if you took these people at their word, there is one, just one, nice young black man in Smallville who runs around helping white women—and you know they’re white women because of their FB profile photo—and giving them respect.

Oy. But then …

Lauren Elizabeth Cutshaw, a 32-year-old Bluffton, South Carolina was caught speeding through a stop sign at over 60 miles per hour.

When stopped by police, Cutshaw was slurring her words and a breathalyzer showed her blood-alcohol level at .18 percent –well above the .06 legal limit. But Cutshaw said she shouldn’t be arrested because she is a "very clean, thoroughbred, white girl” and a cheerleader and a sorority girl who graduated from a "high accredited university" and because her partner's "a cop."

When officers asked what being a "white, clean girl" had to do with anything Cushaw replied:

"You're a cop, you should know what that means."

Cutshaw was arrested and jailed on charges including drunken driving, speeding, disregarding a stop sign, possession of drug paraphernalia, and marijuana possession and being a self-entitled white privileged girl.

Sorry, hon, add criminal to your list of accomplishments.

If you need proof that Mike Pence is a lying hypocritical tool, look no further than an article he wrote back in the 90s demanding Clinton resign for having an extramarital affair.

But cut to 2017 and he has no problem licking the boots of a serial adulterer.

Element TV Company, a South Carolina television maker, is laying off 126 of its 134 workers because of _____’s tariffs on imports from China.

That skeleton crew of eight employees will stick around in the hopes that the plant can reopen in three to six months.

_____; making America great again by helping 126 people lose their jobs.

Boy band singer, and openly gay, Lance Bass said he’s “heartbroken” after placing a bid to buy Brady Bunch house, and thinking he’d been the highest bidder, only to find that he wasn’t.

“Super excited to announce they accepted my offer on the #BradyBunch house last night!!! This is going to be a fun project!”

Then came this:

“Marcia Marcia Marcia!  Im feeling heartbroken today. As many of you may have heard, we placed the winning bid on the iconic Brady Bunch house—at least that’s what we were told. The agent representing the estate informed us we made the winning bid (which was WAY over the asking price) after the final deadline for all offers had passed—even writing up the “winning bid” for my team after informing me of the good news. Isn’t a deadline a deadline? This was a dream come true for me and I spent the night celebrating amongst friends, family, and fans alike. The next day, due to “unforeseen circumstances” the same agent informed us that there’s another Corporate Buyer (Hollywood studio) who wants the house at any cost. We were prepared to go even higher but totally discouraged by the sellers agent, they will outperform any bid with unlimited resources. How is this fair or legal?? How can I compete with a billion dollar corporate entity? I truly believe I was used to drive up the price of the home knowing very well that this corporation intended on making their offer and it’s not a good feeling. I feel used but most importantly I’m hurt and saddened by this highly questionable outcome. I just hope it is not demolished. Thanks for all the love and support. #CrushedDream #ShadyAF #DouglasElliman #ShadyBrady”

Lance believes he “was used to drive up the price of the home” as a “Corporate buyer” did make a bigger bid, and that buyer is HGTV, who it has purchased the home and plans to “return it to its ‘1970s glory’.”

Right. I’m seeing gray everywhere … and shiplap.

Oy! Again!

Todd Kincannon, the former head of South Carolina's Republican Party, was arrested last week after he choked, stabbed, and mutilated his mother's 10-year-old beagle at her Greenville county home. Upon his arrest, Kincannon said he killed the dog because:

"I'm the second coming of Christ and I got a command from God to do it."

Officers who responded to the call say Kincannon came out of his parents' home in his underwear and covered in blood and dog hair and announced that “every 1,000 years there needs to be a sacrifice and blood must be spilt." He held up his arms to show what appeared to be dog bites and said:

"I have a sign. I'm about to get crucified in the media."

Yes, you are. And he will be charged with animal cruelty though there is no report that he will be taken in an evaluated for some sort of mental break.

I mean, this story, and the fact that in 2015, Kincannon was charged with criminal domestic violence after threatening to kill himself, his wife, and her family; in 2015, his law license was suspended following threatening emails he sent to people in connection with that arrest.

A grand jury indicted Kincannon on domestic violence and kidnapping charges last year but those charges are still pending.

Seriously? This man should have been locked a long time ago but, you know, Republican, South Carolina, domestic violence.

Now, for some fa-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-bulous news … the fa-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-bulous Jessica Lange is coming back American Horror Story: Apocalypse.

Makes perfect sense because this season is said to be a cross-over between Murder House and Coven, both of which starred Lange.

I.Am.Dying. Especially when it’s been confirmed the show had been renewed for two more seasons beyond Apocalypse.

Gosh, I love this … after Donald _____’s star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame was vandalized—with a pick axe no less—the city of West Hollywood issued a resounding “Fuck You, Mr. President” and passed a unanimous resolution to remove the star from the Hollywood Walk of Fame.

Sorry, not sorry.

We watched a couple of movies this weekend, the first being Trumbo, about the Hollywood blacklist of suspected Communists in the 40s and 50s. One of the people who helped to end the blacklist was actor Kirk Douglas who hired Dalton Trumbo to write the script for Spartacus and made sure he was given credit on screen.

The actor who played Douglas, Dean O’Gorman, top, just oozed sex appeal onscreen, especially in scenes as Spartacus in his little, er, not so little, leather jock strap.

We, or I, also watched Home Again, a tired Reese Witherspoon rom-com where she plays a forty-something woman who takes in three twenty-something young men and falls for one of them.

Sadly, she fell for the wrong one, because she didn’t fall the quirky, cute and sweet Jon Rudnitsky, bottom, who played George.

As Julie said in Pretty Woman, “Big mistake. Huge.”

Steaming hot or quirky cute ... I don't have a type.

Bobservations

Several weeks ago, Carlos called me at work to ask if I could take off July 20th and drive him to an eye appointment; I said I’d make the request right away and I did so,

Cut to July 19th and we’re driving to work in the morning, and I say:

“What time is your appointment in the morning?”

“It’s at 4 o’clock.”

“Four? Why’d you ask me to take the day off? I could have worked and just left about a half hour early.”

“I wanted to make sure we could get there on time.”

“Well, I’m sure we can since we have the entire day to drive the forty miles.”

Oy. That man. That adorable man.

A McDonald’s in Glastonbury, Connecticut is throwing some shade at a newly opened Chick-fil-A right next door, by posting that sign outside their restaurant:

 “We Welcome Everyone.”

Cuz, you know, Chick-fil-Anti-gay. Now, the manager at that McDonald’s says:

“It just means that everyone is welcome, young and old, everyone.”

The shade! I love it.

Sean Spicer, _____’s original liar, has a book to sell, but apparently it’s riddled with :::gasp::: lies, or, as most people call them lies.

One blatant error? Spicer refers to the author of the infamous _____ dossier as ‘Michael Steele, who is actually the former chairman of the Republican National Committee, not the British ex-spy Christopher Steele.

Seriously, Sean? Alternative facts, lies, or just plain stupidity?”

The title for the upcoming eighth season of American Horror Story has been officially revealed:

American Horror Story: Apocalypse

The new season is said to be a crossover of season one’s Murder House and season three’s Coven and will premiere on FX September 12. Confirmed cast members include Sarah Paulson, Evan Peters, Kathy Bates, Billie Lourd, Adina Porter, Cheyenne Jackson, Billy Eichner, Leslie Grossman, oh-so-yummy-and-oh-so-gay Jeffrey Bowyer-Chapman, right, Kyle Allen and … Joan Collins.

Plus, Emma Roberts will reprise her role as Coven's bitchy witchy Madison Montgomery.

I’m in!

Color me sad… Ivanka _____’s clothing line is kaput!

It will be shuttered, and employees have already been told to get out. In a statement, Ivanka said lied:

“When we first started this brand, no one could have predicted the success that we would achieve. After 17 months in Washington, I do not know when or if I will ever return to the business, but I do know that my focus for the foreseeable future will be the work I am doing here in Washington, so making this decision now is the only fair outcome for my team and partners.”

Wait, so the line was extremely successful? Y’all know that _____’s don’t run from cash, they run from failure and try to spin it into success. The line bombed, no one was buying, and Ivanka fled.

On the upside, since the line was manufactured everywhere but MAGA-land, no Americans have lost their jobs.

In this week’s edition of Racism Valet … out there in Berkeley, Essex Cook was walking along a street with his family when a woman began following them and verbally assaulting them.

In a video, the woman, Lauren Milewski, shrieks to the interracial family:

“You don’t belong here. Get out of Berkeley, Get out of here, You don’t belong anywhere.”

When Essex’s cousin, Elexia, tried to de-escalate the situation, Lauren Milewski became physically violent, and grabbed Elexia’s dress and hit her.

Sadly, several people walked by the altercation and said and did nothing, until finally one group of passersby called the police.

Lauren Milewski, racist asshat and thug, was arrested on suspicion of public drunkenness and violating parole.

Yes, the woman who suggested that an interracial family doesn’t belong on the streets of Berkeley, is on probation for grand theft.

Here’s the deal … when you see a Lauren Milewski out there verbally and physically assaulting someone, say something, Call someone, Dom something.

Walking by is being complicit.

At the White House’s annual “Made in America Product Showcase” event this week, Congresswoman Claudia Tenney noticed an odd thing about the place settings in the State Dining Room.

The flatware was made in China.

At a Made In America Showcase.

That’s America under _____.

Marcia! Marcia! Marcia!

The Brady Bunch house is for sale! For …. $1.885 million. And it does not come with Alice!

The 2,500-square-foot house in Studio City neighborhood hit the market after having the same owners for 45 years. Sadly, the couple passed away, and their children clearly didn’t wanna play Brady … and loved the idea of pockets of coin … so they opted to sell.

The listing claims the Brady house is the second-most photographed house in the country after the White House. And listing agent, Jodie LeVitus Francisco, says there’s a lot of interest, and it’s coming from developers who want to take a wrecking ball to the house much like that football slammed into Marcia Brady’s nose when everyone knows “Mom said don’t play ball in the house.”

So, it’s a tear-down? What’s going up in its place? Starbucks? CVS? The house from Mama’s Family?

This week _____’s Department of Agriculture announced it would offer $12 billion in aid to farmers hindered by retaliatory tariffs imposed on U.S. grain, produce and meat exports.

Those retaliatory tariffs are in response top _____’s tariffs imposed on other countries.

Let me get this queer: _____ imposes tariffs on Chinese goods. China responds in kind by imposing tariffs on American food stuffs. _____ then offers a $12 billion bail-out with money borrowed from … China.

Seriously?

Diminutive Attorney General Jeff Sessions was speaking to a group of conservative high school when they began chanting “Lock her up.” Let’s not even wonder why they’ll still chanting that except to say they have nothing to offer to the conversation, but … Session actually laughed at the chant:

“I heard that a long time over the last campaign.”

Sessions bets be careful, lest someone grab him and put him on a high shelf where he cannot get down.

I just heard that singer Demi Lovato is in the hospital recovering from a drug overdose. Lovato has a long history of substance abuse but had been clean for the last six years until recently.

But, Lovato wrote and recorded and released a song called “I’m Not Sober” recently, which has me wondering … I mean, she wasn’t sober when she wrote the song, she wasn’t sober when she recorded the song, she wasn’t sober when she released the song, and she wasn’t sober when she recently forgot the words to the song in a live performance. That all means she hasn’t been sober for quite some time and yet those around her did nothing to stop her or get her help.

See, to them Demi Lovato is a paycheck and if she doesn’t perform, they don’t get paid. What does it matter if she’s literally singing for help?

We all know that the news lately is bad, and vile and, well, _____. But at least I’ve found some solace, some way to listen to the news and not feel completely awful.

Whit Johnson, top left, has a perfect newsman name and a Clark Kent aura; he’s on GMA nearly every morning and I can take bad news when he smiles at me.

Jeremy Diamond, top right, is on CNN and between him, all beast mode and stuff, and Jim Acosta, it’s getting hot up in there.

Lastly, but never least, because he’s been here before is the, I hope, aptly named James Longman, bottom, I’m guessing, also of ABC with an English accent, a rockin’ bod and some homosexual tendencies … he’s gay, y’all.

The news is somehow more palatable.